Chapter Eleven – Beck
Chapter Eleven
BECK
By the time I got back to the gate of Avery’s family ranch, I could hardly breathe. I put the SUV in Park and got out, bending to put my hands on my knees, I dragged in a few deep breaths.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I mumbled as I straightened and dropped my head back. That was when I noticed the sky full of stars.
“Holy shit.”
It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Of course, I’d seen stars out on our ranch, but we were still close enough to the Dallas/Fort Worth area that the light pollution drowned out a lot of the night sky. This sky was spectacular…but a bit ruined for me.
I closed my eyes and cursed as the last hour came flooding back, reminding me of the reason why I’d stopped the vehicle in the first place.
I’d kissed Avery. Tasted her. Felt her body against mine.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”
Bending again, I drew in a few more deep breaths when the feeling of my chest being squeezed became more severe.
I’d told myself I wasn’t going to touch her. I couldn’t touch her. She might not be blood-related to the Shaws, but she was part of their family, and that right there meant I needed to keep my hands off. Not to mention the age difference. Oh, and her father. I had the distinct feeling that he’d tear my dick off if he knew what I’d done to her in that bathroom.
“Christ, Beck. In the bathroom of a hotel ? Real classy.”
Standing again, I exhaled and got back into the SUV. I clenched my fists as I thought about her so casually talking about sleeping with a guy so much older than her for her first time. How could she be so na?ve?
I closed my eyes and laughed at myself. How could I be such a hypocrite? I’d lost my virginity when I was sixteen to a girl who was twenty-one, at a freaking college frat party.
Rubbing my chest, I stilled when I realized what was really bothering me.
I was jealous —jealous of some French dude I didn’t know who’d been with Avery before I’d even met her. I wondered how many times they’d slept together. Was it just the one time? More than once? She’d said he was her best friend’s brother…
I shook my head. “Forget about it, and forget about the kiss. Nothing can happen between you and Avery.”
After putting the SUV into Drive, I approached the gate and it opened automatically. By the time I got to Stella and Ty’s, I’d managed to put the kiss out of my mind—for now, at least.
The front door opened as I shut the back of the SUV. Stella stood there with a huge grin on her face.
“Welcome home, Beck!”
My heart skipped a little as I walked up the steps and stopped in front of her. She reached up, and I had to bend down slightly for her to kiss me on the cheek.
“Come on in and let’s get you settled in. Ty made some chocolate chip cookies. If you like hot chocolate, we can have some by the fire in the family room. Of course, if you’re tired, sweetheart, you just tell me, and we’ll leave you be.”
“Is it too late for y’all?” I asked.
She waved me off. “I’d stay up all night if you wanted to.”
I laughed. “Then I think hot chocolate and cookies sound amazing.”
Clapping, she wrapped her arm around mine, and we headed upstairs. She showed me to my room, which happened to be next to my father’s room.
“The door to Beck’s room is always unlocked. You go in there anytime you want, sweetheart, and look through whatever you’d like. Maybe you’ll learn a bit more about him.”
“Thank you, Stella.”
Her eyes looked like they were pooling with tears, but she quickly turned away. “Get settled. This room has a connecting bathroom, so it’ll be all yours. Come down when you’re ready.”
She left the room with a gentle smile and quietly shut the door behind her, and I made a decision right then and there. I would never do anything to hurt that woman. Ever.
After putting my clothes away in the dresser and hanging up the rest, I took everything out of my bathroom bag. When I pulled the cologne out, I stared at the bottle for a moment before putting it down on the counter. Taking a step back, I reached for the light and turned it off, then made my way downstairs, where Stella and Ty were just walking into the family room with trays. One had mugs of steaming hot chocolate, and the other held small plates and a platter full of cookies.
“Perfect timing,” Ty said as he set his tray down. I rushed over and took the tray of mugs from Stella.
“Sweetheart, will you put a couple more logs on that fire?” she asked me.
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied, quickly setting off to do her bidding. When I was finished, I sat on the sofa. Stella handed me a mug.
