Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Augi spent the next few days only doing what she had to do.
Library, shopping and home. She didn’t want to bump into anyone she knew, or anyone she didn’t know.
And she especially didn’t want to be asked any personal questions.
It was only when she was returning home from work the day before, eyes darting around her to see if anyone was looking at her, that she realised she was more scared than she’d been at any other time since arriving in New Zealand ten years earlier.
Apparently that was what happened when you let your guard down and your past came knocking at your door.
Even the library patrons knew something was wrong when she was closing the library on the dot of five.
‘Got a hot date?’ grinned one woman whose toddler insisted on helping to tidy the children’s area — a job which would have taken Augi only minutes to accomplish on her own.
She dropped to her knees to pick up the Lego pieces and tossed them into the box, before scooping up the picture books and placing them in the mobile units.
She’d sort out the alphabetical order when the library opened again.
She forced a smile on her face as she stood up. ‘Er, no, just some things to do at home.’ It was a weak excuse, as excuses went, but there was no way Augi was going to reveal the real reason. That she was running scared.
‘Oh, yeah,’ said the woman finally scooping up her toddler who promptly screamed and refused to release a book.
‘There’s always something to do at home, isn’t there?
Trouble is I’m in no rush to go home and do it.
No rush’ — she rolled her eyes — ‘to deal with a troublesome toddler without any diversions, and ditto a troublesome man.’ She walked towards the door.
‘Anyhow, see you next time.’ She waved as she went, the book falling out of the toddler’s hand on the outside deck.
Augi followed her outside, picked up the book and froze. On the pavement beyond the library fence stood a woman. A stranger. A stranger who was looking directly at her.
Panic surged inside her and she stepped back before pulling the door closed behind her, and firmly locking it.
Who was she?
She’d never seen her before. She wasn’t even walking past. She had stopped and had been facing the library. She must have been able to see her through the open double doors while she’d been talking to the young mother.
She quickly finished locking the cabinets, transforming the space back into the tennis club rooms which was their function when it wasn’t a library. Then she turned out the lights.
She sat in the old cracked leather club chair, heart pumping, grasping the sides as she willed herself to think calmly.
She gathered up courage to look through the side-room window.
There was no sign of the stranger. She heaved a sigh of relief and grabbed her bag.
Another look reassured her the street was empty.
She hurried down the path and, after another reassuring glance, walked away from the village towards her house. But, at the corner of the street, where the tennis courts ended, she saw the stranger. Again, the woman met Augi’s gaze with a searching look. She stifled a gasp and hurried on.
‘Eleni?’ the woman called from behind her.
Her real name. Again. Her legs were wobbly, as if all the life had drained from her, and she felt sick. She stopped, frozen in her tracks. Her mouth dried and she turned slowly, feeling like the world was tipping out of focus.
‘I’m sorry,’ the dark-haired stranger said, her hands held out to show she didn’t mean her any harm. Augi realised she must look terrified. ‘I didn’t mean to frighten you.’
She shook her head and reached out for the fence for support. She swallowed hard. This was ridiculous. She was safe here.
‘My name is Augi Markos.’
The woman frowned and didn’t say anything.
‘Augi Markos,’ Augi repeated. She couldn’t bring herself to lie and tell the woman that she had the wrong person. Because the truth was, she was both people now.
’OK,’ the stranger said doubtfully. It unnerved her that she didn’t look as if she accepted her assertion.
Augi nodded abruptly and walked away without looking back. But she listened. No footsteps followed her.
Instead of going straight home, Augi continued on along the road to its end. She had something she had to do. Something she should have done days ago.
Despite her attempts to calm herself, her hand was shaking as she rang the doorbell at MacLeod’s Cottage. She’d spent the past ten years learning how to contain agitation, acquiring ways to appear as if nothing was getting to her. She’d thought it had become second nature. But, apparently not.
Augi rang the bell again, but she couldn’t hear anything.
