Chapter 12 #2
“Nothing. I was just surprised.”
“Jenna,” he murmured, his soft, deep voice both a warning and a promise. With Snake Eyes gone and Liam's arm heavy around my shoulders, my racing pulse settled into a new rhythm. Fear loosened its grip, and that electrified feeling hummed beneath my skin again.
“Really.” I met his intense gaze, letting every emotion show. “I’m good.”
“And now?” His voice dropped even deeper, his hand trailing warmth over my skin. “What are you thinking now?”
“Now I’m thinking that I want you to take me home.”
“Because of him?”
“No. Because of you.”
His eyes darkened and his fingers speared through my hair, gently holding me as his lips touched mine for the briefest of seconds.
“Let’s go.” Tucked under his arm, he led me to his car.
“Two things you need to know,” he said. “One, if anyone ever bothers you, you tell me right away. I’ll take care of it.
And two, the plan was to stay out. When we get to your apartment, we aren’t going to do more than kiss. There’s no pressure.”
I felt a hundred percent safe with him. I’d rather be home safe with him, than here with Snake Eyes.
I wasn’t going to let Snake Eyes ruin our night.
I buried my face in the little groove where his pecs met his shoulder, the spot that was quickly becoming my favorite part of him, and wrapped my arms around him.
Eager to take him home. Eager to kiss him more. Even if kissing led to touching.
My emotions on the way home were like a pinball machine.
Flying high with excitement, then plunging with thoughts of how I hated touching and being touched and the memories of why.
Wondering how I would do this with Liam.
Those feelings and memories threatened to take over, but I pushed them away with a big screw you to Brian and the memories that lived in my head and my body.
Like a flick of the lever on a pinball machine, I could send those feelings away, but they kept coming back.
The third time I tried to get the key in the lock, Liam put his hand over mine to stop me.
“I got it,” I said, not looking away from the door.
“You’re a nervous wreck. I’m going to walk you in, kiss you goodnight, and go.”
“No. Please stay.”
“Jenna.” His voice was almost pleading. I shook my head, still not looking at him, and he sighed. “Give me the key.”
He let us in easily. Thor whined and wiggled around us.
He jumped up on me for a second before turning to Liam.
Thor eyed him carefully, and I was ready to grab his collar, but after a long moment, Thor gave a little tail wag and booped Liam’s hand.
Even Thor knew he was trustworthy. I just had to get out of my own head.
“Last time I was growled at, and this time I got welcomed. I’m glad I won your trust so easily,” Liam crooned to Thor, rubbing the side of his neck, before he leaned down and fake-whispered, “Help me with your mom, okay, buddy?”
Thor licked him, like he was agreeing to the conspiracy.
We let Thor out, and when we came back in, Liam sat on the couch, giving me much needed space while I took my time filling up Thor’s water and giving him a treat. I closed him in my bedroom because I had plans for tonight and I didn’t want him getting in our way.
Except, I was all out of things to do, and I wasn’t quite ready to act on those plans just yet. “Do you want water or lemonade? Anything to eat?”
“No thanks. Want to come sit with me?”
I nodded and walked over, giving myself a pep talk on the way.
Fuck Brian. Fuck Snake Eyes. Fuck touchy street vendors. None of you are ruining this. I’m going to go kiss the shit out of Liam, and none of you assholes have anything to do with it.
Yeah, I was so serious, I even cursed.
Like a woman with something to prove, I boldly sat close to Liam, leaning toward him. My hand landed on his knee, and I could see the surprise and desire in his eyes.
“Jenna, I don’t want to leave, but I don’t think we—”
“Please. I want to. I’ve been thinking about kissing you all night. All week.”
He held my gaze for a long moment, then he slid his hand around my neck and grabbed a handful of hair. His mouth hovered just above mine. “Me too, Firefly. Me too.”
He kissed me sweetly at first until I moaned, and then his hand tightened around my hair and his tongue drove into my mouth. Our tongues dueled and our breaths mingled, and it was the best kiss of my life.
He pushed back, just enough to see each other, and his eyes bounced between mine. A small smile tipped his lips up, and he pulled me back in. Belatedly, I realized that was him checking in on me, and warmth bloomed through my chest.
Lost in his kiss, I explored the ridges and valleys of his chest and abs, and he smoothed his hands down my back, over my hips, up my sides.
His thick, powerful muscles tensed under my hands, but his touch remained whisper soft.
I was drunk on his kisses and his touch.
I circled his pecs, so broad and strong, my fingers grazing his nipple before I gently, experimentally pinched the little nub.
He groaned into my mouth, and a moan tore from my chest. Tendrils of desire burned everywhere he touched, flaming through my body, waking up a need I’d never felt before.
..and then the disgust and fear that came racing along with it.
No! I liked kissing Liam. I liked touching him and having him touch me. It wasn’t like…him. I tried to push those thoughts away, but it was like trying to stop a wildfire with a water gun. I glanced down, and just as I knew it would, his erection loomed toward me.
I could touch him there too. I just had to get the first time over with, and then it wouldn’t be so bad.
Liam pulled back. “Firefly?”
I grabbed his face and threw myself into kissing him, and I put my hand on his leg.
His thick, muscular thigh didn’t feel like Brian’s.
That was a good start. I caressed up his leg, inching closer to my destination, letting myself remember what to do once I got there.
Choosing to use what Brian taught me was proof that he hadn’t broken me, right?
Liam’s hand dropped onto mine, trapping it, stopping me from making my way to his penis.
