8. Luke
8
Luke
W hen I wake up, Evan is gone. I know he likes to run early in the morning before he goes to work. Still , I wish he was here. I pull on pajama pants and make some coffee. The sky is beginning to lighten to pink with hints of orange. With my coffee cup in hand, I walk out onto the balcony and lean against the steel and glass barrier.
The sunrise looks so different here. So many buildings block the view. Such a large city, but the sky seems smaller here. Chicago has Evan , and last night, Evan kissed me. I can’t keep from smiling. I brush my hair away from my face. Everything's changed. Hasn’t it? Feels like it to me, but Evan could change on me in a heartbeat. He lets himself go to follow his feelings, only to do a complete one-eighty the next moment, out of fear.
I understand. I know his religious values. I have the same ones…well maybe not exactly the same. We grew up in the same church, but his family has always been so strict and unrelenting in their views. They forget love is the heart of the faith. Evan and I have always loved each other. Why would that be considered wrong?
The glass door slides open, and I turn to see Evan , his hair damp with sweat. His jacket is unzipped with his T -shirt clinging to his chest.
“ Good run?” I ask.
“ Yeah . Cleansing . You should join me tomorrow.”
“ I’ll pass.”
He leans over the railing next to me.
“ Want me to fix you some coffee?”
He doesn’t answer me, just stares at me with a slight smile.
“ What ?’
He shakes his head. “ Nah , I don’t want coffee.” He leans in and kisses me softly. It’s shy and endearing, and it tugs at my heart.
I instantly feel weak and drawn in to him. I let him taste my lips and lightly touch our tongues together, brushing my nose against his. “ So it wasn’t a dream?”
“ You dream about me?” he asks.
We both laugh, and I grasp his T -shirt and pull him back to my lips. This time I take the lead and slide my tongue into his mouth. He makes a sexy sound, and I find myself stepping closer. “ Don’t go to work.”
He looks down to his shoes. “ I have to. I can’t afford to take off at the last minute. I’m still new.”
My heart sinks, but I know it’s not his fault.
“ Why ?” he asks with curiosity. “ What would you do with me here?”
I growl and bite his lower lip, hesitant to put it into words. I was brave last night, but this morning everything could change.
He looks at me for a moment and takes a deep breath. “ Luke ?”
“ Yeah ?”
“ I want to… I shouldn’t, but I do. My entire run, I kept trying to talk myself out of it. I can’t seem to though.” He closes his eyes before turning to look out over the city. “ Can’t it be okay? I’m so tired of running from what I need the most.”
I turn his chin back to me. “ It is okay if it’s what we want. It’s our relationship.”
“ I don’t want you to leave without feeling this close to you. I’m afraid if you do, I’ll never have the chance again.”
I step back. “ This isn’t a right-now thing for me, Evan . Has it ever been?”
He shakes his head and leans over with his arms on the railing. “ No . Every time we’re together we become closer. But when you go home, and I’m here…who knows.”
I put my hand on his opposite shoulder. He leans against me. “ You always know where to find me, but I have been thinking the same. I don’t like being so far away from each other.”
We’re quiet as the sun starts to peek between the buildings. I drink my coffee and try not to think about having to leave in a few days.
“ Tonight ? I want to try.” His words take my breath.
It takes a few moments before my pulse speeds up. “ I don’t know what I’m doing, you know.”
“ What do you mean?”
I glance at him. “ I don’t have a lot of experience even with women, and with you…” I shrug, uncomfortable to admit it to him.
He claps his hand on my shoulder. “ Me either. Can we just figure it out together?”
I nod, but I hate feeling so inept. While he’s at work I can find some answers to my questions. I want him to feel good. I want us both to feel lost together. I don’t want him to be hurt like he was. I want to erase that experience for him.
“ Don’t overthink. As long as we go slow, I’ll be alright. I just want to feel everything I can with you.”
“ What changed your mind?” I ask. “ Two days ago, you didn’t even want to kiss me.”
He furrows his brow and slides his hand into mine. “ It’s the only thing that’s felt right in such a long time. I’m tired of searching for this, and not accepting it from the one person I love most. I don’t want to think about it, Luke . If I do, I’ll remember all the reasons I shouldn’t.”
