Chapter 25 Kidan
KIDAN
Susenyos shut the door with them inside.
They were cramped in the smallest room in the house.
If Kidan stretched out her arms, her fingertips would touch walls on both sides.
They stood in front of one another, with no space to do anything but brush skin while trying not to touch.
This close, his scent overwhelmed her. She tried not to inhale deeply.
A weak bulb overhead cast shadows under Susenyos’s eyes and nose.
“Close your eyes,” he instructed.
“No.”
He smiled. Waited.
After a moment, she closed her eyes.
“What do you feel?” he whispered.
“You. Breathing on me.”
He laughed again, fanning her with new breath. “Concentrate.”
She let herself relax and sink into the room. It wasn’t wet with a foul mop smell or filled with cobwebs. Instead a new scene surrounded them. A scent of wilderness and warm bread, bottled laughter of loved ones, and torch lights against the dark. Drums and strings.
“Can you hear music?” Kidan whispered, opening her eyes.
“Yes.”
The music built higher and higher, drawing them into a familiar beat. It traveled along every corner and tunneled into her chest. Susenyos couldn’t stop his grin when he noticed her feet starting to tap with the beat.
“Why do I want to dance?” She squinted in accusation.
Susenyos held up his hands in defense. “It’s the body. It doesn’t know what to do with such joyous energy flooding through it. Some people run, some jump, some dance. Either way, it needs to be released.”
He must have felt the same urge because how else could he describe it so perfectly? Dizzying warmth built and rose inside Kidan, and she had to let it run its course or she’d explode. It was sudden, silly, and something she knew as a child for a brief time. Wonder broke through her.
Still, she resisted.
“What did Samson say to you?” Susenyos asked, his voice mixing with the music. It ruined the rhythm, jolted her into reality.
Focus. That was why they were in here. To pull secrets out of each other.
She made her voice even. Met his eyes. “To side with him.”
“You wouldn’t,” he said instantly.
Kidan prayed she wouldn’t. “Kill him. If you don’t want me to side with him, kill him.”
There was an urgency to her tone that she didn’t want.
Surprise sparked in his pupils. “You are tempted.”
It wasn’t a question, but a confirmation. It made her glance away, shame prickling at her.
“Why do you sway so easily?” he asked. Shimmering light fell on the smooth planes of his chest. “Why is it difficult for you to show me loyalty? If you gave me a grain of the devotion you waste on your traitorous sister or your scheming friends, we would be unstoppable.”
His voice was dangerous, a lull she wanted to give in to, desperately, but it morphed in the back of her mind, revealing its hidden layers until a flare of anger stole into her chest.
Her loyalty?
“You left your people behind.” Kidan pushed him back by the chest to breathe easier, but he barely moved, a body carved of stone. “What do you know about loyalty? About being left behind?”
So much for joy. The music and drums died down. Coldness crept in.
Moments like these, she wished for physical strength. To throw him clean across the house and make him understand the pain. His expression was turning.
“You would judge me by a mistake sixty years old? Rot everything we’ve overcome?”
She couldn’t bear to look at the disappointment in his eyes. It was new, being attuned to his pain, a signal she didn’t want to sense. Despite her reluctance, Samson’s words had struck a chord.
Anyone who abandons their family must be punished. That is the only rule I live by.
No—don’t listen to him, she told herself angrily. But so many voices spun in her head, it was exhausting.
Susenyos studied her tired eyes and his voice relented. “Focus on this room. Let joy in.”
The room was pulling at her chest, trying to draw out something vulnerable.
“Just kill him. Please.”
Susenyos watched her for a long moment, and she wondered what he saw. A worthy inheritor? His equal? Or just another Adane who would soon be forgotten?
“Okay, little bird. I’ll get rid of him.”
A breath of relief slid from her lips.
“I’ll make sure he doesn’t come near you,” he promised, and she believed him.
Wanted to believe him wholly.
Something warm and light moved out of her chest then, a golden wisp. The music echoed louder, more persistent, eager, urging her to move. Joy cocooned them, held their hearts and demanded they dance.
“I’m not doing it.” Kidan crossed her arms, her fingers tapping as the drums pounded. “I won’t.”
Susenyos grinned. “Suit yourself because I won’t deny myself. I’ve tried in the past, but it’s difficult to be anything but happy in this room.”
