Chapter 37
Clyde
I really fucking dislike being ogled.
Acknowledged for my handsome face and good hair—sure. Discreetly stared at when I arrive somewhere on my hog—certainly, but there is no appreciation in the eyes of the people staring at Road and me as we make our way through the elusive settlement in the woods.
I’ve seen pictures of this place, heard stories about all the things that supposedly happen in this “occult commune” , but so far I’m seeing more hippies than witches. Road offers the passersby polite nods, as if him bringing me here wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, but I sense the tension in his body grow the farther away from the clubhouse we are.
There are more people around the common areas, like the food hall smelling of stewed meat, or the playground, but now that we’re walking up a path surrounded by cabins, the intrusive eyes of people, who’ve chosen this exact time to water their plants or read on their porches burn my skin.
This place isn’t quite what I expected though. I don’t see any trash lying around, and while the people here are living mostly off-grid, it looks like a functioning community.
Every time I consider saying something, my throat feels so dry my voice dies. Or maybe I’m afraid that Creep is nearby, trying to lip read or some shit. I want to make a joke to ease the tension, but it’s not coming. I’ve been a shell of myself, unable to grasp all the changes in my life.
But there is one constant. Road.
I glance at him, wondering what he is truly thinking about all of this. We’ve not had a chance to talk, and it’s eating me up from the inside. He’s been like a brick wall between me and his club. Though what he meant about me becoming his husband is still a blur to me. We’ve barely graduated from pretending we’re fuckbuddies. Did he want to come off strong in front of his prez, or did he really mean it?
And what do I think about it? We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months, but he knows things I’ve never shared with anyone else. Is this connection real? Or does it feel authentic, because it’s been so intense? I trust him to not turn on me, but that doesn’t mean I want to risk having my heart spat back at me if Road gets bored of dealing with the fallout of being with me.
At least no one bothers us as we walk through the settlement reminiscent of the summer camp that used to occupy this area before I was born. A cat dashes our way and stops a few paces ahead before releasing a prolonged meow.
“Hello to you too,” Road says, resting some of his weight on my shoulder. We’re still being watched, but with there only being so many cabins ahead, we must be almost in the safety of his home.
The cat walks ahead of us, but turns its head every now and then, as if to make sure we’re following. Is this an omen? It’s black.
“Is this… Brigid’s cat?” I ask. It makes sense for a witch to have one. Or several for that matter, as I spot them on the porch of a wooden cabin at the edge of the village.
“Nah, he’s a stray. I’m trying to get some of the cats in Vulture Hollow neutered, but you know how it is, they breed like bunnies,” Road says, relaxing against me, as if the neutral topic provides solace from the tension of the past weeks and everything that’s happened since yesterday.
Several of the felines meow, and some head toward us in a disorganized crowd of fur and whiskers. It’s borderline intimidating when they attempt to trip Road by rolling their bodies against his shins.
I frown when he leads the way to the porch. “This is your house?”
Road grabs the railing and walks up the steps. “Yeah. Sorry, I’ll just—” He sucks in a sharp breath and opens a large plastic bin locked with a series of latches. Inside is a giant pile of dry pet food, which he starts scooping into metal bowls arranged by the wall. “Can you change their water? There’s a hose coming out of the wall,” he adds, pointing out the two bowls filled with water that appear far from clean.
“You never said you have cats. So many too.” I do as asked, taking in the furballs meowing in excitement. There must be at least twenty here. What else do I not know about Road? Lots, I’m sure.
“Oh, I just feed them. They’re not allowed in the house or anything,” he tells me before locking the food container while the flurry of cats reaches their troughs.
In my mind, it does pretty much mean they’re his cats, but I’m not about to question it. “Do you have a favorite?” I ask as I put down the last bowl of water.
Road chuckles and pulls up a chonker of an animal, with a thick ginger pelt and the features of a rogue. “You gotta love the ones that cause most trouble. Say hello to Nutter,” he says and offers me the feline to pet.
The cat yawns at me, then licks its mouth, but when I reach out to pet him, he lashes out at me with claws. “Err… I don’t think he likes me.”
I don’t know what we’re doing playing with cats and having this conversation about nothing when there is so much to still be said between us, but it’s nice to get a breather from it all. Road in his natural habitat. It’s new to me, and I find him pretty endearing when he rests his chin between the cat’s ears before settling it back on the floor. He’s looking up at me when his gaze darts past my body.
“Hey! What are you doing creeping around my house?” Road shouts, stretching with a loud creak. I glance over my shoulder to spot a red-haired teenager in checkered overalls peeking out from behind the cabin. His long fingers twitch as he considers his options, but since he’s caught red-handed, he gives up on the plan to run away and clears his throat.
“I wasn’t! I just came to change the blankets in the cat house.”
I give Road a pointed look. He has a cat house . But sure, totally not his cats.