I grasp the back of his neck and pull him to me. “ Those reasons, whatever they are, are shallow and meaningless.”
He lays his head on my shoulder, and I feel his lips touch my neck. “ I’ve missed you so much. I’m angry at how much time I’ve missed with you.” He admits things I couldn’t even dream to hope to hear.
I rub his back and kiss his damp hair. “ I know why you don’t come home. It’s easier for us to be together here.”
“ Then stay,” he pleads.
I can’t answer him the way he wants. I can’t tell him I will, and I won’t tell him that I can’t.
After a few minutes, he stands and brushes his fingers through my hair. “ I have to get ready for work. I don’t want to leave you though.”
“ Don’t worry, baby. I’ll be here when you return.”
“ Kiss me again?” he asks.
I smile and step closer, so our bodies touch before our lips do. He lets me kiss him gently, without urgency. He moans and slides his hands to my hips. His hands pull my hips against his and twist them slightly while our tongues slide together. He tastes like water and salt with a slight hint of mint. I feel it in my groin, and I want to let go of all this pressure that I’ve held back since I got here. If I could, I would take him to his bed, strip him and take him. Just once I want to take without asking. Take , because he’s giving. I whimper when he pulls away.
“ Tonight ,” he promises, before he walks back into the apartment. I watch him remove his jacket and then his shirt. I have to turn away to keep myself planted to the floor.
EVAN
I was so happy this morning. I had spent my entire run arguing with myself over why this was something I shouldn’t do, but in the end, I wanted it too much not to be with Luke . I’m not even sure I can cope with how much I have missed having him in my life. Coming home to find him barefoot, drinking coffee on my balcony filled me with contentment. All day long I have been floating a few feet above the earth. I’ve been distracted and thinking about tonight with trepidation and excitement.
I promised to bring home dinner, and that I would come home early since I was a bit ahead of schedule on the design project I am working on. Then my day went to shit. The builder refused to approve the design due to zoning issues with the property adjacent. In a matter of minutes, Luke exited my mind, and I’ve been redrafting the plans to meet our deadline on Thursday .
When I look up from my work to rub my eyes, I’m shocked to see the sun setting. Fuck ! It’s almost eight o’clock! I grab my phone and type out a text to Luke .
EVAN: Shit! I had no idea it was this late. Hit major delays with this building design. Sorry, man.
LUKE: As long as you’re ok.
EVAN: I’m okay, just pissed with myself. With work.
LUKE: Was worried.
EVAN: Don’t be. I’m not avoiding you. I promise. I miss the hell out of you right now.
LUKE: That bad?
“ Evan ?”
I look up to see my direct manager, Tony , enter the office. “ What’s up?” I stand as he approaches and gazes over our revised blueprints.
“ Have you reconfigured based on the budget?”
“ I recalculated twice, the difference in cost will be a bit more, but not notable.”
“ You know they have reduced the budget.”
“ No , I didn’t.”
“ I sent you an email about it this morning,” he grumbles.
I haven’t stopped to even look at my email. “ I didn’t see it.”
“ How many times have I told you to get your head out of the design and check your emails, take a break, consult with your team?”
I hang my head and take in a breath. “ I was only trying to get these plans revised before we meet with the client.”
Tony crosses his arms over his chest. “ You’ve been here long enough to be better disciplined. It is not my job to walk down here and tell you what’s clearly stated in an email that’s at your fingertips.”
“ No , sir. I know.” I grip my hands at my hips in an attempt to hold my tongue.
“ Then why does this keep happening?”
I jiggle the mouse and click on my email. I read over the numbers and my mood plummets. “ Sir , this is impossible.”
“ I didn’t ask if you could do it. I don’t care if you have to stay all night. The new plans must make budget before tomorrow’s meeting.” He turns and walks out of the office and down the hallway, flipping off the light in the hallway. It’s only a few minutes before I hear him leave, and I’m left alone in the office.
I plop down in my chair and bury my face in my hands. This fucking blows.
EVAN: It just got worse.
LUKE: What happened?
EVAN: Long story. Don’t wait up.
It’s after midnight when I finally get in the elevator of my building. I had to pay out the ass for an Uber instead of taking the train this late at night. The night is ruined, and I know Luke is going to think I’m avoiding him when it’s actually the furthest thing from the truth. He was right, I should have called in sick.
