Chapter 9
Still Noah
The next few days flew by. And with every day I felt a little bit worse for how I’d been treating Alice. She never brought it up. If anything, she went along like she’d always had, quietly doing her job.
It was just the way she did her job—all capable and anticipating my needs before I even thought them, let alone said anything. At setup, before I could even mention my crash cymbal’s position, her hands were reaching for the stand. During a concert, she was right there with a spare set of sticks, handing them off seamlessly. She never complained about moving kit. Never said a word about the hours or how heavy the equipment she had to move was.
I’d been an ass.
But she still wasn’t all that warm or receptive to any conversations I tried to start with her. Every single time I tried, someone popped up like an annoying and ill-timed jack-in-the-box. Grady. Xander. Harper. They were all amends-blocking me. And like a wuss, I hadn’t found a way to approach her in front of them.
Or maybe I needed to nut up and just do it already.
At church today, I’d barely shown up and she was already retreating to the edge of the stage, my drums all in place, laughing and talking with Grady.
“Everything okay?” Xander suddenly appeared at my side.
I blinked and shook my head. Shit, I was being all obvious and mooning over a girl.
Me .
“Yeah, man. I’m good. How’s married life?”
Xander grinned. “It’s great. And I gotta tell you, living in one place long enough to finally put down roots is so satisfying.”
“I don’t want to know about you putting your root in Harper.”
Xander barked with laughter, then shoved my shoulder with a muffled, “Fuck you.”
I grinned back at him. There was a time when I thought maybe I’d be the one with Harper, but it hadn’t been in the cards, and I wasn’t broken up about it. Harper had always treated me more like a naughty puppy than a love interest. And I might’ve kinda sorta been the one to throw them together. Although I had a reason as it took their attention off of me and my drug use since they were distracted by each other. But still, I was happy for them.
Xander shook his head as we walked across the stage for church. “We should have you over for dinner or something. Show you the roots I’m talking about.”
“Is that an invitation to swing? Because I don’t have a partner currently—haven’t had one in over a year to be honest—but I’m Dee Tee Eff if you guys are.” I ducked and laughed as a guitar pick came sailing at my head.
“Stop fucking talking about fucking my wife, god dammit!”
“Wait, so it was okay before she was your wife?” I cocked my head.
Xander took a threatening step toward me, anger evident in every line of his face.
Clearly, I’d taken the joke one step too far. I lifted my palms, leaving my drumsticks on my tom. “Joke. It’s a joke. Sorry.”
The anger eased from Xander’s face. “I didn’t think you did that anymore.”
“What?” Jesse asked as he took his bass from Grady. “Did Noah give up something else when I wasn’t looking?”
“Women, last I heard.” Xander smirked.
“What?” Chase whipped around like that was the most shocking answer ever given.
I ignored all of them and picked up my sticks to test out the setup, tapping over the drums. Alice had done it again—perfect. Zero notes.
But I should’ve known better than trying to ignore them.
All the guys crowded around my drums, peppering me with questions.
“How long has it been?” Chase asked.
Jesse followed the group over. “Why the fuck would you give up sex?”
“No wonder you’ve been such a sourpuss.” Xander stood next to Jesse and shook his head. “You need to get laid, man.”
“Maybe that should be our mission tonight—get Noah laid.” Jesse laughed.
Chase smirked. “Shouldn’t be too hard. He doesn’t have any competition now since we’re all wifed up.”
“Did you break it?” Jesse leaned closer. “Is that’s what’s going on? I saw a thing on a UFC fighter who—”
“I saw that!” Xander cut him off as he stabbed a finger at Jesse. “Dude, how do you not wear a cup? So fucking stupid.”
“Right?” Jesse laughed then turned to me and lowered his voice. “Is that what happened to you, No? I heard it happens in cowgirl and doggie most often.”
“Lazy son of a bitch.” Chase shook his head. “Get on top and do some of the work for chrissake.”
“ I DIDN’T brEAK MY FUCKING PENIS! ” I roared. Standing up, holding my sticks, I gestured wildly. “Can we get this fucking soundcheck over with already? Fuck’s sake.”
“Geez.” Chase backed away, holding up his palms like he was fucking innocent. “We’re just worried about you.”
“That isn’t normal, No.” Jesse leaned closer and whispered, “Have you gone to your doctor? They have pills for that, ya know?”
