Chapter 30 Doctor, Doctor
Chapter thirty
Doctor, Doctor
On the way to the hospital, I flexed my hands around the steering wheel of my new (used) car.
I was fine. There was enough blue and pink in the sky to count as daylight. I wasn't gonna pass out even if I was low on sleep.
Although if the labor went on for more than twenty-four hours, the ride home might be dicey. Stomach churning, I hurried to check in at the front desk, then called Kat. “Hey, are you coming to the hospital?” I asked.
“I’m not planning on it. Seems like it’ll be pretty crowded already, two visitors max, and Jen would probably throw ice chips the second I walked in. But if she wants, I can stop by with something for the baby. Do you think a chain belt would make a good teething ring?”
“Kat.” I snorted.
“I’m just kidding. I’ll stop by Sal’s workshop for a plushie. Nothing too ‘creepy.’ How’re you doing?”
“I’m fine. Or I will be. Just a lot going on.”
Various people in scrubs hurried by. A nurse flicked a curtain aside to check on the patient inside the divide.
That was one of the nice things about working in a hospital. There was always something to do. Not like at the mall where I’d stand there sorting underwear for three hours when customers weren’t in.
I wrapped up my conversation with Kat and knocked outside Jen’s room. “Can I come in?”
“Tori? Yes,” Jen called with more enthusiasm than I’d heard in years.
She waddled across the room with urgency, wearing her hospital gown and those non-slip one-size-fits-but-also-flops socks they always gave patients, then clasped my hand in her sweaty palm.
“I’m so sorry about the room. And for pushing and screaming at you.
” She rubbed her belly. “This baby…the hormones and everything. Please say you’ll forgive me. ”
That was about as close as it came to Jen taking accountability. Any other big changes would have to wait for the new baby.
I patted her hand. “I’m sorry you’ve been so stressed lately. How’re you feeling?”
“Anxious. The baby’s early, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve forgotten everything those new-mom VidToks told me.”
“Good,” Mom said, pulling her phone from her ear. “Those channels are all trying to sell you an idea of what motherhood should be. Right now, just focus on breathing. Walk, if helps distract you from contractions. And if they offer, take the epidural.”
I chuckled and led Jen toward the hospital bed. “We’ll be here for you. Dad’s picking up baby supplies as we speak.”
“Really? That’s so sweet.” She winced and doubled over, squeezing my fingers together.
“Easy,” I squeaked, writhing along with her. “We’ve got you. Just don’t break my hand, please.”
She grunted in acknowledgment.
Various professionals came in to check on her, and every time, she’d look at me to ‘translate’ as her emissary in the medical field.
I couldn’t help but take mental notes on each person’s role. Which one would be best for me?
Jen’s heart monitor beeped, and she whipped her head in my direction.
“It couldn’t read your heartrate for a second, but you’re stable,” I assured her, readjusting one of the clips to be more secure.
“Is everything okay with the baby?” she asked.
“I think so. You should be able to meet them relatively soon.”
She shook her head so hard that her hair flared out. “No. Not yet.”
I chuckled nervously. “Um, well, it’ll happen when it’s ready.”
She turned to me, her eyes shining. “The father isn’t here. He promised he’d be with me. If I can just hold on a little longer…”
“Jen, you can’t wait for him,” I said seriously.
“I’ll try calling again,” Mom said, reaching for her phone. “But I haven’t been able to leave a voicemail yet. It just beeps and disconnects.”
“He might’ve blocked you for spamming him. He does it to me all the time,” Jen said.
“What?” I balked. That didn't sound like a healthy relationship.
“Tori, can you please get a hold of him? Maybe through text?”
“I…guess? What’s his number?”
Mom showed me the contact information, but when I typed it in, a message thread from a few days ago came up.
I stared at the screen.
“What?” Mom asked.
That deadbeat was the unknown number who’d texted me?
Heart racing, I turned to Jen. “Did you use his phone to text me?”
“No. Why would I do that? I have my own phone and—ah, contraction.” She gripped the handrail tightly.
Did she even know I’d muted her messages?
“Tori? Are you okay?” Mom asked.
Jen scoffed loudly. “I’m the one having a baby.”
“Yes, but she’s gone pale. Do you need to eat something?” Mom asked.
“Yeah, maybe.” Breakfast was so long ago. All I had now was bile and rage churning inside me. This was no way to welcome a baby.
Angel called. He must’ve just gotten out of classes.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, hurrying off to answer despite Jen’s protests.
She’d probably vented to her baby daddy, and that was why he’d sent me those nasty texts. But he didn’t even know me.
For all I knew, he was the creep. He should be ashamed for getting a girl pregnant and ignoring her messages.
At least my boyfriend called me. “Angel? You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had. That I’m still having, I guess.”
“Wanna commiserate?” he said, his voice thick with exhaustion.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I asked, pacing the color-coded hallway.
He sighed. “I don’t feel great about that test.”
“Oh no, really? But you studied so hard, and you did great on the study guide.”
“The exam questions just kept building on these weird cases, so if you got one thing wrong, it’d affect the rest of them.”
“I-I’m sorry. I’m sure you did your best.”
“Eh, that wasn't my best. Neither of us got much sleep, and I probably didn’t study half as much as I should’ve this week.”
“Right…” Because of me. At least partially.