“Stop, Jenna.” His free hand came up to my jaw and gently pushed me away, tipping my face up toward his.
“Not like this. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me the reason your heart is pounding so hard that I see it pulsing in your throat.
” He dragged his hand down the front of my neck, resting it over my collarbone, the heat of his hand chasing the chill away.
He slid his hand up, over my shoulder, gently squeezing it. “The reason every muscle in your body is tense.”
He pulled my hand up and pressed a kiss to it. “The reason your hand is trembling,” he whispered brokenly against my palm, and then he lowered it to his chest, his big hand still covering mine, but in safer territory.
“Then, when I know what you’re thinking and feeling and why, I’m going to help make it so that when you’re with me, you only see me. I’ll fill every inch of your mind, leaving no room for anyone or anything else. And then, we can see about taking things further. Okay?”
I shook my head.
“No?”
Tears burned my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I pulled back and he immediately dropped his hands, letting me move away. He leaned back into the corner of the couch, hands loose at his sides.
“Sorry. I’m okay.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he said gently. “And you don’t have to be okay, especially not for me.”
“I want to be okay, though,” I whispered.
He slid his hand along the couch, settling it between us. I reached out, and our fingers locked, holding tight.
“I know, Firefly, but what you’re feeling is real, and your feelings matter.” He paused, searching my face. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Disappointment flickered across his face before he quickly hid it, and I rushed to explain. “I want to tell you. I will tell you soon. I just hoped...I don’t know...that maybe we could fool around a little before you knew, so it could be...normal.”
He squeezed my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
“Jenna,” he said quietly. “I know there’s something in your past that makes you nervous around guys.
I’ve known it for almost as long as I’ve known you.
Telling me what it is won’t make anything awkward.
I promise.” His voice softened even more.
“I want to know everything about you. If we’re going to be together, and there’s nothing I want more than that, I need to know what you’re comfortable with. ”
I didn’t trust my voice, so I just nodded.
Liam opened his arm, inviting me into his side, and I dove in, burying my head in that spot between his neck and shoulder, my body a safe distance from his penis.
His arm slowly lowered onto me, and I knew without a doubt that if I gave any indication I wanted out, he’d let me go.
I took a few deep breaths, letting his warm body and his comforting woodsy, minty scent soothe me.
“You seemed to be enjoying it when we were just kissing and touching?” he asked.
“Yes. I liked that.”
“You were fine until you put your hand on my leg?”
That was an overly innocent way to say it, and I appreciated his discretion, although it also confirmed that he already knew way more than I wanted him to.
I pushed away the worry about what he knew and what he thought about it, and let myself be grateful that I didn’t have to spell it out.
I nodded, and his hands tightened around me, but he didn’t react any more than that.
“Do you want to just hang out for a bit, or do you want to kiss more, keeping it all above the waist?”
I didn’t want to end things with me freaking out. “You’re okay with just kissing?”
“Of course. I love kissing you. You’re the one who tried to take it further,” he reminded me gently.
“I wanted to...get the first time over with.”
Liam shook his head, his beard rubbing against my hair. “We’re not going to treat being intimate like pulling off a bandage. We’ll go further when we’re ready, whenever that is. No rush.”
Relief and appreciation flooded my veins, for his use of the word we as much as everything else he’d said. I palmed his cheek, like he always did to me, and kissed him. “Thank you,” I whispered against his lips.
He nipped my lip lightly. “Anything for you, Firefly.”
We kissed and it was nice, but it wasn’t the same as before. I think he was also trying to get back to where we were, but it wasn’t working. I pulled back. “I should let Thor out of the bedroom. I feel bad leaving him in there so long.”
“Can I get him?” Liam asked. “I need to keep earning his affection.”
My heart melted a little more. “Of course. Thanks.”
Seconds after he left, Thor barreled in and leaped onto the couch. A few moments passed before Liam finally followed. He pulled me to my feet. “We should call it a night. Are you okay?” His voice sounded weird. Serious and sad. And he was holding just my hands, keeping me at arm’s length.
My heart fell, splattered at his feet. This was what I was afraid of. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and beg him not to leave upset with me, but I forced a smile and a polite voice instead. “Yeah, I’m good. I had a really nice night. Thank you for everything.”
“Good. I had a great time too,” he said stiffly.
“Are you okay?” I asked, even though I was afraid of his answer.
He swallowed before he answered in a husky voice. “Yes.”
He didn’t sound okay. “Are you upset because…” I drifted off, not sure how to finish. Because the kissing got weird? Because I didn’t tell him? Because I accidentally confirmed what he already thought? Because he figured out that my baggage was more trouble than I was worth?
“I’m not upset. I had a great night, Firefly.” Didn’t sound like he had a great night. Not anymore, at least.
Did I ruin things by freaking out? Could I fix it?
Tears burned the back of my eyes, and I had to get him out of my apartment quickly before they fell.
Before he refused to leave. Because, despite whatever was going through his mind right now, I knew he wouldn’t leave me in the middle of a meltdown, and I didn’t want him to see that. “Talk to you soon. Thank you again.”
The corners of his lips dipped down and his eyebrows lowered. “I’ll talk to you soon, and I’ll see you again soon too, Jenna.” He hesitated like he wanted to say more, but he just kissed my forehead and turned to the door. “Lock up behind me.”
Then he was gone.
“What happened, Thor?” He whined and licked my tears, but even his hug couldn’t piece my heart back together.