29HarperNot Your Pookie Bear
Harper
Not Your Pookie Bear
“Hey, Harper,” said Piper, leaning around her cubicle. “We’re going to Doyle’s after work. You in?”
Harper didn’t think she and Ash had made formal plans, but her personal agenda was to have him provide dinner, watch more of the weird anime she liked, and hopefully end up with Ash doing fun naked things to her.
“No, it’s been kind of a long day,” Harper said. “I’m kind of over the existence of humans.”
“Going to hang out with your favorite human and eat noodles?”
“You don’t know that,” protested Harper. They squared off, glaring at each other like gunfighters in a Western—waiting for the other to blink first. “I could eat other kinds of food,” said Harper, caving.
“Like what?” asked Piper with a chuckle.
“Chicken nuggets,” admitted Harper. “Although, I’m actually hoping Ash will make me a smoothie. He has one of those smoothie shop blenders that will go through anything. It’s loud, but I find the way it pulverizes fruit very satisfying.”
“I invested in one of those,” said Piper. “I’ve figured out how to make an Orange Julius.”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“It was a food court smoothie shop that’s always paired with the Dairy Queen. They make some sort of meth-based, orange-flavored smoothie. I have discovered that the secret is egg whites.”
“I will have to get the recipe. Egg whites sound full of protein. It’s probably very healthy.”
“You would think so,” said Piper enigmatically.
“Um,” said Harper. “I’ve been meaning to ask if you’re doing anything for New Year’s. Ash is throwing a party.”
“Do I have to dress up?” asked Piper suspiciously.
“More than work, but not high heels. I would help with the outfit selection.” Harper didn’t add that she planned to pick out an outfit that included Piper’s Dungeons and Dragons t-shirt and a glittery mini-skirt that showed off her legs.
Because Piper did not need to know that she was being dressed to attract Mel, who would also be in attendance.
“I could be into that,” said Piper.
“Also, the view is fabulous, and I have seen the guest list, so I know there will be fun people we will like talking to.” Harper wasn’t sure how to lay the groundwork for introducing Piper to Mel, but she suspected that if she said it outright, Piper would freak out and not come.
“Like people who won’t mind if I talk about engineering and rocks?”
“They also have thought-provoking subjects of interest,” said Harper.
“And, at minimum, will tolerate ours politely. In fact,” Harper hoped she was being casual, but she didn’t really know.
“I believe that Ash’s IT person, Mel, also has a shelf full of pretty rocks, just like you do.
So, if nothing else, we can stick with them and form a rock band. ”
“Sweet. OK, I’m in.”
“Great!” Harper waited until Piper was out of view before grabbing her phone and texting Romeo.
I’m bringing Piper to New Year’s. Mel is still planning on coming, right?
Yes. Is this a setup?
YES.
Great. I’m in. Give me Piper’s favorite music, and I’ll put it on the office playlist to make sure Mel has heard it. Also, favorite foods and beverages, so I can make sure we’ve got them at the party.
Well, I know she likes someone called Chapel Roan.
They’re queer – that’s a given.
Oh. She apparently likes something called an Orange Julius. And we both like mimosas and waffles. But she has very strong feelings on Eggs Benedict. She loves it but only if it’s done well.
And now we’re doing Belgian waffle bites with pearl sugar as one of our appetizers.
Harper hadn’t known waffle bites were a possibility, but now she wanted them more than noodles.
Well, I’ll be happy then. Fingers crossed for Mel and Piper.
Romeo sent back a fingers-crossed emoji.
“Harper!”
Harper stood up to look outside her cubicle. D-Boss was hurrying her direction.
“Emergency, Will Robinson!”
“Who’s Will Robinson?” asked Harper, confused.
“I…” Donald hung his head. “Stupid sci-fi show reference. Disregard. The deadline for the certification on the class.”
“It’s not until January,” said Harper. She’d had to wade through a twenty-eight-page document to find the information, but she’d double and triple-checked.
“I just talked to Cece. She said they changed it but only updated it online. We’ve got until the thirty-first.”
“Oh jeez,” said Harper.
“Yeah, I’m pulling the team into Conference Room B. Let’s get a sit-rep and strategize. I don’t want anyone working over the break, but we need to know what we’re looking at.”
“Meet you there,” said Harper.
“If you see Sam before me, tell him to get in there!”
Donald strode off to spread his bad news, and Harper gathered her laptop and phone. She thought the deadline was doable but would mean bumping other work. Hopefully, Donald saw the priorities list the same way she did.