The apartment is pitch dark, but it smells like food. Italian food. I’m too tired to acknowledge the grumbling in my stomach. I throw down my keys and pull at the knot in my tie. As I walk down the hallway, I see flickering light from my room. Luke is in bed watching TV .
“ Hey , you’re finally home,” he says with a smile.
“ You didn’t have to wait up.” I pull the tie from around my neck and walk into the closet to discard my boots. I work at a few buttons of my shirt and the clasp of my slacks as I walk back into the room. The dim colors from the screen reflect on his smooth skin and light hair.
Luke pats his thigh. “ Come here.”
I sigh, considering my plans to take a shower first, but I’m almost too tired to care. I crawl onto the bed and plop onto my back, laying my head on his thigh. He immediately combs his fingers through my hair. I moan with pleasure as my tension wavers.
“ You’re home now.”
“ This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. I didn’t want to let you down.”
Luke smiles down at me. “ It’s only ruined by you not being here. Now that you are, everything is right again.” His hand slides down my chest, and I grasp it in mine. How does he make me feel so good?
“ You’re not mad?” I ask.
His hand cups my face. “ No reason to be mad, little brother. You have a job and responsibilities.”
I sigh in relief as his hand moves from my jaw into my open shirt. My eyes fall closed at the gentle touch. “ I didn’t want you to think that I was avoiding coming home, avoiding our plans for tonight.”
He finishes unbuttoning my shirt and pushes it open. As if he’s admiring my chest, his hand slides across and down my torso. I look up in his eyes, and he smiles.
“ I’ve waited this long. Besides , I know it will be worth the wait.”
I prop up on my elbow and look over his naked chest. Leaning closer I press my lips over his heart. He hums pleasantly, while I kiss around his pectoral. Kissing him has opened a whole new world for me. I didn’t realize how much I was limiting myself from expressing my feelings to him.
Luke has almost no hair on his chest. It’s always been so smooth and tan which makes his skin exceptionally warm. My nose brushes across his nipple, and his breath hitches. I slide my hand up his body and flick it with my thumb.
Luke’s head drops back, and I watch his face as I lightly lick his nipple. He groans, and his fingers grip the hair on the back of my head. I press my lips to his skin and suck the sensitive flesh. His feet slide back causing his thigh to press against my back as if encouraging me closer. I close my eyes as I suck, while his free hand grasps my jaw.
“ I want all of it, Evan …whatever, and everything you’re willing to give me—when you’re ready.”
“ I’m ready,” I whisper. A fissure of fear lurks in my mind, but instead, I cling to the desire that has plagued me for years. I resume sucking on his nipple because I’m a sick fuck who likes it.
“ You’re not too tired?” he asks.
I shift to my side and slide one hand underneath the sheet. I’m thrown off course when I find him naked. “ You’re naked!”
He smirks at me. “ Is that okay?”
I find myself gazing at Luke as if it’s the first time I’ve ever looked in his gorgeous face. His skin is a golden bronze. His lips are perfect, not too thin or too full. It’s his eyes that make me weak because he is looking at me as if I’m everything he has ever wanted. His smile fades as his brows pinch.
“ Evan ?” His thumb lazily caresses my chin.
“ Fuck me, Luke .”
One blonde eyebrow arches as desire flickers across his face. His fingers begin working at my belt and zipper, throwing each obstacle out of his way. His gaze never leaves me, holding me captive. I sit up, stripping my shirt off my arms and tossing it on the bed. He rises over me, easing me back against the bed, and yanks open my pants. I attempt to push them down, but they only get as far as my mid-thigh. I’m stilled by Luke’s hand covering and massaging my balls carefully.
He licks his lips. “ I don’t intend on fucking you.” His voice is thick with lust, but my disappointment with his words overshadows his tone.
“ But I thought…”
Luke leans in close and licks my ear. “ Get the lube.”
A rush of adrenaline hits my system. I practically scramble to sit up and open the drawer of the nightstand. After tossing the bottle behind me on the bed, I shove my pants and boxers off my legs. Luke’s arm snakes around my ribs as his knees press against my hips. The warmth of his chest on my back has me groaning with need.
