Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The front door clicked shut just after six, the familiar sound of Emma’s keys landing in the dish on the table following seconds later.
Vanessa set her book face-down on the arm of the couch and listened to the faint rustle of a jacket being shrugged off, and then the quiet shuffle of trainers on the hallway rug.
She rose and crossed the living room, leaning against the doorframe just as Emma lifted her head. She looked beautiful in that unintentional way she always did after work, her hair loose from its ponytail and a scarf slung haphazardly around her neck.
“Hi,” Vanessa said softly.
Emma smiled. “Hi, babe.”
“Well?” Vanessa tilted her head, searching her wife’s expression for clues. “How did it go?”
Emma dropped her bag onto the stairs and joined Vanessa in the living room, taking her hand and guiding her back to the couch. “Better than I expected.”
“Sit. Tell me everything.”
They settled on the couch together, one leg tucked under Emma as Vanessa sat side on. Vanessa knew how important that meeting had been to her wife, and right now, she hoped something positive had been taken from it.
“I was nervous,” Emma admitted as she smoothed her palms over her thighs. “But Carmen was…lovely. Given how previous encounters have gone with one another, it threw me a bit, but she was. She was great.”
“That’s good.” Relief flooded Vanessa. “It’s great, even.”
“We both agreed that we don’t want Freya to feel overwhelmed with anything, but she seems to be on board with the idea of me taking Freya out for dinner.” Emma’s face lit up as she relayed that. “I don’t know when it’ll happen, but the fact that it’s a potential is huge, babe. Don’t you think?”
“I do.”
“She asked me about myself, mentioned you as well, and she admitted that initially she’d been scared that I would take Freya away from her.”
“I hope you put her mind at rest.” Vanessa could understand why Carmen had been fearful, but neither of them had any plans to take anyone from anywhere. It just wasn’t in their nature to do such a thing. “And I hope it created some kind of connection between the two of you.”
“I think it did. It feels that way, anyway.”
Vanessa reached for Emma’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “God, this is huge, Emma.”
“I know.” Emma’s smile wavered, emotion threatening in her eyes. “It feels like a door has finally opened. It feels like I can finally get my hopes up.”
Vanessa nodded. She felt the very same way. “Did Carmen say whether Freya has brightened up at all or if she’s become quieter?”
“She actually said Freya’s been more open and honest since the truth came out. That she’s asked if she can call them Mum and Dad.”
“I think,” Vanessa cupped Emma’s cheek and kissed her. “That you’ve made more of an impact than you realise.”
“It’s starting to feel that way.” Emma lounged back on the couch and took Vanessa with her. Once her head was resting on Vanessa’s shoulder, she sighed. “It’s all going in the right direction. So long as I don’t fuck up, I don’t see why this can’t be amazing for us both.”
“You’re not going to fuck it up.”
“No pushing. No overstepping. Everything I plan to do, I’ll run it by Carmen and Ben first.” Emma took Vanessa’s hand and toyed with her fingertips. “That’s all Carmen wants, I think. To fully understand and be included in anything I put forward.”
“You’ve been careful from the start, Emma. You’ve listened, you’ve taken everything on board, and you’ve done everything by the book. You’re not in this to make yourself feel better. You’re in it for Freya. That’s what matters and that’s what people are starting to realise.”
“She asked if I ever planned to adopt Freya or try to take custody of her.”
Vanessa wasn’t sure she wanted to know what Emma had said in response. It hadn’t been something they’d talked about, but Emma was good at masking and hiding her true feelings when she wanted to. “And what did you say?”
“I told her she had nothing to worry about.”
“Good. That’s good.”
Emma tilted her head up and met Vanessa’s gaze. “Did you think it was something I’d thought about?”
“Until you mentioned it just now, no. Is it something you’ve thought about?”
“If Freya seemed unhappy, then it’s something I’d consider, but she doesn’t.
She wants to call them her parents, babe.
That’s huge for a kid who has been through a shitty childhood.
” Emma lifted Vanessa’s hand and kissed her knuckles.
“Carmen and Ben take great care of her; they love her, and to be honest…she has better things than most of the kids in the school. She’s always turned out great, her uniform is impeccable, and she’s happy where she is. Why would I ever want to change that?”
“God, I’m so proud to call you my wife.”
Emma laughed. “You keep saying that.”
“Because it’ll always be true.”
Emma shifted onto her side and curled against Vanessa.
These were the moments Vanessa clung onto when life felt uncertain around them, but tonight, she didn’t feel a hint of uncertainty.
Carmen had been open to Emma and the meeting, and in turn, the weight continued to lift from Emma with each passing second.
“I think I’m ready to write back to her now.” Emma tightened her grip on Vanessa’s waist and nuzzled into her shoulder. “When I’ve finished cuddling you, anyway.”
“Tonight?”
Emma nodded. “Yeah. Tonight.”
Vanessa squeezed her hand again, silently promising to be right there through all of it. Because whatever came next—whatever twists this new chapter in their life took—she knew they’d face it the same way they always did. Together.
Emma sat at the dining table, laptop open in front of her, rereading Freya’s email for the millionth time since she’d received it.
In fact, she knew it so well now that she could quote half of it without even looking.