I’m about to tell the teen to beat it, but I bite my tongue. It doesn’t feel like it’s my place to do so. I’m on thin ice here, and what if he’s the son of someone important?
“Good, now go say hi to your mom and clear off. I need to sleep,” Road says and walks inside, past the unlocked door. We’re greeted by the scent of wood, and the first glimpse of the corridor inside the wood log home doesn’t reveal much. There’s an old cabinet close to the door, and some hangers with outerwear. Through the open door ahead, I see tiles, so that’s presumably the bathroom, and on the right is a room dominated by a blanket-covered couch.
“Shut the curtains,” Road tells me as he heads to the other side of the house.
“Are we expecting more spies?” I sigh, wishing for a bit of peace with him already. So much longing has been trapped in my chest since our fight at the motel, but I squash it once again and close the damn curtains first, sinking the interior in orange-tinted light. It’s muted but bright enough to reveal the fireplace, the old TV and a large collection of DVDs. One of those singing fish is hung on the wall, but other than that, Road only has a couple of framed photos for decoration. The room is simple and honest, like Road himself.
“Probably.” He’s back with me before I can finish scanning roomy surroundings, and we face one another with way too much floor between us.
In the dim light, it’s somehow easier to cross the distance and I never take my eyes off him as I step closer, closer, and then I’m in his embrace, my arms sliding around his waist, cheek against his jaw. I take a deep breath, and while he could use a shower after what we’ve been through, I’m comforted by his smell anyway. It’s only been a few days since the motel, but it feels like a lifetime.
“Thank you for standing up for me,” I whisper, running my hands up and down his strong back. His arms tighten, and while I can no longer breathe, I love being this close to him.
“You literally threw everything away to help me. Of course I’m on your side,” he tells me, rubbing his stubble against my skin.
“I missed you so much. I don’t think I can be without you anymore.” And I don’t know when that happened, but it did. Somewhere between him stabbing me and us falling into a fuckfest, I fell in love with him so hard my heart hurts when I think about it.
“We’ll make this work,” he says, exploring my back with both hands, as if he’s a starved man in need of making sure the meal he’s been spared won’t be the last. “Fuck, I thought you were gone—”
I love the warmth of his sturdy body. It reminds me that he’s alive, not a cooling corpse. I shudder at the memory. “And I found you in my cabin with foam running down your mouth. You were so cold, and your heart beat so faintly, I was sure you were dead. I didn’t want to live. I almost pulled some Romeo and Juliet shit and shot myself. But then I heard your pulse, and… Road, I’ve not cried in ten years, but last night, I bawled like a baby. ”
He’s overcome by a full-body shudder and slides his face against my neck, nose under my jaw bone, as if he wants to crawl inside me. “And I thought you were a bit smarter than me,” he says in a faint voice.
“Guess not, so don’t you fucking die again.” I don’t care what I had to sacrifice to have him. I’ll probably worry about it tomorrow, but when I’m in his arms, it doesn’t seem to matter.
He pulls away but keeps one arm around my waist as he guides me to the bathroom. Located in the very middle of the cabin, it has no windows, and without the wood to warm up the atmosphere, its white interior seems weirdly clinical in the home of someone like Road. There’s not much in terms of fittings either—just a sink with a mirror-doored cabinet above it, a toilet, and a bathtub. A wooden basket likely contains dirty laundry, but that’s it. No decor of any kind.
“I stink,” Road tells me with an apologetic smile and starts running the water into the tub.
I stroke his head, still amazed that I’m here with him. Alive. After all I’ve done yesterday. I’m optimistic, but not stupid. I might still die in the coming weeks, so I better make the best of it.
“I could use a bath too. Not at all because I want to see you naked again.” I pull on his T-shirt to take it off him. The acerbic smell of sweat somehow draws me even closer, and I kiss his collarbone, combing my fingers through the hair on his chest. There’s such comfort in touching him like this, proving to myself that we’re both still here, and for the time being at least, we can be happy.
“Of course not,” he says and presses a kiss to my nose before nipping my cheekbone with a playful smile. His hands pull at my belt, as if we’ve never parted.
I melt for him. I don’t have it in me to regret anything I’ve done when he touches me like this, when he looks at me as though he’d stand up to my whole club as long as I was on the other side of the fight.
“I’ve been holding back for too long.” I explore his shoulders with my fingertips. “Trying to pretend you’re just a casual fuck I can quit at any time.”
Road blinks, licks his lips, and stares at me, thirsty for more, desperate for my voice and whatever else it might reveal. He’s so damn handsome, so unapologetically masculine, but his sharp jawline or muscular chest can’t compete with the way he’s stood by me, how he’s refused to sacrifice me for an easy way out .
I don’t think I ever had anyone who’d do that for me. My club had my back, but always with strings attached.
