Chapter 30
Louis had done it again. Instead of playing it cool and attempting to be as attractive as he could manage, he’d gone and spilled his innermost guts – and on a day when everything should have been about the two of them enjoying themselves; nothing but lightness and fun and the here and now.
He wasn’t sure whether it was simply his defective character, that he decided to do one thing and then immediately one-eightied into doing the very opposite, or if it was the way Hannah only had to glance at him, with those gorgeous almond eyes, and he’d tell her absolutely anything she wanted to know.
He’d felt it when they first met, but he wasn’t convinced it was doing him any favours as he spouted on and on about his family circumstances.
He’d taken to his feet and headed for the water to give himself a moment. To work out how he felt about his father arriving as part of the ensemble who had previously promised an afternoon of fun and Christmas celebration.
He and his father had to work things out – there was no doubt about it – to at least be at peace with one another to properly honour the memory of his mother. Maybe today was the day to do it. Maybe it was symbolic – after the shambles of the previous Christmas, perhaps it was meant to be today.
But how to achieve it? How to get to a place of acceptance when every time he’d tried to talk to his father about anything deeper than a papercut had ended badly.
Louis stared into the distance, hands on hips and with his feet in the gentle swell of the lapping waves, trying to see a solution in the horizon.
‘I didn’t mean to upset you,’ Hannah said, appearing at his shoulder.
He shook his head. ‘This isn’t on you – him being here this afternoon is fine; it’ll all work out for the best, I’m sure.’
Hannah laughed, but it wasn’t a happy sound. ‘Pull the other one, Louis; it’s got jingle bells on it. I just didn’t know how to tell you.’
‘It shouldn’t have been up to you. It’s his and my issue – I didn’t tell him what I was planning for today, and vice versa. How is that your fault?’
She shrugged. ‘We could go somewhere else. I could phone Ruth and tell her we’ve made other plans.’
Louis shook his head. ‘No – you’re snorkelling with Millie later. I’m not going to ruin that just because my father and I can’t see eye to eye. What did you think of him, when you met him?’
Louis wasn’t sure what she wanted Hannah’s response to be. It was unfair of him to ask, he supposed, but maybe she could bring some balance to the situation.
She drew in a long, measured breath. ‘I thought he was charming. Very friendly. Ruth seems to think a lot of him, too. But I’ve only seen a snapshot of him, Louis, I can’t say more than that.’
‘I need to talk to him – that’s what you’re saying.’
‘If you want things to change, you have to change things – if you see what I mean. Not that I’m the best person to advise on this stuff. But the bottom line is, if your mum wanted you to make it better with your dad, then that’s what you need to do.’
Louis nodded. When she said it like that it sounded so simple. And perhaps it could be. Perhaps this was the catalyst he needed to swallow whatever his father might throw at him and make amends.
Hannah slipped her hand through his, tightening her grip as she suggested they go for a swim, and he smiled. Back in the present moment, it sounded like the best idea anyone had ever had.
Ruth was awash with conflicting emotions as they arrived at Anse Chastanet beach for the afternoon.
As they headed onto the sand, she told the kids to keep their eyes peeled for Hannah and Louis and wasn’t at all surprised to see their prone figures stretched out on sun loungers at the periphery of the busiest section of beach – like someone had planted regular rows of sun lounger seeds but had scattered the final few randomly across the outlying edge of the beach, then found them growing happily all the same.
It had been one of the most unusual Christmas Days on record for Ruth, and one of the nicest. She had worried that Nathan might react badly to Teddy’s presence – but Keisha had brought enough joy with her to infiltrate Nathan’s tricky, bolshy exterior and deflect his attention.
Millie had taken Teddy’s presence with her usual upbeat acceptance; her primary focus for the day was Hannah’s promise of snorkelling – she’d spoken about little else – and once her feet touched Anse Chastanet’s sand, she streaked off across the beach ahead of the rest of them to interrupt Hannah’s peace and quiet.
