Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Jenna
Liam leaned his hip against my car, pretending to look casual while he waited patiently for my answer.
I knew he was still aware of me and everything around us, though.
He always was. Even knowing that, I couldn’t help but admire the way his eyes gleamed in the moonlight and the way his shirt strained against his pecs.
It was hard not to when that chest was so broad it blocked nearly everything else from my view.
Despite the thrill running through me—or maybe because of it—I gave an exaggerated huff. “Fine, walk me in. I wouldn’t want to offend your chivalrous nature.”
His smile lit up the whole night sky. Lit up my body too. And that’s exactly why I should have refused.
He was everything I wanted. Trustworthy, thoughtful, sexy. Safe.
It would be so easy to lean on him, but I’d worked too hard on myself to start needing anyone’s protection.
I’d wasted too much of my life being afraid, and I was doing better now, but what if I got used to his protection?
Tomorrow, when he wasn’t there and I had to walk in alone… would I be even more scared?
Liam hooked out an elbow. There it was. Offering me his protection, while simultaneously honoring my unspoken boundaries.
Boundaries that would rival a fortress. Tall walls, a deep moat, and the willingness to destroy anyone who tried to breach it.
But Liam seemed to understand that, and even crazier, it didn’t seem to deter him.
I looped my arm through his, and my fingertips grazed the tattered flag tattoo peeking out the bottom of his sleeve.
I couldn’t help but envision what the rest of his tattoo looked like rippling over his muscles.
What other tattoos and muscles and beauty were hidden under his shirt? God, what was he doing to me?
My hand barely reached a quarter of the way around his bicep. I felt the strength in his muscles and his movements without another inch of our bodies touching. Without him touching me at all, in fact. Just my hand on him. Yeah, I could get used to him way too easily.
He was too damn perfect in every way.
We stood in front of my door, electricity and nerves zapping between us, the sound of my heart pounding louder than Thor’s excited whining.
“Thank you for asking me to dinner. I had a great time,” he said, his voice low.
“Me too. Thank you.”
His hand came up, ever so slowly, and he trailed his fingers down my jaw, a feather light caress, his eyes following his movements and settling on my mouth.
A wild flutter flowed through me, like a horde of bees took flight in my chest and swarmed down.
He gently lifted my chin, leaned in, and brushed his lips against mine, the gentle scrape of his beard teasing my skin.
“Goodnight, Jenna,” he whispered against my lips as he pulled away.
I gaped up at him. I wanted more. I wanted a real kiss.
He shook his head, a smile on those beautiful lips. “Not yet. Go inside to Thor.”
“Thank you for a great night, Liam.”
“It was my pleasure. I can’t wait to see you again. Call me if you need anything.”
I went in and closed the door quickly. Not that I didn’t trust him. I may have trusted him more than I’d ever trusted anybody. It was just…a lot.
Thor circled me before running to the couch for his hug. “I had the best night,” I whispered into his fur. My phone buzzed from by the door where I’d dropped my stuff. Could it be him already? I pried Thor’s paws off and ran for my phone. It was!
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jenna. Do you want to go for Tex-Mex on Friday?” He sounded so adorably eager, and my heart did a happy little dance.
“I’d love to.”
“Great! I thought of a fun place to take you. I’ll be working the next few days, but I’m going to call you, okay? And you can call me if you need anything. Or just to talk. You can always call me.”
Yeah, he was really sweet. We talked a little more as I fed Thor, and then we said goodbye.
Right after coming back from the dog run, my phone rang again. I smiled as I hurried to grab it, wondering why he’d called this time, but it wasn’t Liam. It was my not-so-little brother.
“Teddy Bear! How’s life in college?”
“Hey Jen Jen! It’s good, and it’s almost finished! How’s life in Texas?” God, it had been years since his voice had deepened, but it still surprised me sometimes.
“I’m good, but wait—what do you mean, it’s almost finished? Don’t you still have another semester?”
“I was planning on it to finish my minor, but now that I have a job offer, I’m going to skip the minor and graduate without it.” Pride filled his voice, making me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
“My baby brother is all grown up with a job! Tell me about it!”
“I start in August, and I’ll be an associate biomedical engineer at Cardiac Care and Research. They develop and research cardiac equipment, like to improve pacemakers and imaging equipment.”
“That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you! You’ll really be saving lives, Ty.”
He laughed, and for a moment I heard the little boy I’d once known so well.
My heart ached for all the years I’d missed.
He was barely thirteen when I left for college, and I’d only seen him a few times since.
I tried to talk to him often, even when all I got were grunts and one-word responses.
Thankfully, he outgrew that phase, and we were fairly close, but still, it wasn’t like it used to be.
“You’ll come to my graduation, right?”
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for anything!”
