CHAPTER 12
SEBASTIAN
After that disastrous night at the club, Remi’s grown even more distant. Just when I thought we were beginning to bridge the gap between us, I realize now, I was wrong. Completely.
I keep wondering if I’ve ruined everything again with my reckless behaviour. And the truth is, having someone like me, chaotic, unpredictable, under your roof, can’t be easy for someone like him. Remi thrives on order, on structure. He’s methodical, always in control. I’m… not.
He looks exhausted lately. There are dark shadows under his eyes that weren’t there before, like they’ve been etched into his skin. And I can’t help but think, am I the reason for that?
Is my presence starting to wear him down?
And yet, every morning, there’s breakfast waiting for me.
Set out with quiet care, like it’s no trouble at all.
Those small gestures undo me.
I don’t remember much from that drunken, humiliating night. But I remember the way he held me on the way home.
The warmth of his chest pressed to my back.
His arms around me, firm, steady.
The subtle scent of his skin.
His fingers combing gently through my hair.
It replays in my mind over and over, no matter how hard I try to push it away.
Not that there’s much of my mind left to torment.
Remi might be completely off-limits, but I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone. And the worst part?
If he asked, just once, I’d give myself to him without hesitation.
No questions. No conditions.
That will never happen, of course. But if nothing else, I want to earn his friendship. His respect. And if there’s one thing I know how to offer, the best part of me, it’s my music.
It’s the only thing I’ve ever truly done right.
The other night, I invited the group to my upcoming concert, and they all seemed genuinely excited, Remi included.
I can’t wait to play for him.
The piano isn’t just my work, it’s the language my soul speaks when words fall short.
It’s how I breathe when everything else feels too heavy.
It’s the one part of me I never have to question.
When I was a child, living under the constant weight of my parents’ scrutiny, the piano became my sanctuary.
It was never a chore. It was an escape. A way to reclaim a space that was mine, where I could be honest, without fear of judgement. It gave me a voice, long before I found the courage to speak for myself.
Not having one at home these past few weeks has been difficult. Yes, I’ve got access to a piano at the conservatoire, but it’s not the same. I need my own. The moment I find a place, I’ll rent one for the summer, whatever it takes.
I’m nervous. It’s been years since I last performed solo in London. And the thought of playing with Remi, and all these new people who matter, watching from the audience… It stirs something deep in my chest. A quiet panic. Even after all this time, the stage still scares me.
But I want him to see that part of me. Because it’s the truest part I have to give.
I have a lunch meeting with my agent today. May flew in from Paris to finalize the programme. Naturally, she’s booked some trendy, over-the-top restaurant near the Tower of London, The Cube. I’ll need to dress accordingly.
I take my time getting ready. I want to feel composed. Put-together.
Not just for May’s sake, but for my own.
I choose a white silk shirt that drapes softly over my skin, just sheer enough to hint at the tattoos on my shoulders.
Tailored black trousers. Sleek black leather boots polished to a quiet shine.
And underneath, well. I couldn’t resist slipping on one of my favourite pairs: black lace over cream silk. Perfectly matched. It’s unlikely anyone will see them, especially not the one person I’d want to, but wearing something that makes me feel confident has always been part of my ritual.
I smile to myself and try to focus, just as my phone buzzes on the table.
Before I can check it, the ringtone kicks in, yes, it’s the main theme from The Piano. I know. Hopeless romantic.
I lift the phone to my ear, already expecting May.
But it’s not her.
“Maddie?”
“Seb, what the hell is going on over there?!”
Her voice isn’t angry, it’s furious, almost frantic. I freeze, stunned by the suddenness of it. Maddie is passionate, sure, but she’s always composed. I’ve only ever heard her like this once before, when I left her.
“Maddie? Isn’t it the middle of the night in New York? What’s happened?”
There’s a pause. Then she starts crying, and now I’m genuinely worried.
And then she says it, voice raw, trembling:
“Tell me what the hell is going on with my boyfriend, Seb. Please… just tell me what’s going on with Remi!”
She breaks again, and the weight of it sinks in. My stomach turns.
“Maddie, sweetheart, slow down. Has Remi done something?”
As far as I know, the only thing Remi’s guilty of is being heartbreakingly kind and impossibly attractive, and making me fall for him completely. But I obviously can’t say that.
She sniffles on the other end of the line, then finally manages, “I got a promotion.”
“Oh, Maddie, that’s amazing. Congratulations, ”
“Seb, wait. Let me finish.”
