24AshLunch with Grandma
Ash
Lunch with Grandma
Ash sprinted back into the house with Bear in his hand, only to see Chloe sipping tea at his mother’s kitchen table. Her blue hair had paled to a frosty color, and with her green dress, she looked one pointed felt hat away from being part of a Christmas tableau.
“I…” Ash looked around frantically for Olly. Tears had been imminent when it had been discovered that Bear had been left in the car.
“They’re fine,” said Chloe, tilting her head toward the living room. “Rose found paper and colored pencils.” His mother and Olly were sitting on the floor next to the coffee table, intently drawing.
“But Bear…” Ash held out the much-loved stuffie.
“He was nervous,” said Chloe. “Once Rose showed him something to play with, he stopped being nervous.”
“Oh,” said Ash. Ash watched his mom and Olly coloring.
Rose was gloriously intent on Olly. Ash didn’t want to admit it, but the afternoon had been better because of Chloe.
Olly hadn’t been the only one who was nervous.
Rose had been anxious, and Ash hadn’t known how to calm her or Olly down.
Chloe had made everything easier. She had been serene through a water spill, bathroom break, and leaving Bear in the car. It was Ash who had panicked.
“Mr. Rogers,” said Ash, finally identifying the energy Chloe was bringing to the room.
“I love Mr. Rogers,” said Chloe, without even giving him a look for bringing up a dead TV celebrity out of the blue.
“He makes everything calm,” said Ash, and then realized how insane he must sound. He wasn’t sure which was worse that she seemed perfectly happy with his weirdness or that she was utterly comfortable with her own. He couldn’t understand how she could not care what everyone else thought.
“She’s really happy,” said Chloe, snapping a picture of the duo. Then she sighed as she looked at her phone. “Forest is going to win. I want to take better photos of Olly, but my phone isn’t cutting it.”
“You don’t want a new phone?” Ash had trouble getting his head around the concept.
“They’re made with what amounts to slave labor. They support corporations, and discarding something that still works is wasteful.”
“Oh,” said Ash. “I mean...” Ash realized that his theory that Chloe was using Forest for his money had just been utterly destroyed.
“But I want to share Olly pictures like Forest does. His phone really is a better camera.” She looked saddened by this terrible betrayal from her 2010 technology. Ash took a photo and texted it to her.
“Thanks,” she said with a sad sigh.
“Are you going to send that picture to Forest?” asked Ash. He didn’t think he could intrude on Forest’s argument over her phone.
“I’ll show it to him if he wants to see it,” said Chloe, and it was Ash’s turn to sigh. “You hoped your argument at Thanksgiving would lead to something, didn’t you?” asked Chloe.
“I feel like I’m failing everyone,” Ash said, pulling out his ponytail and shaking his hair.
Chloe looked shocked and worried. “What? Why?”
“Mom isn’t happy. Rowan and Forest aren’t happy. I don’t understand why we can’t get this right.”
“Oh,” said Chloe, and the tension dropped from her shoulders as she dismissed his concerns. “No, you’re not failing.”
“How would you know?” he demanded irritably. He didn’t have to listen to some demented holiday sprite about his own family.
“Because I know it is not your job to fix their relationship. You cannot fail at a task that was never yours to begin with.”
She said it with such prosaic confidence that Ash didn’t know how to react, but he was annoyed that she was probably right.
“I still think there’s more I should be doing,” he said at last.
“Do you feel you are mistreating your brothers or mom?”
“Rowan paid off the house,” said Ash. “Until he mentioned it at Thanksgiving, I didn’t know that. I buy her whatever she wants, but it didn’t occur to me to put money into anything useful. Rowan makes the least of the three of us.”
“He’s doing fine,” said Chloe drily.
“Yes, but that’s not the point. Rowan spent years sending us money. He invested everything in Forest and me. He even tried to repay me after I gave him money for his business. No wonder they’re mad at her. But the second I think that is the second I feel like I’m betraying Mom.”
“I can’t speak for Rowan, but Forest isn’t mad at her,” said Chloe. “Not like that. Not in the you-owe-me sense. He’s angry about the past, and he’s angry that she can’t acknowledge the past. But trust me, it’s not about money.”
