Chapter REMI
REMI
Held tightly in Sebastian’s arms, I cry, all my tears, every last one, without shame. I haven’t broken down like this since it happened. Not then. Not even in the days and weeks that followed.
All these years, I’ve poured everything into being strong. Into holding it together for Mum and Maude. I never gave myself permission to fall apart. Never really let myself grieve.
I kept the wall up, solid, unyielding, between me and the pain. The loss. The confusion. And now, somehow… finally, I’ve broken through it.
For the first time in my life, I’ve spoken openly about my father’s suicide. I’ve exposed the rawest, deepest part of myself. And the strange thing is, I couldn’t even do that with Maddie or Francis, despite all the love and trust I’ve always had for them.
But Sebastian, sweet, steady, unexpected Sebastian, has broken through every wall I built around myself.
And he’s done it in a matter of weeks.
I’m terrified, but in his arms, I feel safer than I have in years. Safer than I’ve felt since before everything in my family fell apart.
I never meant to tell him all this. Not tonight. Not when we were supposed to be celebrating his incredible performance. And now, I feel awful for turning such a special night into something so heavy.
But eventually, I lift my head and meet his gaze, those brilliant green eyes that see straight through me.
And despite everything, all I find there is tenderness. Understanding. Affection. A warmth so fierce, so steady, it melts the last knots clinging to my heart and turns my insides to jelly.
I can’t look away.
As his face leans closer to mine, I know, without a shred of doubt, that there’s no turning back. I brush my nose gently against his, then slide my fingers up into his silky hair.
And without a second thought, I kiss him.
Hard.
No star in the sky tonight can match the explosion that ignites inside me when our lips meet. They’re soft. Warm. Sweet. Just like I imagined, and somehow, even better.
Sebastian doesn’t pull away.
At first, the kiss is gentle, hesitant, like we’re both holding our breath.
But then I graze his lower lip with my teeth, my hand curled firmly around the back of his neck, and something shifts.
Desire takes over.
He grabs my face with both hands, deepening the kiss. His tongue brushes mine, and I open to him without hesitation, welcoming him in. I explore him hungrily, every angle, every breath, every taste, like I’ve been waiting my whole life for this.
Then I realize, I’m completely, undeniably hard.
Instinct takes over. I slide a hand around his back and pull him firmly against me, forgetting, for a moment, that we’re in a public park.
When I feel the solid heat of his body pressed flush to mine, I bury my face in his vanilla-scented hair, and that’s when I feel it.
The unmistakable pressure of his arousal, hard against mine.
Sebastian shudders.
And then, just as suddenly, he pulls away.
The most intense, sensual moment of my life vanishes in an instant, like a flame snuffed out too soon.
We stare at each other, breathless. Dazed. The air between us crackling with everything we haven’t said.
Finally, he opens his mouth. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t,” I cut him off.
“But, Remi…?” he murmurs, confused and breathless.
“No, Seb. Don’t even think about apologizing for the best kiss of my life. And besides, I started it. If anyone should apologize, it’s me.”
He shakes his head, wide-eyed. “Yes, but I wanted it! I’ve wanted it for so long!”
I can’t help but smile at his honesty. “Um… yeah. I noticed.”
“But you’re my best friend’s boyfriend!” he groans, burying his face in his hands.
“Actually, I’m not anymore… and you know that.”
“Yes!” he exclaims. “But you haven’t been for, what, two days?!”
“It’s been ten, actually,” I correct him gently.
He lets out a long, tortured sigh. “What difference does it make? Two days, ten… You and Maddie were inseparable until she left. And then…” His eyes go wide. Another groan. “…And then you’re straight! You’re straight, Remi!”
“Clearly, not that straight,” I mutter, gesturing awkwardly toward the very obvious bulge in my jeans.
“I’m not really interested in slapping a label on myself right now. But I think it’s pretty clear I’m attracted to you. Very attracted. And not in a friendly way.”
His expression shifts, softens. He reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers between mine. Then he lowers his gaze, lips pressing into a pout so irresistibly earnest, I know exactly what he’s about to say before the words even come out.