“Back. Up.” I shoved my sticks toward him. “Unless you want Ella digging these out of your ass.”
“Sheesh.” Jesse shook his head as he walked away. “Someone’s sensitive all the sudden.”
Xander winced. “Sorry, bro. That kinda spiraled out of control. I didn’t mean to out you like that.”
“Ever think that maybe I don’t appreciate having all my dirty laundry publicly aired?” My eyes burned with anger. “My overdose was all over the media for weeks. I had to deal with going through rehab in front of the fucking world. My every move was watched and commented on for months. I’m doing every fucking thing I can think of to not fall back there again. Give me some fucking grace. Or haven’t I earned it back over the last year by staying sober?”
All the prior levity was long gone as the arena vibrated with my angry words.
All the guys and techs stared back at me in shock.
After a long beat, Xander nodded. “You’re right. We were over the line. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry,” Chase said.
Jesse tipped his head. “Sorry, Noah.”
“Whatever.” I cleared my throat, embarrassed by the whole thing. “Can we get through church already?”
“Yeah. Sure thing, No.” Xander gave me a sad little smile that I’d seen too many times before then headed back to his corner of the stage.
But it didn’t matter. Everything felt off again.
I’d ruined another moment with the band.
Fuck.
* * *
The weird mood continued as we hung out in the greenroom a few hours later. In a couple of minutes, Harper would open the door and let in all the backstage pass holders, and I was already dreading it.
The back of my neck tingled like it had when we got back on the road for the last tour. Like everyone was watching me. Waiting for me to melt down.
Although an argument could be made that I’d already melted down today.
Groaning, I leaned forward on the couch and scrubbed my hands over my face. What I wouldn’t give for a hit or drink to make all these feelings go away. Christ, sometimes living was just so hard.
My fingers twitched. Maybe I should call my sponsor, Mal. I couldn’t remember where in the world he was. I just knew he wasn’t here. His band was already back on the road.
“Everything okay?” Harper sat down on the couch next to me.
I grunted in reply. Kinda felt like nothing was ever going to be okay again.
“Hey, your health and sobriety are more important than anything else. So if you need to cancel the concert or take a minute to call your sponsor, just let me know. I am here for you.”
I cocked my head to the side and smiled at her. “It’s shit like that that makes it hard not to fall in love with you.”
“Noah.” She shoved my shoulder. “Be fucking serious for once. Wait. Wait. Wow. I can’t remember the last time you joked around with me. Huh.”
I hitched a shoulder. Maybe the guys were onto something. First the Fun Bobby comparison from Liam, and now Harper of all people was telling me I’d turned into a sad sack.
Fuck. Maybe I did need to get laid.
The thought alone was enough to make my stomach clench.
Or maybe I should get a motorcycle or something instead.
“But really. You need anything, anything, just let me know.”
I nodded. “I’m guessing blow and hookers aren’t on that list?”
“We’re in Vegas. You can find your own blow and hookers.” Harper snorted and shoved my shoulder.
It was nice to have someone get the joke and not immediately worry about my sobriety.
“Have you thought about adopting a dog?”
I stopped at Harper’s question. “Huh. And here I was, just thinking about getting a motorcycle.”
“It might help to have someone or something in your life to take care of, and pets are pretty good at that whole unconditional love thing. Plus, you’re less likely to die adopting a pet than you are if you buy a motorcycle.”
“Or you could do both,” Xander said as he plopped onto the couch on Harper’s other side. “I’d be down to get a bike with you. Do some group rides. We could head up to Red Rock. That’d be killer.”
“Like hell are you getting a motorcycle,” Harper muttered threateningly. “Do you know how many people die every year because of those stupid things?”
I smirked at Xander. No one was forbidding me from getting one. Maybe there was something to this whole single life thing. But to show Xan I’d forgiven him, mostly, I leaned forward to get Harper’s attention. “Any thoughts on where the best place to get a mutt is?”
Harper turned to me and raised her eyebrows. “Alice volunteers at an animal shelter. You should ask her.”
Xander mouthed thank you to me from behind Harper’s back, and I had to suppress my urge to laugh. He was so whipped.
Then what Harper said sank in. Alice.
The same Alice I still had to make amends with. That wasn’t awkward at all.
Maybe I’d get the motorcycle first.
* * *
“So we’ve discovered a little problem within the Tin God ranks,” Chase told the crowd during the middle of our show that night.
