Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Jenna
My head pounded in synchrony with the hammers. I leaned against a shelf, taking a quick break after restocking my thousandth book of the day. “Why couldn’t we just keep the plastic? It was good enough, and it was quiet,” I complained to Izzy.
“So we could hear this for the next few weeks? No way.”
Izzy wasn’t wrong. I was appreciative that the facilities manager had taken one look at the flimsy plastic barriers and gone to bat for us, insisting on actual floor-to-ceiling temporary walls around the construction area to keep the noise and mess to a minimum and to hide the construction and tools from curious children.
It would even have a door that locked, and apparently it would only be like this for a day or two, then the walls would muffle most of the noise.
It was just a rough day for it. I was a wreck after Liam left last night, and when I’d finally fallen asleep, he called.
I was glad to hear from him, but his obvious nerves set me even more on edge.
When I eventually fell back to sleep, I had a nightmare, and I’d been up since then.
I’d tried to burn off some nervous energy at the gym, but I was too antsy, so I’d cut it short.
Then I’d walked into this mess at work, with the construction crew banging away nonstop while we were busy cleaning up everything they’d shoved out of the way.
I grunted in response, and Izzy narrowed her eyes at me. “Why do you look like they’re hammering in your head?”
“It feels like they are,” I grumbled. “I barely slept last night, and I feel like garbage.”
“Want to go to Joe’s for coffee? I can cover things here for a few minutes.”
“Yes! You’re an angel. Thank you!”
Coffee would make everything better. Despite my exhaustion, I needed to pull it together so we could meet with the workers and review the plans with them.
I wanted everything done well, of course, but especially the two critical safety features: the entrance and the windows.
The zigzag entrance with its staggered walls was designed to block some of the noise and light and give it a sense of being closed off, but for safety, there was no door, and therefore no way to lock anyone in or out.
And the twelve small windows were to be spread out along the bottom half of the two interior walls.
Their small size, circular shape, and dark tint would enhance the space theme and maintain the ambiance of the room, and most importantly, they would allow full visibility into every nook and cranny of the sensory room from the main children’s area, significantly reducing the likelihood of anything inappropriate or dangerous happening inside.
I needed to meet with the workers to stress the importance of that and tell them I wanted to be consulted if anything changed from the original plans.
But first, caffeine and sugar were needed, and Liam would have to forgive me for going out for it.
The only coffee available in the library tasted like the coffeemaker doubled as an ashtray.
Luckily, Joe’s was right across the street, and they had great coffee and pastries.
They didn’t deliver, unfortunately, but it was quick enough to run across whenever I needed a coffee fix.
I would’ve loved a quick walk around the block to clear my head too, but that was explicitly off-limits.
Liam made my unreasonable mistrust and paranoia look tame.
I’d reluctantly agreed not to go anywhere alone, especially not to go out walking or jogging alone.
My first reaction was to refuse, but truthfully, even though I wanted to pretend I was fine, I was shaken.
What if I’d been alone at the park? I’d been walking Thor there by myself every week.
What was the chance that the one day Liam came with me, a rapist was there?
What if he’d been there other times and I’d just gotten lucky?
What if he was one of the many men I’d seen before who gave me the chills, but I’d scolded myself for being paranoid, so I’d smiled and wished them a good day?
Or what if I was right when I thought Snake Eyes could be the same man at the park who’d said Pardon me?
And if he’d been at the park once, there was a chance he could’ve been there other times. Maybe yesterday…
The way he’d looked me up and down in the library.
The way his hand had clamped around my arm when he tried to help me up.
Even the memory of it made my skin crawl like I’d walked through a spider web.
Even knowing it was in my head, I couldn’t resist brushing away the phantom feeling.
But the web was never really the problem, was it?
The spider was. Where, or more importantly, who was it?
Snake Eyes, someone else I’d seen before, or a stranger.
..and was he still there? Watching me? Waiting for me?
I hurried down the sidewalk, past the parking lot, searching for a boogeyman instead of enjoying the fresh air, and that pissed me off. I waited at the crosswalk for the light to change, looking into the windows of every dark SUV that passed.
I rushed across the street and into Joe’s, pulling in a deep, satisfying breath of coffee-scented air as the door clicked shut behind me.
It was a small place, and I could easily see the few people here, all acting normal.
I was alright. I still didn’t feel safe, though.
Still couldn’t relax, couldn’t shake off the chill I’d felt since last night.
I just wanted to go home, lock myself inside, and hide away.
I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was okay.
Anyone could be a bad guy. Even any of these perfectly normal-looking people.
