Escape to the Country

Chapter 8

8

Waking up to a manically enthusiastic message from Alice telling me what a whale of a time she was having in Australia already was such a lovely way to start the day. On her first day there, she’d apparently already been cuddling koalas in a zoo in Brisbane, and her list of things to do while she was there included snorkelling at the Great Barrier Reef and visiting Byron Bay. Then they were going to spend a few days in Sydney visiting friends, attend a concert at the Sydney Opera House and walk the Harbour Bridge. She was even going to visit the set of Neighbours . It sounded like an exhausting holiday to me with tons of travelling, but I had to admire her lust for life; it filled my heart with joy. She was doing way more on her visit to Australia than I’d ever done on any of my holidays, where I normally spent my relaxing time on the beach reading a business or personal development book or listening to one on audio. I quite liked an audio book, especially when I was in the car. I never wanted to waste time listening to the radio and those crappy chart songs.

I hadn’t even had a holiday for the last couple of years and I was quite envious of Alice. We arranged a Skype call for when I was at work so she could see her beloved furry friend.

Great news awaited us when I contacted Uncle Tom after breakfast to see how Beth was. He’d rung the hospital and was told that she was recovering well and would be able to come home the next day as long as she followed the specific rules and regulations. There was no reason why she couldn’t remain happy and healthy in her own environment until we reached the next stage of her journey where her physiotherapy started and her recovery could continue.

Delighted with this news, I promised to pop in later and see her, but I had to cover one of Beth’s community projects first. I had to report to Stafford Library at 10a.m. and was told that all would be revealed when I got there.

It was years since I’d been inside a library and I hadn’t read a novel for a long time.

Being the dutiful friend that I was, and ready to fill Beth’s shoes temporarily, I turned up at the library just before ten and reported to the information desk. ‘Hi there, I’m Madison Young. Beth Millington sent me.’

‘Ah, Miss Young, we’ve been expecting you. I’m Rebecca. Thank you so much for helping us out with our community reach programme. It means so much to get people like you to help us.’

Community reach… what the hell was that when it was at home? ‘Do you mind if I pop to the ladies’?’ I asked the dark-haired pretty librarian. Being a librarian must be the most boring job in the world, I thought. I excused myself and went off to find the ladies’. While I was washing my hands, a poster on the wall caught my eye.

Community Reach

Do you have a few hours each week to help people who can’t get to a library?

There are a number of people who are physically unable to come along to get books from us, but who love to read.

We want to make a difference in their lives. Can you help?

If so, we’d love to hear from you so that we can make someone’s day.

Now I knew a little more about it, it still seemed like something really dull. But in fairness, I had all the time in the world, and I had promised Beth that I would trust her and go through with anything I was asked to.

Begrudgingly, I went over to Rebecca and asked her what I needed to do next. She gave me an empty cardboard box and a list of titles and instructed me to find the books on the list and put them in the box, then bring them back to be checked out.

As I searched the shelves, I read the descriptions on the back covers and some of them actually piqued my interest, which surprised me. There was a real mix of genres, from a psychological thriller about a girl who woke up to find her son missing, a romcom about a girl who fell in love with her arch enemy and another a fantasy romance where the hero alternated between being a faerie king and a normal person. Perhaps I should give reading a go. I used to love it as a child. I still didn’t really know why I was putting these books in the box, but as Rebecca date stamped them at the desk, she gave me an address.

‘So, you are going to Mr and Mrs Darby. Their address is 136 Glasscroft Close. Here’s the postcode too. All you have to do is take this box of books and pick up the ones they’re returning and bring those back. That OK?’

Simple then, nothing difficult in that. I’d be in and out within a minute or two, I guessed. Best go and get on with it.

I loaded the books onto the back seat of my car and set the satnav for the postcode I’d been given. As I parked outside 136 Glasscroft Close, I looked up at the house. It was a beautiful Georgian building, but looked very tired. Grabbing the box of books from the car, I noticed that the garden was overgrown and the front door looked like it needed a lick of paint.

I knocked on the door and waited. And waited. After what seemed like five minutes but was probably not anywhere near that long, I went to turn to walk back to the car. If they couldn’t be bothered to answer the door, then I didn’t have time to hang around waiting for them. Although, I did really, didn’t I?

‘I’m coming.’ I heard a muffled sound from behind the door and it eventually opened as far as the chain would allow it. ‘Hello?’ The wrinkled but clearly once beautiful face of a little old lady peered at me from behind the door. ‘Can I help?’

‘Hello, Mrs Darby. My name is Maddy and I’m here from the library community reach programme. I’ve brought you some books.’ The penny was finally starting to drop with me.

‘Ooh goodness me, how wonderful,’ she exclaimed. She shut the door and I could hear her taking the chain off. I balanced the box of books on one arm and showed her an ID badge I had on a lanyard with my free hand.

‘I don’t care who you are as long as you can cheer up my Ron.’ She smiled at me and then shuffled along behind her walking frame down the hallway into a kitchen.

‘Would you like a cup of tea, dear?’

I was about to say I didn’t have time. It was more of a habit than anything else, and I realised that I did have time. All the time in the world. I had no other plans today and, just maybe, having a chat and a cuppa with this lady might brighten her day. And it felt good to be doing something for someone else for a change.

‘Yes please, that would be nice,’ I replied, but as she was clearly struggling to lift the kettle and manoeuvre around her walking frame, I took it from her.