“I like you too, Remi. A lot. But this… we can’t do this.”
He raises a hand to stop me before I can protest.
“Just think about it. What do you think will happen if Maddie finds out? Or the others? They don’t even know you and Maddie broke up yet, and…”
He freezes mid-sentence. Eyes go wide. Alarm floods his face.
“Remi. Please don’t tell me… Oh God, don’t say it…” He curls in on himself slightly, then looks up at me again, eyes searching mine.
“You didn’t break up with her because of… this, did you?”
He gestures between us helplessly.
I look away, but not fast enough. He sees it. Sees the truth written all over my face.
“You’ve lost your mind!” he exclaims, throwing his hands up. “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking,” I say, forcing myself to stay calm, “that I couldn’t keep lying to Maddie, or to myself. Yes, I broke things off because of you.”
“For someone like me?” he shoots back, the disbelief in his voice landing like a slap. “You left someone like Maddie, after all those years, for… what? For me?”
“Yes. For you,” I snap, the words sharp with emotion. “And why the hell not?”
He blinks, stunned.
“You’re kind. You’re thoughtful. You care deeply, even when you pretend not to. You’re a phenomenal pianist. You’re beautiful, Seb. Sexy, smart, funny, so much more than you think you are.”
I pause, catching my breath.
“You’re amazing. Even if you can’t see it yourself… I do.”
He groans, dragging both hands over his face.
“You don’t even know me, Remi! I’m a mess.
I ran away from England because I couldn’t face the truth.
I still haven’t come out to my parents. They’re still managing my life, along with that shark of an agent.
I’ve had nothing but meaningless flings in Paris.
No real friends, no relationships. Just work. ”
His voice rises as he gestures at me in frustration.
“And you, you’ve got the perfect life. The perfect girlfriend who adores you. And you just… threw it all away?”
He gestures to himself, like the very idea is absurd.
“For this?”
That’s when my temper snaps.
“Perfect life? Really?” I shoot back. “Did you not hear what I told you about my dad? You’re the first person I’ve ever told. You think someone living a perfect life carries that kind of silence around for years?”
Sebastian blinks, stunned into silence.
“I’m just as much of a mess as you are,” I go on, my voice quieter now, steadier. “But if there’s one thing, one thing, I’m sure of right now, it’s this: I want to get to know you better.”
I reach for his hand, gently.
“And if you let me… I think I could show you the version of yourself I see every time I look at you.”
He stays quiet for a long moment. When he finally speaks, his voice is soft, barely above a whisper.
“Thank you, Remi. I know how hard it must’ve been to come back from what happened to your family. And you did it. You’re strong. So strong. Which is exactly why I’d feel like the worst kind of person if I let you throw it all away for some… fleeting attraction.”
“It’s not fleeting, Seb,” I say, more sharply than I intend. “If it were, I wouldn’t have risked everything tonight.”
I take a breath, trying to steady myself.
“I didn’t expect anything from you. I didn’t even think you’d be interested.
I know I’m not the easiest guy to be around.
And I know you care about Maddie. And yeah, this, whatever this is, it’s messy.
But I’m not expecting everything at once. Just a beginning.”
He looks down, clearly torn, and something in me twists. I push through the lump in my throat.
“I know going any further between us might cost you Maddie’s friendship. And if you’re not ready, I’d never push. But I couldn’t keep pretending. Not when I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Seb nods slowly. Then he stands and holds out a hand to me.
“I think… I’ll take you up on that Uber now.”
He looks exhausted, completely drained. And my heart twists at the sight, knowing I’ve put him in an impossible position. But I meant every word. What I feel for him is real. No matter how messy all this is, kissing him was still one of the truest, clearest things I’ve ever done.
If he needs time, I’ll give it to him. I won’t push. I just want him to be okay. To be happy, even if it’s not with me.
Quietly, I pull out my phone and order a car, asking it to meet us at the nearest park gate. Then I reach for his hand, slowly, gently, and he lets me take it without hesitation.
We walk in silence, side by side, toward the exit. The air is cool, the night quiet around us, and though nothing is certain, his fingers remain laced with mine.
And for now, that’s enough.