Chapter 30
THIRTY
CALEB
All I have been able to think about since I walked out of the office to catch the next available flight is everything I have put Ariella through since Melissa showed up in London over a year ago. I replay every moment I made things worse in my head, which coincided with Ariella doing her best to extinguish the fires I started. The last incident with Dominic was the worst. I was home free until I destroyed my own chances of being with my girlfriend and our child.
Thankfully, Ariella’s new home is in south-west London, a mere twenty-minute taxi ride away from Heathrow, and in no time I am pressing the doorbell.
Lara opens the door, pushes me back and steps outside, shutting it behind her.
‘Listen. I think she’s having some weird breakdown, but you have a role to play.’
‘I’m listening.’
‘No Singapore talk, no baby talk. For once I’m going to need you to channel vacuous, shallow Caleb and just be fun to be around – but not too much fun.’
‘Okay.’
‘You know that thing you do that makes the worst idea in the world sound like a Nobel prize-winning opportunity?’
‘No, not really but?—’
‘Do that. Just that. And you can’t stay. You can spend as much time as you want here, but you can’t stay.’
‘Why can’t?—’
‘You can’t stay. That’s it.’
‘Fine.’
Only then does Lara let me in. Aari’s lying on the couch in her towel, staring up at the ceiling.
‘Mason. Come on.’
I lift her in my arms, carry her upstairs and lay her on the bed of a room that hasn’t been slept in. Then I quickly strip, have a shower and wrap a towel round myself, and get into bed with her.
I arrange us into our favourite co-sleeping position and hold her until she falls asleep. For the first time in a long time, I don’t touch her belly.
The sun is setting when I open my eyes. She’s awake, just lying there with her head on my chest.
‘Mason, what can I do to help?’
‘Nothing. Please just lie here with me.’
‘I want nothing more, but can I get us some water and maybe I can make you some cheese on toast?’
I give her a little kiss on the lips before I extract myself and make my way downstairs.
‘You have got to be fucking kidding me.’ Lara attacks as she sees me appear.
‘What?’
‘You animal. You slept with her in that state?’
‘Of course not! I had a shower because I boarded the flight straight from work and only stopped at home to get my passport. See any bags?’
‘Oh. If you give me your clothes, I’ll put them in the machine for— Ugh. No, actually. Yuck. Do your own laundry. How is she?’
‘Awake. I’m going to make us something simple to eat.’
Lara is upstairs before I get to the kitchen. She isn’t quite as thorough a grocery shopper as Ariella but she has the essentials. Bread and cheese. I layer the cheese carefully and pop it in the oven. While I wait, I text the only person who I know can help.
Ariella might be depressed. I don’t know what to do.
Em replies immediately:
What do you mean?
She’s been in bed since she got back. Not really eating or saying much. She doesn’t want to talk about the baby.
Oh no. I’m so sorry Caleb.
What should I do?
Be with her. Find tiny things that don’t require a lot of effort and suggest them. When she talks, just listen. Try to understand, not fix. Meet her where she is and gently guide her out of it. Baby steps though. Most importantly, ask her what she needs.
Thank you Em. I was also thinking of calling her mother.
Maybe run that past her first. She won’t want to see everyone.
I don’t tell Em I’m already home because we need the quiet. I take the tray with six pieces of cheese on toast upstairs with three bottles of water. Lara is Ariella’s happy place and I have no doubt that she will eventually reach her. Lara is mid-flow when I arrive.
‘…and we couldn’t figure out why Nicole hadn’t set him on fire!’ She laughs softly.
‘Did I ever get my bra back?’ Ariella asks weakly, also laughing a little.
‘No, Bamidele found it. She was so furious, she ripped it apart with her bare hands and put it in the outside bin.’
‘Why are we talking about Nicole? And who is Bamidele?’ I join in as I place the food and water on the bed.
‘Entertainment. Bamidele was CrimeSpree’s girlfriend at the time.’ Lara grabs and bites into a piece of cheese on toast. She moans with exaggerated pleasure, then hands Ariella one.
‘You slept with CrimeSpree’s girlfriend?’ I ask, shocked.
‘Repeatedly,’ Ariella contributes quietly as she gives her best friend a loving side-eye glance.
‘It was more of an entanglement. Then Harrison found out while we were at a strip club. It all blew up and I got promoted.’ Lara shrugs.
‘You didn’t really get promoted though, did you?’ Ariella giggles.
‘Wait. Is this the reason you were taken off the floor so quickly?’
‘Yup!’
