35. Broken
Chapter 35
Broken
Lila
Another sob breaks free the moment the door clicks shut behind him. It’s silent, the type that comes when pain tears through you so completely it leaves no energy behind for it.
I wrap my arms around myself, as if doing so could keep my body together in one piece. Keep me from feeling so…broken.
Deep down, a part of me had known that this would happen. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew. I’d even managed to convince myself that no matter how he reacted, I would be fine with it.
I don’t need him to raise these babies. Contrary to what he thinks, I don’t need his money either. The fact that he even thinks I’m shallow enough to do all of this for money hurts me even more.
I can’t deny that I’d held on to this tiny little bit of hope that he’d gotten to know me, that he’d see I’m not the kind of woman who could ever do something like this to him. I see now that I couldn’t have been more wrong. If he’d seen even a glimpse of who I really am, he never would’ve said those things.
He never would’ve accused me of being worse than the woman who cheated on him and tried to pin another man’s child on him.
I told myself I would be fine doing this alone, but deep down, I hoped I wouldn’t have to. I’d hoped he would be there for me, and we could be a team again.
Now it doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.
I pull myself together, pushing off the floor and standing on shaky legs. My body feels heavy, but I force myself to make my way into the kitchen. The fresh pineapple juice I made earlier sits in the fridge, and I pour myself a glass, grateful for the small comfort. It’s the only thing my stomach has tolerated these past few days.
No matter how difficult everything feels right now, I owe it to myself and to these tiny lives growing inside me to stay strong. To take care of all of us.
I never dared to hope for this. It felt selfish, like asking for too much, wishing for something that could never happen. But it’s here, a miracle I never saw coming.
Everything happening with Cole has clouded my view, making me almost lose sight of how truly special this is.
I can’t blame Cole. I want to, for believing those terrible things about me, but I know I never could. Hating him anymore isn’t possible. Not after getting to know the real Cole. He was already a gift, a reminder that I was still capable of love even after everything I’ve been through. How can I hold his reaction against him when I know his struggles, his fears?
It was foolish to hope for something different, to expect a man with such fragile trust to respond with anything but doubt. Foolish to think he could set aside his past long enough to see me for who I really am.
But it’s no longer just about me. My emotions, my fears, they don’t come first anymore. I have to shift my focus, because these babies deserve all of my energy, my love, my attention. I refuse to let worries make my once-in-a-lifetime memories pass me by.
If Cole can’t face the truth of this, if he refuses to be part of it, that’s his choice. I won’t fight him on it. If not being part of his life is what I need to do to give my children the love and stability they deserve, then I’ll walk away without a backwards glance.
He’s never going to trust me again. I could see it in his eyes as he walked out of this house.
I don’t know if there was ever truly a chance for a future between us. I dreamed of it, hoped for it, clung to the idea that maybe it could be real. But deep down, I think I always knew the truth.
In the end, it could only ever be just that.
A dream.