“What are you up to?” he asked.
“I was going to find some food.” Eating my feelings seemed a lot better than screaming at a pregnant lady.
“Want me to bring something home?” he asked.
I paced further from my sister's room. “Oh, no. You must not have seen my texts during the exam. Um, Jen went into labor.”
“And?”
“And…she wanted me to be there with her.”
“I thought you two weren’t on speaking terms.”
I eyed the sentimental messages pinned on a board. “We’re working on it. It’s a long story, but I’m at the hospital.”
“You’re here?” He sounded pleasantly surprised. “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria.”
“Okay. Love you,” I said.
His breath hitched on the other end.
Oh my god. I hung up and covered my face.
Why did I keep saying that to him when he hadn’t said it back?
I probably came off as a schoolgirl with a crush.
Ugh. My stomach rolled, and I wasn’t sure if it was from hunger, or the realization that the cafeteria would be swarming with medical staff and students at this hour.
I couldn’t call Angel after that billionth unrequited love confession to change locations.
Well, hopefully no one would notice me. I kept my head down on the way over.
What were the odds I’d run into someone else I knew, anyway?
“Tori?” someone called way too enthusiastically.
Ah, scrubs.
I froze as a former classmate trotted over. “H-hi, Neelam,” I said. It hadn’t been long enough for me to forget her name or smile.
She had the biggest, whitest teeth. She’d have made a killing in dentistry.
“How are you doing?” she asked, squeezing my arm.
“Fine.” Despite my will to smile deflating with each passing second. “How are you?”
“So busy. You know how it is. Guess I’m just counting on all that discount Valentine’s chocolate to get me through the next exam.” She let out a hiccup-y laugh. “But I haven’t seen you around. Did you switch specialties?”
“No, I’m between specialties, at the moment.” I searched for an escape and my boyfriend, but the only white hair I caught sight of was someone who reminded me of my guidance counselor. My chest tightened like someone had yanked all the air out of it. Was it them? Had they noticed me?
Neelam nodded. “Ah, focusing on more general requirements?”
“Life…balance,” I muttered, remembering that horrible discharge sheet from the program.
“Huh?” she asked.
We didn’t have time for a therapy session.
I pointed to my visitor’s badge. “My sister’s in labor, so I’m not really here for a class.”
“Oh my goodness, congratulations.” She patted my arm again, and I tried not to cringe. “First-time auntie?” she asked.
“Yes.” Although technically, I was Auntie Tori to Kat’s feline, Jinx.
“She must feel so lucky to have a future doctor in the family. I’m sure she’ll ask you all the questions.”
“She’ll ask. I’m not sure if I can answer.”
“Sure, you can. You did great in class.”
“No, I didn’t,” I mumbled, my eyes watering as I glanced away. Hopefully, she’d think it was just allergies instead of me wallowing in my pathetic mess. And apparently, I was dragging Angel down with me.
“Hey.” My boyfriend manifested by my side without his usual term of endearment.
“Hi Angel, I’m just catching up with Tori. So, what are you doing now?” Neelam asked me.
“Nothing,” I said, hollowed out.
Angel furrowed his brow. “Not ‘nothing.’”
My voice quavered. “I was fired this morning. So, unless holding my sister’s hand counts as delivering a baby, I’d say nothing.”
Neelam winced. Too much information.
Angel leaned closer to partially shield me from her and whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to distract you from your test. But I failed at that too.” I sniffed and wiped away the tears that fell in earnest. “I’m sorry. I should go.”
“Didn’t you need to eat?” he asked incredulously.
“Yes, but I can’t. Not here.” I didn’t belong. Couldn’t they see?
“Come with me. I’ll get you something.” Angel led me off by the crook of my arm.
“Bye,” I mumbled to Neelam. This was so embarrassing.
Angel and I crowded into the elevator. He positioned himself as a barrier between me and the strangers inside.
“We’re not going to the Cake Warehouse, are we?” I whispered.
He furrowed his brow. “No. The café is open.”
That was usually more expensive than the cafeteria. Less people to witness my meltdown, though.
“Don’t you like Cake Warehouse?” he asked, his tone dancing on the edge of concern.
“I do. I just want to avoid anything mall-related for a bit.”
He frowned at our distorted reflections in the steel elevator doors. “So, you won’t come by my shifts anymore?”
I raised my shoulders helplessly. “I won’t be there.”
He nodded, his throat bobbing. “And you said you can’t handle the hospital yet. Although you did try…for Jen.”
Was he upset I wouldn’t try to come here for him?
“It was an emergency,” I said quietly.
But I’d do anything for him. Especially if it was in his best interests. Even if I wanted to be selfish, to sob in his arms or kiss him until I felt good again. He deserved better than that.
He hung his head. “It just feels like unless we’re living together, we’re not gonna have time for dates.”
“Yeah.” My voice cracked, and the elevator doors pinged open. “Maybe a little time apart will be for the best.”
He glared at me as if I’d just slapped him across the face.
I straightened my posture. “Angel, I only meant—”
“I heard what you said.” He stormed out of the elevator, and a horrible chasm opened in my chest.
He was leaving me. I’d messed up again.
“N-no,” I said, forcing myself through the crowd to chase after him.
Losing him would be too painful for even the strongest medication. Of all my failures, hurting him would be the worst of them.