The conference room was already crowded by the time she got there. The noise of so many voices was overwhelming, but it wasn’t just the volume. It was the anxiety. The team was freaking out. Harper squared her shoulders. She could do this.
“Hey, everyone,” she yelled. “Let’s calm down, grab a pen, and write top priorities on the whiteboard. Let’s just make sure we know what’s standing between us and completion.”
By the time Donald got to the conference room, Harper had them mostly settled and working through a problem tree. They worked steadily through the afternoon, and by the time it was time to go home, Donald looked relieved.
“Thanks, Harper,” he said as she packed her bag. “It’s been really great to have you on the team. After the New Year, let’s move you onto a team lead track.”
Harper stepped out into the chill evening air and took a deep breath.
It had been a long day, and she was looking forward to an evening in with Ash—she couldn’t wait to tell him about her potential promotion.
It wasn’t a huge step, but it was still substantial, particularly after only being at the job for such a short time.
At the thought of Ash, she reached for her phone.
She’d felt it buzz during the meeting but hadn’t remembered to check the messages.
“Harper!”
Harper jerked in surprise at hearing her name. A man approached carrying an umbrella and earning annoyed glances from the other people using the sidewalk as they had to avoid the broad and dripping brim.
“Cooper?” Harper stared at her ex in confusion. “I thought you went home.”
“I didn’t come here for you!” he snapped. “I’m here for work. Don’t be so arrogant.”
“Um...” Cooper was standing outside her building in the rain. Thinking he was there for her didn’t seem like an arrogant conclusion. Why did he always make these odd logic errors? As she pondered the question, she realized that they weren’t errors. Cooper was trying to make her feel inferior.
“Look,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I know things haven’t been good since the unfortunate incident. I think we both said some things that we didn’t mean.”
“We broke up,” said Harper.
A black Mercedes pulled up to the curb.
“But I’m willing to give you another chance.”
“A what?” Harper had difficulty processing anything with his hand on her shoulder. She desperately wanted him to stop touching her.
“Harper?” said a woman, getting out of the Mercedes. She wore a hat and trench coat like she was in some black-and-white spy movie.
“Uh... Emma?”
Harper used Emma’s presence as an excuse to pull away from Cooper. She looked into the car and realized that Stephanie was behind the wheel. The sisters really did look alike.
Emma opened the door to the backseat. “We need to talk. Get in.”
“Do you mind?” demanded Cooper. “We’re in the middle of a conversation.”
“Cooper! We are not in a conversation. We are not in anything! We broke up!”
“You misunderstood,” said Cooper. “I talked to Hailey. You had a Harper Moment and misunderstood.”
Harper flailed her arms and made a noise of inarticulate rage. “I did not misunderstand! You are just a douchebag who thinks I should apologize every time you do something stupid!”
“I don’t care about this,” said Emma. “I want you to get in the car.”
“Of course you don’t care!” yelled Harper. “You only care about yourself.”
“If you think you’re going to do better with that jerk with the man bun,” said Cooper, “then you really are retarded.”
“Aggggh!” Harper dropped her bag, hauled back, and punched Cooper in the face.
He reeled back, the wind catching his umbrella, yanking it free from his hand and sending it tumbling down the street.
Cooper stumbled, slipped, and then crashed to the sidewalk on his back, legs flailing like an upturned turtle.
“Holy shit, Harper!”
Harper turned to see Piper come out of the building with the usual crowd heading for Doyle’s behind her.
“Piper, I punched Cooper! I’m freaking out!”
“Don’t panic. It’s all Gucci.”
“Yeah, it was totally Versace,” said Emma sarcastically.
“I don’t think that’s a thing,” said Harper, distracted by Emma’s misuse of slang.
“Come on.” Emma grabbed Harper by the arm, pulling her toward the Mercedes.
“Hey, wait a minute,” said Piper. “That’s the car! Harper, that’s the car that tried to run you over.”
“I did not,” snapped Emma. “I wasn’t even close.”
“Wait, what?” Harper felt like events were happening too quickly.
“Just get in the car!” Emma yelled.
“I’m not going anywhere with you!”
Emma reached into her pocket and pulled out a small pistol. “Yes, you are.”
Harper gaped at Emma in disbelief, unable to put her thoughts together with any sort of action. Emma grabbed her arm again, shoved her into the backseat, and slammed the door. Moments later, she was in the front seat, and Stephanie was pulling away from the curb.