Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
T aking my uncle’s advice, I lay down in the four-poster bed and tried to get some sleep. But it was impossible. I continued to toss and turn, the residual adrenaline still coursing through my veins.
And honestly, the fight with Sebastian hadn’t helped; I felt like I could go for a five-mile run. Or kick someone’s arse.
Or both.
Giving up on sleep, I began to pace. The silence after all the commotion kicked my brain into overdrive. And for some reason, all I could think about was the absence of my father.
It was my first Goddess festival without him and it had been chaos. Yet, even with the adrenaline-inducing antics of the night, it felt so hollow without him. Everything would have gone differently today if he’d been there.
Screw this.
Opening the window, I stuck my head out, letting the cold air blast my face. A moment of weakness consumed me, tears welling in my eyes as I let the loss of him manifest.
“Escaping again, are we?”
I jerked up at the sound.
Pain radiated through me as my head hit the top of the window frame. I lost my balance as I tried to spin around.
As fast as lightning, Maalikai reached forward, stopping my body from hitting the ground with infuriating ease. Piercing blue eyes scorched mine with a scolding intensity. Surprise flickered through me, tingling like a lightning strike.
Maalikai shouldn’t be here. Not holding me to his insanely firm chest. My hands tightening around his shoulders, my body flush against him. Feeling every inch of him through my thin nightshirt.
Ten seconds in his arms, and it was like my pain was insubstantial—like it never existed.
How was that even possible?
And yet, the absence of the pain was almost more excruciating. It felt like a betrayal to feel okay when my father no longer remained on this earth.
Overcome with emotion, a sob escaped me, and I covered my face with my hands, trying to shield my weakness from Maalikai’s gaze.
He squeezed me against him. “Are you okay?”
A meager nod was all I could manage, tears blurring my vision before I roughly wiped them away, trying to hide my lapse of composure.
“I’m sorry.” The weight of Maalikai’s words sunk into my soul, coating it so thickly that it felt suffocated.
I struggled to get the words out, afraid of his response. “Why are you sorry?”
A moment passed between us, his eyes searching mine like he could somehow grasp the weight of my torment.
“About your father’s death.”
Four little words and I was undone. They made everything so final.
So real.
My father was never coming back; I would never see him again.
One moment, I was barely holding it together, the next, it felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. The air left me with a loud whoosh, replaced by a sadness that clouded everything.
Without a word, Maalikai wrapped his arms around me, guiding my head to his chest. Taken by surprise, I didn’t object, I surrendered myself to him as I fought the urge to cry.
“Grief is not weakness.” Lips as soft as freshly budded rose petals brushed the top of my head as he spoke.
Tiny translucent teardrops caressed my cheeks. Losing myself in the pain, I let one sob after another escape. They weren’t beautiful–they were harsh and grainy in my chest, wringing the grief out of me.
After what felt like an eternity, I pulled the broken pieces of myself into a shaky mess.
All too suddenly, I became aware that Maalikai softly stroked his fingers through my hair. Berating myself for my momentary lapse of sanity, I pushed myself from his chest, wiping my tears with the back of my hand.
I forced a pathetic smile. “I’m sorry.”
Gliding a thumb tenderly over my cheek, Maalikai wiped away the last remaining tears. “Don’t be sorry. Not for this.”
A fissure broke within my chest. A rare moment of transparency escaped my normally impenetrable heart.
“Thank you.”
Maalikai’s brows furrowed, “For what?”
I took a shaky breath; the weight of my words being set free. “For making me feel like I’m not weak.”
All my life, I’d felt unworthy, never meeting the expectations of my peers. The one thing I knew without question was that I was a force to be reckoned with, and I wanted to prove it to the world.
And prove it to myself.
I’d trained my whole life to become a badass, honing my skills through countless hours of training.
Weakness was not an option.
Vulnerability was not an option.
But here I was, not familiar with this level of vulnerability. Anything but complete composure was a weakness.
“I refuse to be weak.”
“You’re anything but weak.”
There it was again. The racing of my heart, sent into overdrive by mere words.
When I studied the perfect curve of Maalikai’s face, the last thing I’d been expecting was desolation shadowing his features. My heart tightened at the sight; swallowing deeply, I prepared myself for an answer I wasn’t sure I was ready for.
