Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Emma sat at a corner table in the local coffee shop, struggling to settle her nerves.
The temperature had plummeted this afternoon, but she was overheating with anxiety.
She removed another layer—her netball hoodie now thrown over the back of her chair—hoping she wouldn’t look so flustered when Carmen arrived.
Emma had been sitting down for twenty minutes already, partly because she didn’t want to risk being late but mostly because she knew she’d need some time to breathe before this meeting happened.
Her phone buzzed on the table in front of her.
Are you there yet?
Emma smiled and replied to Vanessa.
Yeah. Got here stupidly early.
Vanessa had tried to put her mind at rest during lunch today, but Emma knew it was a waste of time. She didn’t know how to settle, and she didn’t know how to go into this without rushing right ahead to all the good bits.
It’s better than cutting it fine and sprinting in like you do for meetings.
Emma laughed to herself. Vanessa was forever rolling her eyes at her when she came flying through the staffroom door, usually running late.
Harsh…but fair.
Another message came through as she sent her own back.
How’s your heart rate?
Emma looked down at her watch. It had already alerted her to a change in rhythm fifteen minutes ago.
Don’t ask!
Emma looked up and glanced around. Still no sign of Carmen yet. God, she hoped she was going to back out. Emma needed this.
Just remember that you’re not going in to fight anyone. You’re just trying to make Freya’s life easier.
Emma stared at the message, allowing it to sit deep inside of her.
It was the reminder she needed. She’d been replaying Freya’s email over and over in her head for the last couple of days, and she hadn’t worked out how to answer everything in a way that would make it all better.
Still, she hoped this meeting with Carmen would help.
And if you need me for anything, you call me, okay?
Without Vanessa, Emma wasn’t sure she would have found the courage to pursue any of this. Her wife made her feel stable and as though she was capable of giving Freya whatever she needed from her.
Thanks, babe. I love you.
Emma felt herself beginning to relax a little. Perhaps it was the brief conversation with Vanessa, maybe it was just the knowledge that she could only have whatever Freya allowed. Either way, she would get through this meeting and leave the coffee shop with her head held high…no matter the outcome.
I’ll be here for you when you get home. I love you, too.
The bell above the door jingled, and Emma looked up instinctively. Carmen was walking in, scarf wrapped tight around her neck, her hair pulled back into a low ponytail. She scanned the coffee shop quickly before spotting Emma, her lips curving into a polite yet tentative smile.
“Hi,” Emma said as she stood to greet her.
“Hi, Emma.” Carmen shrugged off her coat and took the seat opposite, setting her bag down by her feet. “I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”
“Not at all,” Emma said, though she suspected the warmth in her tone was doing most of the work in softening the truth. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“Of course.” Carmen folded her hands on the table and took a deep breath. “I was surprised to hear from you, given my attitude towards you so far.”
Emma lifted a shoulder. “I understand. I’ve come out of nowhere. You’re bound to be apprehensive about me.”
“Still, I wanted to apologise before we discuss anything further.”
Emma nodded slowly, thrown by the sheer difference in Carmen this afternoon. Just last week, Vanessa had practically thrown her out of the house. “I ordered more coffee a few minutes ago. I took a wild guess and pinned you for a cappuccino drinker…”
“I’ll gladly accept it. I’ve already worked sixty hours this week. I’m dead on my feet.” Carmen relaxed back in her seat and sighed. “NHS nurse. I don’t think I need to say anymore than that.”
Emma smiled. “Got it.”
“So, you wanted to talk…” Carmen paused when the server brought their coffee, followed by a small ramekin of brown sugar cubes. They both thanked her, and then Carmen’s eyes landed back on Emma. “About Freya, yes?”
“Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about her email.”
Carmen lowered her eyes, focusing on the frothed milk with a heart laced through it. “Since I found the picture, and since she admitted that she knew she had a sister, it’s been relentless.”
“The picture?” Emma asked, frowning. “I don’t know anything about a picture.”
“I found it several weeks ago now. In her bedroom, tucked inside her pillowcase. At first, she wouldn’t admit that she knew who you were, but I’d already turned it over and found the writing on the back. My sister. Emma.”
Emma’s breath caught. She’d had no idea a picture of her existed, let alone that it was in Freya’s possession. “Where did she get this picture from?”
“She told me she’d had it for a couple of years before she came into our care. Your parents didn’t know she’d found it, but she already knew about you before the picture surfaced. Your mum often criticised you in front of her.”
“Yeah.” Emma scoffed. “She liked doing that a lot.”
“You really had no idea Freya existed?”
Emma held up her hands and sighed. “I swear. Until she came to my office and told me, the thought had never crossed my mind.”
Carmen nodded, her eyes softening a little more. “I’ve tried to undo some of the things your mum told her, but…” She trailed off, pressing her lips together. “Kids remember the first version they’re told.”
Emma’s chest ached at that. “I want to help her unlearn it. I don’t want her thinking for a second longer that I left because I didn’t want her. Or as she put it…hated her.”
“I think that’s going to take time,” Carmen said carefully. “She’s still young. She’s processing a lot right now.”
“I get that,” Emma said. “I don’t want to rush her. I just…I want to be there for her, in whatever way she’s ready for, when she’s ready for it.”
“Could you tell me about yourself?” Carmen asked as she stirred sugar into her coffee. “It won’t have any sort of reflection on how much or how little Freya sees you, but I don’t know anything about you other than your name and that you’re one of her teachers.”
“Sure. What do you want to know? I have no secrets.”
Carmen pondered for a moment, and then she looked back at Emma with a smile. “I think I’ll let you lead.”
