Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Emma woke to an empty bed, her hand instinctively reaching for a body heat that was no longer present.
The chill of the sheets beside her was somewhat worrying; Vanessa had clearly been up for some time now.
She blinked as the early morning light filtered in through the thin curtains, her senses straining for any hint of a presence outside of the room.
No rustle of movement, no soft clearing of a throat… just silence.
With a sigh, she pushed herself upright and leaned back, the headboard cool against her back.
A yawn slipped out as she dragged her fingers through her hair.
Vanessa was always the one to sleep in lately.
Ever since Emma had gotten into her early morning running routine, those roles had reversed.
She was used to waking Vanessa with coffee these days, not the other way around.
That fact that her wife was already up unsettled her in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Something was off.
Maybe last night was too much for her…
Emma squeezed her eyes shut as that thought pressed down on her chest. This little getaway to the secluded lakeside cottage was supposed to be good for them.
Maybe even healing and comforting without intending to be.
The idea that she may have unknowingly stirred up pain made her heart hurt.
It had only been a year since Vanessa’s mastectomy.
The scars may have started to fade, but Emma knew better than to think the emotional wounds would heal at the same pace.
Sliding to the edge of the bed, Emma reached for the hoodie neatly folded on the nearby chair.
It smelled faintly of Vanessa’s perfume—her wife had been wrapped around her for the duration of last night—so she tugged it over her head, anchoring herself the moment the weight of it covered her.
If she needed to apologise, she would. Still, she hoped this wouldn’t cast a shadow over them or hinder any progress they’d made both together and apart.
Vanessa had come so far with therapy, and Emma couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason for a step backward.
With her pulse quickening, Emma crept out of the bedroom, the old wooden floor beginning to warm beneath her feet.
Partly because of the sun streaming through the windows out in the main room, but also just because that’s how Emma felt here.
Warm and cared for. She scanned the space, but there was no sign of Vanessa.
But then, through the patio windows, Vanessa sat on the terrace furniture, her knees tucked to her chest, wrapped in Emma’s ultra-heavy hoodie that made her wife seem tiny.
Relief washed over Emma, stealing her breath for a moment, so she paused.
Just…watched. It was all she could afford herself in this moment.
She would spend all of eternity watching the simple moments if she could.
She tapped gently on the window, a soft smile tugging at her lips when Vanessa turned.
Emma mouthed ‘coffee?’ and grinned as her wife nodded.
The smell of brewed coffee greeted her as she moved into the kitchen, and on her usual autopilot, she poured two cups, adding a dash of milk to Vanessa’s just the way she liked it.
When she returned, she nudged the door open with her foot and stepped outside into the crisp air. “Mornin’, babe. You’re up early.”
“I wanted to experience this.” Vanessa took a cup from her with a small smile, scooting over on the rattan couch to make room. “Listen. There’s not a sound.”
Emma lowered herself beside Vanessa, soothed by the view as she relaxed into the moment.
Vanessa was right. Other than birdsong in the distance, nothing else could be heard.
Being here almost felt secretive. “When I woke up and came out here,” Emma said quietly.
“You looked so cute sitting alone just enjoying the peace and quiet.”
“It gives me time to think. Time to feel, you know?”
Emma knew all too well. She’d spent countless mornings like this, sitting alone in their own garden while Vanessa recovered and came to terms with her new life…
and body. Only as time went on—initially, at least—each silent morning seemed to stretch on longer and feel heavier with the fear of not being able to fix everything. “Whatever works for you, babe.”
“I…don’t miss them.” Vanessa’s gaze held firm on the lake as her fingers curled tighter around her cup of coffee. “I thought I would. I thought I’d never be able to come to terms with my decision, not deep down, but I don’t miss them at all.”
“Maybe that’s because of what keeping them would have potentially meant for us all.” Emma nudged her shoulder gently against Vanessa’s until their eyes met. She gave Vanessa a smile. One that was full of love and affection. “I think it’s always important to remember why you did it.”
“I know. I’d have been a fool to not go ahead with the surgery.”
“As women, we’re told that we should be a certain way and look a certain way.