She watched him in astonishment as he moved back and forth and side to side in a dance in the cramped space. Her mouth dropped.
“You look absolutely ridiculous,” she whispered.
“Only those afraid of joy say such things.”
She raised a brow, knowing what he was doing. “I’m not afraid.”
“Prove it.”
Staring into his bright eyes, she surrendered to the room’s call.
Allowed their joined minds to heighten all traces of happiness.
Fireflies burst into life before her vision.
Susenyos reached for her hand, pieces of light hovering between them.
Carefully, she slipped her hand into his.
It was the same temperature as hers, same texture.
They started a slow dance, keeping their distance.
It was like the reverse of the Ballad of Eyes, their eyes fixed on one another so they could not hide any expression that flickered past. The instruments picked up, a set of clapping hands, people cheering.
Kidan’s feet moved faster and faster, matching his pace.
She felt both a little drunk and like she was flying.
Throwing her head back, Kidan laughed. They spun into a different universe.
This room, this space was filled with such light, she couldn’t imagine anything touching her.
Them. When she lifted her lashes to him, Susenyos was watching her with raw awe, hunger, as if she was the sun and he was rushing to capture her beauty.
They must have danced for hours, began touching each other without noticing, pulling one another into a fit of nonsensical laughter, knocking over brooms and buckets and when their feet could no longer move, they collapsed on the floor, their heads touching the wall, legs bent awkwardly to fit into the room.
“I never want to leave this room,” she confessed, unable to stop herself from laughing again.
Whenever she did laugh, he traced the curve of her lips, making sure the sound was coming from her.
It made her want to do it again and again.
They breathed deeply in sync and the house exhaled with them.
The music washed over them and sank into their skin, building into a euphoric high.
It was such a small room, but it was a glimpse into what could be. If they could turn this entire house into this, what would their life look like?
“All this time… who knew joy was trapped in a broom closet,” Kidan breathed in astonishment. A part of her knew this wasn’t real but she ignored it.
Susenyos’s face smiled lazily, drunk on it all. “Much better to lie in this room than the hallway, don’t you think?”
She nodded urgently.
“The people clapping and cheering, and the music… it all takes me back to Farah City. The Nefrasi were the happiest then.”
“You must miss them,” she said softly. “The Nefrasi.”
“More than I thought possible.” He gave a sad smile. “It rarely happens, you know.”
“What?”
“Each room is meant to represent different things to each person, but our rooms have melted into one another. You feel joy where I feel joy. Pain where I feel pain. It’s rare.”
“You keep saying that.” She turned her cheek to the stone floor. It wasn’t cold. Nothing about this room was cold.
“Because it’s the truth.” He furrowed his brow, trying to figure out why.
He didn’t feel ancient here, nor a monster, but merely a boy trapped in time.
His twisted hair fell from his face, clearing his vision so he could study her better.
If she wanted, Kidan could reach out and trace his cheek. It would feel as natural as breathing.
She wanted to say what she was thinking without worrying about the consequences. Wanted to be as free as she was on Cossia Day.
Kidan took note of his long lashes and clear brown skin.
“Maybe it’s the room talking but you’re kind of beautiful,” she whispered, the whole universe enclosed in his dark eyes.
Susenyos’s smile was full, and it lit the ceiling aglow. “It’s the room.”
She sighed contentedly and lay back, watching the roof sparkle with little fireflies.
“Am I beautiful in this room?” she asked, reaching for the buzzing insects that melted onto her palm.
Susenyos propped himself up to make sure she saw him and said with deep regret, “I’m afraid I find you beautiful in every room.”
Kidan’s lips curved and he tracked them greedily.
“Even in the ones where I tried to kill you?”
“Especially in those. Death had never looked so beautiful until it was delivered by your hands.”
Her ears buzzed with the fireflies and heat traveled to her stomach. What was happening to her body? Some part of her told her to flee. This easiness wasn’t real and wouldn’t last long.
But… only a few more moments.
Kidan sat up so they were an inch apart. She needed a few more minutes of this world.
“You know,” she said, not knowing where she was going with this. “I think about how you don’t touch me in this house. More often than I would like.”
Kidan’s eyes widened at her confession and she opened her mouth to stuff it back inside but… He gave her such a wide, winning grin, she found herself beaming back. The euphoria of the room made embarrassment impossible.