‘Let me. Why don’t you sit down and let me make you one, Mrs Darby.’

‘Ooh my dear, how lovely. I can’t remember the last time someone made me a cup of tea. Thank you. And please, call me Leila.’ She plonked herself down onto one of the kitchen chairs and directed me to the cups, spoons and teabags. ‘We’ll take one up to Ron if that’s OK. It’s been a while since his last one. Can’t let him have too much to drink, it’s so much trouble to get him out of bed and into the bathroom.’ She laughed. ‘It wears us both out.’

We chatted easily as the kettle boiled. Leila told me that she and Ron were childhood sweethearts and had been married for seventy-five years. They were both ninety-six. They had two children with families of their own, giving them five grandchildren, but they all had busy lives and they didn’t live in the local area so weren’t able to help out much.

My heartstrings twanged when I thought about how little I knew about my own grandparents. Mum had told me that they’d had a falling out years ago and she flatly refused to talk about it, so over the years I just stopped asking. While I respected her decision, it was my life that was affected too and I wondered again whether there were still people out there related to me, struggling along in their lives. Or had they left this world already? Would I ever know? Did I have a whole family still to be discovered? And would I ever discover them, or would my questions go unasked and unanswered for the rest of my life? Mum and I were a family, and a great one, but I always wondered about the people that I’d never met.

I made tea for three and carried the tea tray to the foot of the stairs where a stair lift took over the bottom of the hallway. Leila shuffled down the hallway and suggested that she made the journey first, then send the chair back down, and I would rest the tray on the top of the box of books and send it up again. Leila laughed as she alighted the stair lift at the top of the stairs. ‘Bloody slow but it does the trick. And as Ron used to fart with every footstep on the way up, it’s way more pleasant than following him up. Don’t get old dear, it makes you very windy!’ She winked at me.

‘Nearly there, Ron my love. Make sure you’re decent. I have a young lady with me who doesn’t want to see your wrinkly old soldier hanging out of your pyjama bottoms, thank you very much.’ She grabbed another walking frame on the landing, and I squeezed past the stair lift as it made the trip with the books and tea.

Leaving the box of books for a moment, I carried the tea tray into the room that Leila had disappeared into, where she told me to put it down on an old oak dressing table.

‘Just the job,’ came a man’s deep voice from behind the door.

‘And you must be Mr Darby. Good morning. I’m Maddy.’

‘Call me Ron, my dear. Mr Darby makes me feel old!’ He winked. ‘Hello, Maddy, what brings you to Glasscroft Close this morning? Not that I’m complaining about getting visitors. We don’t get many these days, do we, Leil?’

Leila plonked herself on the bed next to her husband and took his hand in hers and patted it, her eyes full of love as she shook her head gently. A lump formed in my throat. When I was younger, my dream was to grow old with Alex, and then when I met Jamie, I thought it would be us. But now, it’s just me. All alone.

Remembering the books, I scooted back to the landing and returned with the box and put it on the edge of the bed.

Ron’s eyes lit up like the Blackpool illuminations and a grin spread literally from ear to ear. ‘Ooh, you’ve brought books. Do I get to choose one?’

‘Not one, they’re all for you if you want them. There’s a selection of the genres that the library ladies know you read.’

‘Goodness me! All of them?’ Ron looked like a child in a sweet shop. ‘Are you sure? All of them. There must be twenty books in that box. Really?’

My heart warmed to the happiness that was etched on his face as he started to search through the box and there were oohs and aahs coming from him as he took them out and read the blurb on the backs, with his glasses perched on the end of his nose.

‘As you can see, Ron is mainly bedridden and we can’t get to the library these days, so someone suggested that the library could come to us. We normally have a lovely young lady called Beth deliver our books.’

‘Ah, Beth is my best friend, but she’s not able to get around much at the moment as she’s had an operation. I’ve known Beth all my life.’

‘Such a lovely girl. What she has done for us has given us both a new lease of life. We’re both avid readers and because we don’t have a fat lot else to do in the day, we devour books. We’re both very lucky to be blessed with good eyesight, which is unusual at our age and which we are so grateful for, as reading is our escapism. I don’t think people realise how important this community service from our library is to people like us. You’ve made us so happy, Maddy. If you hadn’t have come, we might not have been able to get any more books till Beth was better, and I’m not sure how long that might be. Please do give her our love, won’t you. And Maddy, we honestly can’t thank you enough. We can’t get out much into the world any more, but books bring the world in here to us.’

What a lovely way to look at reading, I thought.

‘Is there anything else I can do for you while I’m here?’ I asked. Ron looked at Leila and raised his eyebrows, but she shook her head.

‘No, it’s fine, thank you, you’ve done more than enough already,’ Leila replied.

‘It’s no problem, honestly. I have a day of no plans, so make the most of me while I’m here.’

‘Well, there is something, dear, if you really wouldn’t mind. On top of that wardrobe is a small suitcase which I’d love you to get down if you can reach it. I keep meaning to climb up on that bedroom stool, but Ron keeps telling me I’m not to.’

Being tall was something that used to drive me mad when I was at school. I used to get picked on and called ‘lanky legs’ and I hated it. But right now, it was very useful as I reached up above the wardrobe and pulled the suitcase down, along with a cloud of dust. Ron started to cough, and Leila asked me to open the window a tad. ‘Come on, Ron, steady on. You know when you cough like that you have to concentrate and control your bodily functions.’

