18. Facing the past
Chapter 18
Facing the past
Lila
I smooth out the sleeves of my dress for the fourth time. I’ve been on edge since I woke up, knowing that today was the day that I would be seeing Cole Matthews.
I’ve been trying very hard to act like I don’t care about this meeting, but when I changed my outfit for the third time, I realized just how much of an effect he had on me.
So here I am, still fidgeting with my perfectly straight dress, still not completely satisfied with the reflection staring back at me in the mirror. It will have to do for now though, because I’m running out of time.
I brush my wavy hair to a glossy shine, flipping it slightly off center and fluffing it up for volume. My face is mostly bare, except for a little bit of concealer, mascara, and some light pink lip tint which I also dabbed onto my pale cheeks. I wanted to look effortless. Last thing I want is for him to think that I tried to look good for him. I could care less what he thinks about me.
Who am I kidding? The truth is that I do care. Only because I want him to see just how well I’m doing. I need him to know that he had no effect on my life.
He saw me crack once under the weight of his words, but now, he’s going to see me strong and thriving in my element—the very same one he didn’t think I was good at.
Maybe after all these years I should’ve let it go. And I would have, if he had simply apologized. Just once. It may not have undone all of the damage he did to me, but maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time dwelling on it. Maybe I wouldn’t feel like emptying the contents of my stomach now, just at the thought of seeing him.
I inhale slowly, willing myself to remember why I’m doing this in the first place.
“This is for Sue, and my godbaby,” I whisper to myself till the words become a mantra.
Somehow I’m going to find out what Greg has been up to, even if I have to force the words out of his mouth.
If this ball is going to go off without a hitch, then we need to get started planning it ASAP. Two months seems like a long time, but if there’s one thing I’ve learnt in all my years of planning events, it’s that you can always use more time. Without Sue here, I might as well be on my own.
I doubt Cole would be of much help.
So, Cole and I have a meeting today to start the preparations. I wistfully think of all the fun I’m going to miss not doing this with Sue.
The sound of my phone ringing has me pausing my makeup prep momentarily to take it out of my purse.
“Hey,” I say to Sue as soon as I pick up the phone.
“Morning, sunshine. You about ready? Cole says he’s waiting for you at the office,” Sue informs me.
“Yeah. I have the address, should be easy enough to find.” I respond.
“His assistant, Allie, is expecting you. One more thing…Lila?”
“Mm?” I mutter distractedly, focused on looping my earrings through my ears.
“You know I can always have him come to you, right? You don’t have to go meet him,” she says. I can hear the concern in her voice.
“I barely agreed to do this, Sue. You really think I want that jerk in my apartment?” I chuckle dryly.
“Fine, then maybe meet him at a restaurant or some—”
“Last thing I want is for it to be mistaken for a date,” I cut her off.
“How about our favorite coffee shop?”
“Absolutely not!” I almost yell. “I’m not tainting our favorite place with his presence.”
“Besides, the atmosphere of his office will drive home the point that this is only business that we’re forced to do together for our friends,” I say sternly.
“Then how are you going to get him to tell you anything about Greg? He needs to feel comfortable around you to eventually be able to talk about his friendship. How are you going to get the information that we need, if you can’t relax around him?” she asks, stress causing her voice to crack.
“Sue, you told me that I’m the smartest woman you know. How about you just trust me and let me figure that part out?” I tell her.
“I do trust you. I just want everything to go as planned,” she sighs.
“It will. I promise.”
She sighs again, still not sounding convinced, but eventually conceding.
“Fine. Just let me know how it goes. And Lila?” she calls.
“Yeah?”
“I know you don’t like him, but don’t lose your cool. Please.”
Her voice is small and weak. She needs this to work.
For her, I would kiss Cole’s cheek if that’s what it takes.
“Trust me.”
I take a final look in the mirror and spritz on some perfume before heading out.
***
It’s easy to locate Cole’s office. This building is one of the most exclusive and expensive buildings in downtown Boston. I guess all the talk of his net worth is true. He recently made the Forbes billionaires list.
I look around in admiration at the polished marble floors and dramatic windows as far as the eyes can see. It’s an impressive structure, I’ll give him that.
I walk over to greet the receptionist at the front desk, but before I reach her I hear my name being called.
I turn around and it’s repeated.
“Are you Lila?” a young, perfectly put together woman in an expensive suit asks. This must be his assistant Allie.
“Yes, I’m Lila,” I respond. She stretches her hand out for a shake. “I’m Allie. Nice to meet you, Sue has had nothing but great things to say about you.” She smiles.
I smile back. “Nice to meet you too, Allie.” She turns around and motions for me to follow her to what I assume will be Cole's office.
“Here you are,” she says, stopping in front of a large door. “Mr. Matthews is waiting for you.” She turns around and walks back out.
I bite my lip nervously and wait a minute before proceeding to knock on the large, oak door.
“Come in.” His voice comes across muffled from the other side of the thick door. I exhale one final time before slowly opening the door and walking in.
It’s a large room with creamy white walls and tall ceilings. A large, mahogany desk with two chairs sits to the far end of the room, with a plush, deep brown leather sofa and a coffee table on the opposite side. Huge floor-to-ceiling windows bring tons of natural light into the room as it overlooks the street beneath us.
He sits there, behind that desk, buried behind a stack of paperwork piled so high it’s a mystery to me how it hasn’t come crashing down yet.
He takes off the glasses that were previously perched on the bridge of his nose, lifting those stormy eyes to mine.
The intensity of it takes my breath away and sends a tingle through my body. I’d forgotten what it felt like to have those stunning eyes fixed entirely on you. He raises a hand to flick a stray strand of glossy chocolate hair from his eyes, his gaze never leaving my face.