“Are you okay?”
A stuttered breath filled his lungs before he let it out in a loud whoosh. “I guess seeing your grief made me remember my own.”
Oh my gosh. I was the source of his pain, or at least the catalyst.
“You lost someone you love?”
“Both my parents. They died when I was a baby, causalities of Crixus’ war.” Voice void of any emotion, it was like Maalikai had come to terms with his loss a lifetime ago.
I think that was harder to witness than if he’d broken down in tears. My limbs went numb, heavy with the realization of the pain I’d unintentionally caused.
What could I say to make this better?
Nothing.
There was absolutely nothing I could say to make this right.
That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to try. “I’m- I’m so sorry.”
Maalikai merely shrugged, like it didn’t affect him. “I don’t remember a single thing about them, I think that’s what hurts most.” Lips that were impossibly full parted, his teeth biting his bottom lip like it could somehow stop the pain.
I’m not sure when I began to move but one second there was a universe between us and the next, I was in his arms.
A moment passed as I stood there, his arms still limp at his side, like his grief had somehow stolen his ability to move.
My chest broke apart, weeping with the tangible pain radiating from him that somehow felt like it connected us. I rose to the tips of my toes, wrapping my arms around the back of his neck, willing his pain to ease, like I could somehow make the pain go away if I concentrated hard enough.
Out of nowhere, the tension visibly eased as he wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair, his warm breath caressing my neck as he breathed me in.
This wasn’t the same impassive person I’d seen only moments before.
His pain was raw.
Obliterating.
His voice was rough when he spoke again, “My uncle once told me I have the same eyes as my mother, it is the only thing I know about her.”
Heart cracking open, I couldn’t even imagine how he must feel. I may have lost my dad but at least I had a chance to know him, a chance to love him. Maalikai had missed out on that entirely.
“Maalikai…”
A tight-lipped smile broke through the sorrow that had settled into his striking features. “Sometimes, I find myself imagining what she looked like.” A wounded chuckle escaped him. “How stupid does that sound?”
Putting just enough space between us, I studied his face, I couldn’t move past the painful look haunting his eyes. “That’s not stupid, that’s human. I try to remember my dad’s face everyday. I never want to forget it.”
Taking a deep breath, Maalikai reached both hands to the nape of his neck, taking hold of something that had been hidden beneath his shirt before carefully removing it. Before I could ask him what it was, he had taken my hand, the cool weight of an object pressed between our palms.
As gently as I dared, I opened my hand, studying the object that glistened back at me.
Ocean-born hues danced in the light–blues and greens twisting together in otherworldly patterns, creating shades I’d never even imagined. The sliver of mystery stone was uneven, raw, its imperfect shape only deepening its wild, unpolished beauty.
“It was my mother’s. The only family heirloom left behind. The only piece of her left.” Maalikai’s voice broke, terrorizing my already shattered heart.
“It’s breathtaking.”
“I made it into a necklace so I can wear her close to my heart.”
Whatever was left of my shattered heart disintegrated. I couldn’t fathom how much hurt he was feeling.
Mouth parting, Maalikai looked at me like I was the answer, like I could somehow make it all better. The air grew thicker between us, every breath a painful, ragged plea. For a second, I thought he was going to kiss me, but it wasn’t him who moved.
As if possessed, I closed the distance between us, my lips grazing his cheek, claiming it as my own. Without thinking, I trailed a series of kisses along his cheekbone, trying to mimic gentleness I’d only ever witnessed, never experienced.
His body went rigid, almost as if he was afraid to move.
Afraid to breathe.
Then, without warning, I brushed my lips against his. It wasn’t what I’d call a kiss, it was too chaste, too vulnerable. It was a joining of our souls, stripping down his pain and leaving him open and bare. And he let me.
He didn’t need to deepen the kiss, he didn’t need to kiss me hungrily, he just let me heal him with the delicate touch.
“Emylia…” he said my name against my lips like it was a prayer.
I didn’t have the words to answer him, but I didn’t need them, it was like he already knew what I was going to say, what I was thinking.
Resting my forehead against his, we stood in complete blissful silence, cherishing the intimacy for as long as either of us dared.