“Okay, um…I’m thirty-five, and I live with my wife, who is also a teacher at Parkhaven.
Vanessa has been teaching at the school for over thirty years now, and just last year we went through a cancer scare together.
” Emma didn’t know why she’d chosen to start there, but maybe something deep down hoped it would show her human and vulnerable side.
“She had a bilateral mastectomy, so I’m sure you can understand that the last year has really taken its toll on us. ”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“My wife is the strongest woman I know. She’s been through so much, but she still wakes up with a smile on her face every morning.”
“I have a good friend who is part of the PTA at the school. They speak very highly of Vanessa.”
That warmed Emma deeply. “She’s great. The kids love her. And weirdly, she made a comment weeks ago before Freya came to me and dropped the bombshell. Asked me if I’d secretly had a child during university because Freya reminded her so much of me.”
Carmen’s brows lifted. “Now that I’ve sat down and actually looked at you fully, the resemblance is striking.”
“It feels really odd that there’s a mini-me that’s been running around living her life without me knowing.
” Emma’s emotions almost betrayed her, but she cleared her throat and continued.
“I know you don’t know me, and I know you’re protecting Freya, but I’m not going to let her down, Carmen.
Now that I know she exists, I want to have a full sibling relationship with her when the time is right. ”
“My biggest worry was that you were going to come into our lives and take her from us. That you’d ask to adopt or whatever. Is that something you’d be looking to do down the line?”
Emma didn’t care that she didn’t know this woman. She reached a hand across the table and settled it over Carmen’s. “Absolutely not. I’d never do that to you or her.”
“I can’t have children. So many people told me to hold out to adopt a newborn, but I knew there were kids out there who’d already had a rough start, and I wanted to show even just one of them that life wasn’t all bad.
That not everybody was the same as the people who’d raised them.
The day we met Freya, I knew she was the one who was coming home with us.
She just…had this silent kindness about her. ”
A tear slid down Emma’s cheek, but she brushed it away quickly.
“I wish there had been someone like you around for me when I was a kid. I’ve spent my entire life with abandonment issues because of our parents.
To know Freya was taken out of that situation much earlier than I was able to leave…
I can only thank you for loving her and caring for her so well. ”
“We do our best. Ben is aiming for a promotion at work, and I rarely get the chance to sit down by the time I get home during the week, but we manage.”
Emma understood. These days, people were living to work.
“Well, if there’s ever anything I can do to ease the load, you just let me know.
I’m happy to drop Freya off after school if it means Ben doesn’t have to do the daily run and deal with work.
Or she can stay over at ours so you two can have a nice meal out and some time to yourselves.
” Emma paused and lifted a hand. “Obviously, when the time feels right for everyone.”
“Thanks, Emma. I hope we all reach that point with one another.”
Emma smiled. “I think we will. It’ll take time and patience from everyone involved, but I’m not going to shy away from any of the hard stuff. If I can see Vanessa through her mastectomy, I can see Freya through all of this.”
“Would you please apologise to Vanessa for me. I shouldn’t have shown up at your home the way I did, and she had every right to ask me to leave. I just…I was scared.”
“No apology needed. We understand.” Emma cleared her throat and sat up straight in her seat. “I was hoping I could run something by you…”
“Of course.” Carmen nodded and sipped her coffee.
“I was wondering if it would be okay to take Freya out for dinner one evening. When she’s ready, and only if you’re comfortable with it.
Just the two of us, somewhere she likes.
No heavy talks or anything overwhelming…
just the chance to be with one another without it being about school or meetings. ”
Carmen considered that for a moment as she slowly lowered her cup to its saucer. “I think she’d like that, but you have to be prepared for her to change her mind on the day. If she feels nervous or overwhelmed, she’ll shut down.”
“I can handle that,” Emma said. “I’m not going to take it personally. I just…want to give her the option.”
“Alright. Let’s see how it goes once you’ve responded to her email. Maybe put it in there to counter the heavy stuff she’s asked you.”
Emma liked that idea. If nothing else, it would show Freya that she did want her in her life. “Yeah, good call.”
“And you have my number if you need to discuss anything else.”
Emma felt a flicker of relief as the ever-present tightness in her chest loosened. “Thank you.”
“I’ll keep you updated with my side of things. Freya has really come into her own since the meeting, and she’s not afraid to be open and honest now that everyone knows you’re sisters.”
“Yeah? That’s a good sign. I’d never want her to bottle things up. She’s spent long enough doing that.”
“Mm. Just a few nights ago, she asked if she could call us Mum and Dad now that she feels as though she has a real family and a sister who loves her.”
Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If she hadn’t, she would have sobbed into her cappuccino. “That’s…I—”
“You don’t have to say anything. I had the very same reaction.” Carmen reached out this time and squeezed Emma’s hand. “I think she’s beginning to find herself now that she knows you really do exist.”
“How did she know it was me teaching her?”
Carmen lifted a shoulder. “The picture and your surname. You still use your maiden name at school. She put two and two together.”
“And I didn’t put two and two together because she was never a Bradley. She’s a Fields, which is my mum’s maiden name.” Emma sighed and sank back in her seat. “I can’t change the past, but I can certainly make sure she has the perfect future.”
“And I look forward to watching it unfold.” Carmen drew her hand away and lifted her bag from the floor. “What do I owe you for the coffee?”
Emma waved a hand between them. “Nothing. Don’t be daft. Even if you weren’t Freya’s parent, I’d have still covered it purely because our nurses need all the fuel they can get.”
Carmen softened entirely. “I think you and I are going to get along just fine.”
“Me, too.”