Chapter 31
Hannah would have been lying if she’d said she hadn’t been concerned about how the afternoon would unfold.
With a grouping of sun loungers set out to accommodate all of them, and drinks ordered, including a rum punch for Nathan after an intense stand-off between the teenager and his mother.
After Teddy suggested it might not be the end of the world, and that – in fact – the legal age for drinking alcohol in St Lucia was sixteen anyway, Ruth had looked annoyed with Teddy, for about three seconds, before caving.
‘Just the one, though, Nath,’ Ruth said.
‘It’s mostly fruit juice, Ruth. He’ll be OK,’ Hannah said. It wasn’t strictly true – they were quite strong, but if the puffing out of Nathan’s chest was any measure, it was the right decision to make in front of Keisha. At fifteen, she was more than happy to stick with a mango Icy.
It hadn’t taken Millie long to become fidgety, and Hannah scooped her up to go snorkelling. There was a shack further up the beach where they could hire everything and, once there, they opted to have someone guide them. Exotic fish teemed in the bay’s waters, and it had been a wonderful experience.
When they exited the water and gave back all the equipment, Hannah couldn’t help a glance down the beach, to see if Louis and his father were talking…
She supposed that would have been too simple. Instead, she could see Ruth and Teddy walking along the beach, toes in the foamy edge of the water, chatting as though there was nobody else on the sand. Nathan and Keisha were splashing around in the waves.
Louis was alone, seated on a lounger and staring out to sea.
It wasn’t really any of her business. And however much she might like to create something with Louis moving forward, she was also very aware this whole trip was a suspension of reality.
It was perfectly possible it would all come to a crashing end when she headed back to the UK.
And that was without considering what she had to sort out when she did get home.
The lightness she’d felt while she and Millie were pointing out fish to one another had evaporated. It looked like it had been too much to expect Louis and his father to have made some miraculous Christmas breakthrough.
‘How much longer have we got before we have to head back?’ Millie was asking.
‘Not long enough,’ Hannah replied, only partially talking about their time remaining on St Lucia.
‘Mum’s booked us a table in one of the posh restaurants this evening.
She says she has to pay a supplement for our meals tonight, but it’s fine ’cos it’s Christmas.
’ Millie frowned, leant in towards Hannah.
‘I hope Teddy comes too. I haven’t asked, but I can see how much Mum likes him.
She’s like a new person.’ Millie shook her head.
‘No, that’s not right. What I mean is she’s still her, but she seems brighter. More alive. Does that sound stupid?’
‘Not at all.’
‘Everyone thinks I don’t understand because I’m twelve, but I know my dad really hurt her.
He wasn’t nice to her, even before he met Janey.
And I suppose I still love him; he is my dad – but it’s been easier since he went.
For me, anyway. Maybe not for Nathan so much.
And I don’t know how I feel about it, but I’m wondering if Teddy becomes Mum’s boyfriend maybe she’ll be really happy and I want that for her. ’
‘Why do you think Teddy might become your mum’s boyfriend?’
‘Because she looks at him like you look at Captain Louis.’
‘Oh.’ Hannah supposed she hadn’t considered how other people viewed the two of them.
‘And then we might all end up being one big family.’ Millie stopped, staring at her fingers as though trying to work something out. ‘And then you could be my cousin by marriage or something. Is that how it works?’
Hannah grinned. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Well, whatever. We could have Christmas together every year forever.’
‘I don’t know about that,’ Hannah said. The scenario seemed to be straying into Hallmark Christmas movie territory – not that there weren’t worse places to exist. ‘It’s a nice idea, though.’
Millie seemed satisfied with her response and began to pick up speed towards her mother.
‘I’m going to see Louis,’ Hannah said.
Millie waved in acknowledgement and Hannah headed for their sun lounger camp, and Louis.
Louis watched transfixed as Hannah approached.
With her hair wet and slick against her neck, and shorts and T-shirt back on after her time snorkelling with Millie, Louis decided he didn’t think he’d seen Hannah look better.
The bikini she’d brought on this cruise was sensational, but Louis wasn’t interested in the wrappings; he was interested in the contents.
He frowned, couldn’t work out how to express his thoughts without sounding massively inappropriate.
He was also aware she’d want to know if he’d made any progress with his father. And although he didn’t think she’d pile pressure on him, he felt disappointment that he couldn’t tell her that he and his father had talked it all through, and everything was sunshine and roses.
‘How was it?’ he asked, referring to the snorkelling.
‘Awesome. From here it’s hard to imagine there’s anything in the water except people – you’d think all the fish would have been frightened away by us thrashing around, but there were so many!
And the reef is so close to the shore – it was absolutely the perfect choice.
We saw parrot fish, triggerfish and angelfish, shoals of them, not just one or two, and loads of others – I couldn’t possibly tell you what they were.
