21. Evan
21
Evan
F ive months. It’s been five months since I’ve seen Luke . Never has a plane trip back to Wyoming felt so long. The hardest part is that I have to stay at Mom and Dad’s for a couple of nights. They wouldn’t understand if I came home only to go camping with Luke , even if it is his birthday. Ember’s birthday is two days before Luke’s , but she can’t make the trip home because of school. It’s her freshman year. She sounds so much happier being away at school. I think Mom was hoping both of us would be home for a visit. Having Ember there would make all the difference. I haven’t seen her since she came to Chicago over the summer for a visit.
I’m almost home, but I drive straight to Luke’s . I told him I wouldn’t be over until Friday morning, but I simply can’t wait. Adrenaline rushes through my system as I turn into the long gravel driveway. This is a total roll of the dice. Luke could be anywhere on the ranch, and if Rachel is home, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I only want to see Luke .
Her car is missing when I park behind the house. I practically run to the barn, skidding to a stop when I see him. Actually , the only part I can see of him is that delectable ass in tight jeans as he works on the engine of the tractor. Luke steps away, revealing his broad, naked back, covered in sweat. There’s grease and grime smeared on his forearms. His baseball cap is on backward, hiding his hair that he’s pulled back. He switches wrenches and steps closer to the engine, wedging himself between the tire and the cab.
I approach him slowly, taking my time so I can watch him work and take in every inch of his body. I seem to have lost any shame I used to have about sneaking a look at his body. Whatever he’s working on is between the engine block and the cab of the tractor. I prop my elbow on the tire and wait. He’s completely immersed in what he’s doing, so he doesn’t realize I’m there. I carefully consider my options. Should I speak to him, or just lean in and lick the back of his sweaty neck? I should probably be careful since I’m not sure who else is around.
“ Did you break it?” I ask.
“ Nah , it’s a busted seal, and the damn torsional damper needs to be replaced.” Luke glances over his shoulder with a scowl, but when his eyes land on me, he drops the wrench, turns, and embraces me in a rough, tight hug. “ Shit man! I thought you weren’t going to be here until Friday !”
He stinks with sweat and grease. It’s fucking sexy as hell. Letting me go, he reaches behind me to grab a rag and begins wiping the grease from his hands.
“ I can’t stay. I didn’t tell them I was going to swing by here, but I wanted to see you.” I feel oddly shy for some reason, which makes no sense. I shrug and glance away, feeling a little flushed at seeing him. “ Can’t be this close to you and not see you.”
He arches an eyebrow and smirks. “ Randy !” he suddenly yells.
“ Yep ?” A voice from somewhere outside responds.
“ Need you to go into town and get me a part.”
I step back a few steps as Randy joins us. “ I got the wrong seal for the air intake. I need one for the 17DS.”
“ Thought that was what you got?” Randy questions.
“ Must have grabbed the wrong one. I’ve already got this thing all torn apart. Would like to get it done today, if possible.”
Randy looks at me. “ Hey , Evan . You believe this knucklehead? Who starts a repair without making sure they have the right part?”
“ Eh , he’s thickheaded, but he’s kinda pretty, so don’t give him too hard of a time,” I tease.
Randy and I laugh while Luke glares, allowing me to pick at him. Typically , he would have me pinned to the ground by now, but the end game is having Randy occupied, so I’m taking advantage.
“ Anything else you need while I’m out?” he asks.
“ Nah , that’s all. I’ll visit with Evan while you’re gone.”
“ Good to see you,” Randy says, clapping his hand on my shoulder as he turns and leaves the barn.
“ Good to see you too,” I tell him. I wait a few seconds before taking a deep breath. “ We gonna fuck?” I ask under my breath.
“ Damn right,” Luke answers with the same low tone.
We stand, staring one another in the eyes, listening to Randy start the engine of his truck and leave.
“ Anyone else around?” I ask.
“ Nope !” Luke says matter-of-factly and steps forward.
Grabbing a fistful of my shirt, he jerks my body toward him, and slams his lips against mine. Our kiss is rough and desperate, and I swear my knees are about to buckle. I move my lips down his neck and lick the sweat that’s gathered in the dip at the base of his throat while I unbutton his jeans. His hands cradle my head, as I move down his torso.
“ Don’t have lube,” he says.
I open his jeans wide as I fall to my knees. “ Back pocket,” I tell him before I swallow his hard cock.