Leila turned to me and giggled. ‘Honestly, my dear, at our age, anything can happen.’

He took in some fresh air and got his breath back as she gently patted his back. He took a sip of his tea and I pulled the window to again, so that he didn’t catch the draught.

We chatted easily while we drank the tea. I thought they were a lovely couple. Looking at my watch, I noticed that an hour had passed since I’d arrived, so I collected the cups, took them downstairs and swilled them in the old Belfast sink, leaving them on the side to drain. I gave the sides a wipe down with the dish cloth. Leila might think their eyesight was good but an extra wipe would get rid of some of those crumbs that had been left behind.

When I popped back upstairs to say goodbye, Leila had climbed back onto the bed and was lying next to her husband, snuggled into his shoulder. Ron took my hand in his. ‘Thank you, Maddy, you really have made my day. I’m so looking forward to reading these books. I love a good murder, the more gruesome the better. And Lei loves all these bloody daft romances that you’ve brought her too. Hope there’s no saucy books in there. I don’t want her getting ideas and ravishing me. I don’t think my heart is up to it these days.’ He winked at me and Leila just laughed at him.

‘I cannot thank you enough. This suitcase is full of photographs and we’re going to spend the day looking through them. What a delight.’

‘Is there anything else I can get you?’ I asked.

‘No thank you, dear,’ smiled Leila as she patted her husband’s hand. ‘I have everything I will ever need right here in this room.’

I swallowed down another lump in my throat and thanked them for their time. They thought I’d done them a huge favour, when in fact, it was totally the other way round. Letting me into their lives was a true reminder that what to some was just a small task in a day could be the most important thing in someone else’s world. If only more people knew about this service. There must have been lots of people like the Darbys who needed company and would have liked someone to pop some books into them. I could really appreciate the value of the community outreach programme now I had seen the joy it could bring for myself.

Today, in just a short time, I felt like I had done something worthwhile. I hadn’t felt that sense of satisfaction since being made redundant.

I offered to let myself out so that they didn’t have to move, and as I picked up the box of books to be returned and closed the front door gently behind me, I heard Leila and Ron reminiscing over treasured memories and years gone by.

* * *

As I closed the gate, I looked again at the overgrown garden and mused about what a beautiful house and garden this must have once been, when a thought popped into my mind. Young Russell from the kennels was always saying that he wanted to earn some extra cash; he was hardworking and keen. I wondered whether he might like to come and mow the lawn and give the garden a tidy-up. I was sure they’d appreciate it. I’d be happy to pay him to do it; it would be my treat to the Darbys for brightening up my day and showing me what love could be.

My mind was working overtime as I drove back to the library, although I was returning with a lighter heart than when I’d left first thing this morning. My father had suddenly popped into my mind.

Father . It was a strange word to me. My biological father had never been a real father to me. He’d certainly never been a dad. I wondered whether the word ‘father’ really applied to him at all.

Even though Mum and I hadn’t talked about him for years, it didn’t stop me wondering about him and imagining what it would be like if I ever met him. I didn’t even know if I’d ever want to. He came to me in dreams quite often, although I could never see his face. I walked past people in the street and wondered if he looked like them. Perhaps I looked like him . Did I resemble my half siblings – if I had any? Was there a whole new family out there I knew nothing about?

And then there was Mum to consider. How would she feel if I ever did want to contact him? Did she ever wish that I hadn’t come along and spoilt everything for them? Would they have stayed together? I wondered if she regretted having me. Would they eventually have had a different family? Would they be like the adorable Darbys that I’d just left? It was all totally mind-blowing when I opened myself up to the questions.

Perhaps I needed to open a new notebook and start a list with all my questions in it. It might be cathartic to get them all out of my head. It was giving me a headache and also sleepless nights.

But did I really want to know the answers to my questions? While it was still all unanswered, I didn’t have to deal with it. And let’s face it, I’d managed for this long perfectly well without a dad, so I didn’t really need one. I had Mum, after all, and she’d been everything to me all my life even though I’d neglected her in the latter years. I suppose there was a part of me that made me totally self-sufficient, the same way that Mum did, as that seemed to be the only way that you wouldn’t get hurt. I knew though in my heart that at some point we’d need to talk more about it. It was just about finding the right time.

If only I had a name, I could have done some digging around on Facebook. But then again, if I found someone, it would open up a whole new can of worms. And was it really what I wanted? I could never undo it once I’d started, which was why I’d never gone further in the past. Maybe it was better just left buried.

Oh God! I just didn’t know. It was way too confusing for this mind to take right now. Good job really that I didn’t have to think about high-powered executive work at the moment too as I’d never be able to concentrate.

Rebecca saw me struggling to balance the box of books. She came and held the door open for me, bringing me back to the present.

‘How did it go?’ she asked.

I couldn’t stop myself as I burst into tears. I seemed to be so tearful lately.

‘Emotional, isn’t it?’ She put her hand on my arm and guided me over to the office area behind the counter and made me a cup of tea.

‘They are such a lovely couple, and in their old age they have everything they could ever want.’ I couldn’t find the words to explain how much the Darbys had melted my heart and made me feel really melancholy.

‘Thank you for your help today, Maddy. I did wonder whether we’d still be able to offer this service with Beth being off. I’m so grateful to you for stepping in.’

‘Is that it? Can I help some more? Can I do it again?’

