Chapter 14
Still Noah
We walked into a regular looking lobby, but the sound coming from behind the desk was pure cacophony of chaos. Barking echoed off of cement mixed with occasional howls and yips. It wasn’t a welcoming sound. Honestly, it sounded more like torment and sadness.
A knot tightened in my stomach as a sense of unease crawled over my skin. I didn’t want to do this. How could anyone go back there and not leave with a dog?
But Alice didn’t pause to even see if I was following.
She headed for the door to the left of the empty reception desk.
And like a moron, I followed.
Chain link pens lined both sides of the hallway a good hundred feet or so and wrapped around the corner.
Christ, this was so fucking sad.
Brown, soulful eyes met mine behind every pen. Pitbulls. Dachshunds. Mutts. Puppies. Oh god, there were puppies. Six wiggly bodies jumped around their exhausted mama as they wrestled and played. Mama’s tail barely wagged as she met my eyes with a tired, emotional blink.
“We’ll start at one end,” Alice shouted over all the noise, dragging my attention away from the pen. She took a leash off the wall and headed for the first large kennel. “We’ll take them one at a time to the outdoor area and let them run. You can play with them or clean up. Whatever you feel like.”
I turned my wide eyes from her entering the pen to the long line of still yipping, barking dogs. Outside sounded like heaven. Even if I had to pick up shit barehanded, I’d rather be there than here .
And wasn’t that so fucking sad?
“I’ll go with you,” I told Alice through the chain-link fence. But her attention was focused on a huge pony-sized dog who looked just as freaked out as I felt. His ears were pinned back, his eyes wide and darting side to side, and his whole body shook with shivers.
Alice easily slipped the lead over his neck then nudged him to the gate.
With freedom so close, the dog didn’t have to be led at all. He trotted through the gate, passed me, and headed down the hall.
I followed them and tried not to make eye contact with any of the dogs we passed. They were all so sad; their mournful howls and barks followed us out of the building. Even the door clicking shut behind us didn’t fully muffle the sound.
“How do you do that on a regular basis?” I asked with wide eyes. “I feel like I just visited a war-torn country or something.”
“That’s exactly why I come.” She let the dog off the leash and the huge animal bounded around the fake grass. “I don’t have the space or autonomy to have my own pet, so I volunteer here to get my fix. And they need the help since it’s not an easy job.”
“No.” I turned back to the door we’d came through and where the barks and yips still echoed. “It’s really not.”
“What made you think you might want a pet?” Alice asked, her eyes still on the dog bounding around the yard.
“Well, uh, it wasn’t actually my idea.” I rubbed the back of my neck with a grimace. “Harper suggested it. I might’ve been complaining about being lonely since they all paired up and got married and are starting families. And then there’s me…the sad sack all alone.”
“Is that really how you see yourself?”
Yes.
“Nah, I was just taking artistic license.” I lifted a shoulder.
The dog came bounding back with a squeaky toy in its mouth. Squeak, squeak, squeak . He spat the toy out at my feet then sat back with an excited spark in his eyes. I bent down, picked it up, and tossed it to the other end of the area. He leapt after it.
“What’s this one’s name?”
“Ah, this is DJ. He was surrendered due to housing issues. Lots of people think Great Danes are cute and mellow as puppies but overlook how big they get as adults. He’s only a year and a half.”
DJ brought the toy back, squeaking the whole way, his black body wiggling just as much as his tail.
“He’s pretty.” I reached down and patted his head then scratched behind his ears. Unlike last time, he didn’t let go of the squeaky squirrel. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak . The sound was as pervasive as the barking behind me.
But this time it made me smile.
Or maybe that was the goofy expression on DJ’s face. Like he was so fucking happy. It was infectious.
“DJ gets overwhelmed with the noise of the other dogs at the shelter. I don’t think he’d been around a lot of other dogs. But once he’s outside, he’s calm. He loves butt scratches and any attention really.” Alice reached over and scratched DJ on his rear hips. The dog groaned and pushed his hips into her hand. “He’s 117 pounds. He knows sit and walks well on a leash like I’m sure you saw. He’s very treat-motivated and takes them like a gentleman.”
“Is this the sales pitch? I thought you said no pressure today.”
Alice laughed. “Sorry. It’s hard not to talk him up. DJ is my favorite. He’s been here for a month already.”
“What happens if he doesn’t get adopted?” A sliver of dread tunneled into my stomach.
“We’ll reach out to some rescues in the area if he doesn’t get placed soon. This is a low-kill shelter. But they haven’t euthanized any animals since I’ve been volunteering. It’s a last resort kinda thing.” But her sadness was plain as day as she petted the animal staring adoringly back at her.
“So what’s keeping you from adopting him?”
Alice shrugged. “Mostly my landlord. It was hard enough to find a place to rent here, and the pet deposits and rent increases are no joke. It feels cruel to get a dog when I live two stories up without an outdoor area. Plus, I’m not home much between my job, the Monarchs, and volunteering here.”