“ Damn it!” he curses as he leans over me, stretching his long arm and reaching into my back pocket. “ Betting I was a sure thing?”
I hum in agreement instead of removing my mouth long enough to answer.
“ Swear if my dick didn’t hurt so bad, I’d wrestle you until you begged for mercy after that comment you made to Randy .”
I smile and begin bobbing my head, as I take his cock out and back down my throat. He fists the hair on top of my head so hard it hurts.
“ Feels incredible. Fuck , I’ve missed you!” He pulls his hips back and jerks his head, gesturing for me to get up.
I get to my feet, working my fly open as I turn to face the tractor tire that almost comes up to my chin. I hear the lube squirting as I shove my jeans and boxers down my hips.
“ Hug the tire,” he orders.
Leaning against it, I notch my hands into the deep tread as Luke rolls his slick fingers down the crevice of my ass. When his finger slips inside of me, I groan. He grunts in response and hurriedly works to loosen me up for his cock. It’s all I can do not to rush him, to tell him to fuck me without any more prep, but it’s been months, so I close my eyes and enjoy as he fingers my ass.
When I feel a third finger breach me, I can’t wait another second. “ Just do it!” I plead.
Luke steps close, his hot chest flush with my back, running the tip of his dick through the valley between my ass cheeks. A low rumble rolls in his throat as he notches his cock at my entrance. He licks, and then bites, the cartilage of my ear. I grunt, and he thrusts forward, completely embedding himself inside my ass. This time my knees do buckle, but Luke has me pressed between him and the tire as he plows into me hard and fast.
I’m overwhelmed by how hot and sordid this is. Mixing with the smell of hay and machinery, his masculine scent surrounds me, making me harder. His fingertips caress my hip in circles so gently, it’s a complete juxtaposition of sensations, but his tender touch is hypnotizing. I’m lost in a sea of pleasure with enough pain to make my balls draw up tight.
I don’t even realize his hand has moved until the gentle caress is around my cock.
“ Want you to come on the tire.”
“ That’s fucked,” I comment.
“ You’re gonna do it for me though, aren’t you, baby?”
“ Fuck , yes!” I let my head drop back onto his shoulder, turn my head and start sucking on his neck. Luke’s skin is hot and salty. He growls at me as he pounds into me harder and more erratically. The slapping of our skin echoes through the high roof of the barn.
I reach back, knocking the hat off his head so I can grasp his hair. His damp curls are so soft. I swear it surprises me, every time. His mouth finds mine, and while our kiss is hungry, it’s not rough—bordering on tender.
He is rough with my cock, jerking and pulling on it so hard that pain drowns my senses. He does it because he knows how much it drives me insane. The tip of his thumb rims the edge of my cock causing me to whimper into our kiss. His cock feels bigger than I remember. I feel so damn full it’s almost uncomfortable, and yet I clench around him, desperate to keep him inside my body.
He rolls his hips, and I jolt when his cock slams against my prostate. Holy fucking hell, how could I forget how this feels? If I had remembered, I would have come back months ago.
Every time his hand chokes my dick, I squeeze his. We grunt and groan filling the barn with sounds of our fucking.
Luke’s hips jerk causing his cock to sink deep. When he pulls out, it’s slow and the drag of his head over that sensitive spot renders me useless. I come so hard my heart stops for a few moments. Then I feel his hot seed filling me again and again. He crushes me to him with his cum soaked hand flat against my abdomen. Our mouths slip apart as we gasp for breath.
There are probably a lot of things I could say in this moment… things I want to say, but my ability to speak, or even think clearly, has been compromised. He takes my weight as I lean heavily against him. His other hand wanders over my body, touching, feeling, squeezing, tweaking my nipples and reacquainting himself with any of my skin he can find underneath my T -shirt.
“ Stay ,” he whispers. His plea makes my heart jump start again as reality rears its head.
“ Want to,” I pant against his lips.
His hand works its way up to my throat and wraps around me. His thumb plays along the edge of my jaw.
“ Love you,” I tell him.
He kisses me softly. “ Love you, too.”
I allow myself a few more stolen moments while he is still inside of my body and close my eyes. We kiss and touch, taking our time because it’s been such a long time . Gradually his cock slips free.
“ I should go,” I tell him.
“ I know,” he responds with regret.
“ I’ll be here before sunup on Friday ,” I promise.
