Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emma pulled her knees up on the couch, tucking them beneath the blanket as she swirled her tea absently in her mug.
The fairy lights they’d strung across the living room window glowed faintly against the dark December night, reminding her that she was about to do her third Christmas with her wife.
Vanessa was opposite her, sprawled comfortably with a book in her hand, though Emma knew she hadn’t turned a page in the last ten minutes.
Her wife had that knack. She always knew when Emma was working something up in her head.
“Everything okay?” Vanessa glanced up at Emma. “You’ve been quiet this evening.”
“Yeah, everything is okay.”
Vanessa lifted a brow in Emma’s direction. “You’ve spent the last ten minutes chewing your lip. You haven’t touched most of your tea.” Vanessa set her book down. “So, what is it?
Emma sighed as she tugged the blanket higher over her legs. “I’ve been thinking about Christmas.”
“Oh, God. Don’t. I still can’t believe it’s crept up on us.”
Emma laughed. Vanessa had spent the last week or so panicking that she didn’t have anything ready.
Only she did, and Emma knew it. Her wife had purchased all of Daisy’s Christmas presents before they’d even gone back to work in September.
And Emma…well, she didn’t need gifts to know Vanessa loved her.
“I mean, it’s not like we haven’t been preoccupied with everything else that’s going on.
I think we’re allowed to be a little bit shit at it this year. ”
“Absolutely not. If it kills me, we’ll have a perfect Christmas.” Vanessa sat up straight and cleared her throat. “So, when you say you’ve been thinking about Christmas, what exactly have you been thinking about?”
Emma shifted a little and faced Vanessa fully. “I was wondering if I should invite Carmen, Ben, and Freya over for Christmas dinner?”
Surprise flickered across Vanessa’s face as her lips parted. “I mean, that’s…a big step, baby.”
“I know.” Emma ran a hand through her hair, fighting back the hint of nerves she felt.
“And I know I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but these last few weeks…
they’ve been so good. Freya’s been here for dinner five times now, and she certainly made herself at home on the couch with her hot chocolate, while she laughed at my terrible film choices.
We’ve done the arcades together, as we promised her, and when I saw her at school yesterday, she wouldn’t stop talking about the popcorn at the cinema last weekend.
It’s been…” Emma swallowed. “It’s been way more than I thought I’d ever get. ”
Vanessa reached across the couch and laid her hand over Emma’s. “It’s been wonderful having her here. She’s really coming out of her shell when she’s around us.”
Emma exhaled a shaky breath. “Exactly. And I keep thinking that Christmas is supposed to be about family, right? And now that I have her, I don’t want to spend it without her.
But then I panic because what if I invite them and Carmen shuts me down?
What if she thinks I’m pushing too much?
Christmas is a huge deal, and I’m not stupid enough to think otherwise. ”
Vanessa’s thumb brushed over the back of her hand, steadying Emma. “Maybe she will say no, but if she does, you’ll respect it. Still, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And after everything lately, I don’t think it’s pushing. I think it’s natural to want to spend Christmas with her.”
Emma chewed her lip, ruminating on the idea once again. “Do you really think so?”
“I do.” Vanessa smiled. “Freya loves being here. You’ve seen it yourself. She lights up when she walks through the door. Carmen and Ben have let her come to us again and again. They trust you, they’ve told you as much, and that means something.”
Emma nodded slowly. “She’s become a part of our lives so fast, and I feel like I’m still catching my breath. I don’t want to do anything to risk losing her again.”
Vanessa’s grip tightened. “You won’t. You’re not asking for custody, you’re asking if the people you love and care about can sit around the same table on Christmas Day.
That’s all. And if Carmen and Ben say no, we still have everything we’ve had these last few weeks.
You can’t lose what you’ve already built with her. It’s just not possible.”
Emma blinked back tears. “She called me sis when we were at the arcade. I forgot to tell you.”
Vanessa’s own eyes shone with unshed tears. “Did she really?”
“She dropped her pot of coins everywhere, so I helped her scoop them up, and she just laughed and said, ‘Thanks, sis.’ Like it was the most natural thing in the world.” Emma smiled as a tear slid down her cheek. “It was two little words, but it felt like…everything.”
Vanessa tugged Emma into a strong embrace. “Oh, baby. That’s because it is everything.”
Emma pressed her face into Vanessa’s shoulder, her voice muffled as she said, “I don’t deserve her.”