“What do you want to know about Beck?” she asked.
I drew in a breath and exhaled. “Wow. I don’t know. Everything?” I said with a laugh. “What was he like as a kid? What made him want to go into the military? Things like that, I guess.”
Stella took a drink and set her mug down. “He was an amazing baby, I can tell you that. His two older brothers were a pain in my ass growing up. From the time they were born, screaming their heads off. Both had colic, and both demanded so much of our attention. Do you remember when Ty took off his diaper and drew on the wall with his poop?” Stella asked Ty.
“ What ?” I asked, then gagged as the picture entered my mind.
Ty shuddered. “That was the most disgusting thing ever. When your father was born, and we realized we had another boy, I thought for sure Stella was going to demand they put him back!”
Stella chuckled. “It’s true. I wanted a little girl so badly. But it turns out I got plenty of little girls when the boys started marrying.”
“We sure did.”
Stella shook her head and continued, “When your daddy was born, he was the perfect angel. He never cried and was always smiling. We used to kid each other and say the two older ones would behave when they got older, and Beck would become a hellion.”
“Is that what happened?” I asked, reaching for a cookie.
They both laughed, and Stella said, “No. All four of them were hellions. And then add on the fact that the two oldest rode bulls. And your father was his own kind of daredevil, forever trying new things. He rode a motorcycle—I’m not sure if you knew that. We still have it. He used to go with their grandfather to a lake up in the mountains, and all the boys would fish. Your father hated it. Said fishing was boring. When he was little, his tackle box was full of toy cars. The other boys would fish, and he would play with his cars.”
I couldn’t help but smile.
Ty talked next. “Their grandfather would tell them tales about when he was in the military. Beck would listen to him, and then come home and tell us he was going to be a soldier like his granddad. I thought it was cute…until the day he came home and told us he’d joined the Marines. He never could tell us much about what he did or where he was going.”
“Some months,” Stella said, setting her cookie down, “we wouldn’t hear from him at all. He might call for five minutes or so, but it was just long enough to say hello, tell us he was okay, and that was it.”
“You two must have been so proud of him.”
They both nodded.
Ty cleared his throat. “We were. So very proud. I don’t think he knew about you, son. If he had, he would have told us. I know that for a fact.”
Stella nodded. “I agree. He did hint about a girl he was seeing, but as we said earlier, he didn’t share much. Sounds like he shared about the same with his brothers.”
“Except for Tanner,” I added.
We all laughed that time.
“Did he date much in high school and such?” I asked.
Stella looked up in thought. “You know, he might have dated one or two girls for a few months or so, but nothing serious. He once asked me how he’d know when he’d found the one.” She used quotations around the one .
“What did you tell him?” I asked, instantly thinking of Avery—and then pushing her out of my head.
Smiling, she said, “You just know. You’ll think about them all the time, day and night.”
“You’ll want to see them happy, and more than that, you want to make them happy,” Ty said, taking Stella’s hand in his. “You would die for them and not think twice about it.”
“Have you ever been in love, Beck?” Stella asked. “Actually, I should ask, are you in love? Are you seeing someone?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not seeing anyone right now. I thought I was in love once. It didn’t take me long to figure out she was only with me because of my family’s money. That was a rough lesson. After that, I found it hard to trust women. Or at least, since then, I always question why they like me.”
Ty nodded. “I can imagine with a high-profile family like yours, it has to be hard to trust anyone .”
I shrugged. “I have a small group of friends whom I know will always have my back. But they’re all moving on with life. Getting married…a couple have even started having kids.”
“Would you like kids?” Stella asked with a sweet smile of hope.
“I would,” I replied with a slight laugh. “I think I would like at least two. I didn’t mind growing up an only child, but since losing my mother, I feel very alone.”
She reached over the table, and I gave her my hand.
“You’re not alone anymore, sweetheart. You have all of us now, if you want us to be in your life.”
Feeling my emotions starting to bubble up, I nodded. It was the best I could do.
