36. Reckoning
Chapter 36
Reckoning
Lila
Maybe it’s because there were so many activities crammed into it, but the rest of the week seemed to roll by in the blink of an eye. It still feels like it was just yesterday I was curled up on the couch breaking my baby news to Sue over the phone, trying to protect my eardrums from her exited squeals. Now it’s already Saturday the 14th, Valentine’s Day, and I’m standing in front of my bedroom mirror, trying to reconcile the image staring back at me.
I smooth my hands down my dress. I picked out this dress months ago, dreaming about how fairytale-like it was going to feel wearing it, but now that the moment is finally here, I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t belong in it.
The dress is gorgeous for sure. Clinging to me perfectly, its silvery trails along the fitted dress shimmer, seeming to catch the light even in my small bedroom, and throwing it back like tiny fireworks. I can only imagine how much more so it will in that beautiful hall.
It’s not the dress that doesn’t fit. It’s me. Right now I feel messy and uncertain, and this dress doesn’t look like it was made for someone like me. It’s too perfect, too polished, and I feel like a fraud for even putting it on. Like I’m pretending to be someone I’m not—some polished, put-together version of myself that doesn’t exist.
I look down at the clear heels hugging my feet, seemingly shimmering with their own magic, then back to the mirror at my hair tumbling around my shoulders in soft waves, framing my face with soft elegance. I force myself to smile, my teeth flashing white against the crimson red of my lipstick.
I exhale slowly again, counting back from ten in my head. The real reason for my unease is the fact that it will be the first time since he left my house that day that I’ll be face to face again with Cole.
How am I going to react when I see him? How will he? Is he going to look at me the same way he did just before he walked out of my house and by extension, my life?
Does he still hate me?
“Stop it,” I whisper harshly, as if scolding a wayward child.
I suck in a deep breath, holding it until my lungs ache, then slowly exhale. “It doesn’t matter, Lila. You’ve got this,” I say firmly, staring myself down in the mirror. “You don’t need him. If he doesn’t want to be a part of you and your babies’ lives, then so be it. What you’re not going to do is beg him to change his mind. If he thinks you’re a liar, then he doesn’t know you, and if he doesn’t know who you are, he’s not worth your time.”
My voice is steady, but my eyes look uncertain. Still, I hold my gaze, refusing to look away, willing myself to believe the words I’m saying.
I have worked my butt off to pull off this event, and now that it’s finally here, I’m going to have a good time with my sister and best friend, at least before Greg whisks her away to unveil his own surprise for her.
If that means staying on the other side of the room hiding from Cole the entire night, then so be it.
What if he doesn’t even show up?
Part of me hopes he won’t. It would save me from the stress of trying to avoid him all night. But another part of me, the foolish, hopeful part, aches to see him, even if it’s just to confirm what I already suspect: that we’re truly done.
A final glance at my reflection in the mirror, and I’m finally ready. Picking my clutch up from my nightstand, I make my way out of my apartment.
***
Cole
I sit at the bar, nursing my third glass of the night. The signature cocktail tastes like her—bright, unexpected, and just sweet enough to be dangerous.
Maybe I hit the bar too quickly when I arrived, but it’s the only place that makes sense to me right now. Lately, the only time I’ve been able to quiet the noise in my head or numb the aching pain in my chest every time I think about her is at the bottom of a glass.
I know it’s not the healthiest way to cope with my problems, but it’s certainly better than having to face them. I’m not ready. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be. It’s been over a week since I walked out of her house, and yet I am no closer to figuring out what comes next. My head is a mess. My chest? Worse. I can’t get the image of her crying on the floor out of my head. That look she gave me as I walked away. The sadness in her eyes. The disappointment.
Who is she to be disappointed! She was the one who lied to me. She told me she couldn’t get pregnant, and a few weeks later she just miraculously turns out to be pregnant?
I’d be a fool to fall for any of it. I just don’t understand why she would do it. I’d started to hope again, to convince myself that I’d been wrong to judge the entire female population just off the actions of one woman.
I thought finally, here’s my second chance at trust. At…love.
I swirl the liquid in my glass, watching the light catch on the edge of the rim. A bitter laugh escapes me. How na?ve I was, thinking I could let my guard down, thinking that this time would be different.
You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now.
Still, I can’t deny what she’s done here tonight. The room is stunning—perfect, really. A reflection of her. Lila’s touch is everywhere, in the shimmering silver drapes, in the glow of the chandeliers, in the way the soft light bounces off every surface like magic. Even the tiny lamps strung overhead, swaying gently with the music, feel sensual, just like her.