No one answered. Kate had always told her to go straight in if no one answered, but she never had.
But now she did. She couldn’t bear the thought of turning away without dealing with it.
She couldn’t cope with another sleepless night.
It had begun to rain, so the chances of anyone being outside — even under the covered verandah — were slim.
Besides, she didn’t hear any voices or see any lights on outside.
Only inside. Light streamed between the curtains of the front drawing room.
She knocked again. No answer. She took hold of the battered brass doorknob and twisted it, opened the door, and stepped inside. She called out. She could hear water running, then the door opened from the drawing room and Dan stepped out wearing headphones. He pulled them off.
‘Augustini!’ he said, tossing the headphones to one side and coming over to hug her. He held on to her, smiling as he searched her face. ‘I didn’t expect you this evening. I thought you were busy.’
She shook her head, remembering she’d made an excuse not to see Dan. ‘Something’s come up.’
He frowned. ‘About what? The house? Have you discovered something?’
‘Yes and no. But I need to see Kate. Is she around?’
‘She’s just having a bath I think. I heard the water running a few minutes ago.’ He paused. ‘Anything I can help with?’
‘I…’ She hadn’t expected Kate not to be available, which was stupid of her. She should have phoned ahead. She would have done if her mind hadn’t been in such a whirl. ‘I really wanted to speak to Kate.’
‘Augustini, this doesn’t sound like you. Is everything all right? Has something, or someone, upset you?’
If only he hadn’t asked that. If only he hadn’t looked so sympathetic, so concerned about what was troubling her. It turned out this was her Achilles heel — being cared for. Because she wasn’t used to it. She’d made sure she was protected from everything except kindness and love.
She blinked and to her horror felt tears appear from nowhere.
‘Augustini,’ Dan said, clearly appalled by her tears. ‘What on earth has happened?’
She felt as if she were drowning, disappearing into the abyss of pain from which she’d strived to protect herself.
She stepped away, turning from his concerned face and swiped away a stray tear, blinking furiously as she looked up at the ceiling, willing the tears to disappear.
She tried to hide them by rummaging in her bag for a tissue and blowing her nose.
‘I must be getting a cold, or something.’ She shook her head, her hair escaping from the scarf with which she’d tied it back. ‘Sorry to worry you Daniel, really, it’s nothing. I just wanted to tell Kate…’ She trailed off.
‘Tell Kate what?’
Dan and Augi both turned to see Kate standing in the doorway, belting up a dressing gown, her hair still wet.
‘Kate…’
This wasn’t turning out at all how Augi had imagined it.
‘Augi, why don’t you come into the kitchen and I’ll make us a cup of tea. Or coffee in your case. I think you’d prefer that?’ she asked with a smile, and a quiet calm which Augi needed.
Augi nodded. ‘Thank you.’
When Dan tried to follow, Kate stopped him. ‘Daniel, why don’t you continue your work.’
‘No, I’d like to—’
But whatever Dan would like to do was cut off by an unusually severe look from Kate.
Dan grimaced and glanced once more at Augi before nodding his head. ‘I’ll be finished in five minutes,’ he said to his mother.
As Dan withdrew into the other room, Kate ushered Augi inside the warmth of the kitchen where she made small talk as she brewed some coffee.
But Kate’s consideration didn’t succeed in quieting Augi’s agitation. She simply felt her love for the older woman more acutely, and her anxiety over what would happen if her secrets were revealed only increased.
Eventually Kate stopped talking and turned to Augi. ‘So, what’s the matter? I don’t like to see you like this.’
‘I haven’t come here to talk about me, Kate. I’ve come here to tell you that I’m sorry, but there’s nothing more I can do for you.’
‘Do for me? About what?’
It was a shock to realise that Kate couldn’t read her mind. Augi felt like all her emotions were there for everyone to see. She dragged in a deep breath.
‘About researching your relatives.’