He plants one last kiss on my lips, before pulling my jeans up and over my hips. Grabbing the rag he had earlier, he wipes my cum from his hand. Turning , I tuck his cock back in his jeans and button him up while he kisses my face.
Finally , I look into his eyes and slide my hands up his chest.
“ Hurry back to me, Evan .”
I nod, step back, and take off in a sprint back to the truck. I don’t let myself look back, or even say goodbye, or I won’t leave. This was enough to get us through until we’re together again. It has to be.
LUKE
Do you know how hard it is to repair a tractor when your mind is in a postfuck haze? I considered abandoning it until tomorrow, but shit needs to get done. We can’t feed the livestock without the tractor. By the time Randy left, I was so exasperated that I felt pissed. It isn’t just that. I want to be with Evan , and yet here we are, back in this fucked up shit where we are pretending. Never thought I would miss Chicago , but I do. It was incredible to hold his hand or even kiss in public.
I throw the wrenches and tools in the toolbox, sit on the step to the cab, and hang my head. I have no idea why I feel so emotional. Seeing him again…being with him again…
Closing my eyes, I take in a few deep breaths. Soon . Soon it will be just the two of us out there where we can touch and kiss freely.
“ You alright?” Rachel asks.
When I look up, she’s standing at the door of the barn, with a sweater wrapped tightly around her. The autumn air is cool, but it feels good to me.
“ Yeah .” I stand, grab my shirt off the tractor seat and pull it on. She approaches as I button it up.
“ Dinner is waiting for you.” She takes over the task of buttoning my shirt.
“ Thanks .”
Her brown eyes meet mine, looking for things I wish she couldn’t see. “ What’s weighing so heavily on you?”
I glance away, because sometimes, okay a lot of times, it’s difficult to keep my comments and feelings above board. “ Nothing .”
She tugs at my collar, forcing me a little closer and back to look her in the eyes. “ He’ll be here soon. You’ve been waiting for this. Why are you down?”
“ I stink,” I inform her, hoping she’ll back away.
Instead , she leans her forehead against my chin.
“ Don’t do this, Rachel . I can’t. Not tonight.”
“ Do what?” she asks.
“ You know what.”
She does because from time to time, we do this little dance of allowing too much intimacy and playing with each other’s vulnerabilities. I’m not sure if we’re trying to see who will crack first or what. Deep down, I think we’re both slaves to it and are becoming less able to resist the pull.
“ I’ll miss you while you’re gone,” she confesses with a whisper.
I slide my palms around her neck. “ I miss you every day…every night,” I confess.
“ I know…me too.”
I clench my eyes, trying to fight the urges stirring within me.
“ What can I do?” She has the nerve to ask.
I nuzzle my nose in her hair. “ Kiss me,” I desperately plead.
“ What if we can’t stop?”
“ I don’t want to stop.” She and Evan have no idea how being close to one of them revives the need for the other. It is a ravenous hunger. It doesn’t make any sense, but when I make love to Evan , I need to make love to her too.
“ Randy said Evan stopped by.”
I kiss her soft hair. “ Ask your question, Rachel .”
She takes a shaky breath, as if she needs courage. “ Did you fuck?”
I hum as the pleasant memories wash over me. “ We made love right over there.”
She glances at me and follows my gaze to the spot next to the tractor. A small whimper leaves her lips.
“ Give in, little peach. Let me show you how much I love and need you.”
Gripping my shirt, she pulls me down to kiss her. These all-consuming kisses keep happening between us, every other week or so, as we play with fire like two teenagers standing in gasoline, carelessly waving lit matches around. I’ve learned to kiss her gently, slow, and sensual. Too much, too fast, and she bolts. She knows I would never take advantage of her, but still, she is hesitant. Why in the world she continues to lie to herself that this isn’t eventually going to happen, I’ll never know. Maybe it’s her motherly instincts to protect Olivia from the fallout that is sure to come.
Her lips taste like sweet tea and the vanilla pound cake she made earlier this week. Our tongues slide together, almost more desperate than we are, to be forever entangled.
“ Please , babe.” I always ask.
“ I love you.” She always deflects.
“ I love you too.” I allow it and don’t push.
With a soft breath into my mouth, her fingers uncoil from the grip she has on my shirt, and she steps back. Her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are puffy.
“ You’re so beautiful,” I say without thought.
She turns away because it was a step too far on my part.
“ I can’t come to the house. I need a shower, and more than anything, I just want to be alone with my thoughts.”
