11. Luke
11
Luke
D on’t think I don’t notice that he doesn’t join me in the shower. Not even sure I want him to if I’m being honest. I know I’m in a foul mood, and little of it has to do with him. I suppose I don’t take rejection very well. I am so out of my element here in Chicago .
Deep down, it’s leaving him in a few days that is eating at me. I should be enjoying every moment, making the most of them. Instead , I am grumbling and pushing him away. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm the bad emotions. Leaning my arm against the tiles and resting my head, I let the water roll over me, imagining it’s washing away these crappy feelings.
I want him to hold me.
That is what I really need right now, but damn is it difficult to place that much responsibility in his hands. Especially since in the past he has resisted, drawn boundary lines, and hurt me. It’s not that he wouldn’t hold me… I need… I have no idea how to explain what I’m feeling, or what I need. I wish I could go to him, and he would just know what I need.
I think I’m dreaming when I feel strong hands slide up my back and massage my shoulders. When Evan kisses my spine, the tight band around my chest loosens. His hands freely roam as if they are peeling away the heavy feelings that surround me.
“ I don’t want you to doubt yourself, baby,” he whispers. “ This is only the beginning. The beginning of a new career, and the beginning of our relationship. Someone is going to see your talent. I’ll make sure of that.”
I squeeze my eyes tightly. I am not used to this. I am the strong one, but right now that role belongs to Evan .
“ I’m sorry I turned my bad mood on you.”
He kisses my shoulder then sinks his teeth into the muscle. How is biting such a turn on? Maybe the amount of hickeys on my neck and shoulders are why I got the stink eye today. I thought I had them covered since most were hidden by my hair. After I saw them in the mirror this morning, I jerked off. Evan had marked me, and even now the reality of those marks is a rush.
“ I’m not ashamed.” His voice is low and hesitant. I place my hand over the one he’s laid on my chest. “ I’m scared. I don’t know if I will ever not be afraid of my family knowing, of the fallout that will produce.”
That wasn’t fair of me either. He has given me so much these last few days, more than I ever hoped. I said it because I wanted him to feel as rejected as I feel. I’m a jackass.
“ You don’t have to kiss me in public, Evan . I know you fear them, and not me. Can we pretend you just came home?”
“ No .” His answer surprises me. “ I don’t want to pretend any of this didn’t happen. I want to remember all of it.”
I push off the wall and stand as he wraps his arms around me from behind. I reach back and run my fingers through his wet hair. “ Me too.”
I start to turn around, but he holds me tighter. “ Wait . Can I ask you something?”
“ You can ask me anything.”
“ Seeing you like this… I want to make it better.”
“ You did.”
“ No , I mean if you were a girl, I would want to make love to you, to show you how much I love you.”
Umm okay? “ But since I am not a girl?”
He buries his face against my back. “ This is coming out all wrong.”
“ Can I turn around?” I ask, wanting to see his face.
“ No , just let me get this out.” I slide my hand along his arm reassuringly. “ You know how I like you to be the dominant one?”
“ Yes .” Where is he going with this because I am confused?
“ Would you… could we…” He clams up, leaving me hanging.
Then a thought hits me. I turn around in his embrace and hold his face, tilting it up so he will look at me. “ Open your eyes, little brother.”
He does, and they are so intensely blue, I think they might be glowing a little. He’s aroused. Whatever is on his mind excites him.
“ Do you want to dominate me?” I ask.
He glances down, no doubt seeing our cocks growing. He swallows. I lean down and slide my tongue along his Adam’s apple.
“ Could we be vers?”
I furrow my brow as I search his face. “ Vers ?”
“ Versatile .” I am completely lost, which seems to make him frustrated. “ You know…could we flip-fuck.”
I blink a few times, raising my eyebrows. “ You’re going to have to spell this out for me.”
He huffs and drops his forehead against my shoulder with a thud. “ Let me top. You would bottom.”
“ Oh !” That came out of nowhere. Fuck , I am so ignorant! I want to laugh with relief, but I suppress it so he doesn’t think I’m laughing at him.
He pushes away, holding his hands up. “ If you’re finished, can I shower now?”
I grab him by the hips and roughly pull him against my body. My lips find his, that are hesitant. I tease and nibble until he submits and lets me kiss him deeply. I love this man so deeply that it could destroy me.