Rebecca laughed. ‘Of course you can, Maddy. Let’s go and check the rota and see if there are any other visits this week that need covering. We truly are grateful for your help. We’ve just lost a support worker who has got a fulltime job, as well as Beth’s operation affecting us, so you coming along is perfect timing.’

‘It’s me who should be thanking you, Rebecca. Today has really helped me to feel valuable again. Since I was made redundant, I’ve struggled to find my place in the world. I only knew work. I was a proper workaholic, too. Would you mind if I took a look around the library while I’m here?’

‘Of course not. Help yourself. Are you a reader, Madison?’

‘I haven’t been for a long time. I used to read lots when I was younger. Always used to lose myself in a book. Perhaps I need to start reading again for pleasure. My mum is such an avid reader. I sometimes wonder how she ever gets anything done around the house when she’s always got her nose in a book.’

‘Ah well, there’s nothing better than a good book to take you away from everything. You should try it. You’ll see.’

I meandered around the library and chose three fiction novels to take home in different genres just in case I didn’t get on with them. One was a fluffy romcom, another was described as heart-breaking women’s fiction and the other was a psychological thriller. I wasn’t promising to read them all, but I’d give it a go.

When I arrived home that lunchtime, I made myself a cup of tea, sank into the sofa and tucked my feet up. I covered myself with the mohair throw which was always on the back of the sofa – for decorative rather than practical purposes until now – and spread the books out on my lap, deciding which one to read first.

I promised myself just a few chapters as I knew I had things to do, but before I knew it, it was early afternoon and I needed to get a wriggle on as I was due over at Growlers at 3p.m. for a few hours. For the first time in a very long while, sitting and losing myself in a book had felt relaxing yet at the same time exhilarating. I hadn’t thought of anything else for the last few hours, totally immersing myself in the story. Perhaps there was something to this reading lark after all.

* * *

As I had been doing for the last few days, I made sure that Baxter was my first port of call when I arrived at Growlers. He was so happy to see me, jumping up at the kennel door. I let myself in and sat with him for about fifteen minutes before letting the dogs in the field for their afternoon exercise session. Some had to be walked separately, as they didn’t mix well, but those that did all went together and played boisterously with each other. I threw a tennis ball and yelled ‘Ozzy, come’ to a large Rottweiler, just like Uncle Tom had taught me, and laughed as he thundered towards me. I stood my ground, knowing that there was no way he would run straight at me. How wrong I was. I was completely winded as he knocked me flying and I fell backwards, bum first, into a paddling pool full of cold water. I heard chortling from reception and Uncle Tom was holding his side and laughing so hard. After my dignity was restored, I returned to the office where he gave me a big hug and made me feel so much better, if a little stupid.

‘Maybe next time, move out of the way, just in case, Madison.’ He laughed.

* * *

That evening, after I’d filled more poo bags than I ever thought possible and thrown more tennis balls than I thought existed in the world, I popped into the hospital to see Beth, but when I arrived she was asleep. Glad that I’d brought my book along with me, I settled in to read but after just one page it was almost as if she sensed that I was there. She turned her head. ‘Hey, thanks for coming.’ She was still really groggy.

‘Hey, gorgeous, sorry I woke you.’ I tried to think of something to say that wasn’t ‘how are you?’ – a rather ridiculous question right now but one that most of the time you couldn’t help but ask.

‘I’m sorry if I look like shit.’ She tried to move around to make herself more comfortable and even that exertion looked like it exhausted her. I jumped up to hold her forward while I adjusted the pillows and propped her up.

‘You could never look like shit, Beth. You even look fabulous in a hospital gown with your arse hanging out the back. Are you in pain?’

She giggled but I could see how much it hurt her. ‘Thank you for saying that but I know I don’t. Luckily I’m off my tits on morphine so I can’t feel a thing right now.’

I smiled. It was great to see that she hadn’t lost her sense of humour despite what she’d gone through.

‘Don’t take the piss! Actually, someone could come and take the piss, because I’ve got a catheter in and I’m sure I probably stink of wee! I think they need to empty it!’

‘Don’t worry about that, I love you even if you do stink of wee.’

She enjoyed hearing all about my morning with the Darbys and I told her they’d sent their love and how much their visit to them had warmed my heart.

‘You can’t beat the feeling of knowing that you are helping someone,’ she said.

‘You’re right, you know. I know I’ve helped people in a work capacity but this is kind of helping someone to live, and today just filled my heart with joy.’

‘I knew it would. I just knew it. So what are your plans for tomorrow?’ she asked.

‘I’m doing a full day at doggy daycare tomorrow. So that’ll be a test for me,’ I laughed. I’d agreed with Rebecca to go back to the library the day after tomorrow for my next project and told Beth that all I knew was that I was going to see a Mr Parkes. Beth smiled. ‘Ah! Mr Parkes. Can’t wait to hear all about it.’

When Alex and Uncle Tom walked through the door, we were laughing raucously, reminiscing about our very first holiday abroad. What we thought was going to a be a little fishing village, filled with Greek character and charm, had actually turned out to be party central and filled with booze, drugs and boys. Blimey, we grew up a lot in that fortnight, seeing things that we could never unsee.