“You could always get a cat, right? They’re pretty self-sufficient and don’t need outside access.”
“Eh, I’m more of a dog person. Cats kinda freak me out. The way they watch you like they know what you’re thinking. Kinda feels like there’s a demon hiding in their tiny, furry bodies.” She shuddered dramatically.
I cracked up. “Yeah, I can see that. We had a cat growing up—a Siamese. My mom named her Precious. God, she was an evil thing. Always watching you from under furniture. She loved to swipe at our feet when we’d walk by. And she’d pounce on us at night when we were sleeping. One minute you were onstage at Madison Square Garden and then next you were fighting for your life. Shit, I hated that cat.”
Alice’s giggles joined my soft laughter.
“But my mom loved her. God only knows why.”
We fell into a compatible silence as we watched DJ sniff around the space.
“You really dreamt about performing when you were little? You knew even then?”
I lifted a shoulder. “Well yeah. I started drumming at five. It’s the only thing I’ve consistently loved. Aside from my family and the guys. I couldn’t throw a football to save my life or swim for shit, but I loved to wail on the drums.” I turned to Alice. “What about you? When did you start playing?”
Alice shifted. “Uh, well, back in junior high you had to pick an elective and most of the instruments were out because they kinda expected you to get your own. But no one expects a student to buy a bass drum.”
“You were bass? How? Why?” I laughed. “Christ, I’d love to see that. It had to be as big as you!”
Her cheeks reddened and she shrugged. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s not much I won’t do to prove a point.”
“Oh, I noticed.” I laughed. “I think everyone on the road noticed at one point or another. Is that story about you and the hot sauce true?”
Alice raised her eyebrows but didn’t answer.
I laughed to myself. The way I heard it some old, grizzled roadie tried to stop her from putting enfuego sauce on her burrito at lunch—said it was “too hot for a little girl.” In rebuttal, Alice had guzzled it straight from the bottle instead. Then called him “old man” the rest of the tour.
DJ came back and plopped a new toy at my feet. This time a tennis ball. I picked up the slobbery ball and chucked it across the yard, and he went bounding after it. “So how’s the band going? You guys getting any traction?”
Immediately, the humor left Alice’s eyes and she shrugged. “You know. It’s early days.”
My head went back like she’d slapped me. That didn’t sound like the ballsy Alice I knew. “Sounded like you guys had your shit figured out to me. I really liked that one song you’d played—‘ Lost Boys ,’ I think it was called. The audience loved it too. I don’t think I’d ever seen an audience click with a song that hard, that quick. You guys had them singing the chorus by the second verse. It was awesome.”
The redness deepened on her cheeks. “Thank you.”
“What’s got you all bashful and second guessing yourself?”
Alice shifted her shoulders. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Right. Okay. Next topic…” I casted around in my mind but came up empty. What did we have in common? Music, hatred of cats, and… I didn’t know her well enough to come up with a third. “What’s your favorite place to eat in town? Somewhere that’s Vegas-y.”
Alice laughed lightly. “I think you’re overestimating how far my salary can go in Vegas. Do you have any idea how much rent is here? I hit up Taco Bell and maybe In-N-Out when I wanna splurge.”
“Eh, I guess we’ll have to change that.”
“I’m getting a raise? Yes!”
I laughed. “I meant that I guess I’ll have to take you somewhere Vegas-y. But I can talk to the guys and see what’s what.”
She pursed her lips. “Aren’t you going to be too busy with more Win-A-Date dates?”
I groaned. “I prefer to pretend like that’s not going to actually happen. Denial is the place to be.”
Alice laughed with me then she shook her head. “Can’t be that hard to have so many women vying for your attention.”
“Women and men.”
She nodded. “I can see that.”
I choked back my laughter. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”
“Whatever floats your boat.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Have you been talking to Jesse?”
“What? No. Why?”
“Nothing. Never mind.” I changed the subject desperately. “So you and Parker Webb, huh? How did that go?”
A steely look came over her face. “You seriously want to compare exes?”
“Sure. Tit for tat. You go first.”
She shrugged. “Okay. What do you want to know?”
“Why the hell would a woman like you fall for Parker Webb’s bullshit?”
“I can’t tell if I should be flattered or offended.” She smirked as she threw my own words back at me.
“Touché.” I shrugged. “How long were you guys together?”
“Too long.” Alice turned and watched DJ walk around the yard, stopping here and there to mark his territory. “We got together in high school. He’s the one who taught me how to play guitar. He was…god, he was my entire world there for a minute. I would’ve done anything for him. Pretty much did do everything for him. But he saved me too.” She said the last part almost like she was talking to herself.
I leaned closer to her. “How did he save you?” I asked softly.
Alice jerked like she’d been lost in her thoughts or maybe forgot I was standing next to her. She shrugged like it was nothing big. “Ah, you know…he helped me run away.”
“And that saved you?” I shook my head. I’d always thought of teen runaways as the delinquents, wanting a life of no rules.
