Chapter 17 Family #2
Yet despite this determination to return to Jace as quickly as possible he still had to force himself to go over to the mat and sit cross-legged upon him facing the altar.
His hands stirred restlessly upon his knees but he made no move for the knife.
The selchilite clacked in his hair. It was the last time that he would hear it.
No exiled Thaf’ell wore the beads for they had no family, no friends, no home.
His left hand rose up almost of its own accord to the lower selchilite.
His fingers ran over their smooth surface.
Each one had a story that spoke to the Voor family history.
Their triumphs. No defeats, of course. Bravery and loss.
Victory and cost. They were to add a bead for Daesah’s death.
Now he would never get to bear that bead.
He reached for the ritual dagger known as the Tyrhung. The blade was wickedly sharp. A brush of it against skin would cause a cut. His right hand hovered over the dagger’s elaborate hilt.
I should hurry, he told himself, but his hand did not move.
The Pilot is at the door to your quarters, the Osiris stated.
“He must need me. I have delayed too long.”
Khoth carelessly lowered his hand to the Tyrhung and sliced his pointer finger on the blade. He let out a hiss and immediately sucked on the blood that oozed out of the cut.
The Pilot wishes to enter and to speak with you, the Osiris informed him.
“I will be done in a moment! Please--”
“Khoth? Oh, whoa, this place looks different, I… did you hurt yourself?!” Jace immediately was at his side.
He took Khoth’s wounded hand and drew it down so he could look at it.
“It’s not too deep. I think a Band-Aid will do the trick unless we have super secret healing potions I can--No, no, Osiris. We're still doing injections.”
“Injections?” Khoth asked even as he was far more interested and keenly aware of the warmth of Jace’s hand holding his.
“Yeah, the Osiris is going to give you a shot that I think has nanites in it or something that will give you some of the powers I have,” Jace said, frowning down at the cut.
“That is… it can do that?” Khoth asked, staring down at Jace’s paler pink hand against his blue skin.
“Yeah, and a lot of things, but I want to make sure it's kosher before it sticks anything into you,” Jace said.
“Kosher? Is that not a term--”
“It means more than one thing.” Jace grinned, but that grin faded. “I won’t let the Osiris hurt you… or anyone. I mean… except the Khul and any other enemies, but I mean I would never let you be hurt.”
“I know,” Khoth said softly. He did know. Jace had all this power and yet he would use it to keep Khoth safe, even though Khoth should have been doing that for Jace. But instead his mother was one of Jace’s enemies. Their enemies.
Jace stared down at their linked hands. The blood had already ceased. It was already turning into a thin scab. Jace gently moved his thumb over Khoth’s palm. The touch was tender and arousing. Khoth held himself very still.
“Your blood is blue. Your skin is blue.” Jace was smiling again. “You’re an alien being. A warrior who flies spaceships and wields a sword and a laser rifle with ease.”
“You do the same. But your skin is pink and your blood is red,” Khoth stated.
Jace let out a laugh that sounded almost like a sneeze. “I wasn’t… I wasn’t just stating facts. I was just listing out some of the things that makes you incredibly cool.”
“Not in temperature.”
“No.” Another grin. “You’re so amazing and I feel like all I’ve done is brought you trouble.”
Khoth frowned. “I do not see how you are responsible for anything other than the positive aspects of my position.”
“You’re losing your family,” Jace said quietly.
His forehead scrunched and the pressure of his grip on Khoth’s hand increased for a moment, the thumb stuttering over his palm in its formerly smooth movement.
“Again, that is not your responsibility. You have not caused this,” Khoth assured him.
“I set your mom up,” Jace said with a faint grimace.
“You allowed her to show her true colors? I believe that is the phrase,” Khoth stated.
“But it’s destroying your family. Your honor or whatever. What you value,” Jace said. “No matter what, you need your parents.”
Khoth took both of Jace’s hands. “Even if this is all true, Jace, you are not responsible for what has happened between my parents and myself. I chose to do what I did because it was the logical thing to do. Not because...”
“Not because?” Jace prodded.
“Not because of our… our intimate desires.” Khoth blued.
“Oh, well… so your intimate desire for me is not worth exile? I guess I should be relieved about that.” Jace smiled again.
Khoth blued more deeply and cleared his throat. “That is unclear. But it played no role in this case. I hope that relieves any guilt you feel but that you are not disappointed in what value I place in you.”
Jace nodded, his eyes still down as if he couldn’t quite meet Khoth’s eyes, but he could see the flash of a smile. “Thank you for that. But there’s no need for assurance..”
“You need me to accompany you to meet my… to meet High Councillor Voor. I have delayed too long,” Khoth stated and this time he went to grab the dagger without hesitation and without cutting himself. He kept one hand on Jace’s.
“No!” Jace cried. “You didn’t take too long. I realized that I shouldn’t have let you go do this alone.”
Khoth lifted his eyebrows. “I am uncertain--”
“I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you privacy, but then I realized that I was wrong!” Jace’s jaw clenched and a look of deep unhappiness flowed over his face.
Khoth put two fingers under Jace’s chin. He made Jace meet his eyes. “What is distressing you so?”
“The beads--the selchilite--represent your family, right? Your place in Thaf’ell society?” Jace brushed fingers over some of them and they clicked.
“Yes, that is why I must remove them,” Khoth explained.
“It’s to make you feel rootless? Alone? Right?” Jace pushed.