I reminded Beth of the time she squealed in horror when she got pulled up onto the stage of a nightclub by the compere and told that she’d been chosen to be a judge in a Mr Wet Y-Fronts competition and she ran off and hid in the toilet. We never left each other’s side for the whole time we were there, petrified that we might be led astray. Two naive country bumpkins from a little village in the sticks of Staffordshire thrust into a world that we never imagined even existed. But oh boy, did we have a good time! We laughed about Thanassis, a full-blooded, eighteen-year-old Greek boy who followed Beth around from dusk till dawn, desperate to woo her and who kept trying to lure her up dark alleys to snog her. And then there was Aki, the drop-dead gorgeous jet ski instructor, who spent the day strutting up and down the beach in his Speedos, thinking he was God’s gift to women, while all the teenage girls on the beach drooled over him. Such amazing memories of a belter of a holiday, never to be forgotten.

I glanced at Alex, who was shuffling from one foot to another in the doorway, and caught my breath. I’m sure I must have been staring. He was even more handsome than I remembered, and I felt my cheeks flush as I took in his salt and pepper hair, stubbly beard, the dark denim jeans, white open-necked shirt and his hands hidden in the pockets of a – clearly very expensive – tan leather jacket. He oozed sophistication and charm but the best part of all was that he had absolutely no idea. He smiled at me and the room lit up. He had always had the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

We’d had a couple of ‘moments’ over the years and I wondered whether he remembered. The first was at my eighteenth birthday party, which was held at the farm. Mum and I were spending the night there, and all the oldies had gone to bed and there was just me, Alex and Beth left up. Alex and I plonked ourselves down on the sofa out in the conservatory while Beth was clearing up in the kitchen. Our thighs were touching and as I turned and looked up into Alex’s deep blue eyes, my breath caught in my throat. He was gorgeous and I had loved him all my life. It was as if time stood still as he gently reached out to me, put his hand to my cheek, and lowered his head to mine. Our lips were mere millimetres apart. His stubble brushed against my chin and the smell of his musky aftershave made my body tingle with anticipation. All my inhibitions were flung out of the window with the three pints of cider I’d drunk and I just wanted to snog his face off.

I closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine, a dream I had waited for ever since I could remember. I thought that my body was going to spontaneously combust through anticipation.

At that exact moment, bloody Beth came flouncing into the room, totally oblivious to our situation, and flung herself across our laps, declaring my birthday party a huge success. Our ‘moment’ was lost but I’d never forgotten it. Alex went back to university a week later and I didn’t see him for months. When he graduated, he landed a job as an architect in New York, and it was there that he met Sophie.

The last time I’d seen him was when he flew back for their grandma’s funeral with her. She was absolutely stunning with her thick, shiny, long chestnut-brown hair and huge hazel eyes, which peered out from under her perfect fringe, her make-up flawless, on skin that didn’t have one imperfection. A little bit of me hated her guts. Especially because at that particular time, my skin from the neck up was completely blotchy and I probably had mascara streaks from all the crying I’d been doing that morning.

As we stood at the church and said our goodbyes to a lady who had always been in my life, I looked across and saw Sophie draping her arm around her husband’s shoulders and pulling him close to her, and I wished with my whole being that it was me who was comforting him, not her. But it wasn’t and I vowed that I had to be nice to the woman that the man I secretly loved had chosen to be with.

We were all so distressed at the time, and when I tried to give the family some time to be together, Uncle Tom insisted that Mum and I stuck around, saying we were family. Mum did everything she practically could to help them, preparing food so that they didn’t go hungry, even helping out at the farm where she could to make their lives as easy as possible. I now felt bad because I hadn’t wanted to get my hands dirty. I was all power suits and immaculate grooming in those days, just trying to impress everyone, and looking back now, I really should have done more to help.

I do remember Alex coming out of the toilet at the farm one day just after the funeral, as I was standing outside waiting to go in. He looked so sad, and I gave him what started as a friendly, sisterly hug, which neither of us pulled away from, and it developed into something that made my heart pound. He didn’t seem to want to let me go. He held me close to his chest and sighed as he reached one hand into my hair and rested the other under my chin, tilting my face to look up at him. Once more, I got lost in those gorgeous blue eyes and time stood still for what seemed like minutes, and when he looked at my lips and moved his head just a tiny bit closer, I held my breath and closed my eyes. We pulled apart sharply when we heard a cough, and from nowhere Sophie appeared and it all got a little bit awkward. After that, I felt like he couldn’t wait to get away from me. She just glared at me and walked back into the kitchen. She’d never liked me. Perhaps she could sense my crush. I had gone as red as a beetroot, so I presumed so.

I blushed again now just thinking about it, and as I looked up, his eyes met mine across the room as I was brought back to the present. He smiled at me and fireworks exploded in my tummy.

Kissing Beth on the head, and saying goodbye to everyone, I left her with her family and went home to my flat. Walking through the door, and placing my handbag on the coffee table in the lounge, I looked around and I realised again that it didn’t have any warmth or depth as a home. It was very minimalistic and almost clinical. Probably because I didn’t spend much time there, but staying over at Mum’s, even though I’d only done so on the night I was made redundant, had made me feel a little bit differently. I loved the laughter I felt every time I walked through the front door of Giddywell Grange.

Mum’s house, my childhood home and the place I would always call home, was warm and cosy, with photos everywhere celebrating the hundreds of wonderful memories that we’d made throughout the years. I suddenly realised that perhaps it was time for me to make some changes in my life after all. Perhaps the time had come for me to move out of this ultra modern apartment and move into something a little bit more homely. Perhaps I needed a new start somewhere fresh. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to see what was around. Maybe it was my time to start a new chapter.