“Okay, okay, I’m just… really proud of you. I’m sure Remi is too.”
“Seb!”
She cuts me off, sharp and shaking. I go quiet immediately.
“They offered me a senior position in New York. Big title, more money, incredible contract. I asked Remi to think about moving here with me, and he… he…”
Her voice cracks. Then, somehow, she forces the words out.
“He told me I should accept it. But he didn’t want to keep our relationship going. He broke up with me, Seb. Do you get that? He ended it.”
I hear the sob catch in her throat, and I just stare at my phone, cold all over. I wasn’t expecting this. Not now. Not like this.
What the hell, Remi?
Sure, he’s been tense lately, distant, but this? This is something else. He didn’t say a word. Not last night, not this morning. Nothing. And I’m living under his roof. I thought we were friends. I thought I mattered.
“Maddie… I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. I’m just as shocked as you are.”
There’s a pause. Then, quieter, rawer: “Seb… has he met someone else?”
That hits like a punch.
“I know how that sounds,” she goes on, already ashamed, “but we were good. We had plans. It wasn’t perfect, but I never saw this coming.”
I grip the phone tighter. My thoughts are racing. Remi with someone else? Another girl?
No.
No, that’s not it.
Whatever this is, whatever he’s feeling, it’s not about someone new.
It’s about something he’s still figuring out.
Remi is one of the most principled people I’ve ever met. Loyal, respectful, honest to a fault. He’d never lie, especially not to someone he cares about. Whatever’s going on, I’m certain it’s not about another woman.
“Maddie, I swear, I don’t know anything. He’s never said a word about there being trouble between you.”
She cuts in sharply. “Of course not! There wasn’t any trouble. He even said you were still asleep, and that things between you two were fine…”
Wait, he said things between us were fine?
For a second, that stirs something warm in my chest. Something I don’t have time to unpack, because Maddie’s voice crashes back in.
“Sebastian! Are you even listening?”
“Yes! Yeah, I am. Sorry, I just… I mean, Remi and I are getting along, really. I swear, I’ve never seen him act suspicious. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but one thing I’m sure of, he’d never cheat on you. Not ever.”
I pause, heart twisting, because I believe that completely.
“Oh Seb, what do I do? I can’t go through this again. I can’t lose Remi.”
“I know, Mads… but it’s his decision. I don’t think there’s much I can say or do.”
Guilt coils in my chest like a slow, suffocating knot. She’s still hurting from what happened between us, and now, if Remi’s truly walked away too, how could I possibly throw my own truth into the mix?
“I’m sorry for dumping all this on you,” she says, her voice quieter now. “I just thought… maybe you’d have some insight, since you’re living with him. But I guess you two aren’t that close yet.”
I don’t know how to respond. She’s wrong, but I can’t say that. I won’t betray Remi’s trust, and if this is some awful misunderstanding, the last thing I want is to add fuel to the fire.
“Just… please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially Anne. You know how protective she is. I don’t want drama. I still think there’s a chance I can change his mind.”
“Of course,” I say gently. “I won’t say a word.”
She exhales, a little shakily, but the edge has gone from her voice. “Thanks. And Seb? If you could maybe… just keep an eye on things?”
I pause. The thought of spying on Remi makes my stomach twist.
“Maddie… I don’t think I can do that. He’s become a friend. It wouldn’t feel right.”
There’s a beat of silence. Then she sighs softly.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked.
She sounds disappointed, and it stings, but I can’t help it. I can’t lie to her. And I won’t betray Remi. Besides, deep down, I know there’s no ‘other woman’ to uncover.
“Maddie, I promise, Remi’s spent nearly all his free time with me since I arrived. He’s helped me settle in, introduced me to everyone, and even cooked for me. He hasn’t had time for a fling, and he’s never once acted like he wanted one.”
There’s a pause. Then, in a voice so soft I almost miss it, she says, “He… he never told me he loved me.”
I blink. “What?”
“In four years… he never said it.”
“And you?”
“I tried. Hinted at it. But he never picked up on it. Eventually, I stopped. I figured maybe actions spoke louder than words.”
Oh, Maddie. Stubborn, proud Maddie. Why didn’t you just tell him?
“Look,” I say gently, “none of that changes what’s happening now. But you two need to talk. Properly. Clear the air. Please.”
Just then, my phone buzzes again, May. Of course.
“Mads, I’m sorry, May’s calling. If I leave her hanging, she’ll probably have my concert cancelled and my wardrobe restyled in revenge."