Chapter SEBASTIAN
SEBASTIAN
Remi’s words caught me completely off guard, and now my thoughts are everywhere, pulling me in a thousand directions.
I’m torn apart by doubt. How could I do this to Maddie?
Leave her behind… and then steal the one person who’s actually helped her through it?
When she told me about the breakup the other day, she was devastated. And once again, I’m the reason. Just thinking about it makes my stomach turn.
The guilt settles over me like an avalanche, crushing, cold.
And yet, even with all that shame and confusion, the feeling of Remi’s fingers laced through mine is enough to remind me how badly I want him close.
And somehow, though I still can’t quite believe it, he wants the same.
I’ve fantasised about Remi from the moment I met him, but never, not even in my most unrealistic daydreams, did I think he might feel the same way. And now that he does? I’m paralysed.
Starting something between us would be reckless. A mess. A catastrophe waiting to happen.
We ride home in silence, sitting side by side in the backseat of the Uber. There’s nothing to say, the air between us is so charged it’s almost crackling. I stare out the window, pretending to focus on the blur of streetlights.
I have no idea how we’re going to survive the night under the same roof.
Thank God I’ve got a train to Stratford first thing tomorrow.
I booked the train late last night, after relentless pressure from my parents. I’ve put this visit off for too long. They’re eager to hear about the concert, and even more eager to push me on my future plans. I know I can’t stall them any longer.
This might be my chance.
My chance to finally come out to them.
And maybe… some time away will help. Give both me and Remi space to clear our heads. To shake off whatever spell we’ve fallen under.
Because we have lost control. And it’s dangerous, not just for us, but for everyone around us. Especially Maddie.
I can’t lose her.
Not again.