* * *

The next day was a day mainly of office work. There were lots of bookings to organise and people to show around as it was well into the summer holiday period now and people were booking last-minute holidays then desperately trying to find places to look after their dogs. I always wondered whether you booked the holiday first then tried to sort somewhere for your dog, or sorted the dog out first and booked your holiday around them. The phone was ringing non-stop. It was clearly a thriving business and tons of people were ringing up to see whether we did grooming too. I needed to mention that to Beth when she was feeling up to it. Maybe she could get a groomer in, or Beth could even get trained up, although I doubted whether she’d have the time. Russell and Uncle Tom did most of the exercise sessions and cleaning the kennels out. I was shattered that night and soaked for ages in the bath after pouring in a hefty slug of Jo Malone English Pear and Freesia bubble bath, because I was sure I smelled of disinfectant. Then I fell into bed and was asleep within minutes.

* * *

The next morning, when I arrived at the library, I was given an address, not too far from my own actually, a ground floor apartment in a trendy block the other side of the waterside complex that I lived in, and a sealed box to take with me. I was really curious to know what was inside but Rebecca just said it was some ‘stuff’ to give to Mr Parkes.

Bearing in mind that the last couple I visited were both ninety-six, I was most surprised when I knocked on the door of No 7 Chase View and was greeted by a strikingly handsome man peering at me from under a mop of surfer-dude-style golden curls. Perfectly groomed stubble framed the face of an angel, with piercing green eyes. He was smartly dressed in jeans and a sage green jumper, which matched his eyes perfectly. The last thing I noticed about him was that he was in a wheelchair. ‘Hi, I’m Stuart.’ He held out his hand. ‘You must be Maddy. Rebecca told me that you’d be popping along today.’

I smiled. ‘I am indeed.’ He turned and spun the chair round and wheeled down his hallway towards a modern kitchen, which had clearly been adapted for a wheelchair user. I placed the box on the kitchen table and asked if it would be OK there.

‘Sure. You’ll stay for a drink?’ It was more of a statement than a question and I nodded, mesmerised by his handsome face. There was something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on about him though. He didn’t seem to look me in the eye.

‘I presume that’s a yes.’ Stuart wheeled over towards the kettle on the side and seemed to feel his way across the work surface to the switch and felt around for the mug tree.

I realised at that point that Stuart was blind. Now it all made sense. I’d never come into contact really with anyone who was blind before. Not intentionally, but there was no one in my circle of contacts. I didn’t really know how to react; should I help or would that insult him? Would he want me to help, and then what if I didn’t offer? Oh crikey. How did I deal with this? Rebecca was really pushing my comfort zones today.

I decided to take the bull by the horns and offer to make the tea, and he smiled and said it would be lovely as he was forever scalding himself. He told me over a cuppa that he’d been injured in a car accident. When he woke up from a coma, he had discovered that not only was he never going to walk again, but that he had lost his sight. While his parents were normally around to help him, he had insisted that he could cope at home while they went on a week’s respite. His friend, Rebecca, said that she’d arrange for home visits to keep him occupied, and he had friends popping in all through the week to make sure he was managing.

‘It can get a bit boring, never getting out unless someone takes you, and it’s also quite tiring so it’s nice to have people popping in. Beth comes to see me a lot, she’s a great friend. And I can’t keep relying on my parents; they’re at a time of their life when they should be out and about enjoying their retirement, not going back to the toddler years being burdened with me.’

How awful for him to feel this way. I imagined going from being independent one minute to not being able to help yourself the next. It made me realise how much we take our health for granted.

‘Won’t be long though until I get my guide dog. He’s just going through his final training paces at the moment. I’m told it’ll give me a new lease of life and I can’t wait. I don’t like being blind, but there’s bugger all I can do about it so I have to make the most of everything, don’t I? I suppose it could have been worse. I might not be here at all.’

What a way to look at life. And here was me feeling sorry for myself just because I didn’t have a job any more. And even that wasn’t permanent, as I was sure I would be working again before long.

‘While you’re here, tell me what the weather is doing today, Maddy? I like to create and imagine a picture in my head.’

An idea began to form in my mind. I had time on my hands, and he needed someone with time. ‘It’s a beautiful, bright spring day, Stuart, blue sky, not a cloud in sight, the sun shining and warm enough to really feel it. I know we’ve only just met, but I don’t suppose you fancy a walk with me, do you? I have no real plans today and it would do me good to get out in the fresh air. We could even grab a bite to eat at the café in the middle of the complex. It’s coming up to lunchtime. Unless you have other plans that is, of course.’

‘You sound like you know the area pretty well, Maddy. How’s your wheelchair driving?’

I explained that I lived on the other side of the waterside, which only looked across the way but was a ten-minute drive. ‘Not sure, but if you fancy finding out, I’m happy to give it a go,’ I replied. ‘But please don’t be grumpy with me if you end up on the pavement!’

He laughed and I was glad he had such a great sense of humour. He wheeled into the hall to grab his jacket from the banister. ‘Come on then, what are you waiting for?’ He waited by the front door as I grabbed my coat from the back of one of the kitchen chairs and followed him down the hall. ‘Before we go, Maddy, I need to ask you something really personal.’