“Hey, buddy, you okay?” Greg says, pulling back the seat beside me and sliding in, his easy grin firmly in place. I grunt in response, tipping my glass toward him. He gestures to the bartender to pour him a glass of whatever I'm having, his eyes instantly widening as soon as he takes a sip.
“Damn. What’s in here? This is really good,” he mutters, taking another sip.
Even though my heart is in the dumps, I can’t help my proud smile.
“That’s Lila’s signature cocktail for the night. She came up with it a couple weeks ago. Got the inspiration from one we tasted at an event and tweaked it to make it her own.”
He nods appreciatively, taking another sip. “It’s really good. Sue always says you can tell how much Lila cares by the little details. Guess this proves her right. She and Sue are so much alike. This tastes like something Sue would come up with too.” Greg smiles fondly, continuing to sip from his glass.
It suddenly occurs to me that Lila’s not going to be able to have any of it tonight. No cocktails for her, because she’s pregnant.
Shit.
“Excuse me,” I say abruptly, motioning to the bartender. “What non-alcoholic options do you have for tonight?”
“What, you’re planning on giving up booze now?” Greg snickers, glancing to the half-finished drink in front of me.
“This isn’t for me,” I mutter, turning my focus back to the bartender.
“Just water, sir,” the bartender responds.
She’s going to need something else.
“That’s it? No fruit juice? Or even some soda?”
“No, sir. None that’s stocked. If you want that, it’s going to cost—”
“Do whatever you need to do. Just get a couple soda options and some fruit juice here as soon as possible,” I mutter, slipping a couple hundred-dollar bills across the counter to him. “There’s gonna be a lady who will ask for it.”
“Of course, sir. I’ll set it up right away,” he says eagerly, scrambling to pick up the cash I slid him and quickly disappearing behind the little bar area.
“What the hell was that about?” Greg asks, staring at me like I’ve grown another head.
“I’ll tell you later. Shouldn’t you be off serenading your wife or something? Don’t you have a present for her?” I try not to roll my eyes at the way his smile instantly softens when I mention Sue.
It’s the first time that I truly understand.
“Yes, but Sue won’t leave here until she’s seen her best friend who seems to be running a little late,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “So—oh, speak of the devil,” he chuckles, his eyes trained now on something behind me.
I follow his gaze, turning around to see what he’s staring at.
The breath instantly gets stuck in my throat, my heart rate accelerating. Lila steps into the room, her silver dress catching the light and scattering it like starlight. Her hair tumbles in soft waves, framing her face, which is lit with the kind of smile that could stop time. She takes gentle strides in her clear slippers to where Sue is already waiting for her with outstretched arms.
She looks absolutely stunning, like she’s been plucked straight out of a fairytale.
For a moment, it’s just her. The room fades away. The noise dims. There’s only Lila, and I’m powerless against the pull of her.
“I need a moment,” I say gruffly, getting off the stool and disappearing into the hallway just beyond the door. The air in the ballroom feels suffocating and I can’t stay. Not when every nerve in my body is screaming at me to go to her, to touch her.
I can’t forget what’s happening between us, yet my heart still yearns for her. My entire body burns with the need to be near her.
It’s going to be a long fucking night.
I continue my walk down the hallway, in search of the restroom. I make my way to the sink, splashing some cold water on my face. My knuckles grip the edge of the sink, white and strained.
“Get it together, man,” I growl.
I stare at my reflection in the small bathroom mirror, forcing myself to take deep, calming breaths.
If I’m such a mess just at the sight of her, what’s going to happen when I have to talk to her?
“You need to pull yourself together,” I mutter again to myself.
Pushing through the doors of the restroom, I make my way back down the hallway, ready to get back into the party. I’m just about to round the corner, when the sound of a familiar voice just on the other side catches my attention. I halt in my tracks, listening for just a moment longer. Is that…Sue?
Brows drawn tightly together, I contemplate just walking past her regardless. Yet, I don’t move. Something tells me to stay put, ears involuntarily tuned trying to make out what she’s saying. Who’s she talking to? It’s probably Greg.
I turn around to head back when her next words stop me dead in my tracks.
“You have no idea how happy I was when you told me,” Sue says. “I know how hard it’s been for you thinking you’d lost your dream of ever being able to have kids. My heart was broken for you, and I’ve said a thousand prayers for you, because if anyone deserves to be a mother it’s you. I just couldn’t accept that the universe could be so cruel.”
“Thank you, Sue! Those prayers worked, because they told me this was impossible for me, that I’d never be able to have kids, and now miraculously there’s life growing inside of me. I mean. I—I just have no words to express how happy and grateful I am,” Lila whispers.
