Chapter Fourteen
It was the time right before parent-teacher conferences, and Brandon found himself swamped with reports, meetings, and schedule changes. None of it could dim his mood that Monday as he walked into the teacher’s lounge to catch a quick cup of coffee before his next class.
“Randy, hey, come here.” Gage waved him over.
With a start, Brandon realized he needed to talk to Gage. Tash had offered to speak to him, but Brandon wanted to tell his friend himself. In a way, he owed the remarkable upheaval in his life all to Gage. He checked his watch, noting with an inward smile, only five more hours until he would meet Tash.
After pouring his cup of coffee, he joined Gage on the worn vinyl sofa. The entire room was decorated in a color scheme they’d jokingly named fifty shades of institutional gray. Brandon normally found it depressing as hell, but after a weekend spent with Tash, nothing could dampen his good mood. He was on top of the world; he’d found his brothers, he loved his job, and he had a man to love.
“Gage. How was your weekend?”
“Good. Watched some baseball, went out on a date. And you?”
Nothing short of amazing. “I had a crazy weekend. Some personal issues I thought would never happen came out of nowhere.” As he explained his story and how Dr. Drew Klein’s boyfriend was really his brother, as was Dr. Jordan Peterson’s, Brandon couldn’t help but laugh.
“Gage, man, your eyes look like they’re going to fall out of your head.”
“Can you blame me?”
They shared a laugh, and then Gage, for the third time in as many minutes, shook his head. “I don’t fucking believe it. It’s like a movie or something.”
“Yeah. So anyway. I wanted you to know that even though my name is really Brandon, you can still call me Randy. I’ve answered to it for so many years; it’s second nature to me now.”
“Is Gilbert your real name?” The question wasn’t condemning but merely curious. Brandon understood and appreciated Gage treating him not as someone to be pitied but as an equal.
“It was my middle name. My real last name is Kane.”
“Will you go back to Kane? Now that you’ve found your brothers and don’t need to hide any longer?”
It wasn’t ever going to be safe for him to use Kane again. He was lucky no one had ever asked him too many questions about using his middle name. He’d merely stated he preferred it that way and used it ever since.
“I like Gilbert, and everyone knows me here as that, so I’m keeping it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He drained his cup and tossed it in the wastebasket.
“Did you tell Tash?”
Try as he might to keep himself from reacting, that damn blush got him every single time. He ducked his head and hoped his hair hid his flaming cheeks. “Um, yeah.”
“He likes you, you know.” Gage’s soft voice penetrated Brandon’s discomfort. “You’re the first person he’s shown an interest in since Danny. I think you’d be great together.”
Brandon thought so too, but things were too fresh and new between him and Tash to talk about. Plus, he wasn’t sure if Tash wanted anyone, especially Gage, to know.
“Umm, well, thanks. I’m happy we’re friends. That’s about all I can say right now.”
Gage shot him a look from under raised brows but said nothing.
“I gotta go to class. Are you going to be at the Clinic later?” Brandon stood and picked up his backpack off the floor. “I’m going there around five, five thirty.”
“Yeah, I’ll see you there.” Gage’s phone rang.
“See you later.” Brandon left him to answer it and headed off to class.
~ ~
At a few minutes past four thirty, Brandon finished grading the quiz he’d given today in class. After stretching the kinks out of his shoulders, he checked his watch and groaned. Even if he left right now, he’d be late to the Clinic with the way the trains ran. Damn. He’d better text Tash and let him know.
Going to be late. Got stuck grading papers. I’ll be there ASAP.
He stood and shoved all the test papers into his backpack, checked to make sure his laptop was inside and zipped it up. Few teachers were about; most preferred to go home right after school ended, and he was usually one of the last to leave the building. Before this weekend, it was because he had no desire to go back to his depressing room in the walk-up he lived in.
Now, everything had changed. He was meeting his lover, and Brandon half hoped Tash would ask him back to his house for the night, even though it would be a pain to get to the school from there. By next week, he was going to move into Esther’s house. The lady was so kind; he had no qualms about living with her. After seeing how much both Ash and Luke adored her, he knew he’d be safe there.