It was impossible to know who was or wasn’t evil.
It was impossible to do enough to keep myself safe.
And it felt impossible to pretend that I was okay with that.
I felt myself shriveling up inside. Shrinking in on myself, wanting to be as small as possible, to hide away where no one would pay me any attention.
Hide so well that even if he was here, he wouldn’t notice me.
I didn’t even know which he I was worried about.
They all felt like too much. The rapist. Brian. Snake Eyes. Liam.
Just as I stepped onto the short line, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Liam: Hey, crazy coincidence just happened
Despite my mounting panic, my heart did a funny little rumble in my chest at the sight of his name. I didn’t have time to linger, but I left the line and sat at a table in the corner to call him anyway. I desperately wanted to feel better, and maybe talking to him could do that.
“Hey! What happened?” I asked as soon as he answered, summoning my enthusiasm and pushing down all my other emotions.
He hesitated. When he finally spoke, his voice was tight. “Where are you?”
Uh oh. Busted. “At Joe’s, getting coffee.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes. And I’m perfectly fine.” Well, mostly fine and a little nervous, but I wasn’t going to feed into his worries. “What’s your crazy coincidence?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back to normal territory.
“Did you walk there?” Of course, he couldn’t be deterred that easily.
“Yes, Liam,” I said, forcefully. “It’s right across the street. If I tried to drive, I would’ve had to park farther away than the walk from the library. I’m fine. Now, what’s your crazy coincidence?”
He sighed, but luckily, he let it go. “So, funny story. I ran into Hayden, and she said she was off tonight and would love to join you, Nicky, and Juliette for a girls’ night.”
So, he wasn’t actually letting anything go. “You just happened to run into her?”
“Well, maybe I accidentally pocket dialed her and then we started talking?”
“Liam.”
“Please don’t be mad,” he pleaded. “She really is happy to go.”
I pushed away the part of me that was swooning at his protectiveness and was more than willing to hide in the shelter he was offering, and I tried to inject a convincing amount of disapproval in my voice. “Liam, no. I don’t need a sheriff’s deputy to be my bodyguard.”
“Please? I’ll concentrate better at work knowing you’re safe.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s true. I can’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened if I wasn’t at the park with you. I need to know you’re safe.”
“I’m trying to go on like normal and not be nervous about that, and you’re making it harder.”
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to feel scared, but sometimes being scared is what keeps you safe. Please, just for a little while until we know what’s happening, be cautious.”
He was overreacting to a random rape in the park.
But this was nothing compared to how he’d react if he knew about Snake Eyes.
I knew I had to tell him, and I would soon, but I wasn’t ready to face that yet.
Accepting this was the least I could do.
And, much as I hated to admit it, I would feel better with Hayden there. “Fine.”
“Thank you,” he murmured, his voice softening. “She’ll be there shortly before eight, okay? Let me go so I can tell her.”
He sounded relieved, like I did him a favor by agreeing, and that was ridiculous, because despite all the emotions this stirred up, the deepest one was appreciation for how safe he made me feel. “Liam, wait.”
“Yeah?”
“Tell Hayden I said thank you. And thank you for asking her. I hate that I need it, but the truth is, I love that you thought of it.”
“That’s a given, Firefly. Always.”
“I feel safe with you,” I admitted. “I can’t wait to see you again.”
“Me too. I can’t wait. I’d love to talk more, but I want to confirm with Hayden before I get called out. Go get your coffee and get back to work. I’ll send you her number soon.”
How many people would have thought of doing this?
And of all the cops he could have called, he chose a woman.
He would never let his kids be abused right under his nose.
He would never be oblivious if I was lost in the past while we were together.
What would it be like to enjoy sex without having to worry about that?
My heart pounded at the thought, at the hope of how good it could be, and I clenched my thighs together to stop the unfamiliar feeling down there.
Feeling more like myself—well not totally, but part of that was in a kinda good way now—I got back on line, and inspiration struck.
I texted Izzy to meet me at Joe’s in five minutes.
I had this. It would all work out. I just had to get through two days of work, then I could show Liam exactly how good and safe I felt with him.
Izzy hurried in just as I placed the last of my order on the table closest to the door, and the confused look on her face morphed into laughter as she took in the mountain of pastry boxes and cardboard trays filled with coffee.
“Um, I know you really needed coffee and a donut, but this is way too much.”
“Come on, help me carry everything, and let’s go to befriend the workers. If we want this sensory room done right, Dan, Matt, Alex, and Carlos need to be our new BFFs.”