Her voice is so small I have to strain to hear it, but my heart instantly drops into the pit of my stomach as her words hit me like a freight train. My chest tightens, and I lean against the wall, suddenly unsteady.
She never lied to me. She wasn’t trying to deceive me.
“I’m so happy for you, Lila. You deserve the entire world, and I’m so glad that this—I just…” she trails off, and the sound of sniffling comes through as emotions take over.
I don’t even dare breathe, for fear that they might hear me. Instead, I just stand there frozen, my brain trying to make sense of everything I’m hearing.
“Aw, don’t cry, Sue. If you cry, then I’m going to start crying,” Lila sniffles, and my heart skips a bit at the sound. All I want to do is wrap her up in my arms.
“I still can’t believe we’re pregnant at the same time,” Sue says, her voice tinged with amazement. “We’re going to have the cutest babies, and they’re going to be best friends. After all, their dads and moms are best friends, so they don’t even have a choice,” she laughs, a light, joyful sound, and Lila chuckles softly along with her.
Pregnant at the same time? Sue’s pregnant? Greg never mentioned this. I push away the slight twinge of guilt that I hadn’t told him about Lila’s pregnancy either. The two of us clearly have a lot to talk about.
Sue’s laughter fades as she sighs, her tone taking a sharp dive. “Too bad their dads are assholes.”
My ears perk up again. I can understand why Sue would say that about me; I have been acting like an asshole, but why would she think that about Greg? That’s not like her. They literally worship the ground the other walks on.
What the hell is going on?
Lila lets out a soft, conspiratorial laugh. “Yeah, about that. Greg isn’t an asshole; I promise you that. He would never do anything to hurt you, Sue. I’ve told you this a hundred times. This time I have proof.”
“What? You—”
“Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind tonight, okay? By the end of the night, everything will make sense,” Lila interrupts gently, her voice steady but firm.
Sue groans. “What does that even mean?”
“Just trust me, Sue.”
Sue huffs out a reluctant, “Fine, but even if Greg’s not an asshole, Cole certainly is. I can’t believe he really thought you—”
“Sue,” Lila says sharply, her voice dropping into a clipped tone. “What did we promise we weren’t going to do tonight?” Her voice is tense just at the mention of me. Does she hate me that much?
Sue lets out a heavy sigh, guilt creeping into her voice. “We said we weren’t going to talk about Cole.”
“Exactly,” Lila says. “It was your idea, and a really good one. So let’s stick to it. He can think whatever he wants about me. I know the truth, and that’s all that matters to me.”
Her voice is quiet but cold, the warmth I’ve come to associate with Lila stripped away completely. It’s like a punch to the gut. She’s hurt, and she has every right to be. I thought—oh, God, I thought the worst about her, and I was wrong. I’m the one who did this to her.
“I know. It’s just not fair how he—”
The sound of a door opening in the distance quiets both of them. Greg’s voice echoes through the hallway a moment later.
“Babe? What are you doing out here? Oh, Lila, you’re here too. I’ve been looking everywhere for you two,” Greg’s voice booms cheerfully, breaking the tension.
“Yeah, we just needed to use the restroom, but we’re finished now,” Sue tells him.
“You ladies should come back in then. There’s something I want to show you, baby,” Greg says.
“Okay. Let’s all go in,” Sue agrees, her voice brighter now. Lila murmurs something I can’t quite make out.
“Oh, by the way, have either of you seen Cole?” Greg asks as their voices fade, growing fainter with each step.
I don’t move until I hear the door shut behind them. Only then does my body finally give in, sagging even more against the cool wall behind me. The reality of what I just overheard overwhelms me, crushing every ounce of self-righteous anger I’d been holding onto.
I’ve been a fool. A blind, stubborn fool.
How could I have believed, even for a second, that Lila would try to trap me or manipulate me? I’ve known her for eight years. Even though we weren’t friends, I’ve always known the kind of person she was. Honest. Kind. Good. And yet, I let my own fears, my own baggage, twist her actions into something they weren’t.
The truth has been staring me in the face the entire time, and I refused to see it because it terrified me.
Because as much as I wanted it, there was a part of me that realizes if she wasn’t lying, then it meant this— us —was real.
It meant I was really about to start a family with the one woman who’s been in my heart since the moment I first saw her.
I can admit it; I’ve been in love with Lila Smith for eight years. Eight long years of pretending I didn’t feel this way, of hiding behind my walls and convincing myself that I was safer on my own, and in the process, I’ve managed to ruin everything.
I need to fix this. I need to tell her the truth, to convince her that we were meant to be together. To raise our child together.
I’ve never prayed in my life, but I find myself doing so now.
“God, please don't let me be too late.”