My judgement must’ve been clear because she scowled at me. “What would you call it when your foster dad tried to come into your room at night? What would you have done? Stayed and let him touch you?”
“I…” I sighed. “I’d get the hell out of there too.”
“Parker was the only one who believed me. My foster mom thought I was lying. My case worker didn’t have time for me. Parker got me out of there.”
I nodded like I understood, but I really didn’t. I couldn’t imagine being so powerless. Not being able to trust the people who were supposed to be there for you.
That was nothing like my childhood. I’d had parents who loved me. Who supported my stupid garage band. Who didn’t mind when I spent all hours over at Chase’s house in high school. Who put up with me playing my drums all weekend. Who came to our shows.
At least until recently.
I cleared my throat as the memories of that last phone call with my mom came back to me. I hadn’t talked to my dad in forever. “So what killed it then? How’d it go from him saving you to you guys breaking up?”
“That part is practically a cliché.” Alice rolled her eyes. “I think he hated the attention I got as the lead guitarist. I always stood centerstage, and since I was a girl in front of the boys, it looked like they were my backup to some industry people we’d talked to. So he started belittling me. Telling me my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t want it enough. I was getting sloppy with my chord transitions. He talked so much shit that he eventually led a mutiny, and the rest of the guys voted me out.” She shook her head slowly like she still couldn’t believe it. “Out of the band I created. I was the one who found our drummer. I was the one who wrote most of our songs. Me .” She stabbed a thumb at her chest, anger lining her face. “And then they kicked me out like I was nothing. A month later, they signed with a label. And used my songs on their album.”
“What the hell? Why didn’t you sue them? Told someone— anyone . Fuck, I’ll help you now.” I pulled my phone out to call my lawyer, but Alice grabbed my arm.
“You have to have proof. Parker took all my notebooks the night before the vote. He said something about wanting to look through them for new song ideas. And I let him.” She scoffed. “He’s probably torched them by now.”
“That’s bullshit! He stole your songs. He’s making money off your hard work. You gotta do something. That’s not right.”
She made this sad little laugh that absolutely broke my heart. “Life’s not fair. Believe me, I know.” She shrugged like it was nothing. Like her whole existence hadn’t been obliterated by this asshole. “I couldn’t afford a lawyer at the time, and I don’t have any proof anyways. It’d be my word against him. Against theirs . You better believe the other guys will back him up if it means keeping their livelihood. Now I have a new band. Songs I’ve written. And we’ll get there too. Only we’ll stay there and not be some bullshit one hit wonder, like Alien Attraction.”
“Hell yes you will.” I grinned down at her.
She looked away and toed the turf in front of her. “So what’s your deal? Why don’t you want to pick another date?”
“I thought this was supposed to be about exes?”
“Do you want to talk about your exes?”
“Fuck no.” I laughed. “Most of them were batshit crazy.”
“Ooooh! Let’s talk about that.” Alice grinned.
“Let’s not.” I sighed. “The first date was awkward and weird and then it turned into a shitshow. She’s posting all these videos like I did her wrong because I didn’t want her to talk during your guys’ show. Like I was more into you guys than her.”
Alice blinked a couple times then shook her head. “But you’re not.”
“I mean I could be…” I muffled my laughter as Alice’s eyes grew rounder. “Lark is pretty hot.”
“Ass.” She scowled and swatted my arm.
I laughed and danced away. “Joke. It’s a joke. Besides, Lark is kinda scary. I don’t know if I could ever be with someone that constantly positive.”
“It does take some getting used to.” Alice shrugged. “She might’ve started calling me Eeyore.”
“Hell yeah.” I held out my knuckles to her. “Eeyore is my spirit animal.”
“I have a hard time believing that,” Alice said as she pounded my knuckles. “I remember how you were before you started using. I would’ve compared you more to Tigger than Eeyore.”
I winced. “Nah, that’s probably true. Or was anyway. Not so much anymore.”
Alice lifted a shoulder. “Maybe some lucky woman could help with that. Falling in love would make me bounce around.”
“That sounds kinda optimistic, but I definitely don’t wanna be abstinent forever, so I guess I gotta do something.”
“ WHAT? ” Alice screeched.
I flinched, and DJ stood up, tilting his head at Alice.
She shook her head. “Sorry. That came out wrong. But seriously? Seriously? You’re abstinent? I mean, I don’t, I can’t…for how long?”
Fuck. This conversation took a turn. “As long as I’ve been sober.”
“Wow.”
Looking down, I scratched at DJ more. I really didn’t want to look at Alice. Christ, this was mortifying. How did we even get here?
I blamed Harper.
Alice sighed. “Now all your bitchiness makes sense. You’re forgiven.”
“Just like that?” I laughed.
“I’m hell on wheels if I haven’t gotten laid in a while. I get it.”
And like the smart man I was, I didn’t comment.
I just grinned and rubbed behind DJ’s ears.