“It was a lost cause,” he agrees, opening my belt, and then my zipper.
I shiver when he slides his hand in. There are no rushed movements, he just holds his palm against my dick, but that’s enough for me right now.
“I should have known I was playing with fire. There was no going back once I tasted you.” I pull back only to take my T-shirt off. “And now I’m a fucking sap, thinking your eyes are like hot chocolate. I’m so fucking gone.”
Road stares at me like a newborn calf, brows lowering into a soft expression I’ve never seen on him. “My eyes? That’s… not the kind of thing I usually hear from people,” he adds with a laugh that’s almost awkward, but before I can defend myself from the mocking to come, he grabs my face and dives in for a kiss that has me rising to my toes. His tongue strokes over mine, and electricity dances everywhere we’re connected.
“I—maybe it’s stupid of me,” he whispers, peppering kisses along my cheek while his fingers trail up my scalp. “But I just need you now. You’ve got your claws in me, and it’ll rip me open if you’re gone.”
It’s such a relief to know he feels the way I do, that we’re voracious for each other not just because we’re two horny beasts with no other outlet. It’s Road or no one for me.
“If it’s stupid, then our combined IQ is zero.”
I open his pants and push them down when I see the bathtub is almost full. As soon as we’re both naked, I go in first and spread my arms, eager to be his big spoon even here. The hot water is so soothing on my tired muscles, I let out a happy groan.
Road is still not quite himself, so I watch him as he steps into the tub, and while his sturdy form is a delicacy I intend to feast on many times, right now I want him close. Once he settles in, back to my chest, his arms on my legs, we both exhale with relief. The water is a bit too warm for my taste, but if that’s what Road needs, I’ll go with it. There’s a moment of silence, and then he rests the back of his head on my shoulder and speaks.
“Seeing him shoot you, it was like dying myself. And when you remained still…” He shakes his head. “You were gone. My club would soon know I betrayed them. I felt I had nothing.”
I get some liquid soap and massage it over his shoulders. Its scent is warm, with a hint of pine and lemon that reminds me of our time at the motel—a mixed bag of feelings there .
“How did you see that? Didn’t you drive away?”
Road shudders and splashes his face with water. “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I should have stayed. Everything happened so fast, and then I realized you were not following, so I drove back. And then I saw it. You falling,” he finishes in a choked tone.
“Oh babe…” I kiss his nape and hug him. “Bracer told me to play dead, it was my only chance, so I followed his instructions. I didn’t know what he’d want, but I didn’t have options. And then I was stuck, unable to text you. I had too much time to think as I lay there. Mostly regret about our argument at the motel. That I might still die and never kiss you again.”
His head rolls over my shoulder, and he presses his face to my neck. “Yeah,” he mutters, grabbing both my hands almost too hard, as if he’s worried I might be torn away from him at any second. “I wish you trusted me.”
It hurts to hear, but I can’t take it back. I kiss his temple for reassurance. “I will now.”
“You sent me a message, right before all hell broke loose,” Road says, pressing a kiss to my jaw. His short hair tickles my skin, as if it were a deliberate caress. “What was that about? What changed?”
I swallow, plunged back into Kalash’s disturbing story. It brings up so much discomfort, I don’t know how to express it. I hug Road with a deep breath. Not only does he deserve to know, but I want him to, I want to somehow communicate the things I know I’ll never be able to openly reveal. Maybe then, the monster inside me will stop gnawing at my guts.
“I found out about Luna.” My voice is raspy, and my heart beats so fast, I’m afraid Road might feel it against his skin. “Kalash was there. He didn’t… participate, but told me about it. And I just… I knew that’s why Roy’s dead. You said it wasn’t your secret to tell, and I respect you for that. Guys like that deserve it. She’s so… small, she didn’t stand a chance.” I have to stop talking because I choke up, and I don’t want to cry again. Thinking Road was dead was a valid reason, but I can’t become this soft. Still, all I can think of is that man who will never know justice, on top of me. Bigger, stronger, holding me down as if I wasn’t even a person.
Road turns, and while the tub’s narrow, he manages to look at me as he presses his shoulder to the wall. There’s a darkness in his eyes, as if they were rotting blood rather than chocolate. “I would kill him all over again if I could.” With that, he turns back and pulls my arms around him. While I’m the one holding him, the warmth of his body, and the anger I sense in him are so damn reassuring. “Squealed like a pig at the end.”
I smirk when I think that’s what Kalash said about Luna. “I killed Kalash. I lost my shit and stabbed him I don’t know how many times. Only reason I’m not soaked in blood is ‘cause Bracer tried to help me cover it up, so I changed and showered. But then I messaged you and—you know what went down after that. I don’t even know what the Butchers know about it now. Bracer wasn’t at the hospital.”