She wraps her arms around herself, tightly, shutting me out for good. “ I’ll leave your dinner in the loft while you’re showering.”
Fuck me! I step forward and touch her elbow. “ Shower with me. Give in to what we both need! We can’t go on like this.” If I can just get her naked skin against mine, she’ll feel it… she’ll know how much we need this.
It only serves to have her drawing up tighter and stepping further away. “ You know it won’t work that way. If we start, Luke , we’ll never be able to stop.”
That is exactly what I want. She wants it too. She wouldn’t deny it, however, she still feels there are more important things to consider. There are, but the more time passes the more selfish I become.
“ I’ll leave the door unlocked. Give me about twenty minutes.” That way, she will know it’s safe to come and go without me seeing her, without her seeing me. Taking off my hat, I let my hair fall free and comb through it with my hands. I don’t give her another glance before I head up the stairs to my place. The only thing giving me the strength to walk away is the knowledge I’ll be in Evan’s arms again soon.
A sound wakes me, and when the door latches, I sit straight up in bed.
“ It’s me,” Evan says in a hushed voice.
My heart is pounding out of control. I focus my eyes toward the door and see his broad form approaching. I glance at the bedside clock. It’s not even two in the morning.
“ What are you doing here, baby?”
Evan pulls off his boots and begins undressing. “ Are we au naturale, or wearing underwear?”
I chuckle and throw the covers off my body. “ You know the answer to that question.”
He sheds his boxers and crawls in bed with me. My lips find his before he’s even completely in bed. He hums a pleasing sound of relief and proceeds to crawl on top of me, pressing our naked bodies together. His hands find my hair and thread through my curls. My own hands find their way to his ass, squeeze his round cheeks, and spread them apart.
“ What I wouldn’t give to come home to you every day,” he muses as his lips scale the edge of my jaw.
“ Same . I felt gutted after you left.” Which reminds me. “ Why are you here so early? We can’t leave for several hours.”
He sighs and lays his forehead against my shoulder. “ Needed to be here with you.”
I move my hands up his spine and finger the hair at the nape of his neck. “ Need you too.”
We seem to share the same discontentment, which only saddens me more. My hope had been that having him in my arms would make everything better but being apart is affecting us both.
“ Was being with your family that bad?”
His lips softly kiss my neck before he slides his body to lie partially on the bed, propping his head on his hand. He watches his fingers as they lazily glide through the small amount of hair on my chest. The sensation sends tingles over my skin. When I look up, his gaze meets mine.
“ I’m not the same as I was. Since I left home, I could come back and deal with being in the role of their son…the son they know. It was only temporary. You know?”
I take his fingers and kiss his knuckles. “ Yeah .”
“ I couldn’t do that this time.”
“ Do you think it’s because Ember is gone?”
He shifts closer and lays his head on my shoulder. “ Maybe a little. I’m just different than I was before.”
“ Before ?”
“ Before …” He licks a spot on my neck, and then kisses it.
Oh ! I wrap my arms around him and pull him as close to my body as I can manage. “ Have I changed you that much, Evan ?”
“ Haven’t I changed you?”
“ Yes …of course you have. I don’t want to make it difficult to be around your family, to be here.”
“ It’s as if I see them with different eyes. I knew they had conservative views, but they are so prejudiced. Last night, I was sitting at dinner with them, listening to their conversation, and realizing that I can never be myself with them.”
“ You didn’t already know?”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “ I did. It’s stupid, but lately, I’ve hoped, maybe, that since I am their son, they would set aside their beliefs for me.”
I kiss the top of his head and give him a squeeze. “ Did you try to tell them?”
“ No . It wasn’t that something was said specifically. They asked about who I was dating, and when I said no one, Dad gave me an odd look. Later on, he questioned me about why I suddenly want to spend time with you when I haven’t in years.”
“ What did you tell him?”
“ That you came to visit me in Chicago , and we reconnected.” Evan rises to look down into my eyes. “ He didn’t ask, but I think he suspects. He always has. While we were estranged, I suppose it put his fears to rest, and now…”
“ And now we’re back to the accusations and strange looks?” He nods. “ Do you want to leave? Cancel our weekend plans?” I ask.
His eyes widen. “ No !” He falls against my chest and hugs me close. “ No ! I can’t do that anymore. I won’t sacrifice being with you to appease them.”
