Chapter 23
Still Noah
All the sex we’d had last night wasn’t enough to keep me from being tense as I turned into my parents’ neighborhood. They hadn’t let me buy them a bigger house, but I had been able to pay off their mortgage. I went with the asking for forgiveness instead of permission route that time.
The knot in my stomach tightened as I parked on the street in front of the house I’d grown up in. The outside could use a new paint job, I noted absently. I’d have to call around and find a place to do it for them.
I was stalling. Honestly, I was scared to go inside.
I jumped as Alice’s phone suddenly rang in the silent cab.
“Sorry,” she muttered as she dug her phone out of her pocket.
“It’s fine. Go ahead and answer it.”
I welcomed the distraction and the opportunity to put off the inevitable.
“No, I’ll just silence it and let it go to voicemail.”
“Just answer it.” I sighed, tipping my head back against the headrest and closing my eyes.
“Hello?” Alice murmured. She paused. “Hello? Is anyone there? Can you hear me?”
Her phone beeped as she ended the call. “Really annoying,” she muttered to herself.
“Have you been getting a lot of hangups?” I rocked my head to the side and looked down at her, concerned.
She shrugged. “Now and then.”
“From unknown numbers?”
She nodded.
“More or less than ten?”
She shrugged again but avoided my eyes. “I haven’t really been keeping track.”
That sounded like more to me. “Maybe you shouldn’t answer any unknown numbers.”
“I have to answer my phone, Noah. I’ve put my phone number out there to book jobs for my band. I don’t want to miss an opportunity.”
“If it’s important, they’ll leave a message.”
“You hope. It’s not like I have a stalker. It’s probably just a delayed robocall or a slow telemarketer.”
“You’ll tell me if you start to get creepy, obscene phone calls?”
“Does that include you calling me?” She gave me a cheeky little grin.
“Not funny, Alice. I’m serious. I’m worried about you. I want to know.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.”
“Good,” I grunted.
We sat in silence for another minute or so.
“So what’s it going to be like when we go inside? I’ve never met anyone with Alzheimer’s before.”
I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deep for a second. “I don’t know. He might recognize me. He might think I’m his brother. He might be angry and yell at us. I don’t really know what we’re walking into right now. All my mom said was that morning was best. I guess he gets worse and less lucid later in the day. She had a name for it, but I can’t remember what she called it.”
Alice reached over and squeezed my hand. “No matter what happens, you know he loves you and he always will. Try to hold on to that.”
I nodded tightly.
She held my hand as we sat in the car for a few more minutes while I tried to get up the courage to go inside. After a few more deep breaths, I squeezed her hand and tipped my head. “Let’s go.”
Alice nodded, but she still waited for me to open my door before she opened hers. I smiled. I knew exactly what she was doing, and I appreciated it.
We held hands as we walked up the driveway and as I knocked and waited for someone to answer the door. After a long moment, the door opened and my mom stood there.
“Noah.” She smiled and stepped forward to give me a hug.
I dropped Alice’s hand and hugged her back.
After a few pats to my back, she pulled away but still hung onto my shoulders. “You look good. Really good.”
I would’ve liked to say the same, but the last two years have been really hard on my mom. She’d stopped coloring her hair, and she had so many more wrinkles than I remembered. But still, I smiled back. “You do too, Ma.”
“Ah, you’re a sweet boy.” She cupped my face for a second then let her hands fall as she took a step back. “But we all know that’s a load of baloney.”
Alice made a little gasping laugh, and we both turned to her.
“Mom, this is my friend, Alice.”
“Friend, huh,” my mom repeated skeptically as she shook Alice’s hand.
Alice’s face turned red, and she sent me a wide-eyed look.
I just lifted my shoulders. She was the one who didn’t want to put labels on this after all.
“Well, come on inside, both of you. Your dad’s having a good day so far, Noah. He’s inside playing cribbage with his nurse. Maybe you can take on the winner.”