“I still didn’t ask,” said Ash. “I’m scared of asking about stuff like that because I know it will make me think less of Mom.
But also... it never occurred to me. There’s something wrong with that.
” He looked up at Chloe and wondered what the hell he was thinking to tell her all that.
Her Mr. Rogers vibe made her seem so trustworthy and non-judgmental.
“It’s a habit of the mind,” said Chloe with a shrug. “You’re used to having Rowan and Forest take care of you.”
It was the truth. Ash knew it, and it still stung. His first instinct was to point out that Forest had left home at eighteen and Rowan before that. Ash had spent a good chunk of his childhood caring for himself and their mother. But he chewed on the thought.
“And then kick!” crowed Olly, enthusiastically whacking at the paper.
Rose laughed. “OK, then we’ll make him kick!” Ash watched as she helped Olly make stick figures on the paper.
“Does he like kicking?” asked Ash. “Maybe I could take him to karate with me.”
“Oh, are you a student of karate?”
Ash froze. “Uh… Well. Yeah? Promise you won’t tell my brothers?” he asked nervously.
“What’s wrong with karate?” Chloe looked startled. “Don’t they like martial arts?”
“Well, they would probably say it was one of my hobbies of the month, and I don’t want to get crap for it.”
“Do you have a lot of hobbies?” asked Chloe, looking puzzled.
“No, what I have is ADHD. One of the common characteristics is to get hyper-fixated on things. And because of that, I probably did hobby-hop as a kid.”
“Ah,” said Chloe, nodding. “And now you have channeled that into your work. How wonderful that you have found your strength.”
Ash blinked that she had spotted that so fast.
“Well, I also found medication,” said Ash. “And now I take karate because it helps me get grounded in my body.”
“Yes! Exactly! It forces you to exist in the moment.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s… Do you take karate?”
“No, I trained in kung fu. I think martial arts are wonderful. Why don’t you think your brothers would support your training?”
“I just don’t want them to make fun of me.”
“When do they make fun of you?”
“Um...” Ash tried to remember the last time and couldn’t come up with anything more recent than his twenties.
In fact, Forest had said he hoped Olly would turn out like Ash at Thanksgiving.
That was a pretty big compliment, particularly in the middle of a fight, which was usually when Forest said the worst stuff.
Only Forest hadn’t done that. Had things really changed, and Ash hadn’t noticed?
“You know,” said Chloe, “it’s possible they would be dismissive of your training because the pattern in their minds is that you hobby-hop. It’s also possible that the idea of them making fun of you is the pattern in your mind.”
Ash glared at her. She wasn’t supposed to be able to just read his mind like that.
“OK, fine, but how am I supposed to change that?”
“Attentiveness to your thoughts and direct actions. Meditation also helps.”
“I am not designed for meditation,” said Ash. The two minutes of meditation at the end of karate classes was his least favorite part.
Chloe laughed. “Everyone is designed for meditation. Or possibly none of us are. Depends on your point of view. It can be quite difficult.”
“It’s just sitting there!”
“You’re right. Sitting is very boring. You have to focus on something. Your body. Your breathing. Your thoughts. If you view meditation as an activity rather than a lack of activity, then you might find it gets more interesting.”
“I feel like you’re arguing with me, and I’m losing, but I can’t figure out how because you just agreed with me.”
“Forest says the same thing. But I think we’re simply having a discussion in which I provide a perspective that sometimes makes you uncomfortable.”
Ash stared at Chloe and felt like he was seeing her for the first time.
A fresh perspective, kindness, and peace.
That’s what Chloe brought to the table, and that was precisely why Forest was in love with her.
Ash was tied up in thinking his brother needed a better asset and what Forest needed was a better partner.
Ash felt like an asshole. At least he hadn’t told Forest what he’d been thinking about Chloe.
Olly laughed a big belly chuckle as he scribbled over the drawing, and Ash couldn’t help but smile.
“Thanks for doing this. She’s wanted to meet Olly so badly. And I just... I want her to be able to be the kind of grandma she can be proud of. I know she can do it. It’s not like when we were kids.”
Chloe looked up at him with watery eyes and patted his arm. “That is so lovely that you want to give that to her.”