Chapter 8
Noah
The first thing I saw when I walked into the empty arena was Alice behind my drums, and I froze.
I’d blamed her.
Hated her.
I owed her an amends. Had owed her one for months.
Resolved, I crossed the stage and stood at her side. When her arms paused, I opened my mouth to start. “I—”
“I know, I know,” Alice cut me off. “The stool isn’t the right height. And the crash cymbal needs to move in some. I’m not done setting up. Church doesn’t start for ten more minutes. So…” She made a shooing motion with her hands.
Fuck. I balled my hands up at the dismissive and annoyed tone in her voice. More than anything, I wanted to remind her of who was in charge here, but I was just paying for my past sins.
“Do you have a minute to talk?”
Alice huffed like it was an annoying request. “As long as you talk while I work. I won’t be the reason church starts late.”
I watched her work for a minute. She adjusted the cymbal, ran her sticks over the drums again with a skilled ease. And not for the first time, I wondered what had happened in Alice’s past to make her want to work on the road for a rock band. She’d mentioned foster care in the past. Did she have anyone in her corner?
Or was she a lost misfit like me?
“Hey, No. There you are!” Xander grinned as he crossed the stage to his guitar. “We were just going to call you. Thought maybe you were running late. How’ve you been?”
“Good, good. I, uh…” I turned back to Alice and realized I’d spent the past five minutes staring at her and not talking.
And now she was gone.
“Shit.” I’d lost my chance for a private amends.
And given the way she stood at the edge of the stage with Grady at her side, that chance wasn’t coming around again anytime soon.
“Everything okay?” Xander asked with a concerned frown. His guitar was already strapped to his body. But instead of running through some chords to warm up, he was looking at me like I might whip out a needle right here on stage.
Would that suspicion ever go away?
I shook my head. “Just trying to remember where I left my sparkling personality. You haven’t seen it around, have you?”
Xander tossed me a what-the-hell look then shook his head. “I heard you took Liam out before our first show a week ago. Kinda sad I wasn’t invited actually. I thought we were the three amigos.”
I hitched a shoulder as I settled behind my kit. “We were, but since you’re not a member of Druggies Anonymous, you weren’t invited. Sorry. Maybe next time.”
“What the fuck?” Xander reared back like I’d insulted him.
“What? Oh. I didn’t mean it like that. I wanted to talk to him about sobriety shit. I’m not wishing you were an addict. Come on, Zee. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
“I guess Alice is safe then,” he muttered under his breath.
Fuck. It was hard not to feel some type of way about his snarky comeback. I wasn’t that hard on her…was I?
“That reminds me.” Xander snapped his fingers then pointed at me. “Alice’s band has a show next week, and we’re all going to show our support.”
“She’s got a band?” I swung my head to look at her corner of the stage, but Alice was gone.
“Yeah, she didn’t tell you about it? Her, Lark, and that blonde girl from merch—what’s her name? They’ve been playing together for a while. Lark said they booked their first gig next Thursday at Maison Publique on East Charleston.”
Since we only did three shows a week, we had a lot of downtime. So it wasn’t surprising to hear that Alice had a side hustle. It was just weird I was hearing about it from Xander and apparently months later.
Or maybe it wasn’t.
Alice and I weren’t exactly tight. What’s the opposite of tight? We were loose, I guess? Fuck me. That was funny. I opened my mouth to recount it to Xander, but then he went on.
“We’re going to lowkey slip in. You know we’re not about stealing thunder. So no entourage.”
“When the fuck have you ever known me to have an entourage?”
Xander raised his palms, his bass swinging on the strap around his shoulder. “Dude, don’t shoot the messenger. It’s not like you’ve been hanging out with us lately.”
“And whose fault is that?” I tossed back without even thinking.
“What the fuck? You’re the one who pulled away. You’re the one who disappears all the fucking time. You didn’t invite us to your fucking one-year sobriety birthday. We invite you places. That’s literally what I’m doing right now.”
“You think it’s easy being around you guys? With your wives and your ability to stop drinking and avoiding drugs? I’m ashamed, okay? I don’t like the douchebag I turned into a year ago, and I’m so fucking freaked out that he’s just one joint away.”
“I knew you still had a thing for Harper.” Xander laughed softly.
I couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief at his ridiculous comment.
I’d literally poured my heart out to one of my best friends, and he came back with that. Like the whole reason I’d been avoiding them was because I was still fawning over his wife.
Fuck me.
“But seriously, man. I had no idea you were struggling.” Xan shook his head. “You know I’m here for you—whatever you need. I just miss you. I wish you’d return a phone call. We don’t have to hang out in clubs. We spent all this money to put down roots in Vegas. Come hang out with us at our houses. We can have a sober night. I thought we kinda proved that with the new backstage rule and mocktail toasts.”
“And I appreciate all that, I do. It’s just hard to be around you guys sometimes. You all have your shit together, and I’m still struggling like an immature asshole.”
“That’s blatantly false, and you know it. If it looks like I have my shit together, it’s only because Harper has organized it for me.”
I chuckled involuntarily.
“We all struggle sometimes, Noah. I’m sorry you are, but we’re here for you if you just open your eyes and let us in. I thought support was important for your sobriety.”
“It is.”
“So let us be there for you. Call us. Stop by the house. Text me. Send me a fucking smoke signal. Whatever. I just want my friend back.”
My breath left in a whoosh. “Okay.”
“And that goes for all of us,” Chase said from the side of the stage.
I jolted at his voice and turned to find him, Jesse, Harper, and Ella standing at the edge of the stage. A few techs and stagehands stood in the wings, clearly giving us space.
Fuck me, this was embarrassing.
I wanted to throw a fit or bury my head in the sand, demand they fuck off, and start church, but that wasn’t what sobriety was about. I had to face my demons head on.
As mortifying as this was.
“I hear you guys. I’m done hiding. I’ll be at whatever band dinner or hangout you have scheduled. And I’ll go to Alice’s concert next week. We good?”
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Alice’s head whip around when I mentioned her name, so I knew everyone here could hear everything said. I should’ve been embarrassed, but I was too busy staring at her. I couldn’t exactly see her pretty light blue eyes from here, but I just knew they were narrowed at me.
I grinned at her.
Christ, there was nothing more fun than riling her up. I could all but see the steam rising out of her ears.
“Welcome back, bro.”
I jolted as Jesse slapped my back, bringing me back to the present and ending my little stare off with Alice. “I never went anywhere.”
“And maybe you could bring back a little of old Noah?” Chase asked with raised eyebrows. “I miss that annoyingly cheerful asshole.”
I rolled my eyes. “Kinda been too busy staying sober to be cheerful lately, but I’ll work on that too.”
“I just miss my friend.” Chase shrugged, shoving his hands into his front pockets. “That’s all I’m saying.”
I jerked my head in a tight nod. “You’re not the first person to tell me that. I guess I have more to work on than I thought.”
“All right.” Jesse clapped his hands. “Who’s ready for church?”
Some of the tension leached out of my shoulders as I settled behind my drums. I picked up my sticks and warmed up. In seconds, all the awkward weirdness was gone. I was in the one place that always felt right. Home onstage with my brothers.
Maybe everything would be okay after all.