Chapter 25 Kidan #2
Slowly, her fingers moved to his warm chest. He stilled, breathing unevenly. She waited for him to pull back, a coiling sensation now in her stomach.
But he didn’t. Apparently, discomfort also didn’t exist in this room.
“I think about Cossia Day. What we did.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Kidan…”
A part of Kidan knew this much joy, trapped in one small space, gifted to them out of all others… It could not last. But she didn’t care.
She would drain every drop of it.
Her smile remained as she planted slow languid kisses along his biceps, allowing herself to explore every inch of his body. His breathing came in and out, growing ragged. She’d never seen him so visibly… affected. It set every atom in her body alight.
She recalled his dragon blades extended to strike their attackers, his body covered in blood, then clean and dripping with condensation in the Bath of Arowa, a towel slung across his torso, almost one with the artwork on the ceiling.
A body made for both war and peace. She pulled back, heart pumping.
His gaze was half-lidded, thick with desire. “Your eyes are asking me to do such wretched things.”
Before Kidan could agree or deny, Susenyos laid her on her back.
Holding his weight with one hand, he grabbed the edge of her shirt and shoved it up.
Her mouth parted. She shivered as his mouth met her bare stomach with urgency.
A charge arched down her spine when he traveled up to the curve of her chest, her crescent-shaped scar, beneath her bra, pressing his mouth there and murmuring against her breast—You’re perfect, so soft, absolutely divine.
Her head spun, delirious from his soft worship, from the soft stroke of his tongue. He had bitten her there once. But this was gentle, intimate in a way that made her want to cry. How he could be both those things at once was a mystery but she truly craved both.
The ceiling ignited with more flickers as she swung between desire and bliss.
But that wasn’t all there was. Below her racing heart, sadness had carved its way in.
Not the type that broke her down until she couldn’t stand her own reflection, but a trickle of grief for never allowing herself such intimacy.
She mourned for the person she was outside this room.
How starved she was for love and the unholy things she’d commit to earn it.
But look at her now, look at how well she was being loved while doing absolutely nothing.
She couldn’t remember the last time such a thing had happened.
It made her say such insane things.
“Promise you won’t leave me behind,” she breathed out. “Once you get everything you want, the artifact, your immortality, promise you won’t leave.”
As soon as the words left her lips, she felt them like a kick to the stomach.
The painful truth of them. His worshipping stopped, cold air replacing his fervent kisses.
It took her a minute to gather her courage.
Look up at him. He was unraveled from his long hair to the open expression in his eyes.
It was terrifying to stare into anyone’s soul this openly.
They were naked with clothes on, joy making them reckless.
Had she said too much?
Instead, he sat back, wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. “This room is so dangerous.”
She sat up, touching the planes of his face. He shut his eyes, leaning into her palm. Touching him as often as she wanted, when she wanted… what other joy was there?
“I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted.” He grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. Biting gently on her fingertips until she giggled. “I’m sworn to you forever now.”
“Sworn to me?”
She liked the sound of it. Loved how honest this space made him.
His hair spilled around him like black tendrils and her hand twirled some around, loving the coarse texture.
“Your blood.” Susenyos continued to nip and tug at each of her fingers, shooting delicious pleasure up her toes. “You have bound me to you, and you don’t even know it. I’m cursed to always hunger for you.”
Was he talking about the companionship ceremony?
“Then stop drinking from others. Drink only from me,” she said, knowing he still visited the blood courting room, and the image made her stomach twist.
He laughed against her hand, pulling away. His eyes swirled with so much light, it made her dizzy. Slowly, they grew dark, an endless tunnel.
“What?” she whispered.
He was quiet for a moment. The world stopped moving entirely, waiting for him to speak.
“Will you let me drink from you always?” he asked.
She nodded quickly.
“Even when you’re angry at me?”
“I’m not angry with you.”
“In this room. Now. But outside, you will be. You are often.”
Her gaze dropped a little.
He lifted her chin, eyes soft. “I don’t want your blood to rule us. I don’t want obligated devotion.” He traced her frowning top lip. “I want you to come and go as you please. And I want the same for me. We will grow to resent one another like this, yené Kidan.”
She loved the way he said her name but not like this. Not when he looked so miserable.
“We won’t.”
She wanted to convince him everything would be well. As long as they met here, in the broom closet, they would be well.
“This vow… As much as I crave your blood, I need freedom more.”
Was he talking about Matir and Roana’s vow? If he no longer wanted to play those roles, they didn’t need to.
Her lashes swept upward. “You are free, Yos.”
“No,” he whispered, forehead pressing against hers.
He was growing dark around the edges again, and she didn’t like it. Did he not want to be her companion anymore? But they made sense together, like the moon orbiting the earth, one following the other across the burning stars.
“There are many things I’m a slave to,” Susenyos confessed, pupils extinguished of light.
With those words, the energy of the room shifted, wavered, and broke. Their eyes darted to the slit of the door at the same time as a wave of blue ocean streamed inside.
Kidan leaned away from it, toward him, eager to brush their lips together and chase away the cold.
But Susenyos pulled away, and this time his smile wasn’t full. Before Kidan could speak, he was on his feet.
“Don’t—” She cut off, hating the way her voice sounded so weak.
Don’t leave, she wanted to say.
A withdrawn look crossed Susenyos’s face, perhaps pity. “I was selfish bringing you here. I should have let you visit it alone.”
Cold disappointment poured into her. Kidan stared at the ground. She wouldn’t watch him leave. After a moment, the door closed behind him.
When he left, he took all the light with him, down to the last firefly. Kidan tucked her knees under her chin, sadness and anger swirling inside her like a small tornado.
He was selfish, making her taste such forbidden things, only to strip them away.
She hated him. At once, the room became engulfed in a heat wave, boiling her blood. So reactive Kidan could hardly breathe.
No, she wanted him to come back. The room thickened with desire and mist, switching from roaring flames to sweetened air.
No, even if he did, she would always be left behind. The room melted, entrapping her like wet cement, cold and endless.
Her fingers dragged into her braids. Her mind hurt, a pressure building right behind her eyes. She couldn’t stand the noise of this house, the buzzing of all her emotions.
Quiet. I need quiet! Please.
As always, the house continued to scratch and claw at her mind, a relentless monster, until there was only one option, one way to find peace—in the folds of Aseracti philosophy.