Oh god! I thought to myself. What the hell is coming next?

‘What colour is your hair?’ he asked.

‘Dark blonde with lighter highlights,’ I replied, relieved that his question wasn’t too difficult.

‘Nice. I think you are probably very pretty, Maddy. At the risk of sounding like a pervert, what are you wearing? And I don’t mean your under-crackers!’

I giggled. ‘Blue jeans, silver trainers, and a black leather jacket over a black t-shirt.’

‘OK, we can go now!’ He smiled. ‘I just wanted to know whether I need to be embarrassed or not to be seen out with you!’

I wish I knew what came over me when I bent close to his ear and whispered, ‘Oh, and I forgot to say. I’m wearing really sexy black underwear too.’

Stuart roared with laughter. ‘Oh, I like you already, girl.’

‘Glad to hear it,’ I replied. ‘Although the honest truth is that it’s a manky old greying bra and big granny knickers.’

‘Watch it, lady, you’ll be raising my blood pressure with that bit of information,’ he replied, still tittering to himself as I rammed the wheelchair into the architrave around the front door on my way out, muttering ‘whoops!’

We kept to the pavements, and luckily the complex was quite new and the walkways smooth and quite wide, so wheelchair-friendly, without too many dips up and down, although it was a shame that people weren’t particularly considerate. They parked on kerbs in some places so closely that you couldn’t get a wheelchair past and it really wound me up, and I huffed and puffed as I had to go down a kerb, around a car, and back up a kerb again more than once. And the dog mess! What the hell was that all about?

‘Why don’t people with dogs think that they have to pick up their dog mess? Dirty buggers! It’s disgusting and if someone with a wheelchair drives through it, it’s just going to get everywhere and could even get back into your house when you get home.’

‘I used to get upset about it too, but I’ve now discovered that there’s no good that comes from it. The only person that gets annoyed is you. Do you think that the person whose car it is cares and spends the day being wound up? Do you think the person whose dog just shat on the pavement cares about my wheelchair? We just have to realise that people are so busy wrapped up in their own lives that they don’t think. It’s not deliberate. So it’s best to just let it go.’ He was talking such sense. It was a lovely way to look at it, much better than getting all annoyed and tense about things.

‘Tell me what you can see, Maddy; humour me and be my eyes.’

I pointed out every little detail of the apartment complex and noticed things that I’d never even seen myself before, from the mixture of beige-coloured and red bricks and grey slate roof tiles of the buildings we were passing with their grey aluminium window frames, to the green, short grass and the bright yellow of the wild dazzling daffodils and vibrant multi-coloured tulips, which brightened up the hedgerows. And as I described things to him, it was as if all my other senses were coming alive too.

Along the waterfront, the lake that I’d always seen as murky was actually clear in parts and there were radiant water lilies at the lake’s edge, with pretty pale pink flowers – although there was also the odd carrier bag, a bicycle wheel and some other debris that I didn’t bother going into detail on for fear of shocking him, and I didn’t want to look too closely at it myself, to be honest.

I described the shapes that I could see in the clouds in the sky and we laughed easily as I told Stuart how my mum always used to take the mickey out of me because I used to see animals in the clouds as a child and she never could. I always said she needed to have a much better imagination. She always said that mine was way too over-active.

I smiled as I saw a mother duck with seven little babies following in her wake, describing how small and fluffy the chicks were and how they were rushing along to keep up with their mother so they didn’t get lost. And how busy the mother duck seemed to be, waddling along at quite a pace, glancing back from time to time to check that they were all still there.

I’d always thought – ignorantly, I now realised – that trees were just green, but now I was looking at them in a different way, and describing them to Stuart made me realise that there were so many different shades of green, as trees and bushes that had lost their leaves over winter began to grow new leaves in various shades and buds began to open. Pretty pale pink blossom on the cherry trees painted even more colour into a landscape that had come alive for me.

Describing these tiny little things that I took for granted every single day of my life made me so very grateful that I had the gift of sight, when so many other people didn’t. We really don’t appreciate what we have and should show more gratitude in our lives for the things we do have, instead of thinking about the things that we don’t.

We soon arrived at the little bistro café at the centre of the complex and I described the red and white canopy that covered the cast iron tables and chairs outside as I pulled the wheelchair up against a table. A pretty waitress came out to take our order and she flirted outrageously with Stuart and saw how handsome he was. She never even noticed that he couldn’t see her.

I read the menu out to Stuart and we both chose a chicken panini and decided that we’d share a bowl of chips. He was so easy to chat to and we passed the time of day easily while waiting for our food.

This walk with Stuart, describing the surroundings to him, made it feel like I’d woken up and could see things that I’d never seen before, and in full technicolour too. And once more I counted my blessings.

Stuart talked about Hudson, the guide dog that he would shortly be getting. They’d been bonding over the last few months and the dog had been to stay a couple of times. Stuart was looking forward to getting some of his independence back and giving his parents a break from constantly looking after him.

He explained how most people would look at Hudson as just doing his job but Stuart saw it as opening up the world again and being able to experience things that he’d been missing out on. He was also looking forward to the emotional side of having a furry companion, that wag of a tail and lick of a hand that could brighten your day when you were feeling a bit down.

‘I’d love a dog at some point, but until I lost my job recently, it’s never really been the right time.’