It had been incredible to reconnect with Teddy.
They’d spoken about their lives in the intervening years since Ruth had made her decision to leave, although it had become clear to Ruth that Teddy was playing down how happy he had been with his wife.
Ruth didn’t begrudge him that – far from it – and Mai sounded so completely different to herself that it made perfect sense.
In turn, Ruth supposed she’d played down how much of a failure she felt about her life with Trev, how she’d done more than her fair share of self-sabotage with her life choices since Teddy.
And even though none of it excused Trev being a duplicitous, devious bastard, Ruth was beginning to wonder if she’d picked him precisely because he was an arsehole and she wanted to punish herself.
She seemed able to slip back into such a comfortable place with Teddy. Not that Ruth was expecting anything to come of it other than a wonderful reconnect with a dear person she thought she’d lost forever, but he was so easy to be around.
As the youngsters flowed ahead of them across the beach, Teddy hung back, and Ruth matched his pace.
‘Looks like there might be a little more to Hannah and my son than “people who just happened to meet on the bridge of the Ballygowan”,’ Teddy said, as he glanced at Ruth.
‘I think they’re both wonderful and they’re enjoying the opportunities of youth,’ she said, immediately feeling about ninety. ‘Who knows where it might lead.’
‘Ruth, subtlety wasn’t ever your strong suit, was it?
’ He looked amused. ‘I like Hannah; she seems like a lovely young woman. And nothing would please me more than having Louis finally settle down with someone. But he isn’t exactly great boyfriend material, is he?
Not when he spends as much time at sea as he does on land.
’ Teddy’s eyebrows furrowed together. ‘I never understood why he had to choose such a transient lifestyle.’
‘But you must be super proud of him, Teddy. Captain of a cruise liner at thirty? That’s seriously impressive.’
‘I am. I’m just sad Mai didn’t get to see it.
She would have loved all this. Makes you realise it’s important to grab hold of every opportunity, doesn’t it?
I mean, when we were young, we kept being told we should wait for things, that we had all the time in the world.
And then suddenly that time is gone, you’ve spent it working and raising children, you’re staring down the barrel of old age, and the list of dreams is still as lengthy as it was back then. ’
‘Old age? Speak for yourself.’ Ruth smiled. ‘You don’t regret any of it, though, do you? Sounds like you and Mai had a wonderful life together.’
‘Yes. We did. My only regret about that time, I suppose, is how hard I pushed Louis when he was young. He wanted to wear the Union Jack. Dreamed of getting to the Olympics. Sailing was his great love, and he was bloody good at it. He used to push himself so hard, it was difficult not to get sucked into his absolute focus and determination. I sometimes felt like I had to be that kind of a father, show the same kind of determination to help him reach those heights, you know? Mai was always telling me to back off a bit, but that’s easier said than done when you have a son with such passion. ’
Ruth stifled a laugh. ‘I wouldn’t know about that. Nathan has yet to find his direction in life.’
‘He will,’ Teddy said, and Ruth remembered how much confidence he instilled.
‘Unfortunately, for Louis it came crashing down and we all struggled to deal with his disappointment. It was a very tough time, and I didn’t handle it well.
I didn’t handle any of it well, truth be told.
And that’s why I’m here. To try to make amends.
Although I’ve made a very bad job of it so far. ’
‘Perhaps this afternoon is your chance, then?’ Ruth said.
‘How do you suggest I make it right?’
‘Teddy King is asking me for advice – blimey, you must be desperate.’ Ruth meant it to sound jokey, but Teddy furrowed his eyebrows again.
‘Yes, Ruth. I am.’
‘Tell him you love him. Tell him you’ve always been proud of him and everything else was noise and you regret it. Start there, see where it takes you.’
It was what Ruth wanted to say to Teddy but knew she couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. She sighed, reaching briefly for his hand to encourage him along the sand.
‘Come on. Let’s do this.’