I grinned. My dad had been obsessed with the card game as long as I’d known him, so there wasn’t a doubt who the winner would be. When I was growing up, he’d taken offense to the new math my teacher made us learn, so he’d decided I was going to learn addition by playing cribbage with him. For years, every day after school we’d sprawl out on the carpet of the living room counting to thirty-one and moving those little pegs around the board.
Damn, how had I forgotten about that?
And sure enough when we walked into the dining room, my dad and his nurse Nancy were sitting there with cards in hand.
“I get winner!” I called.
My dad’s head came up with a jerk, and then he was grinning back at me. “Joel! I haven’t seen you in forever. When did you get off on leave?”
My smile slid off my face, and I had to swallow hard before I could answer him. “Just got off today, D-Dan. How’ve you been?”
My dad jumped up from his chair and came around to give me a thumping hug, and it was all I could to hold myself together. I knew better than to correct him. Telling him he was wrong would only lead to tears and confusion. His doctors had told us it was better to play along with whatever memory or timeline he was currently in.
But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
I smiled through my tears and hugged him back.
Dad thumped my back one more time then turned to Alice. “And who is this pretty thing?”
“Uh, this is my girlfriend Alice,” I answered, hoping like hell we were in the time before my Uncle Joel got together with my Aunt Bonnie.
My dad wagged his eyebrows at me then gave Alice a courtly little bow. “My dear, you look entirely too pretty for an ugly son of a bitch like Joel here.”
Alice smiled back at my dad. “Well, thank you, Dan. You’re too sweet.”
“Sit, sit. Tell me all about how you lured this sweet thing into thinking you’re a good guy.”
I sent Alice a panicked look, and she held my hand as we sat down with my dad.
“I’m just going to let you all visit,” Nancy stood up with a smile. “I was losing anyhow.”
“You lose every time we play, uh, uh…” He blinked up at Nancy, clearly searching for her name.
“It’s hard to win when you’re playing against a card sharp. Have fun you guys.” She patted my shoulder before leaving.
I sighed as I took her seat and picked up the cards. “So what have I missed out on since I’ve been gone?”
I figured it was a safe question no matter who Dad thought I was.
“You know my life is pretty boring. How about you tell me all the exciting things you’ve been up to?” Dad reset the pegs on the board.
“Uh, you know I can’t do that. It’s classified.” Or at least that was what I remembered Uncle Joel telling me anytime I’d asked him about his time in the Navy.
“Fine,” he huffed. “Then how about you tell me how you met this pretty little thing.”
Alice leaned forward. “He came to one of my shows. I’m a drummer in a band in Vegas. Joel here hung around after our show and helped load my kit for me. It was love at first sight.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand in thanks.
“Drummer, huh? You should go have a chat with my son, Noah. That kid will wail on his drums every minute of the day if we let him. Pisses off the neighbors to no end. That’s half the reason I let him do it!” He cackled with glee.
The sound had me smiling back at my dad. It was one of my favorite sounds in the world.
“A drummer, huh?” Alice raised her eyebrows. “Is he any good?”
“He’s the best.” My dad grinned back at her. “That kid can pick up any song he hears, and in less than a day he’ll play it perfectly. Damnedest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s going to go places.” The pride and awe in his voice had me choking up. I couldn’t remember ever hearing that from him.
Sure, he’d been proud and congratulated me when we’d signed our record deal and as our band got recognition and we’d toured the world. But back when I was a kid, all I remembered was how my playing annoyed him.
How it gave him a headache.
He’d been proud of me since way back then. Wow.
“He sounds like quite a kid.” Alice gave me a teary smile.
“He’s the best. But don’t let him hear me say that. Smug little shit wouldn’t do his homework ever again if he knew what I thought about his talent. He’s gotta graduate high school before he can chase that dream. Now—” Dad clapped. “Who am I playing? Let’s get this game going.”
* * *
It had to be one of my favorite memories ever of my dad. Hearing him talk about me, about his life when we were little, as if he was talking to a peer—it’d all been amazing. And it was a gift I wouldn’t have but for his Alzheimer’s.
So it was bittersweet.
