10. Luke
10
Luke
I keep checking the calendar. This week is going too fast. I take a deep breath and scrub my hand over my face attempting to focus on the search window I have open on Evan’s laptop. It is damn near impossible to concentrate on searching for potential galleries to exhibit my photos. I decided it would be a good way to spend my time; find some galleries that might be willing to see my portfolio, while at the same time squashing fears that my work isn’t cut out for Chicago . Instead , I am sitting here with a stupid grin on my face as visceral memories of last night roll over my body. Just thinking about him gives me chills and has my dick hard.
A small laugh escapes my lips. I am so damn happy; I can’t contain myself. I purposely didn’t get up until after Evan had left for work. It took everything within me not to drag him back to bed and continue what we started.
I slam the laptop shut and return to the balcony. The air is hot today, but the sun feels good on my skin. There is a single collapsible outdoor chair out here that has been my spot while he’s at work.
“ Fuck this is killing me! Got to be the longest day ever!”
Slipping my phone out of my pocket, I look at the calendar again. I can’t stay any longer than I planned. There’s work to be done, and Rachel is taking care of Little O all by herself.
Shit , what are we going to do? I can’t just leave him. Not after this. Not now.
I have no choice.
I growl out my frustrations. I hope we can figure this out, sustain this, despite the distance.
Going over and over it in my head isn’t helping, but I don’t want to try watching more television. I am officially sick of watching T.V .
LUKE: Can I bring you lunch?
EVAN: To my office?
LUKE: Yeah.
EVAN: Missing me?
I laugh at his response.
LUKE: Just worried you’re thinking about me so much, you’ll forget to eat.
There is no response, leaving me deflated. It’s well past lunchtime anyway. Laying my phone on my bare chest I lean back and close my eyes, soaking in the sun’s warmth. It makes me feel sleepy, reminding me how little we slept last night.
The sliding door opens, causing me to jump.
“ No , you can’t bring me lunch, because I brought lunch to you.” Evan is standing above me in navy slacks, a crisp white button-down shirt, and sunglasses with blue reflective lenses. They reflect my image with messy hair and barely dressed in a pair of blue jeans.
“ You scared the shit out of me!” I snap.
His dimples appear around his wide smile. “ Not sorry,” he says with a shrug.
“ Oh , you will be!” I threaten, right before I jump to my feet and grab him around the waist. Our lips draw together like magnets. Kissing him is addictive and with good reason. He is fisting my hair, gripping my biceps, and riding my thigh while I ride his. My cock is so hard it could cut steel.
I walk him back through the door as we kiss. His groan is like music to my ears. I remove his sunglasses and toss them on the table.
“ I hope you regret every moment you resisted kissing me.” I bite his lip, and his grip tightens.
“ I do! God help me I do!” he confesses as I yank his shirt out of his slacks. “ Fuck me, Luke .”
“ Oh , I’m going to, as soon as I’m good and ready.” I chuckle at the look on his face.
“ You’re not good and ready right now?” he asks with disappointment.
I cup my hand around him. “ I can see you are.”
“ Please , Luke !”
Unbuttoning the last button on his shirt, I throw it open and scratch my blunt nails down his chest before pushing him to the couch. “ Take my cock out, baby.”
He sits up, unbuttons the few buttons of my jeans, and buries his face in the opening. His mouth slides along my cock from the base up, carefully working me free. His fingers wrench my fly apart until my jeans slide down my ass, but when he sucks me down his throat, I lose my mind.
While fisting his perfectly combed hair, I buck against his face. My head falls back as he works me like a damn Hoover . It’s rough and raw and has me so turned on, I think I’ll come in a matter of seconds. My fingers sift through his hair, ruffling it up so he looks less like the Chicago architect, and more like my cowboy.
“ I want to fuck you in the barn someday,” I tell him. He grunts in agreement. “ And in an open field in the middle of the day. While we’re riding a horse…fucking hell!” I groan. “ My arm wrapped around your chest while you ride my cock.”
Evan moans and drops his head back with a whimper. He looks so pained as I rub his drool over his lips. He wraps his lips around my thumb and continues sucking. I take the moment to trace his features with my fingertips.
“ Love you,” I tell him.
His eyes flutter open. He looks so needy like he wants me so bad it might be painful. Pulling my thumb away, I lift him to his feet, turn him, and unfasten his slacks, pushing them off his hips so that both of us are standing with our pants around our knees. Using my wet thumb, I press into his ass. Evan leans his weight back onto me and holds tightly to my arm that is bracing him across the chest.