He turned out the lights and closed the door behind him. It was always a bit eerie to walk through the silent halls after being there all day, dodging the crush of students and wincing at the roar of so many voices shouting to be heard over one another. Even the security guards had gone. He ran down the steps, eager to be off.
“Going my way?” Tash leaned against his car, arms folded. A wide smile played on his lips.
Happiness surged through Brandon. Without hesitation, he ran up to the man and threw his arms around him. Tash held him tight, and they hugged, then kissed, his warm cheek brushing against the cool, bristly skin of Tash’s wind-chilled face.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were here? I hope you weren’t waiting too long.” He hated to let go of Tash and held on to him a moment to draw some of his strength before letting him go.
Tash opened the car door. “Nah. I had already decided to surprise you and pick you up, so I was on my way when I got the text from you.”
Brandon slid onto the front seat. A delicious aroma filled the car. He sniffed and waited until Tash settled in next to him before pointing behind him. “I smell something amazing back there. Did you bring food for the meeting?”
“I picked up some food from a little Italian place in Carroll Gardens the guys always go to.”
Brandon’s stomach growled as he thought of the pathetic peanut butter sandwich he’d eaten around eleven thirty that morning. “Damn, I can’t wait.”
“I sense you’re hungry.” A slow smile spread over Tash’s face. “Must be all that strenuous activity over the weekend. Maybe I need to feed you more.”
At his words, a memory of them naked together in Tash’s shower flooded through Brandon’s mind. He could almost feel the rush of hot water over his skin again, and the wet suction of Tash’s mouth on his cock.
“I think you took care of my needs.” They were at a red light at the moment, stuck behind a city bus. Brandon reached over and grabbed at the healthy bulge in Tash’s pants. “Remind me later to return the favor.” He gave Tash’s crotch a nice squeeze. “You deserve attention as well.”
Tash’s hands gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. There was no sound in the car but his heavy breathing as Brandon continued to massage him. He shifted in his seat, a pained look in his eyes as he bit his lip. “Brandon, stop. I can’t show up to the Clinic like this.”
With a sigh of regret, Brandon gave one last squeeze and withdrew his hand. “Spoilsport. There’s so much traffic, I bet no one would even notice if I put my head down and sucked you off.”
Tash broke out in a fit of coughing. “Please,” he wheezed. “Please tell me you did not say you wanted to give me a blowjob in the car.”
Brandon waggled his eyebrows. “Next time I won’t say anything; I’ll do it, and you’ll have no recourse.”
Traffic began to move again. “You’re determined to be the death of me, aren’t you?” Tash’s pretense at anger failed when Brandon caught his eye and grinned. They were still laughing about it as he pulled into the parking lot at the Clinic.
He loved seeing Tash laugh. His hazel eyes lit up behind his glasses, and all the tired lines of his face smoothed, rendering him younger and more at peace with himself. “I prefer to think of myself as a life-giving force.” Taking advantage of their solitude, knowing Tash might be somewhat uncomfortable displaying affection in front of the others, especially Brandon’s brothers, Brandon kissed him. It was a quiet kiss, one that spoke of trust and comfort, respect and friendship.
For Brandon, there were stronger emotions, ones that confused even him, so he kept silent about them. Because Tash was so hyperaware of their age difference, Brandon held off on telling Tash how he felt, preferring to show the man in little ways to make him feel special.
Like after the first time they spent the night together. Brandon had sneaked down to the kitchen and, with the two cats for company, made Tash breakfast in bed—scrambled eggs with maple turkey bacon and homemade cinnamon rolls. They fed each other bites of the food and then fed on each other’s bodies. They didn’t leave the bedroom until much later that afternoon.
After several minutes of increasingly heated kisses, Brandon broke away. Still caught up in the haze of pleasure, he barely heard Tash’s sigh. As he returned to earth and gathered his wits, he sensed something wrong and a quick glance at Tash’s sad face validated that feeling.
