Chapter 13 #2
While Emma appreciated that her best friend had shown up without question, all she really wanted was to crawl under the covers and let the world fade away for a while.
Vanessa meant well, Emma knew that, but even love wrapped up in good intentions could feel overwhelming when exhaustion had set in. And it had. Some time ago now.
She could fake it. She’d done it before.
She could put on her best smile, crack a few jokes, maybe even play hostess…
but tonight, it would be nothing more than an illusion.
A lie. Any effort to pretend to be okay was already wearing thin.
Her mind hadn’t stopped spiralling from the moment she’d stepped out of her mum’s house.
I…have a sister.
That thought still felt foreign.
Foreign and riddled with guilt.
What must Freya think of her? Would she grow to hate her for the years they’d never had?
Would she ask for a transfer just so she didn’t have to see the sister who had failed her before even knowing she existed?
Those questions looped in Emma’s head on repeat.
Her shower hadn’t cleansed anything. It had only made the silence louder.
“Emma?”
She blinked a few times until her surroundings snapped back into focus. She turned to Lauren, noting the look of concern in her eyes. “Sorry, what was that?”
“I asked what’s going on. Mum texted me to say you needed me.”
Emma hesitated. Her mouth opened, then closed again. What did she need? A solution? A hug? To scream until she felt empty inside? “I um…” She frowned as she paused. “I found out this week that I have a sister. Full-blown sibling. Same parents.”
“W-what?” Lauren’s eyes widened. It was the same stunned expression Vanessa had worn just days ago. “How? When?”
“One of my students,” Emma said as she swallowed down her emotions. She was fed up with crying now. “Which makes it even more awkward.”
“Oh, shit!” Lauren winced, but Emma understood. There weren’t many other reactions to news this huge. “What the hell are you going to do?”
Emma let out a low, pathetic laugh. “Other than fall apart for a while, I have no idea. That poor kid just walked up to me and told me she was my sister. I obviously denied it because I couldn’t believe it was true, but I tracked down my mum this morning and we went there.
She confirmed it, and now my head is up my arse.
I don’t know what to do about anything.” She cast her gaze on her hands in her lap and swallowed.
“Honestly, I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. ”
Lauren closed her hand gently over Emma’s. “First of all, you’re you. You always will be. No matter what.” Her voice was reassuring, and it was something Emma would hold onto in this moment. “And secondly, you know me and Mum are here for you. For anything you need. We’re family.”
Even though Emma knew those words were true, it didn’t stop the sting of tears in her eyes or the dreadful ache in her chest. “She must hate me, Lauren.” Emma’s voice broke as she looked up at her best friend. “I wasn’t there to protect her, or to love her, so she must hate me.”
“You didn’t know she existed, Em. You can’t blame yourself for any of this.”
Emma smiled weakly. “It doesn’t feel that way.”
“Okay, so how could you have changed the outcome of any of this if you had no knowledge of a sister?”
Emma lifted a shoulder. She knew what she was about to say was ridiculous, but it still could have stopped all of this from happening.
“Maybe if I hadn’t cut all contact with my family, I’d have known about her.
Maybe if I’d made more of an effort to visit Mum and Dad, then this would have been different.
I could have taken Freya when they decided they didn’t want her anymore.
I could have given her all the love I never received and all the love I know she never received. ”
Lauren lifted a brow. “And by doing that, by staying in contact with your parents, it would have been toxic for you. You and I both know that.”
Emma knew Lauren was right. The past with her parents wasn’t just complicated; it was destructive. Still, the guilt remained. “But Freya had a terrible start to life because of that toxicity.”
“And that’s not your fault, Em.”
“Maybe not, but I still feel responsible.” Emma knew it was unreasonable to feel that way, but it was one of her downfalls. No matter how hard she tried to reason with herself, the guilt clung to her like a second skin.
“Look, you know now. Moving forward, you can give your sister everything you wish you could have given her growing up. You can have a great relationship with one another because neither of you are in the situation you were in anymore.”
Emma wanted to believe that. She needed to. But the reality of it all wasn’t so easy. “Vanessa isn’t sure it’ll be that simple.”
Lauren’s brows drew together. “I don’t understand.”
“Freya’s new parents make the decisions. They may not want me to see her or allow me any contact with her.”
Lauren sat stunned. “But that’s bullshit. It’s not your fault you didn’t know she existed until now. And it’s not her fault. In fact, nobody is to blame for that other than your parents. Why should you and Freya be punished for something neither of you could control?”
“I don’t know, Lauren.” Emma pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. God, would the frustration ever subside? “That’s just the way it is, and I can’t do anything to change what they want.”
“Surely when they see the life you have…that you’re in a stable marriage with a great job, they’ll jump at the opportunity for Freya to have a relationship with you. It just doesn’t seem possible that there would be any reason for them to withhold contact. None at all.”
Emma shook her head. She wasn’t trying to fuck this all up or talk herself out of a relationship with Freya. She was just being honest. “That’s something I have to wait out and then deal with when they decide what’s best for their daughter.”
Lauren gave Emma a knowing look. “And your sister.”
Emma’s throat constricted. Even now, it still didn’t feel real.
There was a girl out there—her sister—with Emma’s eyes, her stubbornness, and that same hope for the future.
For…something more from life. A younger version of herself living a life Emma had never been part of. “Can’t believe I have a sister.”
“Me neither. But so long as everything goes well down the line, it’s going to be amazing for you both.
” Lauren leaned in and drew Emma into a hug.
“Everything will be okay. It always is. Look at the shit we’ve already faced together.
This is just a bump in the road that will work itself out in the end. ”
Emma pulled back just enough to meet Lauren’s gaze. Her best friend had always known how to make the world feel a little less chaotic, but tonight it was a struggle to pull herself out of the chaos. “I hope you’re right. I don’t know how much more I can take.”
“Give it time. Find out what’s next. But please, don’t think the worst. Anything is possible. Anything.”
Emma wanted to believe that, she wanted to cling to the hope and never let it go, but the truth was…she had spent most of her life bracing for the impact of whatever hit next. She was always preparing for the moment things would go wrong.
Until Vanessa, nothing had ever truly stayed right.
And now, standing on this precipice again, she could already feel the ground shaking and shifting beneath her feet.
Because why would Freya’s parents want Emma in their daughter’s life?
All they’d know was the family Emma came from.
The damage and the dysfunction. From that alone, they’d likely assume the worst. She couldn’t blame them, and she couldn’t change what they believed…
unless they gave her the chance to prove herself. And that decision wasn’t in her hands.
“It’s a waiting game now,” Emma said calmly. “That’s all I know.”