All too soon, a hand brushed my cheek, guiding my head back until his eyes captured mine. Delicately he traced his thumb across my cheekbone. “Emylia, you’re absolutely perfect.”
My heart squeezed with the weight of his words.
Perfect .
A word I had never used to describe myself.
One second gave way to the next until a small eternity passed. Maalikai was the first to cave, giving me a smile that broke me apart.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Not for this.” The familiar words rolled easily from me, like they had brandished my soul and now they were being returned to their master to ease his own pain. Borrowed and now returned. “If you want to talk about your parents, I would love to listen.”
A deep breath whooshed from him, the weight of his grief appearing lessened. “I’d actually like that.”
I led him over to my bed, the mattress slightly sinking as I took a seat. Warmth caressed my skin as his leg brushed against mine when he sat next to me.
Then silence descended.
A feeling washed over me and instantly I knew he needed me to start him off. “Where are you originally from?”
Maalikai sat for a moment in silence like he wasn’t quite sure of the right answer. A rush of air escaped him, I wasn’t sure if he was going to answer, not when his eyes betrayed his hesitation. However, it only lasted a moment.
“My uncle is the only parent I’ve ever known.”
“He never told you where your parents were from?”
Maalikai looked off into the distance out the window, seeing a past that only he could see, the still-dark dusk a keeper of the secrets in this room.
Finally, on his own accord, he continued, “Uncle Tristan was a hard man, a wanderer who relied on the land for his survival. He hunted for a living, trading his kills for provisions only when he was in desperate need. He much preferred solitude.”
Maalikai was broody as fuck, but not with the coldness he used when describing his uncle.
“Uncle Tristan taught me how to fight, how to hunt, and how to track animals. He taught me how to be invisible. But I wanted more. I needed more.” A stuttered breath left him. “I wanted to feel like my existence meant something. Like my life mattered. A reason that I was spared. So, I left. I sought refuge with the Western Warriors, training to be one of them.”
Maalikai never took his eyes off his hands as he talked, his voice laced with a pain so raw I wasn’t sure I could ever comprehend how he must’ve felt.
I knew Maalikai was a badass but to seek out the Western Warriors to teach him how to fight was suicide.
"Why the Western warriors?" The words slipped past my restraint, curiosity spilling out before I could stop it.
"They were the only force strong enough to forge me into who—or what—I needed to become."
"And who was that?"
His gaze drifted across the room—unfocused, distant, like he was still fighting a war I couldn’t see.
"A killer."
"Just because you’ve killed doesn’t make you a monster."
"That’s because you don’t know what I’ve done. What I’ve had to do." A stuttered breath left him, ragged with the weight of everything he’d buried but couldn’t outrun. "Who I still am at my core."
"Is that what they made you believe? That you’re beyond redemption?"
His jaw clenched.
Still no answer.
No denial.
So I leaned in—closer than I should have. Close enough to feel the tension rippling off him like heat from a blade fresh out of the forge.
My voice dropped, barely more than a breath. "Because if that’s what they made you believe—if they crushed every good thing beneath blood and bone and obedience—then they didn’t make a warrior." I swallowed hard. "They made a weapon. One built to destroy."
I let the silence hang for a beat.
"But even weapons forged in chaos can choose who they carve into next." I didn’t blink. Didn’t back down. "You’re not beyond saving, Maalikai. Not unless you keep choosing to be."
His storm-cloud eyes flicked toward mine, and for a heartbeat, I saw it—the fracture.
Not rage.
Not pride.
Grief.
"Maalikai..." My voice cracked under the weight of his name, and he flinched like it cut him open.
His eyes were wide, hollow, filled with a pain I could never understand. And then he whispered it—so quiet I almost missed it.
"You don’t get to save me."
And something inside me shattered. Because I wasn't sure if he meant I couldn't… or that I shouldn’t.
He looked away like the sight of me was too much to bear—like kindness hurt more than cruelty ever could.
"They didn't just train me to kill,"he said finally, voice raw, hollow. "They taught me how to forget what it meant to feel. To hesitate. To question. They took a boy and stripped everything that made him human—until all that was left was something... efficient."
His fingers twitched at his sides, like he wanted to clench them into fists but didn’t have the strength.