“We better all get to bed. It’s late. I’m sure Brock will be knocking on the door early tomorrow morning even though he said he wouldn’t be by until afternoon,” Ty said.
Stella stood. “He always was an early riser.”
“You two head to bed; let me clean this up,” I said. “I mean, if you don’t mind me messing around in your kitchen.”
Stella handed me her mug. “Darlin’, if you’re offering to do dishes, I don’t care what you do to the kitchen.”
Ty gave me a pat on the side of the arm. “It’s hard to believe we just met you today. Feels like you’ve always been here.”
Smiling, I replied, “I guess a part of me has.”
Stella pulled me in for a hug and said, “Don’t stay up too late. And you make yourself at home.”
“Thank you,” I answered.
She drew back and kissed me softly on the cheek. “Good night, Beck.”
“Good night, Stella…Ty. Sleep well.”
“You too, son,” Ty said, as he took Stella’s hand, and they started out of the room.
I gathered up the mugs and plates from the cookies and quickly washed them. I wiped down the counters and made sure everything looked okay for Stella in the morning. I left the dishes in the drainer, since I had no idea where any of them went.
Heading upstairs, I stopped and stared at the door that led to my father’s room before walking into the bedroom Stella gave me for the duration of my visit. Grabbing some sweats and a long-sleeve T-shirt, I headed to the bathroom and took a shower. I was going to get into bed and sleep—I was exhausted—but the room next door was calling me, so I grabbed my phone and headed over.
Once inside, I let my eyes move slowly around the room, this time really taking in everything.
Out of nowhere, a strange feeling moved over my body, and the hairs on the back of my neck stood. I quickly turned toward the door—still closed. No one was there. But it felt like someone was there. In fact, the presence was so intense, I almost called out to see if I was alone.
With a shake of my head, I exhaled and returned my attention to the room. The fact that Stella and Ty hadn’t touched the space in nearly three decades was crazy insane. I looked at the bed and wondered how many times Stella had come in and sat there. Or had even lain down, missing her son. I’d done that countless times after my mother died. I’d lain in her bed and just stared at the ceiling, wishing she was still there with me.
Slowly, I walked over and sat down on the bed. For years as a child, I would talk to my father. It never mattered to me that I hadn’t met him; a part of me had always felt like he was with me. And maybe he was. Minutes before she passed away, my mother said he was there with her . The memory came back to me as I closed my eyes and thought of her…
“He’s waiting for me.” She turned her head and looked directly at me. “Your father is here, and he’s waiting for me.”
The hospice nurse had told me how important it was that I let my mother know it was okay for her to let go. I dragged in a deep breath and steeled myself to do just that.
“Do you see him, Mom?”
A tear slipped free, and she nodded. I held her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. “Then go to him. I’m okay here. I’m going to be okay, because I know you’ll both be with me. Right here.”
I placed her hand on my chest, and she smiled.
“I love you, Mom. Thank you for being such an amazing woman. I love you, and I’ll miss you, but you can go to him now. I promise I’ll be okay.”
She looked at me one more time. Then she was gone.
The nurse put her hand on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze. Another nurse searched for her pulse. She simply looked up and softly said, “She’s gone home.”
Opening my eyes, I saw my reflection in a mirror across the room. I stared at it for the longest time before I finally stood.
I couldn’t help but think of Avery and the hurt on her face earlier tonight when I’d pushed her away. I knew I’d done the right thing. We came from two totally different worlds, and I’d be leaving to go back to Texas soon. It would be stupid to start anything, even though I wanted desperately to know what it would feel like to be with her.
I scrubbed both of my hands down my face and let out a frustrated sigh. Right thing or not, seeing her while I was here in Hamilton would be difficult.
Dropping my arms to my sides, I saw a picture of my father with his three brothers. They were all on horses, each smiling at the person who was taking the photo. They were young—all under twenty, for sure. Picking up the picture, I ran my thumb over his face.
“I sure wish you were here to tell me how in the hell to navigate this, Dad.”