When he turned to face me, my blood froze.
Oh shit.
I shook my head furiously.
Chase nodded slowly.
Don’t you dare , I mouthed at him.
He grinned that huge Cheshire grin back at me.
Son of a bitch.
“It’s been brought to our attention that our Noah…” He paused as the crowd roared at my name.
It took everything inside me, but I lifted a stick in acknowledgement of the cheers.
And then Chase went on.
“Our Noah is the only member of the bad who is… single .”
The crowd roared again, but this time some boos mixed in—no doubt protesting the rest of the guys’ marital status.
Meanwhile, I all but slumped to the floor in relief. I really thought he was going to out me there for a minute.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Jesse said in protest. “When you know, you know.”
“I happen to think it’s more a sign of his lack of maturity than anything else.” Xander laughed.
I stood up behind my drum set and made a few rude gestures at the guys. Sitting back down, I muttered into my mic, “You’re all assholes.”
“Wha-ho! Wait a second there.” Chase waved his arm. “You haven’t even heard my pitch.”
I huffed and forgot where we were for a second. “If it’s anything like what went down during soundcheck, I don’t wanna hear it.”
The sound of the crowd murmuring drew me out of the moment and my whole body flushed with heat. Shit.
Chase gave me a look and shook his head.
Jesse, for some reason, thought the crowd deserved some backstory and explained, “Today during soundcheck there was some concern that maybe Noah’s dick was broken, so—”
“But he’s totally fine, ladies,” Chase cut in, throwing a look Jesse’s way.
I buried my face in my hands and groaned.
“I dunno,” Xander drawled. “Maybe we should have him strip down and prove it.”
My head whipped up and I glared at him. I might’ve done some crazy shit in my day, but I would not be doing that .
“Ha. Got you! Pretty sure we can’t do nudity. Right, baby?” Xander laughed and looked to the wings, where Harper was no doubt having a heart attack. Then he turned back and addressed the audience. “We promise you, ladies, everything is working with Noah.”
“Of course we’re just going by his word. We don’t have any firsthand knowledge.” Jesse laughed.
“Can I finish?” Chase huffed. “We kinda have a show to do here, guys.”
Jesse gestured grandly that Chase had the floor.
Meanwhile, I searched for the closest exit, wondering if anyone would notice if I pulled the fire alarm. Probably too many witnesses. Check that, definitely too many cellphone cameras pointed my way.
“Right. So Noah is the only single member of the group, and we’ve been assured he has a working penis.” Chase paused to laugh.
I flipped him off again. I wished that the ground would open up and swallow me—drums and all. Hell was probably nice this time of year. Not much different from summer in Vegas I’d bet.
That Cheshire grin was back on Chase’s face. “So here’s the deal. We want any women who are interested in having a date with Noah to email us via our website. Give us a little bio on who you are and why you think you’d be a good match with our drummer. Noah needs some love, guys, and we’re going to make sure he gets it.”
The crowd roared.
“I’ll marry him here and now!”
“Fuck me , Noah!”
“Is a dicking down promised to the lucky woman?”
I sent a wide-eyed look at my former friend. “What the hell? Don’t you guys think you should’ve talked to me before you offered my services like some gigolo?”
Xander raised his palms. “Don’t look at me. This was Chase’s brainchild. I had no part in it.”
“What? It’s a good idea.” Chase sent me an imploring look then turned to the crowd. “Don’t you all think it’s a good idea?”
The audience roared their approval.
I groaned. I knew a done deal when I’d heard one. “Fine. But I get final say on the winner. You’re not turning my love life into some twisted reality show.”
“Ooooh!” Jesse snapped his fingers. “What do you think of—”
“No!” I hollered, pointing a stick at his smug face. “No cameras. And I pick who I take out on a date. Non negotiables.”
“Fine.” Jesse shrugged.
“You heard him, ladies,” Chase crowed. “Noah agrees. So head over to our website tonight and look for a link on how to apply to win a date with our own Noah Hawker!”
Xander’s shoulders shook with his laughter. He rubbed a hand over his face and tipped his mic away to mutter at me, “You’re such a dipshit.”
I groaned.
Chase grinned. “Seems like a perfect time to play ‘ Corruption .’ Who wants to be corrupted tonight?”
Shooting a glare at my former friend, I picked up my sticks and counted out the beat.