“It’ll work out somehow,” Road says and pulls my trembling hand to his lips, leaning back as if I were his favorite chair. Despite the somber atmosphere, I find myself smiling at the comfort of this moment. Now that my body is used to the hot water, it feels like we’re both floating in zero gravity, away from whatever real life might bring. I curl around my man, savoring his presence after missing it for what felt like forever. I don’t know how he’s managing to stay so calm and keep reassuring me when I’m this emotional wreck, but soon his calm seeps into me where our skin is touching and clears my head.
I kiss his shoulder as I stroke his chest, so amazed that he is here with me. Alive. “So… what now? What was that husband talk about?” Even that is less stressful than what we had to discuss before.
Road glances over his shoulder, but it only lasts a split second, offering me the best view on the dark flush climbing the back of his neck. “Yeah… I want them to treat you with respect. This way, they’ll have to. It makes sense.”
I kiss his nape. “‘Makes sense’? That’s your proposal?” I tease even though I’m bewildered by this concept. I know biker life though, and if his club is anything like mine, I understand where he’s coming from.
He lets out a helpless roar, then splashes his face and rises to twist in the tub so we can see each other with ease. Warm droplets cascade down his neck and wide chest, but I can’t follow their trail, not when he’s staring at me with eyes so intense I feel not just naked but stripped to my core.
“Fine, it’s stupid, but I want you to myself. I don’t want no other guy thinking you’re up for grabs. And I want to know that you want that too,” he says breathlessly, kneeling between my spread legs.
I sigh and slide my hands down his sides. I love how he’s built. A wall between me and the world, the tattoos and bruises on him like the best graffiti. But it’s his confidence, his unbreakable bond with me that makes me say, “yes. No one else would do.” I’m so entranced by his dark eyes I don’t even blink. “I want all of you, all the time.”
He shrinks, exhaling, as if he were braced for rejection until I confirmed that I don’t in fact want to run away from him. “Yes to what? Getting married?” he asks, still cautious.
I bite back a smile. My life is in ruins, and yet this moment still feels like distilled joy pumped into my veins. This amazing, brave guy wants me. “Yes. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.”
He reaches back, holding both hands at the back of his head, watching me with his lower lip stuck between his teeth. “Okay then... yeah, let’s do that,” he says and, after a moment’s hesitation, grabs my face, leaning in for a kiss so deep and intense, I feel it even in my toes.
I slide lower in the bath, wrapping my arms around his neck. Absolute bliss. Even my bruises don’t hurt now. My whole body awakes to his touch and I’m gonna grasp this happiness for as long as it lasts.
“I love you,” I whisper against his lips. “And loved our sex too, Roadie. I want it again. I want to feel you inside me.”
He’s pressing his forehead to mine now and shoves one arm under me as he inhales, staring back at me in helpless wonder. My hair’s floating in the water, but he keeps my face above the surface. While he says nothing at first, I can see every intense emotion reflecting in his gaze.
“Oh shit,” he mumbles, briefly closing his eyes. “Oh fuck…”
I like being able to express that to him and not feeling self-conscious about wanting to bottom. His excitement becomes pretty prominent, so I reach for his dick and wrap my fingers around it. A groan of satisfaction escapes my lips. This guy will be my fucking husband ? I never imagined such a thing, but now I feel like I hit the jackpot.
“Lost for words, big guy?” I squeeze his cock for good measure.
Road nods, sucking in his lower lip as I give him a slow stroke. “You definitely know how to keep me quiet,” he tells me, gaze intense as he pushes me up in the tub and then slides his middle finger inside his mouth. I’m so startled it takes me two seconds to realize he’s pulled off one of his silver rings with his teeth. It’s a thick band made out of segments reminiscent of a human spine.
My suspicions are confirmed when I spot a skull with two ruby eyes at the front. “It’s the best one I have right now,” he says, sliding the ring onto my finger .
I like that it isn’t dainty. Like Road. It’s also very like us that he’s putting a ring on me while my other hand is on his dick. I hope my flush can be attributed to the hot water we’re in.
I smirk at him. “It’s perfect. I remember you had it on when you punched me more than once. Now it’s mine.”
He laughs and presses his lips to mine, and while the kiss doesn’t last, it leaves me breathless with my need for him. “Well, I’m never punching you again, so you can have it this way, Blue Eyes.” A heartbeat passes. “Bed?”
I nod and let go of his dick. “Gimmie a second longer in here?” I pray he doesn’t ask why, because I’m not yet that comfortable with some of the details of sex with him, but he gives me a kiss and gets up, which brings his stiff dick very close to my face. It’s dripping water, and I dampen my lips as I see it swing out of reach when Road steps out of the water.
“I’ll be next door,” he says, placing his palm on my chest, and then he’s gone, closing the door behind him.
I love him so much. All of him. The brash side, the sexy side, the violent parts, and the unexpected layers of softness and compassion under all the muscle and tattoos.