‘Oh, that,’ said Kate, turning to pour out two mugs of coffee which she placed on the table.
‘Why don’t you take a seat,’ she said, returning to the kitchen and opening a couple of tins before she found what she was looking for.
She held it aloft and waved it. ‘Lucy’s homemade shortbread biscuits.
Very buttery’ — she said, bringing the tin over to the table — ‘and very necessary when one is talking about one’s relatives. ’
Augi exhaled with a puff and sat down.
Kate also sat down and folded her arms on the table.
‘So, I take it that you’ve found something which has spooked you.’
Augi met Kate’s gaze. She didn’t want to admit that Kate’s guess was correct. That wasn’t why she’d come here.
‘I found the person who I believe is John Kowalski’s closest relative. And I’ll pass that information onto Daniel to follow up. I’m afraid there’s nothing more I can do.’
‘Can or don’t want to do?’ Kate asked with a tilt of the head. ‘Not that I mind either way. I’m just concerned that you seem so… unlike yourself.’
Augi sat in silence.
‘Does it seem likely that this person will want to take ownership of the house? Is that it?’ asked Kate.
‘I’m afraid I don’t know that much.’
‘But you said you’ve heard from them?’
‘I heard from someone who said they were working on their behalf. A lawyer, or community worker I believe.’
’And what did that person want exactly?’
Kate had done it, and Augi hadn’t even seen it coming. She guessed that’s what happened when someone kind and perceptive was your friend.
‘Because, Augi, to be honest,’ Kate continued, ‘there’s one thing I don’t understand.’
Augi nodded and looked down at her fisted hands which she realised were betraying her distress. She looked up again. ‘About the relative?’
‘No. I don’t understand why this has upset you so much. I know you’re a caring person, but I get the feeling that this is more than being upset on behalf of someone else. I think it’s got to you personally somehow. Is it something to do with Daniel?’
Augi huffed a relieved sigh. ‘No.’
‘And is it personal?’
Augi couldn’t go there. She jumped up. ‘Kate, I’m sorry, it’s late, I’d best go.
I’ve interrupted your bath, but I just needed you to know where I was with the research.
’ She indicated the papers she’d put on the table.
‘You have everything you need to know right there. You… and Daniel.’ She looked around, needing to leave. ‘But I have to go now.’
‘Augi!’ called Kate, but Augi didn’t stop. She couldn’t. But when she heard her name called again, this time by Dan from the open front door, as she was halfway up the path, she had to stop. Kate walked up behind him.
‘Daniel.’ Augi gave a small wave. ‘I have to go. I’m late.’
‘I’ll walk with you,’ he said.
She turned away from him, anxious to be by herself. She didn’t know how she could withhold the truth from Dan. ‘No! I mean,’ she added in a quieter voice, but still insistent. ‘I’m busy. Sorry, Daniel. Not now. I can’t do it now.’
‘Do what? I’m just suggesting I walk with you. Keep you company.’
‘Daniel,’ said Kate. They both turned around. ‘I think Augi wants to be alone. Is that right?’
Augi nodded, feeling the tears rise again. She felt she was about to break open in front of them. And she felt ashamed at letting down someone like Kate who’d always been so kind to her.
‘Oh,’ said Dan, his face as crestfallen as Kate’s had been. Another gut-wrenching twist for Augi. ‘OK then.’
She pressed her trembling lips together and walked quickly away, only slowing her pace when she was hidden behind the trees which lined the garden.
She stopped then, held onto the next-door neighbour’s fence for support and gasped as if she’d been struck in the stomach.
She sucked in a deep breath, swiped away the tears, and carried on.
It was only when she’d reached the corner and glanced around that she saw Dan had been standing at the garden gate.
He must have seen her pause. He raised his hand to her but she kept walking.
She couldn’t tell him what he wanted to know. Because how could you tell someone that you couldn’t help his family, because it risked revealing what she’d been hiding from for so long — her own family?