‘But maybe there’ll never be a right time if you wait for it to come along. Perhaps you just have to find the right dog and fall in love with him or her and everything else will sort itself out. I’ve spent my life saying that I’d love to do things one day, but then I had my accident, and it made me realise that I probably will never be able to do those things now and I should have done them when I had the chance. You have to grab life with both hands, Maddy, and do the things you want to do, now. Because you don’t know what tomorrow brings. I’ll never forget that famous saying “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift and that’s why they call it the present.” And it’s true. Don’t let anything get in your way.’

We meandered back to his apartment, once again with me wittering on about every small thing that I thought he might like to know about: the colourful wild flowers growing in the hedgerows, the bumble bees hovering and darting from one flower to the next, the greyish-brown heads, white cheeks and black bibs of the sparrows dancing around from tree to tree.

When we returned, Stuart had a huge smile on his face and some colour in his cheeks after having had a lovely morning. I knew that once again, the feeling of helping someone else was actually one of the most satisfying and heart-warming experiences that I’d ever had. I had never felt like this after a day working at the agency.

I made sure that Stuart was settled back in at home before I left. What he’d said about grabbing life was so true. Since I’d been made redundant, I’d been feeling really anxious about all sorts of things, but I couldn’t let that anxiety take over like I had let it before and stop me from working out what my dreams were and setting out to grab them.

I was desperate to get home so I could ring Rebecca at the library to see if there was any way that I could be put on regular calls to both Stuart and the Darbys, who I felt had taught me more in the last two days than I had actually learned for a very long time. And I was also keen to tell Beth that she was right and that the goals I had been pursuing, thinking they were making me happy, actually hadn’t made me happy for a long time, even though I thought they had.

* * *

I popped into the hospital on the way back before starting my afternoon shift at Growlers and was totally delighted to find Beth looking much brighter. She was waiting for the doctor to do his rounds and it was possible she’d be able to come home today. She was delighted to hear about how I’d got on with Stuart and was pleased that I was thinking of doing some more community projects too. Giddywell was getting under my skin and the thought of helping people really was growing on me. It helped others and made me feel happy. Win win!

* * *

Uncle Tom was waiting for me at the gate.

‘Ready for Growlers then, lovely?’

‘Ready as I’m going to be,’ I replied with a huge grin.

‘I’ve put these aside for you. Save your nice clothes getting too grubby. Don’t want you getting a wet bum again now, do we?’ he chortled, and I just grinned at him.

‘Now you’re going to be a fully paid up member of staff, instead of helping just in the office, I thought we’d better get you kitted out properly. I’ll go and pop the kettle on and leave you to get togged up, and I’ll see you out in the yard in five.’ He scooted off pretty quickly, before I could see what he’d hung over the gate. I realised why when I picked up a pair of wax dungarees with the Growlers logo on the top pocket and a pair of green matching wellies. At least he’d got the right size on those, which was more than I could say for the dungarees, which would have fitted a giant. It was a good job there wasn’t a mirror around; I must have looked hideous.

A loud wolf-whistle stopped me in my tracks as I turned to see, of all people, Alex. Oh, bloody great!

‘Mad, you look, erm, stunning.’ He flicked up his phone and took a picture before I had a chance to say a thing and grinned at me. He was gorgeous but I was going to kill him.

‘I hate you, Alex Millington. Delete that picture right away!’

‘Will not! I’m going to put it on Instagram right now!’

‘Don’t you bloody dare.’ I leaned forward to grab the phone off him and he held the phone up above his head, so I had to reach even closer and up the length of his arm to grab it. As I did, he grasped my other wrist and I stumbled and fell against him. I could feel the warmth of his body, even through my gorgeous wax dungarees, and I shivered. He looked deep into my eyes and time stood still. Every nerve ending in my body tingled. We were literally millimetres away from each other. I could just reach up and kiss those lips and – oh God! – I really wanted to. As I bit my lip, his eyes lowered to my mouth and I’m really not sure if it came from him or me but I heard a groan.

‘Ah, there you are. Is Alex teasing you again? He was always doing that to you when you were a teenager. Put her down, Alex. She must hate you. Here you go, Maddy, a nice cuppa for you.’

Uncle Tom passed me a thermal cup and I laughed nervously and blushed as I brushed invisible dirt from my legs with my free hand. When I snuck a glimpse of him again, he had a smirk on his face and he was still looking at me with a sparkle of mischief in his eye.

‘Right, Alex and I just have to get some paperwork sorted, so I’ll get that out of the way while you take your tea out to the kennel barn and you can go and let the dogs out. They’re ready for their exercise session. If you want to go and take them over to the first field and then while you’re out there with them, I can go in and mop the kennels out. I won’t subject you to that today. They’ve all had their breakfast and a little snooze afterwards so they’ll all be ready for a play. Russell is due in soon too and I’ll send him out to help you.’

They ran around like lunatics to start with and we used a ball flinger and a flying disc to get them chasing around the field. Baxter was having such fun and I got my phone out and took a couple of snaps and texted them to Alice. I knew it would put her mind at rest. After an hour or so, the dogs were panting for a drink so we filled the troughs with fresh water and sat down on a bench in the corner of the field for a rest as they drank, chatting easily about Russell’s plans for uni. Baxter came and lay down by my feet. He was a lovely little fella and I really did have a soft spot for him.

That evening, when I got back to the flat and turned on the TV because I hated silence, I wished that Baxter was snuggling up to me on my sofa. I had never felt so lonely.