10. Chapter 10
Chapter ten
Alex
As Alex turned from looking out of the windows in Dr. Sonja’s office, his attention settled on the confidential digital file on her computer screen with his name. What harm could there be in looking through her notes? Alex stepped closer to the computer screen and quickly satisfied his curiosity, before turning to look back out of the window.
“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, Alex. My apologies,” said Dr. Sonja as she walked into the office.
Alex wondered how many psychotherapists had a view of Boston Harbor from their office.
“This office is much better than the bland space we’ve been meeting in for the past two years.”
“Yes, it is indeed. Please have a seat, and let’s get down to business,” she said.
Alex sat in the chair directly opposite Dr. Sonja. His blood was boiling as he sat with his arms crossed, staring past Dr. Sonja in her chair.
Dr. Sonja sat down after picking up a notepad. “You have every reason to feel hurt and confused,” she said.
“Thank you for giving me permission for my feelings,” he said scornfully. Alex wondered if she could relate to having her therapist lie to her for the last two years while secretly working for a company owned by a goddess who was keeping tabs on her.
The smile on Dr. Sonja’s face evaporated. “I understand your anger, Alex. I assure you our prior work was confidential.”
“You expect me to take you at your word?” said Alex as he turned in his seat and made uncomfortably intense eye contact with Dr. Sonja.
“I’m bound by the law, Alex. I’d only release information if you were a danger to yourself or others, or if a judge requested the records. I have your consent forms in your file if you want to review them.”
“That’s bullshit, Dr. Sonja, and you know it,” he replied.
“I take my reputation seriously, so please don’t make unfounded accusations,” she replied, meeting his gaze while refusing to look away.
“It all boils down to trust, Dr. Sonja,” said Alex. He trusted her with his coming out experience, shared his experience of being forced into conversion therapy at boarding school, his severe anxiety after Cairo, and his concerns about Danyal’s controlling, jealous behavior. It took him months to trust her. “Little did I know you were deceiving me from the start. So, you think I can easily overlook the fact you were assigned to monitor me?”
“I like to think we did good work, Alex, and we can reframe our continued work as an extension of the foundation we’ve already built in therapy.”
“That’s na?ve, Dr. Sonja, especially after I know what you truly think about me.”
“I’m confused, Alex. What’re you alluding to?”
Alex glanced toward her computer and nodded.
Dr. Sonja removed her glasses and placed them on her lap. “You read your file. We agreed you’d ask before reviewing any records.”
“They’re my records, and you keep repeating that all I have to do is ask. Maybe you should have locked your computer if you didn’t want me to see it.”
“You potentially violated several confidentiality laws, and could have viewed other patients’ files,” said Dr. Sonja, slightly raising her voice.
“I didn’t look at other files, Dr. Sonja. How does it feel to take me at my word?” said Alex, glaring at her.
Dr. Sonja sighed deeply and placed her hands in her lap before saying, “Something you read disturbed you. Let’s process your feelings.”
“‘Although Alex has excelled professionally, he lacks maturity, is quick to respond with anger while blaming others for his shortcomings, and his anxieties make him emotionally unfit to assume any responsibility within the company.’”
Dr. Sonja paused before responding, “I stand by that assessment, Alex. Your current struggles with anxiety are serious. Medication no longer works for you. I am concerned your stress levels will overwhelm you, with severe consequences for you and the world.”
“You misled me that I was doing well in treatment.”
“I didn’t mislead you, Alex. You have made significant progress.”
Alex’s blood pressure continued to rise as he felt his face flush. The pain in his forehead was new, but he knew it was a precursor to his losing control. The lights in the office began to flicker, and the glass panels in the windows started to shake. He paused and focused on his breathing for several moments. Dr. Sonja had effectively backed him into a corner. If he reacted angrily or defended himself, he’d only reinforce her beliefs.
“What would you like me to say, Alex?” said Dr. Sonja. “I’m only looking out for you.”
Alex shook his head from side to side. She had a funny way of showing it. “I’ll ask again: did you share this information with Ditta or the board?”
Dr. Sonja sat quietly, and Alex could see by her furrowed brow that she was formulating her response.
“I acted within the law. You signed a release form naming Ditta as your emergency contact at the start of treatment, stating I could share information with her in an emergency since she was paying for your therapy. I made the call that your mental stability before your ascension met this criterion, and on one occasion, I provided Ditta with the information you read in your file.”
“When we started therapy, you promised to let me know before releasing any information. Did you let me know?”
Dr. Sonja sat in silence. Alex knew the answer was no.
He leaned forward on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair. He waited several moments before continuing. “Can you even say any positive things about me?” he said, not meeting her eyes.
“Yes, you know I can, Alex. You’re passionate, intelligent, caring, thoughtful, savvy, and fiercely defend yourself. Most importantly, you love Danyal deeply.”
It was too little, too late. “You’ve made it very clear I must attend sessions if I remain associated with PGC. I don’t trust you and will only attend therapy under the condition I see another therapist.”
With that, Alex stood and left the room in deafening silence.