“ You want to fuck me?” I ask between kisses. I begin nipping along his jawline and sweeping my tongue over his stubble.
His hands hold onto me, as if the water could whisk him away down the drain. I can feel how hard he is, and it makes me desperate for him.
“ Do you, baby? Say it!”
“ Y … Yes ,” he finally exhales.
A husky laugh rumbles in my throat. “ Fuck , that’s hot!” Our mouths crash together, and this time, he takes the lead. He walks me backwards until my back slams against the tile.
“ Don’t tease,” he reprimands.
I slide my hands down and take him in my hand. “ Not teasing,” I mumble into his mouth. “ Evan !” I bite his lip and twist it.
He growls. “ Fuck !”
He bites my tongue and shoves my shoulders against the wall behind me.
“ Evan !”
His mouth moves along my cheekbone to my ear, where he licks making a wet sound bellow in my ear. I thrust my hips up, pressing my cock against his tight abdomen.
“ I want to fuck you, Luke . Would you let me?”
I stroke him faster, causing him to groan. Nuzzling my face against his, I press my lips to his ear. “ I would love to have you inside of me, baby.”
With a grunt, he comes between our bodies. I feel his hot cum hit my stomach. His reaction sets me off, and I squeeze his cock harder, and climax right after him.
“ You’re going to fucking kill me!” I pant as we lean against each other in an effort to stay upright.
He chuckles. “ What a way to go!”
“ No shit!”
We cling to each other under the warm water.
“ You’re sure?” he asks.
I grip the back of his neck and hug his body as close to mine as possible. “ Yes , Evan . I’m …there aren’t words for how your question makes me feel.”
He squeezes me affectionately. The tension rolls off his body as he relaxes in my arms. “ I’m so tired,” he confesses.
I kiss his temple. “ Let’s rest tonight, okay? We are both exhausted.”
“ Do you…can I while you’re here?”
I lean back and smile down at him. “ Whenever you want.” I would give him anything. Doesn’t he know that by now?
His eyes fall closed, so I kiss the corner of his mouth. His expression looks dreamy and tired. I tuck him against my neck, holding him lovingly.
He melts against me. This seems to comfort him. I think he has been on an emotional rollercoaster this entire week. He tortures himself so much.
When I am able to get him to stand on his own, I take care of him, washing his hair and his body. We don’t use any words as we crawl into bed. I let him get in first. Then I slide my body over his and pull the covers over us. As I move over him, we entwine our bodies, and settle into the soft bedding.
“ I love you,” he murmurs.
“ I love you too.” Softly I kiss his forehead. “ Safe place,” I whisper.
EVAN
“ Who ordered the cowboy?” Jimmy laughs as he enters the office.
“ What are you talking about?” Marcus asks, looking up from the drafting table.
“ There is a real-life cowboy in reception. Got the hat and everything”
I can’t hide the smirk on my face. That’s my cowboy. I don’t say it aloud, but I feel it in my bones.
“ You’re the closest thing to a cowboy I’ve ever met,” Marcus states, addressing me.
My phone buzzes on my desk.
“ Closest you’ll probably ever get!” I glance at Luke’s message before grabbing my phone and slipping it into my pocket.
“ Is he here to see you?” Jimmy asks as I walk toward the door.
“ Guess so.” I leave them with that, not willing to divulge much to them. They’re nice enough guys, but Luke is mine. I’m not willing to share. I don’t need them inviting themselves to lunch with us, or to hang out after work. They would love to unearth more about me. Neither of them believed me when I told them I grew up on a ranch in Wyoming . I am both proud and ashamed, that it isn’t obvious.
I chuckle as I round the corner and see Luke sitting on this tiny sleek bench with his legs awkwardly folded. It is entirely too low for him. His cowboy hat, even though he’s holding it in his hands, only makes his presence bigger in the modern open space.
“ Come on, cowboy!” I say, nodding toward the elevator.
He comes to his feet, and with a few strides is standing next to me. “ You didn’t tell me you worked at such a high-class firm.”
I slap his chest with the back of my hand. “ Of course, I work someplace high-class.” I hold out my hands. “ I mean look at me! Where else would I work?”
He rolls his eyes as the elevator doors slide open. “ Tell me I don’t have to deal with that ego through lunch,” he huffs.
I press the button for the lobby. When the doors close, I step into his space and push him against the wall of the elevator. I bite his lower lip roughly. “ Thought you liked my ego .”