"They didn’t want soldiers. They wanted silence. Shadows. Ghosts that left no trace but blood." He exhaled, but it sounded more like surrender than relief.
His eyes didn’t meet mine, but I saw the storm beneath them. Not rage—remorse.
"And the worst part?"
He met my eyes again, and this time there was no shield—only ruin.
"I was good at it. I didn't break. I thrived. I became exactly what they wanted. What I let them make me."
I didn’t speak. Didn’t reach for him. I just stayed exactly where I was— still, steady, undeniable. Because I knew if I moved too fast, even breathed too loud, he’d vanish—retreat behind the armor he’d spent years sealing shut.
Another breath tore from him—shaky, uneven—like the weight of what he’d revealed was already being dragged back into the cage he’d built for it.
Locked tight.
Hidden deep.
And Gods, he was good at it.
Too good.
As if survival depended on making sure no one ever saw the pieces slipping through the cracks.
“It was only this year I decided to return to my uncle. It took many months before I managed to track him down.” He visibly swallowed what I could only assume was a ball of dread. “But I was too late.”
My stomach hollowed. “Too late for what?” I braced myself, fearing I already knew the answer to my question.
“He passed away before I found him.”
Bile stung my esophagus as acid threatened to choke me. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t. It was just something people said because admitting how much losing someone they loved destroyed them.
The feeling was too raw.
Too obliterating.
No one would ever move on if they were completely honest about their pain.
“Honestly, I’m not sure how he died. Possibly a disease of the heart. Wolves had almost completely devoured him; there wasn’t much left of him when I found him. Just enough to identify him, I guess.”
Well, that was incredibly terrifying and super gross.
“I can’t help but wonder if I’d never left, would I have been able to save him, you know? If I found him one day earlier, just one day, I could’ve saved him.”
“Oh, Maalikai.”
Without thinking, I reached for him, taking his hand in my own, and squeezing it softly. Out of nowhere, his eyes lifted, holding mine, and just like that the Earth stood still.
“Would you believe me if I told you that you are the first person I’ve ever admitted any of this to. My parents, my uncle, the Western Warriors… Gods, you must think I’m crazy.”
“No, I think you’re perfect.”
Surprised by my candor, I stared at him like I’d been struck across the face by one of the Gods. His smile hitched, disembodying any nervousness as if this was somehow completely normal, like we were somehow destined for one another.
“So, I guess to answer your initial question, home for me is nowhere. I’ve spent more time in the Western Wastelands than I have in the rest of Agertheria.”
I couldn’t help but pity him, not only had he been stripped of his entire family, but he had no place that he could call his own.
No place where he felt like he truly belonged.
“You know that feeling you get when you go home, that sense of belonging and rightness in the world. The only place I get anything close to that is in the forest. I know that must sound stupid, but it’s all I’ve ever really known.”
A voice jarred us out of our conversation, causing me to jump. “Don’t you two look cozy?”
Sebastian’s sudden presence sent a jolt through my spine, my breath hitching. “What are you doing here?”
“I heard voices, I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Worry etched his dark features.
My heart softened. Sebastian had just been trying to protect me. Like always, I was the one making his life more difficult, not the other way around.
As much as I wanted to blame it on the weirdness that had settled between us, it was just the way we had always been. We were fiery and sometimes we couldn’t help but erupt with a force that could quite literally burn the world to the ground.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I conceded.
“Do you mind?” Sebastian gestured to the room, asking if he was allowed to come in.
I nodded.
He took one step inside and then another until he was standing in the middle of my room, arms crossed against his chest. His eyes sparked as they flicked to Maalikai, darkening further as he took in the space between us, or rather, the lack of it.
“You right there bud?”
Maalikai was instantly on his feet.
Oh Gods.
Their eyes met and for a second the air stilled. It was although everything ceased to exist. Charged energy danced between them, an odd current raising the hairs on my arms.
Onyx met liquid molten and for a second the air stilled, air literally evaporating around us. It was as though everything ceased to exist except the three of us.
Sebastian broke the silence first, his eyes flaring with malice but his voice remained deceptively calm.
“It’s okay buddy, I’ve got it from here.” The undercurrent was quite literally dangerous.
Maalikai’s jaw visibly tensed, his eyes narrowing on Sebastian like he was his prey.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Sebastian’s tone altered, edged with a quiet challenge. “It wasn’t a suggestion.”
