REMI
I feel absolutely awful about the way I’ve treated Sebastian.
After that completely inappropriate physical reaction the night I carried him to bed, I was so terrified something like that might happen again that I ended up spending the whole week avoiding him.
He’s clearly confused and probably a bit hurt by how I’ve been acting, but he hasn’t said a word. In fact, he’s gone out of his way to help out all week, even with everything he has going on at the conservatoire. Cleaning the flat, doing laundry, and cooking.
I tried to tell him to take a break, to let me pull my weight, it’s only fair we split those things evenly. But it was pointless.
Somehow, he even figured out my favourite foods and stocked the fridge with them. Almost every night, he left me a home-cooked meal in the microwave.
And I know I’ve probably confused him. Maybe even hurt him. Now, every time we cross paths, he looks at me with this uncertain, puppy-eyed expression that’s… genuinely heartbreaking.
I’m such an arse, he hasn’t done anything wrong. The truth is, I actually like having him around. More than I ever expected to.
But I can’t tell him that. Because then I’d have to explain why I’ve been keeping my distance. And obviously… I can’t do that.
And the worst part?
All the effort I’ve put into keeping my distance has been completely useless.
Because ever since I held him in my arms, something in my brain seems to have short-circuited.
I can’t stop thinking about him. Whether he’s in the room or not doesn’t even matter. Sebastian’s in my head now, and I have no idea how to get him out.
The only time I can’t avoid seeing him is in the morning, unless I sneak out at dawn. And the second he walks into the kitchen, hair a mess, wearing one of his ridiculous pyjama sets (yes, he has a whole collection), my brain just… short-circuits all over again.
It takes everything I’ve got not to bolt from the room with a very obvious erection.
After several sleepless nights, I finally forced myself to think clearly, and no, this isn’t about missing Maddie, or catching some weird flu, and it definitely has nothing to do with that beer we had on Saturday. I’ve only drunk water since.
The problem… is him.
A guy who turns me on and drives me absolutely insane,
more than anyone ever has.
Not a woman.
Not a man.
No one.
It took me a while to accept it, probably because it’s never happened before. I’ve got plenty of gay friends and colleagues, but I’ve never once felt physically attracted to a guy.
And honestly? That’s not what bothers me.
I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where no one ever judged anyone for who they loved,
where difference was seen as something to value, not hide. So yeah, it’s surprising to be feeling something completely new... but it doesn’t scare me.
What does scare me?
That it’s him.
Maddie’s ex.
If it weren’t such a mess, it might almost be funny.
Trying to figure this out is going to be a nightmare.
After spending my whole life thinking I was straight, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with a guy.
And anyway, I shouldn’t even be having thoughts like this.
I have a girlfriend I care about.
Deeply.
So why the hell does Sebastian affect me like this?
This week, I’ve even made a conscious effort to pay attention to the guys around me, at the gym, at the pool, even on campus.
Nothing. Not a flicker. No one else does a thing to me.
Which only makes it more confusing.
Is it possible to be gay… just for one person? Or maybe bi?
Has anyone even heard of something like that?
As far as I know, Sebastian’s straight. And even if, by some miracle, he wasn’t, it wouldn’t change anything. I’m taken. And I’m sure he’s not interested.
There’s no alternative. Whatever reaction he’s triggered in my system, it needs to be contained. Neutralised. Immediately.
There are three people involved in this mess, and I can’t afford to screw up all our lives.
I’m not just a scientist, I’m the most rational, grounded person I know. And it took everything I had to rebuild my life after losing my dad.
I’ve spent years reinforcing my sense of stability, brick by brick, wall by wall, learning how to protect myself from life’s curveballs.
I promised myself I’d never let anyone catch me off guard again. Never let my world be turned upside down like that.
And I won’t let this, whatever this is, tear down everything
I’ve built.
Not this time.