“Lila Smith,” his deep baritone voice breathes. Another involuntary shudder races down my spine at the sound of it. “Please, sit,” he says, gesturing to the empty seat in front of him. I eye the seat warily, proceeding to it after a moment. His eyes study me, slowly raking down my body in the most unnerving way as I walk towards the chair. By the time they make their way back up to mine, they’re hooded with an expression that sends goosebumps over my body. Involuntarily, I wrap my arms protectively around myself.
“I wasn’t sure you would actually come,” he confesses.
“Well, I did,” I respond sharply.
“I can see that. Why did you?”
“Because my friend asked, and I promised her I would.”
“You always keep your promises?”
“I know it must be a strange concept to you, but yes, I like to keep to my word.”
“I thought your hatred of me would be enough to go back on a promise if it meant avoiding a confrontation with me,” he says knowingly, elbows on the table between us.
“Maybe you shouldn’t think,” I say tightly.
“I find myself intrigued by you,” he responds, cocking his head to the side as he watches me.
“I wish I could say the same about you, Mr. Matthews,” I smirk, pasting a nonchalant expression on my face when he starts to chuckle.
“Ah, but you see, your body betrays you. You’re not a very good liar, Ms. Smith.”
How the hell does he know that I—
“Your hands are clammy, there’s sweat beading right above your upper lip even though it’s a reasonably chilly morning. Your legs are clamped together so tight I’m worried you might snap something. Your shoulders are wound so tight, I’m surprised you can move your neck. I can almost hear your heart slamming against your ribcage right now. Deny it all you want,” he gloats, “but I make you nervous. Now the intriguing question is why that would be,” he continues smoothly, with a flash of perfect pearly white teeth.
Shit.
Here I thought I was hiding it pretty well. Who the hell does he think he is anyway?
“You think you’re so good at reading people, don’t you?” I ask.
“I don’t think. I know,” he says smugly.
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“Am I?” He smirks.
Hell would have to literally freeze over before I would admit anything to him.
“It’s okay, you can tell me,” he continues. “I mean, if we’re going to be stuck working on this event together for the next two months, we need to be able to communicate honestly,” he says.
My back straightens, stiff as a board. “Look, let’s get one thing straight. We’re not friends, we’re not partners, we’re not even colleagues. As I’m sure you already know, I do not like you. You are nothing but a conceited, egotistical, arrogant asshole who doesn’t care who he has to hurt or how many people he has to put down to make himself feel like he’s a big, strong man. News flash, if you have to do that, then it’s probably because you’re actually a very small man,” I say, keeping my voice steady, confidence rising, determined to meet his gaze.
My confidence drops when he grins knowingly, a mischievous glint lightening his eyes.
“Oh, trust me” he drawls lazily, eyes slowly running up and down my body. “I’m anything but small.”
My lips curl at the implication of his words.
“You are disgusting,” I snarl.
“And you’re an uptight princess who acts like the rest of the world is beneath her,” he smiles with mock sweetness.
“Not the rest of the world. Just you.”
“Mmmm. I like the sound of that. You’d like that too, wouldn’t you? Me, beneath you?” he says, chuckling when my face no doubt becomes as red as a cherry tomato.
My mouth opens and closes, yet no sound leaves my lips.
“Look, you don’t like me. I get it. I’m not exactly thrilled to be stuck with you either, princess. Yet here we are because we both love Sue, and I owe her a favor. So, let’s just figure out this event and get it over with. Outside of that, we don’t need to have any interaction. I promise not to try to get under your skin, unless you want me to,” he says silkily, his gaze sliding up my body till it lands on mine. Playful. Knowing.
For a moment, I’m mesmerized by his stunning eyes that vaguely remind me of the sky on a stormy night. The kind that poets write about. Absolutely breathtaking. I shake my head softly as if to free myself from the spell he seems to be capable of casting over me.
“So, what do you think?” he asks when I don’t respond.
“I think this was a bad idea. I don’t work well with strangers, especially when they’re condescending assholes like you,” I grimace, staring him down.
“Let’s change that, shall we?” he grins, leaning back in his chair now.
“Excuse me?” I mutter.
“Not the asshole part. That one’s beyond my control,” he laughs.
“But we don’t have to be strangers. Ask me anything, and I’ll tell you.”
His eyes still bear a hint of playfulness as he watches me, but there’s also a sincerity in them. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was telling the truth.
If I asked him why he said the things he did to me that day eight years ago, would he tell me?
Did he really mean them? Did he really believe I was a failure?
This is stupid. I do not need his validation.
“I have absolutely no desire to know anything about you, Mr. Matthews,” I force out through gritted teeth.
“Another lie.”
He watches me, his stare so intense it threatens to steal the air right out of my lungs. Somehow butterflies seem to have gotten into my belly. I lick my suddenly dry lips. His eyes dip, noticing.
“Now that we’ve got this first meeting out of the way, we can get started on the preparations for the ball. First, we need to confirm the venue. I’ll text you the details of some places that are on hold. Let me know your availability to go check them out,” I say, picking up my bag and smoothing down my dress. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Mr. Matthews. Or don’t,” I shrug, faking a sweet smile.
“How thoughtful of you,” he says, raising a hand to his chest in mock appreciation.
“Thank you for coming,” he says, standing to his feet along with me.
“Thank you for helping Sue.” I respond evasively.
“See you around, Lila,” he calls to my retreating figure. I can feel his eyes boring into me from the back. Even with the chilly morning, I can feel heat streak through my body.
“Unfortunately,” I mutter.
The sound of his soft laughter is the last thing I hear before I pull the door shut behind me, only exhaling when I’m finally out of his sight.