“ Want you…” he mutters.
“ You’re going to have me, baby,” I whisper in his ear and then bite the cartilage.
Quickly , I suck on my fingers and return to stretching him. Evan’s hips grind back. It’s arousing how hard he is trying not to whimper. I kiss along his neck to curb his desire.
He slaps my arm with his hand to get my attention. “ Lube !” he says as he points to the table next to the couch.
I release him, and he bends across the sofa to open the drawer. His ass is being presented to me so perfectly that I smack it before plunging my fingers back inside. He drops the lube and a condom packet onto the sofa, but I don’t let up. I love seeing his body tremble from my touch. He snaps up the items and shoves them against my hip.
“ Stay right there!” I tell him as I flip open the cap.
Immediately , I pour the lube down the valley of his ass. He hisses as the cold liquid slides down. I sheath my dick with the utmost speed, slather it with lube, and pull Evan’s body up flush with mine. My fingers rub around his entrance, spreading the slick lube.
“ Luke …” he pants. I can feel his rapid heartbeat against my own.
“ I got you, baby.” I push my lubed fingers inside once more, then grab my cock and circle his hole with the head.
Evan pushes back causing my cock to slip inside. I push right back and bury myself to the hilt. We both growl out with the overload of sensations, taking a few moments to adjust and feel the connection.
His hands brace around my arm once more as I slide my free hand around his hip. I slowly pull my hips back. He tries to chase my cock, but I hold him in place.
“ Need you so much!” he breathes.
I let loose and thrust hard into him. Evan let’s go too, shoving his ass back so our bodies roughly clash together. His teeth slide over my arm as he bears down like a horse with a bit. I bite him back, nipping at his neck and along his shoulder.
How did I exist before I made love to him? This physical connection has completed some circuit in my heart. I take in the scent of his cologne, the warmth of his skin, the feel of the ends of his hair tickling my face. He tastes like he always did, like home. It propels me to a world where it is just the two of us.
I still miss Rachel , and I know he feels it too. But this is for us. This is our time, just Evan and me. We need this. We have needed this for so damn long.
Sliding my hand across his abs, I take his throbbing cock in my hand. He gasps out a small cry of pleasure while I kiss his ear and tell him how good he feels.
“ Addicted to you, little brother,” I confess.
His hand wraps around mine, but I pull away and adjust our grasp so that our fingers are woven together. We slide our joined hands over his cock, and together, we jerk him off. When his body tenses, I slow to a steady rocking in and out to keep pace with the stroking of our hands.
“ Gonna … Fu ….!” he growls just before cum shoots up and onto his naked chest.
His hand falls away so I cover his crown with my palm, feeling another gush of cum fill my hand. I use it to stroke his cock faster. Evan trembles and falters on his feet. Leaning back, I allow him to use my body for support, staying planted inside of him while he regains his strength. He takes a few deep breaths and then shoves his ass against me so hard I almost lose my footing. His hand grabs mine, spreading it flat against his abdominals.
Getting the message loud and clear, I brace his body and pound into my lover like he is mine to own.
“ Tell me you belong to me!” I demand.
He doesn’t answer, but I think it’s because he has yet to regain the ability to speak. I chuckle in his ear, and then slide my tongue along the back. He shakes like a leaf on a tree.
“ Tell me, baby!”
“ I belong to you! I’m yours.” The words rush from his lips.
“ And I’m yours!” I announce as I climax, my cock unloading deep inside of Evan’s body. This time he takes my weight as I slouch against his broad back. He reaches back and grabs my neck as he rolls his ass against me, draining me of all I have.
When the rush subsides, we separate. After I remove the condom, I turn him to face me, looking over his flushed skin.
“ Looks like we got cum on your nice pants.”
He looks down then huffs before wrapping his arms around my neck. “ Don’t care,” he mutters. His body leans heavily against mine. Our cocks graze each other, and it sends another rush of adrenaline into my system.
“ I’m so fucking tired.” His breath feels hot on my neck.
“ Well we were up most of the night,” I remind him.
He lets me hold him as I run my fingers over his back. I feel a rush of emotions. It’s as if everything I have ever needed is suddenly real, so real it takes my breath away.
Evan lifts his head. “ You okay?” he asks.
