Chapter 14 #2
The embarrassment and shame in his voice pissed me off.
Not at him, never at Anders, but at the fuckwit who kept him so off-kilter that he couldn’t take any time to care for himself or think about his own needs.
No one deserved that, but Anders, who turned himself inside out to give to every single person around him, damn sure didn’t.
“Funny you should mention that…” I said as I drew him closer and steered him to the sitting area near the window. It was dark outside, but the solar garden lights were tiny torches throwing light around the ferns and daffodils. “I want to show you something.”
I gently pushed Anders onto the sofa and hurried off to the closet where I’d stashed a few bags. When I returned, Anders eyed the bags I carried but waited patiently, or at least quietly, for me to explain.
“So, you know the other day you said you hadn’t really had time to develop any hobbies?” Anders nodded, so I continued, “That got me thinking. You fiddle with things a lot. Your napkin, the cord on your computer, your silverware. I thought maybe you just needed something to keep your hands busy.”
“Okay?”
“I hope you don’t mind, but since you haven’t really had a chance to figure out what you enjoy, I thought I might help.” I held up the bags in my hands and sat on the sofa beside him. “I bought you a few things.”
“Emil, what did you do?”
“Just picked up some things that might help you figure out what you like. And if they’re all wrong, that’s fine. We’ll try something else.”
Anders eyed the bags suspiciously.
I nudged the first one toward him. “Go on. Pull them out.”
He pulled the bag to him and followed my instructions.
First came a paint-by-numbers kit, a diamond painting recommended by the person at the craft store, and adult coloring books with garden scenes.
The second bag held a book nook kit and an air-dry clay set.
The last suitcase contained a needle felting book with supplies, an embroidery stitch practice kit, and a LEGO botanical set.
“These are for me?” Anders looked overwhelmed, but I hoped it was the good kind.
“Yeah. And if none of them hit right, we’ll try something else.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Anders said softly. “Thank you, but that doesn’t feel like enough.”
“There is one caveat.”
“Yes. The answer is yes.”
“You haven’t heard it yet. You can’t say yes before you hear it.”
“I think… I think I can with you.”
The trust in his voice hit me square in the chest. It humbled me the way it should have. I wasn’t going to fuck this up.
“In the evenings after dinner, when you go back to the cottage, and I stay here, it’s been really lonely,” I said. “I’d really like it if you’d spend that time in the workroom with me.”
“Yes.”
“That looks really cool,” I said as I sat on the couch next to Anders.
After I gave Anders the kits, he selected the felting project as the first one to try.
The kit was to make a couple of red-hat gnomes.
Anders spent the entire evening sitting on the couch, working on it while I sat at my workbench.
We didn’t talk, but every once in a while I’d glance over and see that he was watching me.
He’d blush and return to his work. Other times, I’d catch him glancing up and giving me a small smile before going back to what he was doing.
It was the best night I’d had in a long time.
I wished I could call it a date, but I’d already sprung the double on him, and I didn’t want to do it twice in a row.
“Do you really think so? Because I think it looks a little lopsided.” Anders held the little gnome he was working on in the palm of his hand.
If it was the tiniest bit off-center, I sure as hell wasn’t going to mention it.
He looked proud and worried and tired all at once.
His eyes were starting to droop, and I decided that was enough for one evening.
“I don’t know about you, but I think I’m done for tonight.”
“Oh, of course. I’m so sorry. I’ll get out of your hair. I just lost track of time.” Anders rushed the words out.
Dammit, that wasn’t what I’d meant at all. If I could have kept him with me all night long, I would have, but if I kept him in my house, it wouldn’t be to work on a craft project. I knew myself well enough to know that.
“Absolutely not. I wanted you here tonight, and if it were up to me, you’d stay longer, but don’t think I didn’t notice those yawns.”
“I…I…”
“Yeah, it’s time for bed. I’ll walk you back to the cottage.” When Anders started to open his mouth, I knew it was to tell me that was unnecessary, so I cut him off before he could finish. “And it’s not up for discussion.”
Anders closed his mouth and gave a slow nod while trying to hide a yawn. It had turned colder over the last couple of hours, and he hadn’t brought a jacket with him. I grabbed one off the hook by the front door and held it open for him to slide his arms inside.
“You know it’s not necessary. It’s not that far, and it’s going to take longer for me to take this jacket off than it will to walk across to the cottage,” Anders said with his self-conscious laugh.
“You’re always worth the effort, sweet boy.”
Anders was stunned into stopping his protests and gave me a nod. “Let’s go.”
I kept Anders’s hand in mine as we made our way through the dark. He wasn’t wrong about the short distance, and I wished for longer. Hours longer. Days. Weeks. Months. Years.
“Thank you for walking me home. I appreciate it,” Anders said when we reached the doorway. The stillness of the night, with the fog rolling over the island from the Sound, made it feel like we might be the last people left awake on Earth.
“You’re very welcome.”
The silence stretched between us, but I was fixated on Anders’s mouth. His lips were naturally dark pink, and the barest hint of a five o’clock shadow was visible, unlike my own, which required shaving every damn day. I forced myself to look directly into his eyes.
I found the answer I was hoping would be there.
His want and need mirrored mine. I slid my hands slowly up his chest until I clutched the lapels of his borrowed jacket.
His breath hitched, but he didn’t pull away.
Anders was an inch, maybe two, taller than me, so I had to raise my mouth to his.
I gave him plenty of time to signal he wasn’t interested, but Anders dropped his mouth slightly to reach mine instead.
Our lips met, and our breaths lingered in our lungs.
It might have been the sweetest kiss I’d ever had.
More promise than kiss, but my lips tingled where his had been.
I drew back and searched his face again.
Anders had become too important to me to risk pushing him further than he was ready to go.
What I found was need and want, and a little hesitation.
“Do you want me to stop?” My question was whispered because the moment was too private for anything louder, even if we were alone.
“N-no.” Anders glanced down again, then quickly darted out his tongue to wet his lower lip. I knew he hadn’t done it for any reason other than instinct, but I wanted—needed—another taste of him.
“You sure?” I began to pull away, but Anders’s hand landed on my waist and kept me still.
“I’m sure.”
I lifted my mouth to his again. Anders met me halfway, and his body relaxed into mine. His body was too far away, and he took half a step forward. At the contact, Anders melted. His fingers flexed against me.
Never, not once in my entire life, had I had so much clarity about who I wanted.
It was Anders. My mouth fit against his again.
My tongue traced the seam of his lips, and Anders gave me entry with a soft sigh.
My tongue stroked against his in slow, smooth passes.
With each one, I felt Anders slip further into peacefulness.
Our kiss wasn’t a prelude to sex. No one was going inside the cottage except Anders, but it was a promise. A commitment to see through where this attraction between us went. I knew where I hoped it would land, and I wanted like hell for Anders to end up in the same place.