His gold eyes darken. Stepping forward, he crowds me against the opposite wall, his gaze locked on mine. My breath hitches when he strokes his palm down the front of my slacks.
“ I like fucking that ego right out of you, until you’re spent and sticky with my cum.”
My eyes fall closed. A sadistic rumble of humor rolls in his throat, reminding me he knows how he affects me.
I grab the collar of his shirt and yank him closer, crashing our lips together. He continues to stroke me as his tongue wrestles mine, pushing it back into my mouth.
The elevator slows, and with the soft pinging sound, Luke steps away, dropping his hands to his sides. It takes me a moment to recover enough to stand up straight, but when the doors slide open, I push off the wall and out into the lobby, hoping I can escape unnoticed.
“ Ma’am ,” Luke politely greets a woman as she enters the building, holding the door for her, and tipping his hat.
I swear to God even the smallest gestures have become arousing since we had sex. I must have a sex haze fogging my brain. It’s the only way to explain why Luke being polite to a woman, and holding the door for her, is arousing. I wait in the heat on the sidewalk until he is through ushering her inside and walks out to join me.
We start walking to a cafe two blocks away. I invited him this morning to have lunch with me. I’m not doing well leaving him at home while I try to work, when all I want to do is think about him fucking me, or vice versa. After that display in the elevator, I think I was insane to invite him to my workplace. Hopefully , his act of chivalry distracted anyone from seeing the bulge in my pants.
He follows me as we cross the street, weaving around people with an easy grace. I need to stop looking at him if I hope to make it through the rest of the day without busting a nut. The hostess seats us immediately. This place is always busy since it is convenient, but also because the sandwiches are works of art.
Grabbing the menus from behind the napkin dispenser, I toss one on the table in front of him. He has a suspicious grin on his face as he takes the menu and looks over it carefully.
“ What ?” I ask.
He slides his knee along my inner thigh. “ Are you still hard?” he asks without so much as looking up from the menu.
I grab it out of his hands and tuck them both back where they belong. “ Give me that! I’ll order for you.”
He bats his eyelashes. “ You’re such a gentleman, ordering for a lady.”
I reach up as if I’m going to smack his face and stop mid strike. He begins laughing as I grit my teeth at him in warning.
“ Afternoon , what can I get you to drink?” The waitress asks.
I start laughing too, and lean back in my seat, watching his beautiful face smiling back at me.
“ Water ,” he says without breaking eye contact.
“ Same ,” I say with a nod. She disappears as quickly as she appeared.
“ I’m hard too,” he says under his breath.
I look over my shoulder, scanning the restaurant. “ Bathroom’s back there.”
Luke touches my hand, sliding his knuckles along the back of my fingers. “ Nah , we came to have lunch. If we go back there you might be late getting back to work.”
I squeeze his thigh between mine under the table. “ I have a feeling you would make it worth it.”
Fuck , that grin of his does something to me. It makes me want to take him home and risk losing my job for skipping out all afternoon.
“ Thought you might introduce me to your coworkers.”
I shrug. “ I can if you want to. Not like I’m close to them.”
“ You don’t go out for drinks with them, or anything?” he asks.
“ To lunch sometimes. They’re not really my speed.”
“ What speed is that?”
I look around at all the people eating, talking, and waiting in the entrance. “ I’m still a cowboy in a big city too, you know.”
“ I know better than that.” He looks over me with adoration in his eyes. “ You have acclimated just fine.”
I stretch my arm across the back of the booth. “ Maybe . They still don’t believe I grew up on a ranch.”
“ See ?” Luke raises his hand. “ I always knew you would find your place here.”
Sobering thoughts weigh me down. “ But I miss you.” I clear my throat as my chest tightens. “ I’m really sorry for ghosting you all these years.”
The smile fades from his face. He drops his open hand on the table, and without a thought I slide my hand in his grasp. “ It’s in the past. I forgave you the minute you called to say you needed me.”
I breathe a heavy sigh as he squeezes my hand. I’m very aware we’re holding hands in public, and no one is more astonished than me that it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I like it. I feel a certain pride that anyone can see he is mine.
“ Can you forgive yourself?” he asks.
“ I don’t know. You’re too good to me.”