“ I don’t know. I think so. Maybe I’m just really tired too,” I lie.
“ I have to go back to work.”
“ Now ?!” Disappointment crushes my emotions.
He gives my shoulder a couple of slaps. “ Lunch break, remember?”
“ Doesn’t appear that you actually brought any lunch.”
He laughs and slides his lips over mine. “ Sure . I did. Me !” His smile is glorious as is the look in his blue eyes.
I grab his ass with both hands and lift him as I capture his lips and kiss him in an attempt to make him stay. He returns the kiss with an equal fervor, but it slowly dissipates into a whining moan. We separate, and when I see the disappointment in his eyes, I step back.
“ I gotta go, man.”
“ Pants ,” I say with a smirk.
“ After I change my pants!” he states.
EVAN
I look down at the small cum stain on my shirt that I didn’t see until I got back to work. I’ve been self-conscious about it all day, though I’m not sure why. I think I just wanted to keep the reality of Luke and I in the bubble of my apartment. It has taken up space in my mind all day.
Thankfully , work hasn’t needed so much of my focus. Things eased up after the meeting with the client went well, and they agreed to meet us in the middle with the budget.
The elevator opens to my floor, and a smile instantly curves my lips. I unlock the door to find Luke , barefoot and in jeans just as I left him this afternoon. My apartment smells like meat and potatoes, causing my stomach to growl.
“ Honey ! I’m home!”
He turns from the stove, grabs the dish towel, and throws it at me. It smacks me in the face as I laugh at the look on his face. I come up behind him and grind against his ass.
“ What ? You don’t want to play house with me?”
“ Not while I’m cooking,” he grumbles.
I lean against the counter, grabbing a slice of carrot out of one of the small bowls of salad. “ Salad huh?” I ask, crunching on the crisp vegetable.
“ Don’t worry, buttercup. There are potatoes in the oven, and the steaks will be ready in two, so you better wash up!” He is mocking me. That’s okay. I can take it. Actually , I kind of like it.
I pinch his ass. “ You look sexy when you cook.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “ Will you just get ready to eat? I’m not overcooking my steak because you’re being a smart ass.”
“ Someone’s grumpy!” I tsk, as I roll up my sleeves and wash my hands in the sink.
He doesn’t respond, which is a red flag.
Taking the salad bowls, I place them on the bar and sift through the utensil drawer for forks and steak knives. “ I don’t have any dressing.”
“ I bought some,” he nods his head toward the grocery bag sitting on the counter. Inside I find dressing, a clove of garlic, croutons, and coffee.
“ Croutons ? Wow , you’re going all out.” I meant the comment in jest, but again he doesn’t respond.
Deciding it’s pointless until I find out what is wrong, I fill two glasses with water.
“ What’s eating you?” I ask as we sit.
“ Nothing ,” he states as he opens the bottle of dressing.
“ How was your day?” I will try a different tactic.
“ Fine .”
So this is going to be more difficult than I thought. I let him stew and focus on eating. I can’t remember the last time I ate a salad, and I know for a fact, that there has never been a salad in this apartment as long as I have lived here. I hum in pleasure as the steak melts in my mouth.
“ Spent a little extra for the filet.”
“ Fucking delicious! I swear I haven’t eaten this well since I left home. If you’ll stay and cook for me, I promise to pay you well.”
He gives me a small smile. “ With sex and blowjobs?”
Just the thought sends that electric feeling through my body. It is the same surge I have felt on and off throughout the day. Moving my hand over his thigh, I squeeze.
“ You gonna talk to me?” I ask.
“ About what? How much sex it will take to get me to stay?”
As much as I would love to continue this banter, I don’t want him to deflect anymore. “ You weren’t in a bad mood when I left earlier.”
He sighs and twiddles his fork between his fingers. “ I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“ About ?” I hedge.
“ I spent the afternoon going to some of the galleries to see if they would look at my portfolio.”
I smack his thigh. “ Dude , that’s a great idea!”
“ Apparently not.”
“ They didn’t like your photos?”
He drops his fork this time. “ They wouldn’t even look at them. I don’t know. Felt like they were looking down their noses at me. I didn’t even wear my hat, just a T -shirt and jeans. I tried to look—normal.”
I turn his barstool, so we’re facing one another. When I lean my forehead against his, he softens. “ Well , they can suck it.”
He smirks a little at my comment, and I brush my fingers through his hair.
