Chapter Thirteen
Tash hated to do it this way, especially when he had Brandon all relaxed in his arms. It had been years since he’d held someone after sex, years since he’d experienced the intoxicating pleasure of making love to someone who sent him hurtling off the precipice into a mindless whirlpool of bliss.
He had with Brandon, and it scared him to death. But, as long as it had been since he’d had sex with anyone, he’d recognize a virgin in a moment, and Brandon had been a virgin, of that he had no doubt. When he’d breached Brandon at first, he’d wanted to stop but knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. They were so far gone in the moment; Tash couldn’t ruin the man’s first sexual experience.
And the absolute mind-blowing rush of their lovemaking scared him with its intensity. He’d never been sucked into a vortex of want and need so deep that the only thing he could think of was this man with his supple young body and trusting eyes urging him on with soft cries.
But now that they’d come down from their emotional, sexual high, Brandon had some explaining to do. And from the way Brandon stiffened in his arms, Tash knew this wouldn’t be an easy or quick conversation.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
But the hesitation and guarded tone in Brandon’s voice told Tash everything he needed to know. He removed his arm from underneath Brandon and, with regret, moved away from his heat.
“Come on. Don’t lie to me. I can take a lot of things, but not someone lying to me.” He stared off into the deepening shadows in the bedroom. “I had that once before and barely made it through, so tell me.” He focused back on the bed, his gaze sweeping across Brandon’s naked body. Determined to keep his thoughts on the subject at hand, he focused on Brandon’s face and sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”
Was he mistaken, or did a flicker of something like relief flash in Brandon’s eyes? With a defiant tilt to his jaw, Brandon glared at him before sitting up in the bed.
“If I’d told you, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now.” A small smile touched his lips. “I’m not going to apologize for that. It was incredible.” Brandon swept his hand across Tash’s chest, gliding down to his abdomen.
Heat pooled in Tash’s groin, but he refused to allow Brandon to whitewash the issue or play duck and glide. “That isn’t the point. Why did you lead me to believe you had experience? Hell.” He shook his head and massaged the back of his neck. “How can you of all people—good-looking, young, and so caring and concerned—how can you still be a virgin?”
“Well, you took care of that very nicely.” Brandon grinned up at Tash, but when Tash didn’t smile back, the smile faded. Several moments passed before Brandon got up the courage to answer. “I couldn’t come out as gay when I was younger. Maybe if I’d had Luke and Ash with me it would have been different, but that wasn’t to be.” He fiddled with the edge of the comforter, then continued. “The bullying and homophobia in my religious rural community made it impossible for me to have a relationship. When I ran away, I was too scared to allow anyone to get close to me. By the time I came to New York, I’d been homeless long enough that sex was the furthest thing from my mind when I needed shelter and food. After Gabriel took me to the shelter and set me up with social services, I concentrated solely on going to college and becoming a teacher.”
Incredible. Tash was stunned to hear how single-minded and dedicated Brandon was and saddened to hear how cold and lonely his life had been. Considering Tash had never needed to hide his sexuality, it hurt his heart listening to Brandon admit how he’d lived in the closet his whole life, fearful of people discovering who he was, never safe enough to love someone.
“So you’ve never had a boyfriend?”
Brandon shrugged. “There was a guy while I was in school, and we fooled around a little.” His cheeks stained red as he slanted a look up at Tash, then looked down at the bed.
An unexpected stab of jealousy tore through Tash at the thought of another man touching Brandon. “But nothing serious?”
“No.” Brandon slid down in the bed so only his head showed above the covers. “Nothing serious. Charlie and I had fun, but when he moved to Florida, it was no big deal for either one of us to say good-bye.” After that statement, he curled away from Tash and hugged the pillow to his chest.
“Hey.” Tash slipped under the covers and curved himself around Brandon, kissing him on his naked shoulder. The soft skin jumped under Tash’s tongue, tasting sweet and a bit salty. “Leaving you would be a really big deal for me.” He stroked the hard planes of Brandon’s chest and tweaked his nipples.
“Tash.” Brandon sighed into the pillow as he wriggled his ass into Tash’s groin.
“Shh. Let me take care of you.” His questing hand stroked down Brandon’s flat abdomen and brushed against the top of a healthy erection.
God bless the young. They can get it up so easily.
He smoothed the pad of his thumb over the crown of Brandon’s cock, smearing the liquid seeping out. At his touch, more fluid leaked from the tip, and he used it to lubricate the slide of his hand up and down Brandon’s shaft.
“Yes,” Brandon hissed out through clenched teeth. “Oh God, don’t stop.”
He couldn’t have stopped even if he wanted to. Why would he? With Brandon naked in his arms, his breathy cries and wet, thrusting erection, Tash’s heart almost stopped from the sheer beauty of the moment.
With only a few more strokes, Brandon came undone, shuddering against him. “Tash,” he sobbed. “Oh God.” His cock jerked, and a small amount of liquid trickled out.
Tash held on to Brandon, his lips buried in the thick silk of Brandon’s hair. “It’s okay; it’s going to be okay.” Brandon rolled over and buried his face in the curve of Tash’s neck while Tash continued to murmur nonsense words into the man’s hair, kissing his temple. Eventually, Brandon’s breathing evened out, and Tash could tell he’d fallen asleep.
When was the last time he’d held someone close as he slept, his heartbeat in tempo with his own? Unused to such intimacy anymore, Tash cuddled Brandon even closer, adjusting the curves of his body to fit with Brandon’s, learning the sounds of the man in his arms.
Contentment, like a sleeping cat in a patch of sunshine, warmed him like sweet honey, his ordinary cold existence unraveling at the seams. Before tonight, before bringing Brandon into his bed, cold sheets and solitude were Tash’s constant bed companions. It was meant to be; he’d never looked for sympathy. He’d seen it for what it was—a punishment for his failure to recognize Danny’s deception and save him from himself. When trust was lost, hope followed it blindly out the window. For years, he’d lost trust in himself and had given up hope.
But now, with a warm and sleeping Brandon nestled in his arms, his hairy muscled thigh flung over Tash’s, perhaps it was time for him to reconsider his isolation. Tash stroked Brandon’s cheek, noting the spiky, damp lashes, remembering the tears he’d shed as he came. Somewhere buried deep within this man was a story of broken dreams and pain. It was up to Tash to help Brandon overcome whatever he was hiding and break free, so he could move forward with his life.
“I won’t fail you,” he whispered, kissing Brandon’s cheek. “This time I’ll do it right.”