My body relaxes. I’m always harboring the fear he’ll leave again, that another four years apart could turn into more. “ Can I ask you something?”
“ Always .”
“ Do you want them to know about us?”
He doesn’t answer immediately as he begins tracing my jawline with his fingertips and trailing them down the center of my chest. “ I love you so much, of course, I want to be able to tell them.”
My eyes fall closed as if a weight has been lifted. They begin to sting with tears.
“ But I can’t ever tell them…can I ?” His question makes him sound like he’s seventeen again.
Grasping his hips, I drag him back to lie on top of me. “ No . I don’t think you will ever be able to tell them.” I know the news is sobering and painful, but he already knew the answer. “ I think you could tell Ember . She’s fighting to be herself too.”
Evan nuzzles my neck. “ I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
He withdraws, even curling his body as if he could hide. I comb my fingers through his thick hair and caress his skin. His breathing continues to speed up as his skin grows hot. “ You okay?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “ I can’t…what if they find out? What if they were to find out that Ember knew? Can you imagine what they would do to her for keeping my secret? What would they do to me? What if I lost my entire family? How can I hide this forever?” Each question rolls off his tongue faster than the one before it.
“ Hey ! Hey ! It’s okay, Evan . There is no one here except me. You’re safe.” His heart is pounding in his chest. When did he start having panic attacks?
Why am I surprised? We finally get together, and all his fears are given new life. There is more at stake now. As much as I would like to be able to make him instantly calm, he’s not.
I lift him so I can see into his eyes. “ What can I do? Right now? Please tell me how I can make you feel better?”
He shakes his head. “ No …you wouldn’t…it’s stupid…”
“ What’s stupid?” I duck my head to try to keep his gaze on me, but he is looking down my body.
“ Rachel used to let me…”
I squeeze his shoulders. “ Let you? What ? Just tell me.”
He glances at me quickly. “ Suck on her breast.”
Why is he telling me this as if it’s strange? He sees the confusion on my face and takes in a shaky breath. “ When …when I felt overwhelmed or upset. It calmed me.”
“ Okay ,” I say as evenly as I can, but still not understanding. “ You can suck my nipples if you want,” I offer hesitantly because I am not sure if that is what he’s implying.
He throws his body to lie on his back next to me and covers his face with his hands. “ Never mind. I told you it was stupid.”
“ That you have an oral fixation? It’s not stupid. Hell , I’ve known that about you, but I don’t know what you need from me right now, Evan . I’ll gladly give you whatever you need not to feel so twisted up, and afraid to even be with me.”
Removing his hands, he blinks at me as his chest rises and falls rapidly. I place my hand over his still racing heart.
“ Anything ,” I offer once again.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows a gulp. I run my fingertips around his face.
“ Take whatever you need from me.”
Suddenly , he rises and pushes his body down the bed and underneath the covers. I’m taken off guard when his mouth sheathes my flaccid cock, which instantly reacts to the warm, wet heat of his mouth. I spread my fingers into his hair and hold him against me. He doesn’t move, only continues to suck on me as I grow harder. With desperation, he takes one of my hands from his hair and weaves his fingers with mine.
He squeezes my hand several times as if trying to send me a message. I roll my hips, but he grunts as if that is not what he wants. Letting my body sink into the mattress, I remain still, and wait for his cue. It never comes. He simply sucks gingerly on my hard cock and holds my hand tightly. I lovingly pet his head and play with his hair. Slowly , his grip on my hand relaxes.
My mind is a muddled mess of confusion and arousal. Yet , I am still trying to understand, and wonder why he couldn’t just tell me he wanted to suck my dick.
My thoughts come to a halt. He wants to suck my dick, not give me a blowjob. It’s then I notice his breathing has calmed, and his skin has cooled. I close my eyes and drown in the feeling of his mouth on me, taking something, I never knew I could give to him, but so thankful he’s letting me.
“ Just relax. I like this, Evan .”
His eyes look up my body.
“ All you had to do was ask, baby. Thank you for sharing this with me, letting me be here the way you need me to be.”
His eyes close again, and he relaxes against me, continuing to suck me to calm himself. He probably thinks I don’t know what cock warming is. I know a lot more since he and I slept together. Curiosity causes one to seek to know everything about how to please their partner.
My own understanding eases my neediness because this isn’t sexual. It’s comfort. If Evan seeks comfort from me, then I’m going to make sure he gets that, and all the love I can possibly give him.