“Care to tell me what’s wrong?” Brandon zipped up his jacket.
“You don’t know? All weekend I’ve been deluding myself. We were caught up in this bubble we created, but now? Now that I have to come face-to-face with your brothers and Gage.” Tash shook his head. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Heart beating madly, Brandon swallowed. “Can’t do what?” Don’t do this, please; don’t hide yourself away.
“Us. You, me. We’re at different places in our lives. You’re starting out, and with Ash and Luke, you have a whole new world open to you—places to explore and new people to meet.”
Tash unbuckled his seat belt and opened the car door but didn’t get out. “I’m the opposite. I’m ready to settle down. I’m not interested in nightlife and the latest scene. I can’t and won’t ask you to give it all up.” Tash climbed out of the car and slammed the door.
The hell he says. If Tash thought he’d simply state his opinions like God and proclaim what Brandon should do with the rest of his life, he was in for a fight. He wrenched open the door. “I’m not giving anything up. I was never into that.” Brandon slammed the car door behind him with a vicious thump. “Who do you think you are? You say you don’t want to be with me, yet you then get the right to lay out my life in neat little puzzle pieces so it all comes perfectly together as you see fit.”
Tash had stopped in his tracks but didn’t turn around. Hopeful that was a sign he was at least listening, Brandon continued.
“Sure, we were in a bubble; it was wonderful this weekend, beautiful and amazing.” He advanced on Tash and stood before him. “Don’t think I don’t know, maybe better than anyone, how something so perfect and magical can be ripped away with no warning.” He put a hand on Tash’s shoulder, hoping Tash wouldn’t move away from him. “And now the hard stuff begins—reality and all the trouble that comes with it. But aren’t you willing to try? See where this journey takes us?”
“Brandon, you’re—”
“Don’t say it. I’ll tell you what I am. I’ve been homeless and hungry. I’ve lived on the streets with rats, not knowing where I would sleep at night. Do you think I’m looking for a man whose only interest is a twenty-dollar glass of wine and where the next party is?”
Tash said nothing, and Brandon had no more strength to argue. Besides, they were at the Clinic to do a job. Last time he’d screwed up by running out, and he’d be damned if he’d do it again.
They entered the Clinic in silence. Tash returned to the car to retrieve the food he’d forgotten in the back seat, then went directly to the rear of the Clinic where Brandon presumed there was a kitchen. Three young people were working behind the front desk. Brandon smiled at them as they stared at him, friendly but curious.
“Hi. I’m Brandon.”
The reaction was almost comical, in the way their eyes widened and their mouths formed perfect Os.
Finally, a tall young man with finely etched features and light brown hair stepped forward. “Hi. I’m Steve. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you and Ash.” His voice dropped. “You’re so lucky to have him as a brother. If it wasn’t for him and Dr. Drew and the others, I don’t know where I’d be.”
Pride swelled in his chest at what his brothers had accomplished. Thank God they’d all come through their journeys to get to this point, stronger and able to help. “I’m glad he was able to help.”
“They’re all great; Dr. Drew didn’t know he was inheriting a whole group of kids when he started this place, but we’re like a family now.” The young woman whose name tag read Marly finished filing her papers and walked over to join them. “Ash was always sad, even when he was trying to cheer me up. I know how hard he, Dr. Drew, and your other brother were trying to find you.”
A harsh, resentful voice broke into their conversation. “How come you didn’t try to find them?”
Brandon’s heart squeezed. Meeting the dark gaze of the angry young man, Brandon recognized that look. He’d seen plenty of young kids like this, like he’d once been. This was a kid from the streets, one who’d lived a truly hard life.
“I did try. But Luke had changed his last name so it was impossible for me to locate him.”
“What about Ash?” Steve’s brow furrowed. “I’m sure that’s his real name.”