“Yes, you do, and she deserves you. Which is why I think you should ask. Give them the choice. Freya deserves to know you want her here, not just when it’s convenient, but when it matters the most.”
Relaxing into Vanessa, Emma exhaled a long, slow breath. “Okay, I’ll ask.”
“That’s my girl.” Vanessa kissed Emma’s hair and rested her cheek against the top of her head. “And whatever happens, we’ll make it the best Christmas we’ve ever had. Whether it’s with them or without them, things are moving in the right direction. Never forget that.”
“You’re right. We always have a great Christmas, and that’s never going to change.” Emma looked up at Vanessa, one hand splayed against her wife’s chest. “Because I have you, and that’s the most important thing in the world to me.”
“The day I married you, I made a promise to always be there for you.”
Emma sniffled as she gazed into Vanessa’s heavenly blue eyes. “And I made the very same promise to you.”
“And you were. All through the uncertainty and the surgery, the recovery…I never would have survived those days without you.”
“It was an honour to be with you while you recovered, babe.” Emma leaned up and kissed her wife. “And now, for the first time in a long time, life is looking exciting and full of new memories.”
“And I cannot wait to make them with you and your sister.”
Emma snuggled into Vanessa, her cup of tea cold and discarded on the coffee table. “Now, I want to nap on you while you finally read the page you’ve had open for the best part of an hour…and then I’ll make the call.”
“Sounds to me like the perfect night in.”
Emma stared at her phone on the dining table, blowing out a breath as she prepared herself for the call that could change everything all over again.
She didn’t feel nervous, not really, but the mere thought of rejection did put a hint of doubt in her mind.
But then she looked up and across the kitchen to where Vanessa was loading the dishwasher, humming quietly under her breath, and that doubt slowly slid away again.
Carmen would agree…or she wouldn’t.
“Make the call, baby,” Vanessa said without turning around. “And before you think about it…don’t start pacing.”
Emma groaned at the fact that Vanessa practically had eyes in the back of her head. “I’m not going to pace. I’m just psyching myself up, that’s all.”
“Well, psych a bit quicker. You’re making me feel nervous just listening to you breathe.” Vanessa turned around as she dried her hands on a tea towel, regarding Emma with a look that said, ‘you’re making this harder than it needs to be.’ “You’ll be fine. Just call her.”
Emma took a deep breath and picked up the phone. “I feel like a teenager about to ask someone out.”
“You are asking someone to dinner, technically,” Vanessa teased. “Just not in the romantic way.”
Emma glared from across the room. “Don’t make me laugh. I need to be serious.”
“You are serious. That’s why you’re considering pacing holes in the floor.”
Emma looked down, noticing her bare feet and how they threatened to move a little more.
She’d been shifting from side to side for the last ten minutes, and it hadn’t achieved anything at all.
She stopped, puffed out a breath, and tapped Carmen’s name before she could think twice.
The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. Emma considered hanging up, until—
“Hello?”
Emma’s eyes widened. “H-hi, Carmen.”
“Lovely to hear from you, Emma. How are you?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Looking forward to the Christmas break and some time off so I can eat my way through each and every day.”
“Ah. That sounds like bliss.”
Emma smiled. “Yeah. Do you have Christmas off from the hospital?”
“I’m working Christmas Eve, but thankfully, I’ll be home by eight. Christmas Day and Boxing Day are mine this year, too. I’ve worked the last three, so someone kindly swapped shifts with me so I could be with Ben and Freya for a couple of days, uninterrupted.”
“Oh, that’ll be nice.” Emma cleared her throat. “I had something to ask you.”
“Go on.”
Emma swallowed as she caught Vanessa’s eyes across the kitchen. Her wife gave her a small nod of encouragement. “Vanessa and I wondered if you, Ben, and Freya would like to come here for Christmas dinner. W-with us.”
No shit, Sherlock. Who else would it be with?
The silence that followed stretched long enough to make Emma’s pulse hammer in her ears. She gripped her phone tighter as her mouth went dry. “I understand if it’s too soon, or if you already have plans…”
“Emma,” Carmen cut in, likely sensing she was about to spiral.
“You don’t need to explain. I’m just…surprised, that’s all.
We’ve never been invited to something like this before.
Ben is an only child, and his parents are both in a care home, and I…
well, let’s just say I grew up in a similar position to you and Freya, only I was passed around from place to place for my entire teenage life. ”