Maalikai let out a low, humourless laugh. He took a step closer, gaze hard, voice dangerously low.
“Make me.”
Within a heartbeat, Sebastian had taken a deliberate step forward, closing the gap between them until no air remained.
Maalikai didn’t budge, matching the intensity, refusing to back down. Tension snapped, a visible rift broke between them.
Sebastian moved, lightning fast, his hand clamping on Maalikai’s shoulder, as if he intended to physically guide him out of the room.
Big mistake.
Like a born leader, Maalkai moved with the edge of a predator, knocking Sebastian’s hand away. Sebastian reacted instantly, his temper flaring into an inferno, his eyes matching the fire raging in his heart.
He swung, aiming directly at Maalikai’s jaw. My heart leapt, Maalikai effortlessly caught Sebastian’s fist mid-air, his fingers tightening like iron.
A deep growl rumbled from Sebastian, guttural and raw, almost animalistic. His body tensed, muscles rippling unnaturally beneath his skin. His eyes began to glow faintly, that molten amber brightening with something primal.
A snarl silenced everything as Sebastian wrenched his fist free, baring his teeth before launching himself forward. Maalikai met him halfway.
He was fire, Maalikai was ice as they collided.
Muscles rippled on impact, the room filled with a dangerous, violent energy, their movements brutal and filled will malice. The room shook with their movements, rattling furniture. Neither one willing to yield.
Maalikai moved with precise, lethal control, while Sebastian was all rage and instinct. A chair splintered as Maalikai ducked and countered, driving his shoulder into Sebastian’s ribs and slamming him into the wall.
Sebastian roared, the sound inhuman. He shoved Maalikai off, the snarl on his lips feral.
“Stop.” The word exploded from me, raw and urgent, but the word hung in the air, falling on deaf ears.
Their aggression escalated further, their movements sharp and laced with venom. These weren’t sparring movements, these were kill shots. Each blow could end the other if they landed.
Maalikai’s elbow slammed into Sebastians throat, cutting off his oxygen, but it only stoked the fire. With a burst of inhuman strength, Sebastian roared, shoving Maalikai off with so much force he was hurled across the room.
Maalikai hit the floor hard, a thud that reverberated through the room, and my body, his muscled form sprawled across the floor. The look in Maalikai’s eyes was instant.
Murderous.
In the next breath, he launched forward with lethal precision, as though he embodied Noctharis himself. He moved like lightning, a blur of muscle and intent. He tackled Sebastian with a predator’s grace, pinning him with brutal efficiency.
They crashed into the wall. Wood splintered. A mirror clattered to the ground, shattering on impact. Sebastian twisted, grabbing Maalikai's shoulders and driving his knee into his ribs.
Not once, but twice.
Maalikai barely flinched. His fist was already snapping upward toward Sebastian’s jaw. A sickening crunch echoed through the room as it connected. Sebastion's lip split clean open.
Blood was instant.
Dark.
Hot.
And furious.
“Enough!” I shouted, but neither of them listened.
This was no longer a fight over pride, this was a war of instincts. Of claim. Of something unspoken, something dangerous, that now threatened to tear them both apart.
Sebastian’s hands began to tremble, fingers curling into fists. The gold in his eyes flickered, shifting toward something feral. I knew that look. He was close to the edge.
And Maalikai?
He had no idea what was about to hit him. But he wasn't backing down. He welcomed the challenge with a cold stillness that was somehow more terrifying than Sebastian’s fury.
“I said enough!” I screamed, diving for a blade.
Still nothing.
Desperation surged through me, I took a step forward, positioning myself between them. If either one of them attacked, they would have to go through me.
“Enough! Both of you.”
They froze, tension radiating off them in palpable waves. Sebastian’s chest rose and fell rapidly, his breath uneven, eyes stormy with anger and something deeper—hurt. Maalikai’s pulse hammered visibly in his throat. But his breathing was controlled, measured.
I let out a shaky breath. “Both of you stop before someone gets killed.”
Slowly, reluctantly, Maalikai relaxed—though the quiet fury still simmered beneath his composed exterior. Sebastian stepped back, jaw clenched tightly.