His throat tightened, and his chest hurt from the tension of holding himself together and not falling apart. “I figured since he left and never came back, never tried to get in touch with Luke or me again, he didn’t care. That he forgot about us. Then, when I saw how rich and successful he’d become, with a fancy Park Avenue law practice, why would he want to be bothered with me? I wasn’t anything special.”
At the sound of footsteps behind him, Brandon turned to see Ash’s agonized face. If he’d stabbed himself through the heart with a knife, the pain wouldn’t have been as great.
“Is that really what you thought? You knew where I was all along, yet chose to be homeless rather than come to me?”
“Ash, n-no, you don’t understand.” But in all honesty, it was the truth. He’d done it out of love, to protect Ash, not because he hated him but because he couldn’t involve Ash in his ugly problems with Munson. “It wasn’t like that.”
“What was it like?” asked Ash. “Please tell me.”
“I…I thought, you’d become rich and successful, and you wouldn’t want someone like me around. I was only going to be a burden and”—he took a deep breath—“a memory of the past you obviously wanted to forget.”
“Someone like you? We need to talk.” With that, Ash took him by the hand and led him down the hallway, then into an office. His breathing cut sharp and harsh through the air. “Do you know what I did with the first check I got once I joined the law firm? I bought a suit, and I hired a private investigator.” Ash’s eyes glittered feverishly. “All the years I went to school and lived wherever I could, the only thing I could think of was how I’d failed you and Luke and how, if I made it— when I made it—I’d find you both, and we’d be together again and safe.”
“Ash, I don’t blame you. You and Luke, we all did the best we could to survive.”
“I almost didn’t.”
His heart lurched. “Wha-what do you mean?”
Ash closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before answering. “A year ago, I probably wouldn’t have answered you, but after all the therapy I’ve been through, I need to tell you.”
“Ash, please.” Brandon moved close enough to his older brother to put his hand on his shoulder. “Tell me.”
“For years, I hurt myself and a few times even tried to kill myself. But that’s done with now,” he added hastily as Brandon, horrified at what he’d heard, stared at his older brother, his eyes filling with tears. “I’m so much stronger now thanks to all that therapy, and I have Drew and everyone else.” Ash pulled Brandon down to sit next to him on the sofa.
“Finding you was a reward, the ultimate happiness that could’ve happened for me. Never doubt that I wanted you, that I want you in my life. No matter what happened before, during, or after we were separated, you always have been and will be my brother. Always.”
They hugged each other, unrestrained. This time no one needed to tell them what to do. Tears mixed with laughter as they hugged. A part of Brandon, the one part he’d kept to himself that still believed Ash hadn’t wanted him in his life, released the heavy burden anchoring him to the past. “We can start again, the three of us. It’s all different now. You and Luke are settled, with lives of your own. There’s no need to worry about me.”
Humor returned to Ash’s face. “That’s what you think. Since I’ve been with Drew, I’ve inherited an entire family who worries.” He leaned back, contentment evident in his relaxed body. “I never thought I’d get to a place where I’d feel secure, accepted, and loved.”
“Drew seems like a special man. He knows everything you went through? I mean, with Munson?”
The love shining from Ash’s bright eyes amazed Brandon. Happiness had been a remote concept growing up in their house, except for those rare times when the three of them managed to steal some time away to spend together.
“He does. It’s not an exaggeration when I tell you Drew saved my life. He and Esther both. I’d do anything for that woman.” He grinned. “You’ll see what I mean. She’ll capture your heart and twist you around her finger without you knowing what happened.”
“I plan to move in there next week.” He’d take what Ash said more as a warning to be on his guard, not reveal too much.
“Good.” Ash jumped up. “I think Tash is having his session now with Johnny. We can go to the back and prepare the room for the others, and heat the food up.”
“Sounds good to me.” He followed Ash. “We brought some Italian food from the place Tash said you guys like.”
They walked down the hallway to the back until Ash casually asked, “Is something going on between you and Tash?”
Remembering their earlier conversation, Brandon honestly answered, “I have no idea.”