He tilts his head. “ So what do you want? For me to be mad at you? Hold it over your head? Torture you with it? I’m not your parents.”
“ Touché .”
“ We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”
I am not sure why those words hurt so much. No , I do. We’re together now—just for now. My thoughts roll over that truth that causes my chest to ache. The waitress returning is a temporary distraction as I order for both of us. The first time I saw the turkey sandwich on sourdough bread with stuffing and orange-cranberry preserves, smothered in gravy, I wanted Luke to try it. Thanksgiving meals are his favorite. I order the sandwich often, just to think about him. So when the food arrives, I wait expectantly for him to try it.
“ What have you ordered for me?” He asks, looking at the gargantuan sandwich smothered in steaming gravy.
“ It’s Thanksgiving dinner in a sandwich!”
He smiles. “ Do I eat it with my hands or a fork?”
“ That’s your problem!” I tease as I pick up my own sandwich and take a bite.
He chooses a knife and a fork, cuts off a big bite and puts it in his mouth. His expression goes soft as he chews and closes his eyes. He chews slowly and makes a pleasing hum.
“ It’s good, yeah?”
When his eyes finally open, he looks so happy. “ Oh my God , Evan ! You have to try this!”
I hold up my hand. “ Already have, brother. More than once. I couldn’t wait to bring you here to try it.”
He shakes his head in disbelief as he cuts another piece, only this time with more eagerness, and less decorum. Honestly , I don’t even taste my food. I enjoy watching every bite he takes. Sometimes he eats it ravenously, and other times he savors it. I commit every reaction to my memory, so when I am missing him, I can relive this moment.
“ Can we come back every day before I leave?” he asks with child-like enthusiasm.
My smile disappears.
“ What ? Did I say something wrong?”
Pushing my plate to the side, I lean my elbows on the table. “ Now that we’re together…how am I supposed to deal with you leaving?”
He tosses his napkin on his empty plate. I fear I have ruined the meal with my question. He doesn’t look me in the eyes either. Staring at the table he mutters, “ I don’t know. Hurts too much to think about.”
When he looks up, his golden eyes pierce my heart. I have done this to myself. If I hadn’t let our relationship go this route…
“ Don’t you dare regret anything we’ve done,” he says.
I clench my jaw.
“ I don’t know, little brother,” he sighs. “ All I know is I need you. I want you. I love you.”
Those last three words worm their way into my chest and spread warmth through my body. “ I love you too,” I mumble. “ But the reality is I’m never moving back home, and you’ll never move away.”
He takes my hands in his and squeezes tightly, leaning closer, drawing me into his orbit. The world around us falls away when he touches me intimately, possessively.
“ I will take whatever we can have. No matter what. Sure , it will hurt like hell to be apart, but I won’t give this up because we can’t live in the same state.”
I squeeze his hands. “ I don’t want to lose this, Luke . As much as I ran from this…it is a part of me now. It feels like it has replaced the blood in my veins. It pumps through my body and is giving me a new life.”
He glances at my lips and back to my eyes. I know what he is thinking because I feel the desire too. I glance around the restaurant at people going about their lives, unaware of the intense love between Luke and me. Sadness that they don’t know, that they don’t see, fills me.
I stand, pulling his hands so that he slides out of the booth too. Without a second thought I tenderly kiss his lips, desperate to claim him, for him to claim me as his in return. I am swept up in his presence, the heat of his body, and the scent of his skin. His lips pull at mine. A whistle rings out, pulling me from the moment. A couple of people clap, and a woman coos an ahh, as if a puppy just stumbled into the restaurant.
I feel my face heat. Luke's smile spreads against my lips.
“ If I don’t leave now, I won’t let you go back to work.”
“ No , you gotta walk back with me,” I insist.
He leans a little closer, gliding his cheek against mine. “ I’ll be waiting when you come home, baby.”
He drops my hands, steps away from the table, and leaves the restaurant. Feeling my knees buckle, I plop down in the booth.
“ You two make a cute couple.” I look up at the waitress. She lays the check on the table and smiles.
“ I love him,” I state as if saying it to a stranger will make it more real.
Her hand moves to her heart as she sighs dreamily. “ That’s so sweet. I can’t even be mad that you’re both so damn good looking.”
I chuckle as I dig my wallet out of my back pocket. Up until recently, I would have charmed her into giving me her number, but the only person I want in my bed, just walked out the door.