After his nurse talked him into taking a nap, Alice and I sat in the living room with my mom.
“It’s good that you’re visiting, Noah.” My mom sent me a tremulous smile as she fussed with the magazines piled on the coffee table. Once they were in a neat stack, she sat back in her chair with a sigh and clasped her hands in her lap. “I’m selling the house.”
“Oh.” I blinked. “Uh, okay.”
She nodded. “Yes. I found a facility near Seattle that I think will be good for your father.”
“Seattle,” I repeated weakly.
“Yes. I’ll be closer to Faith and the kids. I’ll be able to help her out with childcare, and it’ll give me something to look forward to. I think it’ll be good for both of us.”
“What about Dad? He hates the rain. I thought cloudy days made his mood worse?”
She tipped her head. “He’ll adapt.”
“But there are other facilities. If you want to be near family, I’m sure we can find a place near me in Vegas where the sun shines almost every day. We get more sunshine there than you all do here I’d bet.”
“It’s not the same, Noah.”
“No, it’d be better. Dad would be calmer. Happier. Wha-Why? Why would you move all the way to Washington?”
“You don’t know how lonely, how sad I’ve been this past year.”
“I really don’t think Seattle and their dark, cloudy days are going to make it any better.”
“I want to be near family, okay? I want to watch my grandsons grow up. I want to not be alone anymore.”
“I thought I was family.” It felt like the walls were narrowing in on me. My breathing came faster, and I didn’t know how to process what she was saying. They were moving? To Washington? That was so far away. And Dad would be miserable.
“You are, honey. But you’re not the most stable.”
“Wha…” It felt like a shot to the chest as I absorbed her words.
“Between your sobriety and your job…” She shook her head. “It’s not like you’d be around very often.”
“We have a three-year residency in Las Vegas. It’ll probably get extended since everyone is putting down roots and starting families. I’ve been sober for over a year—with both drugs and alcohol. I’m the most stable I’ve ever been.”
But Mom shook her head firmly. “It’s already been decided. Your father’s bed at the facility has been confirmed. The house goes on the market next week, and we’re moving to Washington once all the paperwork with the realtor has been signed. I don’t want to have to deal with your father and open houses. It’d be too messy.”
“Messy. Right.”
“I hope you can still contribute the same amount to your father’s care once we move to Washington. That, combined with the sale of the house should cover us for as long as he has.”
So she didn’t want me. She just wanted access to my money.
I don’t know why I was surprised.
But I was.
It felt like a thousand knives were cutting me over and over again.
I couldn’t breathe.
All I could do was nod tightly.
“Good.” Mom sat back in her chair with a relieved sigh. “How did your visit with your father go?”
“Good,” I repeated weakly.
“Good.” My mom smiled at Alice. “So how did the two of you meet?”
I dimly heard Alice fill my mom in on our history. But all I could do was focus on breathing. It wasn’t an automatic function anymore—I struggled for every breath. In. And out. In.
I stood up abruptly in the middle of their conversation. “We need to go.”
“Oh, really?” My mom stood as well and frowned. “I was hoping we’d have a chance to catch up. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”
Alice grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry,” she said as she smiled at my mom. “I have an appointment that couldn’t be changed. But we’ll be back tomorrow, right, Noah?”
“Tomorrow.” I nodded tightly. “And you’ll tell me if I need to send the money to a different account with your move?”
My mom flinched like I’d slapped her. But after a beat, she nodded. “Of course.”
“Great.” I smiled, but it felt more like I was faking it and baring my teeth. Then I forced myself to close the distance between me and my mom and bent down to kiss her cheek. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”
I don’t remember the rest of our goodbye. The next thing I knew we were standing on the sidewalk next to my Range Rover.
Alice plucked the key fob out of my hands. “Yeah, you’re not driving. Get in the passenger side.”
I blinked at her with wide eyes.
Tenderness softened her features as she looked up at me. Then her arms came around me and hugged me tight.
I clutched at her, bent my head into the side of her neck, and tried to keep breathing.