“ I’m not going to fuck you, Evan .” His husky voice and breath in my ear make me shiver.
He guides me to lie back and slides along my body to lie next to me. His kisses trail along my jaw. My cock is aching, despite being unsure if anything is actually going to happen.
“ Relax , baby,” he whispers and then kisses along my neck. One hand cradles my head, while the other caresses and squeezes the back of my thigh, “ I’m going to make love to you, Evan .”
The relief, mixed with desire, makes me so damn dizzy. I grab my cock, squeezing and seeking friction. The adrenaline high is making my body buzz like a hive. Luke has my thigh cradled in the crook of his arm, and I jump when the cold lube on his fingers smooths over my perineum and the crevice of my ass.
“ Fuck !”
Luke’s mouth swallows my curse as he kisses me slowly and languidly. I swear I’m going to burst from his touch. His kisses make everything feel exponentially hotter.
When his finger breaches me, I groan and shift my mouth away to catch my breath. “ Holy hell!”
“ You’re so fucking hot inside,” he mutters against my neck. I sink my fingers into his shoulder muscle as he bites and sucks on my throat. “ Another ?” he asks.
I don’t answer so much as grunt and thrust my hips against his hand. His finger slides out and two push back inside. Opening my eyes, I find Luke so close to me, watching the effect his touch has on me. I suddenly feel raw and vulnerable.
“ You okay?” he asks with concern.
I nod and pant out a yes or two. “ Don’t stop,” I plead, uncaring about the desperation in my voice.
He leans his forehead against mine and slowly closes his eyes. “ I won’t, baby, but I want you to relax a little. We’re going to take this slow and easy.”
I take in a breath, but it’s ragged. I have wanted him for so long, it’s no wonder I’m on edge and nervous with anticipation. What I don’t want to admit is the fear lingering in the darkness of my mind. I can’t reconcile my first experience, the loss of memory, the pain and feeling of being violated haunts me.
His lips brush across mine. “ I want you so damn bad, Evan .”
“ Then what are you waiting for?” Because I want this, and I’m finally ready to be with him.
He looks at me then, studying me carefully. He plants a soft kiss on my lips. “ I know you don’t want to go slow, but I need to. I need to take care of you, to show you how fucking special you are to me. I want to take away all the hurt and doubt that everyone has burned you with, and show you how much I love you, just the way you are and always have been.”
I swear my heart is going to burst. “ If you can do that…” God I’m so gone! “ If you can do that, I’ll never deny you anything, ever again.”
The corner of his mouth curves up. Cunningly he slips another finger inside, and I clench around them. I throw my head back against the bed and growl. My balls tighten as my cock leaks around my hand. Blood is pumping through my body like a bullet train. When he taps my prostate, I almost levitate off the bed, but Luke has me anchored in his hold.
“ I’m going to fucking come, Luke !”
He kisses my ear again. “ Then come for me, baby.”
Turning my head, I find his lips with my own, kissing him with every intention of devouring him whole. He massages that oversensitive spot, causing my eyes to roll back. When his tongue caresses mine, I climax. Cum shoots over my chest, hot and thick. I need to breathe, but he holds me captive with his lips, muffling my groans, consuming my ecstasy.
When his mouth releases me, he nuzzles my neck and moans. My entire body is throbbing with pleasure and melting against the heat of his skin. I bury my face in his hair, panting for breath. He massages my neck, supporting my weight.
“ Luke …” I feel like a raw nerve ending, naked and spread open. “ It’s too much!”
His fingers retract, slide over me, and massage my cock gently. “ If this isn’t okay, just tell me.”
“ How could it not be okay?”
When Luke’s eyes zero in on me, I almost look away. “ I just don’t want to do anything that reminds you of him…of what he did to you. That’s one reason I’m not going to fuck you tonight. This is all about loving you.”
I squeeze my eyes tightly shut as if I could expel the thoughts from my mind. “ I don’t want to think about him either.”
“ So you have to stop me, if it suddenly changes.” Luke leans his forehead to mine. “ I want this to be perfect for you. I know the sacrifice you’re making, and I don’t want you to regret it.”
I reach up and hold his face. “ As long as it’s with you, it will be perfect. I’ll never regret this, Luke . I promise.”