“ It was stupid to think I could get any interest from someone in Chicago .”
I grasp his chin and kiss his lips. “ Not stupid. You can’t give up after one day.”
“ I don’t think I have the nerve to try again.”
I ease back onto my seat. “ If you can wait until Friday , I’ll go with you,” I offer.
He shrugs. “ But you have to work Friday .”
“ I told my boss I had family in town. Since everything went well with our client, he agreed to let me have the day off so I can be with you.”
His gold irises brighten. “ You did?”
“ Want to be with you as much as possible. Besides , I’m shit at work since I can’t stop thinking about being with you…kissing you…”
“ Riding my cock?”
“ That too,” I agree with a blush. It seems so surreal that we’ve become lovers. Luke would argue that we’ve always been lovers, but it is solidified for me now. The world is in technicolor, and I don’t think I will ever be able to see it differently. I don’t want to go back to what we were. I swear I’ve never felt happier or more scared in my life.
“ I know this gallery that is close to campus. I used to wander in there from time to time. Actually , Ember told me about it and asked me to take her one time when she visited.”
“ Did they have photography installations?” he asks.
“ Yeah . A little bit of everything. It’s called the Darkroom . Small and a bit eclectic, but it’s worth a shot.” Luke nods, and I squeeze his thigh. “ If nothing else, we can look around and just tour around Chicago .”
He returns to his steak. After he cuts off a slice and puts it in his mouth, his hand slides over mine and squeezes. I don’t think I have ever seen him care so much about something. I knew he loved photography, but wanting to submit it to a gallery is on a different level.
“ Can I see your portfolio?”
He stops chewing and glances at me. “ Really ?”
“ Of course. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen your photographs.”
“ You could have looked on my website.”
“ You have a website?”
He shakes his head in disbelief and eats the last bite of his steak.
“ What ?”
“ Nothing , little brother.”
“ I didn’t know you had a website.” Regret washes over me, making my limbs feel heavy. “ I’m sorry, Luke . I know it feels like I cut you out of my life, but I didn’t…not really.”
“ We don’t have to talk about it.” He stands and takes our dishes to the kitchen.
“ I do because I want you to know how much I regret not staying in touch. I thought…”
“ I know what you thought. Now , with one visit, I’ve made you cross the one line you never wanted to cross.” He throws open my dishwasher. The plates clang together as he scrapes the small bits of food off them and loads them into the dishwasher.
I follow him into the kitchen and grasp his hands stopping his abuse of my cheap dishes. I look him directly in the eyes. “ I was wrong, okay? In my head, I didn’t want this, but my heart and my body always did. I know I hurt you. A lot. I will say I’m sorry until the day I die for that, but I wish I had known…”
“ Known what?” He interrupts. “ How it felt to have my cock pounding into your ass?”
“ Don’t !” I grit out. “ Don’t make this just a physical thing, because it’s not! If I had known how amazing it is to be with you, to love you…” I drop his wrists and push my fingers through my hair. “ Fuck …to touch you…” I prop my hands on my hips. “ I wish I had let myself…wish I had known.”
“ What would you have done? It’s not like you would have loved me out in the open.”
“ That means a lot to you doesn’t it?”
He slams the dishwasher door shut. “ You know it does. It means you’re not ashamed of me, of us, of touching me.”
Luke brushes by me as he leaves the kitchen. I follow him down the hall as my pulse throbs with fear. “ I’m not ashamed.”
“ I’m going to bed. I am so fucking tired I can’t think, and certainly not clearly enough for this conversation.”
From the doorway, I watch as he sheds his clothes and walks naked to the bathroom. I rub the back of my neck which is aching as my shoulders tighten with the stress of this conversation I have somehow stumbled into. The sad part is he’s not wrong. I am not sure I can kiss him in public, not even after what we have done. I sit on the edge of the bed as the shower starts. Turning my gaze, I watch him step into the shower and let the water flow over his body.
Somehow , I have to show him that what I feel is real. I’m not ashamed of him…that’s not it at all. I love him. I’m scared and there is a difference. Afraid someone will think less of me, judge me, or even worse, that being open with him in public will lead to my family’s discovery. For him, nothing changes. Rachel and Olivia won’t disown him. He never has to face a lecture on being normal or being a disgrace to the point that he’s disowned.
I lie back and cover my face with my hands. How can you love someone when that love is seen as perverse and wrong? Do I have the strength and conviction to do that?