Chapter 18 #2
“And then… it happened. Joel Whitlock and… and all the football players. I had to surround myself with them. Joel had connections to the NFL… some of my teammates knew other people… it was my only out. If I succeeded, I could get out of my house and make enough money to never see him again.”
Mason’s breath catches in his throat.
“All I want is to be away from him. I love football, but in the end, I just want to make enough money to never seem him again.”
Callum finally looks up at Mason, but quickly looks away as Mason notices his glistening eyes.
Mason has never thought of that as an answer. All these years Mason made it personal, that he had been too much of a loser or that Callum could see the budding feelings Mason was having for him and wanted to cut it off before they could blossom into something more.
Callum blows out a long breath, fog billowing in the air. His eyes focus back on Mason. “But then… there was you. You were the one thing that made it so hard, Mason.”
Tears sting behind Mason’s eyes and he hates it. That after all these years he still feels this way about Callum. That he doesn’t even hate him for one second. It’s all a way to avoid how he really feels about him.
“I never wanted to leave you behind… but that’s the only way I felt like I could get my out.
I couldn’t have you and lose my dad at the same time.
You were both tied together. It almost made sense in my head…
that focusing on football would eventually lead me back to you but…
it did the opposite. You hated me. And you had every right to. ”
Callum twists his mouth as he tries to cover his lip quivering and rubs his face again.
“Callum, I—”
Callum shakes his head. “Mason, please. Just let me finish this.”
Mason closes his mouth and nods and dips his head.
“I knew we were growing apart anyway… it didn’t happen overnight. You were getting busier with school and me with football… we started making new friends…”
Mason thinks Callum might be trying to imply that whatever happened was because of them growing apart, but he knew it wasn’t that. Mason hadn’t done anything to distance himself.
“But I knew I couldn’t just tell you how I was feeling. Not about this. I was a coward. I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you how bad things really were, especially after my mom—”
There goes that thought in Mason’s head again. But he doesn’t want to say it. It would feel wrong.
“And that day in the cafeteria… I just knew I had to just cut and run. And I did the worst thing I’ve ever done.
My dad’s voice was too loud in my head, Mason.
It was screaming at me that those guys were going to make me succeed and that you were only going to keep me right where I was, in my dad’s grasp. ”
Mason’s chest clenches at how honest Callum is being.
It’s because he’s not trying to paint himself in a good light.
It’s brutal. But hearing it from Callum himself hurts even more.
To know that at that point, he really did choose his career over Mason.
Hearing Callum utter these words is more hurtful than assuming that’s what happened.
Mason sniffles and turns around. He can’t even look at Callum.
His heart feels like it’s being ripped and shredded apart like a discarded valentine’s day card. Like all the ones he wrote to Callum but never sent.
Callum chose football over everything else. And that’s how it always will be.
“Mason… don’t—”
“I can’t believe you said that,” Mason says in between shaky breaths. A tear falls onto one of the rocks beneath him.
“Mason, I—Please. Don’t cry. I can’t bear to see you cry.”
This only makes tears in his eyes well up even more.
“Stop telling me things that make me cry then, Callum.”
He feels a warm hand on his shoulder, and he’s abruptly spun around by Callum.
Callum’s eyes are soft and imploring. He holds Mason’s shoulders like he might escape if he lets go of him, but he’s locked in place, Callum stronger and more commanding than Mason could ever be.
“Mase, look at me.”
Mason sniffles and maintains his gaze on Callum’s.
“I regretted it as soon as it happened. As soon as my teammates said you were a dweeb for doing homework at lunch, I—I wanted to apologize. Every single day I wanted to undo it. I still do.”
Mason opens his mouth, but Callum cuts him off.
“No. It was not your fault. It was nothing about you. I adored you, Mason. And I still do.”
Mason’s heart aches. He bites his lip as he tries to avoid Callum’s eyes. He’s not sure where this is going to go or what’s going to happen next. Nothing has changed between them. Callum’s dad still breathes down his neck, and Mason’s parents still expect too much of him.
“I—I liked you, Callum.”
“I would hope so,” Callum says, a ghost of a smirk on his face.
Mason shakes his head. “No, I—I liked you as… as—” Mason bites his lip and Callum tilts his head, eyes searching wildly in Mason’s, his grip on Mason’s shoulder only tightening.
“As more than a friend,” Mason says, his voice small.
It feels like a weight off his shoulders that he didn’t even know he was carrying.
He’s never admitted it to him, and he’s willing to risk losing Callum again if it means he knows that they’re on the same page.
He refuses to torture himself by being friends with someone who cannot or won’t reciprocate how he feels.
“More…?” Callum says, his eyebrows furrowed. He takes his hand off Mason’s shoulders and turns around.
Mason feels colder, like Callum was the only thing keeping him warm.
He knows what’s coming.
I don’t see you like that, Fanning.
I like girls, Fanning.
You’re my best friend, but that’s all you’ll ever be.
Callum rubs his face and paces.
Why isn’t Callum saying something? Why is he pacing?
“Callum…”
Callum stops and looks at Mason and walks up to him. Mason furrows his eyebrows at Callum, towering over him.
“I—I think I do… too…” Callum says, his eyes wide.
For a moment, the wind stops blowing and the trees stop shaking. It’s like every bird stopped in mid-flight and the water in the river froze over.
Mason blinks rapidly. “You what?”
Callum smiles, his amber eyes aglow with his realization.
“I liked you, Mason. As more than a friend.”
Callum takes Mason’s cheeks in his hands and cradles them like Mason might crumble at his touch.
His calloused hands are scratchy on his rosy cheeks, but his hands keep the pain and cold at bay.
Wind rushes through them, and amber leaves tumble to the ground around them.
Callum’s eyes pool with affection, like he’s opened the dam and let himself feel.
Mason had to have known Callum must have felt this way deep down.
He used to kiss Mason on the forehead and hold his hand at any chance before they went their separate ways all those years ago. Before either of them knew what any of that meant.
Now, in hindsight, it’s different.
Mason doesn’t know what he wants. The person he’s pined for for years feels the same, but can he forgive him for what he’s done? Would anything ever be enough to make up for his wrongdoings?
Mason swallows and looks up at Callum. Callum rubs a thumb along Mason’s cheek and warmth pools in his stomach.
He leans his head into Callum’s hand, and he hears the roar of the crowd at a football game.
He sees every physics problem as solvable.
It all comes together in his head.
Callum, the hardest problem Mason’s ever had to solve, has finally been solved.
Callum moves his head closer to Mason’s and their foreheads touch, sending more warmth through Mason’s stomach.
Mason can feel Callum’s breath on his own. Sweet and warm. Cinnamon gum.
“Do it,” Mason whispers.
Callum over his head back slightly and looks at Mason, as if to ask for permission again, his eyes questioning.
Mason nods and Callum’s gaze darts down to Mason’s lips.
He licks them and he finally closes the gap, warm, wet lips meeting his own.