Orville, our guide, kept pointing out where to look, but it was all too much to take in properly.
’ Hannah furrowed her brow. ‘Although, knowing Millie, she’ll have remembered way more than me. ’
‘That’s great. Next time I’ll come too.’
Hannah towel dried her hair as she perched on the edge of a sun lounger. ‘How did it go here?’
He grimaced. ‘Very polite.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah. I’ll keep trying, though.’
Hannah, as he’d thought, said nothing further on the subject, but now he’d suggested to her that he wanted to get the situation resolved, he was determined to achieve it.
As it turned out, he didn’t have to wait all that long for the opportunity – only until the walk back across the beach and up to the taxis booked to take them back to Castries and the Ballygowan.
‘Can I have a word, Louis?’
His father always managed to make having a conversation sound as though they were entering an employment tribunal.
Louis slowed and fell into step beside him, waiting for the rest of the group to progress out of earshot in front of them.
And still, even after everything he wanted to say building like steam in a lidded saucepan, he didn’t know where to start. His father solved the problem for him.
‘Firstly, I want to say how much I like Hannah. She seems lovely.’
Louis nodded. They were on safe ground so far. ‘It’s early days and her situation is complicated, but yes, she is very lovely.’
‘Complicated? Isn’t it always?’ Edward allowed himself one of his thin smiles.
‘And how great for you to reconnect with Ruth after so long,’ Louis said. ‘How do you know her?’
Edward glanced across at him. His answer didn’t come immediately; it was as though he was trying to work out what to say, which confused Louis.
‘I’ve known Ruth since we were kids – we went to the same school. We were very close friends for years, but she moved away, and I haven’t seen her since. And then I met your mother.’
Louis frowned. Why was his father making a connection between a school friend and the woman he married? Unless…
‘Were you and Ruth more than friends?’
‘Does it matter? It was a million years ago, after all.’
Louis’ frown deepened. It was easy enough to read between the lines, but he had no idea how it was supposed to make him feel.
‘No. I suppose not.’
‘I adored your mother; that’s all that matters. And that’s why I’m here, after all. To try to sort out our differences, Louis.’
They walked on in silence, failing miserably to address any of their issues until Edward stopped abruptly, and turned to face his son. He frowned as though engaged in an internal battle, then the expression fell away and he sighed.
‘I love you, Louis. I always have. I only ever wanted the best for you and Mai, and if I went about it in a clumsy way then I apologise.’
It was such a simple statement, but it enveloped everything Louis had wanted to hear for so many years. Could it be that all he had to do was accept what his father was saying and move forwards? Was it that simple?
‘I mean, you didn’t help yourself, flouncing off when the Olympic thing went wrong. It was a difficult time for all of us, not just you.’
Louis almost laughed, bit back his immediate response in favour of sarcasm. ‘Maybe you should have stopped after the apology?’
He braced himself, waiting for the conversation to spiral. Noticed Edward glancing across to where Ruth waited, was surprised when his father nodded in agreement.
‘Maybe you’re right. I think what I want to say is that I’m sorry.
I don’t want to fight with you; I never did.
And I appreciate that might be hard to accept, but I should have been better, should have been able to help you achieve your dreams. I failed you.
And your mum? I couldn’t keep her safe, Louis.
I couldn’t help her or make her better or protect her from what happened and—’
Edward stopped speaking, his face creasing in the same way it had at the funeral, his grief raw and as painful for Louis to see as it had been back then, on that wet spring morning under the grey skies of the churchyard.
But something had shifted in Louis. And it was on instinct now that he moved forward, wrapping his father in a hug and being rewarded when his father hugged him back with fierce intensity.
‘Can you forgive me?’ Edward said.
The words were muffled and choked, but Louis nodded into his shoulder, not caring when his own tears pricked and rolled down his cheeks, his regrets on his missed opportunities to spend time with his mother crowding into his mind and flooding his emotions.
‘Can you forgive me?’ he replied.
A decisive sniff and firm pat on his back had his father straightening. ‘Nothing to forgive, son. And by the way – huge congratulations on gaining that stripe. You will make the best captain Blue Line Cruising’s ever had.’
Louis pinched at his eyes and pulled in a breath. ‘No pressure then, Dad.’
Edward frowned, then shook his head. ‘Did I do it again?’
‘Yes, but it’s fine. I understand what you meant.’
They began to walk again, and it was as though someone had given Louis’ shoulders a massage. They felt looser and more relaxed than they had for years. Then Edward said, ‘Whatever happens, you do know I loved your mother with complete devotion, don’t you?’
It was the one aspect of his childhood and formative years Louis had never questioned.
‘I just wanted you to know.’
Edward glanced at Ruth and Louis understood, even if he had no idea how it was supposed to make him feel.