Every line still sat heavy in her chest, especially the ones that made her feel like a knife had been dragged through her heart.
Was it because I cried? Did you never want a sister?
Emma pressed her palms to her eyes and exhaled.
She didn’t want to get this wrong. Freya deserved more than a clumsy jumble of words that made no sense, but at the same time, Emma knew waiting too long to respond wasn’t fair either.
Freya had been brave enough to tell her the truth, and now she needed to know Emma’s.
“Baby?” Vanessa’s voice floated in from the living room. Had she sensed Emma’s hesitation? Probably. They were in tune like that. “How’s it going?”
Emma twisted in her chair, half-smiling at her wife leaning against the doorframe, glass of wine in her hand. “I’m trying. It’s just…how do I tell a twelve-year-old that for most of her life she’s been fed lies without it sounding like I’m trying to lay the blame elsewhere?”
Vanessa moved closer, pressed a kiss to the top of Emma’s head, and rested a hand on her shoulder.
“You’re not laying the blame, and you’re not trying to convince her of anything.
You’re simply giving her your truth. Something she’s asked for.
Just let her know that she’s safe with you, no matter what’s been said in the past.”
Emma nodded, a lump forming in her throat as she reached for Vanessa’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Vanessa leaned down and kissed Emma, lingering as she cupped her cheek, and whispered, “You’ve got this.” And then Vanessa left the kitchen, giving Emma the space she needed to figure it all out in her head.
Emma stared at the screen again, rolling her shoulders back. She thought about Freya’s laugh in the corridor that day at school. She thought about how bright her eyes had been when she’d said she wanted Emma to call her ‘Freya’ in a sister voice. That was enough. That was the anchor.
Her fingers hovered above the keys. And then she started typing.
Hi, Freya.
Thanks for writing back to me so quickly. You’re probably a whizz on computers. Maybe you could show me where I’m going wrong in the future when I stare at the screen, not knowing what I’m doing.
You’re right. Cats are absolutely judgy. We keep talking about getting a dog, so maybe that’s something you could help me out with if the time ever comes to add to the household. They’re better for cuddles. I’m sure of it.
Now, I wanted to talk to you about something important that you mentioned.
You said Jane told you I left because I hated you all, and I need you to hear me when I tell you that I’ve never once said anything of the kind.
It’s not even close to the truth. How could I ever hate my little sister?
The truth is that I never knew about you.
You came into the world after I’d left home and moved away.
Because I no longer had a relationship with Jane and Will, they never told me about you.
If I had known, I never would have cut contact with them.
I’d have been there for you. For anything you could have ever needed.
I don’t hate you. Not then, not now, not ever.
Like you, Jane and Will weren’t very kind to me. Not like Carmen and Ben are to you. I was older than you when I left home. I went to university, then I travelled to Ghana in Africa to teach sport to kids who didn’t have very much at all. But I’m here now, and I’ll always be here for you, Freya.
I thought maybe when the time is right for you, and if you’d like to, we could go out for dinner together.
Maybe eat pizza or whatever it is you prefer.
Just so you know, banana ice cream is my favourite, and mint choc chip is a close second.
I prefer mine in a cone, but my best friend always goes for a tub with sprinkles and sauce.
What do you prefer? Do you even like ice cream?
As for never feeling cool or being part of a team, you now have three teams behind you! Your netball team, team Carmen and Ben, and team me! And I’m never going to let you sit on the sidelines.
I know we’re just starting out, and there’s probably a lot you still want to ask me.
That’s okay. You can ask me anything, and I’ll always answer honestly.
I’d love it if we could keep talking and getting to know one another.
I look forward to reading your emails. I want to know EVERYTHING there is to know about you.
I have a whole twelve years to catch up on.
And Freya, I’m really happy that I get to call you my sister. I’ll always be grateful.
Love,
Emma.
As she signed off, Emma leaned back in the chair, her chest heaving as though she’d just run laps around the netball courts. She read the email through twice, then a third time, before finally saving the draft. Her hands were trembling, but she felt lighter than she had in days.
She took a breath and cleared her throat. “Babe?”
“Yes?” Vanessa reappeared, her gaze flicking to the screen briefly. “You did it?”
Emma lifted her glass of water, gulped it down, and sighed. “I did it.”
“Would you like me to look over it? I won’t be offended if you’d rather I didn’t.”
“I…yeah. Just give me a minute to get my bearings. I feel out of sorts now that I know I’ve done the hardest part.”
Vanessa took the seat beside Emma and reached for her hands. “Give yourself a moment to breathe. This is a lot for you both.”
“I know. I’m okay. I just didn’t think we’d ever reach this point.” Emma’s voice wavered. “But I told her what she needed to hear. That she is my sister and that I’ve never hated her.”
Vanessa’s eyes softened, pride and love radiating through every line of her face. She reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Emma’s ear. “Good. Because that’s the truth. And she will feel it.”
Emma swallowed, tears threatening all over again, but this time they weren’t down to the pain she’d felt recently.
They were down to the hope that was building inside of her.
She leaned into Vanessa’s touch as she rested a palm against Emma’s cheek, smiling as the world fell away for the rest of the night. “Thanks for being here for me.”
“Nothing could stop me from being here for you.”