A heavy silence blanketed the room, suffocating in its weight. I stepped back cautiously, putting distance between the three of us, heart still racing. They didn’t look at each other, but neither left. An uneasy truce settling, fragile and strained.
“Both of you should leave.” I left no room for argument in my tone.
Sebastian’s eyes locked on mine, a shadow of hurt seeping into his gaze, but also stubborn and defiant. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“What the fuck, Bastian?”
At this point I was questioning his sanity. The two of them had just come to lethal blows, surely he could understand that if they stayed, one of them wasn’t walking out.
Amber eyes glowed like embers beneath a storm, threatening and beautiful all at once. “I need to make sure you don’t try to escape again.”
“I’m not going to escape.”
The look he gave me cut me to the bone. “I know. Because I’m going to make sure of it.”
To be fair his instinct wasn’t exactly wrong. If I wanted to, not even Thrainn’s orders would stop me from escaping.
I sighed, frustration visibly sinking into my very being. “So what? You’re just going to bunk in my room and call it a slumber party?”
Sebastian’s lips twitched slightly, but his expression remained resolute. “If that’s what it takes to keep you safe, then yes.”
“If he’s not leaving, than neither am I.” Maalikai’s voice was a moody growl, dark eyes sparking with defiance as he folded his arms over his chest.
“Like fuck you’re staying.” Sebastian’s rage was instant, the red tinge fully encompassing his eyes now.
Without hesitation I stepped forward, so there was only a slither of space between Sebastian and I. Gently, I ran my hand along his cheek.
“Look at me.” A heartbeat passed and then his eyes were on mine. His gaze was forged in flame, scarlet lit with fury and longing. “You’ve got me. I will always be yours.”
In that second he looked like he’d won. His muscles fully relaxed. “So I can stay?”
I nodded my defeat.
His eyes shot to the beast of a man behind me. “And him?”
A ragged breath left me. “He can stay too.”
Our eyes locked as he looked at me. Really looked. And something in him cracked, just a little.
Whatever fire had been burning in them shifted. Gentled. Tempered by something else entirely. The storm in his eyes didn’t disappear completely, but it dulled.
He exhaled slowly, giving in without a fight.
“Fine, he can stay.” He took a stuttered breath, like he was resigning himself to something he knew would hurt. “Maalikai, give me a hand.” He shot me a look. “You stay here.”
It wasn’t like I was going to go anywhere, but I nodded as I watched them both leave my room. Three minutes later, they returned with a mattress and bedding.
They tossed the bedding on the floor, building a bed fort, like they were anything but enemies. Like Sebastian and I used to do when we were younger and if I was honest, still did whenever we visited each other.
“What are you doing?” I asked incredulously.
Sebastian’s eyes met mine. “This way, we don’t all need to share a bed.
“So, you’re both planning on bunking with me?” My eyes met Maalikai’s and stilled at the heat in his eyes.
Gods help me.
Sebastian eyed Maalikai but there was no malice in his gaze. “I guess he can stay.”
“And you’re both sleeping in the same bed?”
Sebastian’s smile tipped up into a nefarious smirk. “If that’s what I need to do to keep you safe, then trust me, I would. But no, not tonight. Tonight you are mine .”
Okay then.
Maalikai’s eyes darkened, the jealousy simmering just beneath the surface with a rage so perverse, I was afraid he’d burn the world to the ground while we slept. His jaw ticked with tension, biting back the words I knew he fought to contain.
But he did it—for me.
Sebastian sat down next to me, leaning his back against the headboard.
Intuitively, my body mimicked his; my head finding his shoulder and burying into the warmth. “You don’t have to stay with me.”
A soft, grumbled laugh rolled through him. “Don’t even start.”
“But…”
“There is no place I would rather be than here, with you.”
“Even with him?” I gave Maalikai a sidelong glance, fighting back a smile as I watched him curl up on the bed that looked far too small to contain someone of his size.
“I would endure anything for you. Even him. ”
Sebastian continued to ramble, the muted mess of his voice rumbling through me as I fought the urge to fall asleep. All I needed was for my heart to calm down, an effect he’d always had on me.
Eyes growing insanely heavy, I let each word wash through me, a comforting touch lulling me further into abyss until I couldn’t fight sleep any longer.