Without us realising it, a lot of the time, our decisions are purely based on society and what we think they’ll think of us.
But the reality is that nobody outside of us or your immediate circle of friends even knows what you went through.
They don’t know that you’re wearing a prosthetic when we go out to dinner, and they don’t know that you spent months recovering from something life-changing.
That’s precisely why those people don’t matter. ”
Vanessa leaned in, her breath brushing across Emma’s skin before she pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.
The care in that simple touch made something inside Emma melt.
Vanessa’s kisses often reached all the way down to her soul.
No other woman in the world would ever have that ability.
“God, I love you. You always know the right things to say.”
Emma smiled. “Just saying what I believe, babe.” She shrugged, lifting her feet up onto the edge of the weathered outdoor coffee table. “I’m the only person who gets to see you naked, and I fucking adore every last inch of you.”
The look Vanessa gave her at that moment stopped Emma’s heart, and the vulnerability in her eyes made Emma’s world tilt a little.
“You really do?” Vanessa’s voice was a whisper, but Emma caught the surprise in her tone.
“I know you say it all the time and I know you’re supposed to say it as my wife, but you really mean it, don’t you? ”
“Of course I mean it.” Emma reached out and slid her hand over Vanessa’s thigh, squeezing gently as her voice dropped lower.
“All of me is enamoured by every piece of you. No matter what you do or don’t have, I’ll never not be madly in love with you, and I’ll never not think you’re the sexiest woman in the world. ”
Those words hung between them briefly, but Vanessa decided to respond with movement rather than words.
And those eyes, God…those eyes told Emma everything.
She set her mug down, rose to her feet, and climbed into Emma’s lap, straddling her with a look that told Emma she knew exactly what she wanted.
Her hands cupped Emma’s face as she leaned in, capturing her mouth in a kiss so fierce and heated that it had Emma’s head spinning. “It’s us forever, right?”
“Y-yes.” Emma pulled back just enough to breathe, her pulse whooshing in her ears. “Babe, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. I’ve just got out of bed.”
“I don’t care.” Vanessa claimed her lips again, a moan spilling into Emma’s mouth as the kiss deepened. When she finally pulled back and grazed her thumb across Emma’s bottom lip, a sexy smirk played on Vanessa’s mouth. “You taste like coffee…and my wife.”
Before Emma could say another word, Vanessa sat back on her knees and, in one smooth motion, peeled her hoodie over her head.
She was bare beneath it. Unguarded, vulnerable, but stunning in the glow of the morning sunlight.
Her hair fell in loose, tousled waves around her shoulders, and the hoodie landed in a heap on a nearby chair.
“Emma…”
“Tell me what you need.” Emma’s voice was nothing more than a hush as her hands found Vanessa’s bare thighs, now prickled with goosebumps from the cool morning air. Her palms moved slowly, worshipping Vanessa’s skin. “You know I’ll give you anything you want.”
“I want you inside me.” Vanessa shifted her hips forward, a subtle but desperate plea that had Emma’s mouth dry and her palms clammy.
The desire between them had always burned hot, but in the last year, it had transformed into something deeper.
Something far more sacred. Every touch now carried a different meaning.
Now, when they came together, it felt like a declaration of true, unconditional love. “Baby, please.”
Emma’s heart swelled as she leaned in, her lips finding the delicate centre of Vanessa’s chest. She kissed her slowly, gently, and then her lips moved from scar to scar. Not as an obligation but as a ritual that Emma had come to love. A…silent mantra whispered into every kiss.
You are here.
You are whole.
You are mine.
She knew Vanessa couldn’t feel much there anymore, not physically anyway.
But that was never the point. The point was that Emma was showing her undying love for a woman who had fought to still be here with her.
She trailed her lips higher, her breath hot against Vanessa’s neck as her hands moved with intention.
One hand lifted to cradle the back of Vanessa’s head, threading into her hair, while the other slipped between her legs, teasing over the lace that barely covered what Emma would always crave.
She pressed the fabric between Vanessa’s lips, smiling against her throat as Vanessa gasped, her breath hitching in the silence around them.
“Y-yes.”