Khoth’s head lowered this time. “Yes.”
“But you’re not!” Jace cried.
Khoth’s eyes lifted to Jace’s. “I do not--”
“You’re not alone. That’s why I was wrong to let you go by yourself to do this,” Jace told him. “Khoth, I know we just met, but from the first moment I saw you… I felt something. A connection. I knew I could trust you.”
“You took a great leap of faith?” Khoth cocked an eyebrow to see if he’d gotten the idiom right.
“Perfect.” Another brilliant smile and ducked head.
“But it didn’t feel like one. I just knew.
And you didn’t let me down. So I’m not going to let you down now.
” Jace’s hands tightened on his. “I don’t have anything yet to replace those selchilite, but I will.
But I’m going to be here now with you while you do this so you know this isn’t an ending. It is a new beginning.”
Khoth felt a warmth in his Xi. He found he could not speak for long moments. He blinked rapidly and looked away from Jace. Finally, he was able to say, “I am grateful for this, Jace.”
“You don’t have to be, Khoth. You and me? We’re like family now. This stuff is just expected,” Jace said lightly.
Khoth’s heart beat harder. Jace did not know what he was saying.
In Thaf’ell that was the equivalent of a marriage proposal.
But Jace was human. Their culture was not the same.
And they had just met one another! Why was he reacting so strongly to the even suggestion that Jace could mean more? It was very illogical.
“So how can I help? Or is it just a sit here quietly thing?” Jace asked. He had settled into a cross-legged position beside Khoth and he flapped his legs up and down.
“Can you sit quietly?” Khoth allowed his voice to show doubt even as a smile wanted to lift his lips. It was the first real smile he’d given that day.
“I don’t know.” Jace shrugged and gave his folded legs another flap.
“Then I will be the one who wields the Tyrhung. As you can see it is sharp and needs a steady hand,” Khoth said and this time he lifted the dagger easily.
“It’s a shame to cut off any of your hair,” Jace said sorrowfully. “It’s so beautiful. Eye catching.”
Jace stretched a hand and touched some of the strands that were threaded through the selchilite.
“It is the only way and it is traditional. I will cut off the strands and hand them to you,” Khoth said, his voice surprisingly steady as if this wasn’t almost as traumatic as cutting off one’s history. “Then you shall put them in the scooped out part of the altar.”
Jace nodded, showing his understanding. His eyes followed the Tyrhung as Khoth brought it up to the first section of hair.
“Remember, Khoth, you’re not alone. I’m with you,” Jace said.
Khoth’s Xi shimmered within him at those words and he cut the first strands.
He laid them in Jace’s hands. The beads settled in Jace’s palms. Jace closed his hands around them.
Khoth indicated he should put the strands on the altar.
Reverently, Jace placed the silky strands and beads in the inset.
Immediately, they began to sizzle and smoke.
Jace let out a cry and moved to yank the hair and beads out.
“No, Jace. That’s meant to happen,” Khoth told him.
Jace nodded again, but his eyes were filled with horror as the beads and hair dissolved. “This isn’t right. You’re trying to save your family. You've had the right things all along.”
“It is a price I am willing to pay,” Khoth told him and moved his head. Already he could feel the lack of weight from just taking one length of the selchilite.
“It’s not right,” Jace repeated, but he placed his hands on his lap to take the next.
Khoth did not hesitate any longer. Jace was in pain as well as him.
And he would not exacerbate Jace’s discomfort.
He sliced off all of the lengths of hair and selchilite.
Jace placed each on the altar and they sizzled and smoked.
Finally, the last one was ready to be placed on the altar.
Khoth’s head felt light. But not like something was missing.
“Ready?” Jace asked.
And to his surprise, Khoth said, “Yes, I am.”
Jace placed the last strand on the altar. “I’ll find something to make up for this.”
Khoth tentatively cupped Jace’s cheek. Jace turned and looked at him. Wide eyes. Lips parted. Pink flush coating his cheeks. Pain for him. Desire for him. Caring for him.
Family, Khoth thought.
But he said, “That is not your--”
“If you say it is not my responsibility I am going to… to… I don’t know, Khoth!” Jace’s mouth twitched into a smile. “You’re crew. You’re--”
“Family. Yes, I know. You made this so much easier than it could have been,” Khoth assured him, his thumb running along Jace’s cheek. “I thought I would be devastated. That my Xi and Xa would be split in two. But… It is like a weight has lifted.”
“I’m glad. I’m so glad.”
Khoth caressed his cheek again. Jace turned his head into Khoth’s hand, hot breath gushing over Khoth’s skin, nuzzling him. And Khoth could not help himself. He didn’t want to deny himself of this pleasure, of this comfort, of this warmth, of Jace for any longer. He kissed Jace for a second time.
Willing lips melted beneath his. Jace molded against him.
His arms wound around the young man’s lithe body and he brought Jace up onto his lap.
Jace’s arms were around his neck. He ground down on Khoth’s lap.
Arousal flared inside of Khoth. He hadn’t lost his family and his past for this, but he realized in a moment that he would have done it.
“Oh, God, shut up, Osiris,” Jace murmured against Khoth’s lips as he dove in for a deeper kiss.
“What is--what is Osiris saying?” Khoth asked as they broke for air even as his hands went to push Jace’s coat off of his shoulders.
Jace stayed his hands and grimaced. “We need to stop, because,” another grimace, “your mom is here.”