Ariella reaches for a second piece of toast and I subtly nudge the plate closer to her.
‘Okay, you’re going to have to spill. Tell me everything.’
‘No, I was saving it for a drunken night.’
The expression on Ariella’s face suggests that, even though she was there, she wants to hear the story too.
‘Fine. There I was, minding my own business?—’
‘You weren’t minding your business, you were meant to be working,’ Ariella interrupts.
‘Hey!’ Lara complains.
‘Sorry.’ Ariella laughs.
‘Thank you. Anyway, there I was, thinking purely, “I’m not going to sleep with my client’s girlfriend” thoughts…’
That was our way back in. Lara Scott is a fucking genius. She laughs, complains, takes the piss out of and adores the versions of Ariella, Caleb and Lara that existed before Singapore. I play my part and fill Lara in on the details of Ariella’s dates that she hadn’t shared, while Ariella pitches in with the story about the boyfriend who turned up with the metal pipe.
We talk until the small hours of the morning. Before Ariella falls asleep, I manage to convince her to jump into the shower, and I have a fluffy bathrobe waiting. I shower after her. By the time I get into bed to cuddle her to sleep, my dirty clothes that I arrived from Singapore in are gone.
I let her snuggle in closely and wait until I hear her cute little snores before I let myself fall asleep.
‘Caleb?’ I hear her whisper in the dark.
‘Mason?’ I answer softly as I wake up and kiss whatever body part of hers is closest to my lips.
‘I’m scared.’
Hearing that breaks my heart and I pull her so close, there is no space between us.
‘Aari. Please don’t be. I’m here. You’ve spent the last few months fighting everyone, including yourself, for us. Now it’s my turn. I will die before I let anything harm you. In here,’ I touch her head. ‘In here,’ I touch her heart. ‘Or out there. If you can find a way to tell me whatever you need, I will make it happen. It doesn’t matter what it is, even if it’s for me to leave you alone. I will.’
‘I don’t want you to leave me alone.’ She shakes her head sadly.
‘Then I won’t. You don’t have to tell me now, but whatever it is, and whenever you’re ready, I will be too.’
‘Thank you for coming. I’m so happy you’re here.’
‘There is nowhere else on this planet I’d rather be, Aari.’ I decide to go for the little push Em suggested. ‘Fancy a tiny walk tomorrow whenever we get up? There are swans nearby. Let’s take Lara. She’s bound to piss one off and get attacked.’ I chuckle. Her body shakes in a way that tells me she’s laughing too.
‘A tiny walk will be nice.’
I jump for joy inside. It will be slow and it will be gentle, but we are on our way.
She has kept her promise and we take a thirty-minute walk along the nearby river that leads to a small park. Jasper has picked the perfect place. She comes back hungry and tired, so I microwave a potato soup and we have a light lunch before she returns to bed for a nap. I grab Lara before she disappears.
‘We need to talk about the baby.’
‘What is wrong with you? We discussed this.’
‘I know, but she’s three months. She needs to register with a doctor, get assigned a midwife, do tests, get her scan, get signed up to some new mum classes. We can’t just pretend the baby isn’t happening.’
‘Lower your voice. You’re obsessed.’
‘I’m just saying that there are a load of factors that are contributing to this. For the average excited mum-to-be, it’s still a lot. Maybe she doesn’t know where to start. Maybe she needs help there. I’m getting very heavy vibes that everything is too much at the moment – so why don’t we break it down into bite-sized chunks?’
‘How do you know so much about this?’
‘Internet. I’ve been tracking every week.’
‘No. She’s not ready.’
‘We should casually toss it into conversation and see if she is.’
‘No, Caleb.’
‘Whatever she is going through, I know that she is freaking out about the baby. Why don’t we help her get it out of her head and help?’
‘Because she doesn’t want to talk about it.’
‘But what if her hormones are completely messed up and it’s contributing to this?’
Lara is silent.
‘We need to get her checked out. Besides, don’t you want to see a scan of little Elsie?’
Lara’s face tells me that I’ve got her.
‘Okay, fine. Let me do it.’
‘Thank you, Lara.’
‘Go away. I need to think.’
‘By the way, thanks for putting my clothes in the wash.’
‘Fuck off. I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ She gives me an irritated look before disappearing into her room.
I hope Lara succeeds, but if she doesn’t I have a backup plan. Ariella may hate me for ever but, if Lara and I can’t get through to her, I’m calling Dahlia. It will be a rough ride because her parents don’t even know we’re in the country, but we are past the point of keeping Ariella’s little secrets. They are hurting her.