“Thanks, I’m glad you’ll be there.” The relief in his voice stung. “I’ll work on getting an extra ticket in case of rain. If it rains, it’ll be inside, and it’ll just be you, Mom, and Dad. If it’s outside, then they’ll open it up to six people per graduate so everyone can go.”
Bile threatened to crawl up my throat. “Everyone?”
“You, Mom, Dad, and the Belkes.”
Of course, our parents invited the Belkes, their neighbors and best friends.
As far as they were concerned, we were one big happy family.
“All of them?” I tried to sound natural despite the chill running through me, but I don’t think I succeeded.
It was hard to sound normal when my throat felt so tight I could barely breathe.
“Gloria and John for sure, and probably Brian, too.”
Dang it! It would kill me to disappoint Tyler, but it would be a hundred times worse to see Brian. Was there any way I could make sure it rained?
“When is it? I have to see if I can get off work.”
“May seventeenth. You’ll be able to come, right? Can’t Izzy switch a few days with you?”
“I hope so, but…” I searched for a plausible excuse.
“Her daughter has a softball tournament in May, and I already agreed to work so she could take off. I need to ask her the dates.” The lie burned like acid on my tongue.
Maybe I could find a softball tournament on May seventeenth and convince Izzy to sign Sophia up.
“Oh,” Tyler muttered. “I really hope you can come. I miss you, Jen Jen. It wouldn’t feel right to do something so important without you.”
Way to twist the knife in deeper, Ty. “I’ll do my best.” My best to get through this. Or out of it. “I’m so proud of you.” And so sorry.
“Mom wants to have a party the following week, but if you come, I’ll tell her to do it the night of graduation instead so you can be there.”
Even if I got lucky and it rained, he could still be at the party.
I couldn’t go. I’d promised myself that once I moved away, I’d never see Brian again, and so far, I hadn’t.
Well, not since my sophomore year. As much as I wanted to be there for Tyler, I wouldn’t break my promise to my younger self.
“If I can’t make it, or even if I do, you should come out here. Visit and we’ll make a vacation out of it before you get too busy working.”
“Yeah. I’ll try. Let me know if you’ll be there.” He sounded so disappointed in me, just like every other time I’d let him down over the years.
I sniffled, not even trying to hide my heartbreak. He deserved to know I was just as sad as he was. “I will. I love you, Tyler.”
“You too.” And then he hung up.
I was the world’s worst sister, but there was nothing I could do about it. The only way he’d understand was if I told him the truth. I could imagine that conversation...
“Sorry Tyler, but I can’t go because I don’t want to see Brian.”
“Why? You were always so close.”
“Not really. He was actually a monster. But when I said no, he threatened to go to you.”
Nope. I didn’t protect Tyler for all those years just to destroy him now. Even if he was upset with me, I was doing the right thing.
I pet Thor, who was sprawled across my lap and every available inch of the couch, and sighed.
Tonight had been too good to allow thoughts of Brian to ruin it.
I closed my eyes and pictured Liam kissing me at the door, his touch and kiss so gentle in contrast to his strength. He’d crush Brian like a bug if he knew.
Firmly keeping my focus on Liam, I pulled out my phone and texted the only people who could semi-understand.
Me: He’s perfect.
Juliette: I knew it!
Me: We’re going out again on Friday
Nicky: Yay!!!
Me: I’m trying not to freak out
Juliette: One day at a time. You got this
Me: He knows I’m a mess
Nicky: What did he say??
Me: Nothing, but he barely kissed me and then said “baby steps”
Juliette: Awww
Was it aww-worthy or was it a sign to run as far and fast as I could? I knew what Nicky and Juliette would say. But as well as they knew me, they didn’t really know.
When we’d met during freshman year of college, even though I was still a mess, I was better than I’d ever been.
The move from Georgia to Texas gave me enough space away from Brian and our families to finally start to find myself for the first time in my life.
In the years since, I’d come a long way, and I was now a mostly functional adult.
I had my quirks, things I was afraid of and things I did to help myself be safer, but who didn’t have some quirks?
There was nothing wrong with trying to be safe.
I didn’t let it stop me from doing anything I wanted to do.
Well, except for missing a monumental moment in Tyler’s life. And the small part of me that was almost willing to let it stop me from being with Liam.
Tonight proved we’d have a good time together.
I even loved kissing him. What would happen when it came to fooling around and sex, though?
I knew he wouldn’t push me. But would he slowly and carefully try to encourage me?
Try to fix me? I didn’t want to be fixed.
I just wanted to be with someone who would accept what I was willing to give.
Would he accept that I didn’t like to be touched.
..down there? That I didn’t want to see or touch his penis?
That the thought of touching it or it touching me made me nauseous?
I was fine with having sex—I actually enjoyed it sometimes—but just stick it in and do it.
No need to touch each other more than that.
I looked back at my phone. Did I really call him perfect? More like a perfect nightmare. Everything I wanted and everything I was most scared of.