Chapter 36 Kidan
KIDAN
Kidan knocked on the door to Susenyos’s quarters with a bag of her own blood.
She hadn’t wanted to visit this place for all the memories it stored. More than once she had let Susenyos see a part of herself no one else did. Vulnerable in the Bath of Arowa, on her knees before the other dranaics, intimate during Cossia Day.
The only reason she went to him now was to steal back a little control.
June was actively avoiding her, hurrying across the courtyard, exiting the house the moment Kidan entered, leaving her all alone again.
Sometimes, Kidan wondered how easy everything would be if June wasn’t in her life.
To forget her completely. More than once, she had picked up her phone to delete June’s old videos.
But couldn’t do it. They were the only proof Kidan had.
She hadn’t imagined the love her sister had for her.
Because that was Kidan’s problem. She overestimated people’s love and loyalty. But no more.
Susenyos’s room here was no different than in the other quarter. She knocked. When he didn’t answer, she tried the handle. It was unlocked.
Shaking her head, she entered. Guessed a vampire didn’t have much to fear.
The room was furnished in dark furniture and gilt-framed portraits. Deep red curtains graced the walls. There were no windows and it was too dark. Susenyos always lavished in the sun, his scrolls and bed bathed in light from his giant window. This was unlike him.
Her eyes widened when she spied the bed.
It wasn’t empty. Susenyos was asleep. Even though it was late afternoon.
He slept without a shirt, on his stomach, the sheets hanging low on his naked back.
She tilted her head, admiring the powerful curve of his shoulder blades, her mouth suddenly dry.
The only imperfection on his black skin was a red mark.
She approached the bed and her fingers pulled at the sheet, slowly, nervously, revealing three horizontal… scars.
Vampire skin was polished stone, hard and clear enough to reflect an image, and Susenyos’s skin had always remained that way.
It didn’t scar. Couldn’t.
But these three red lines, uneven, clawed into the flesh, were unhealed reminders of something. Did he get them as a human or as a vampire?
A flare of anger heated her blood. Someone had hurt him. And for some reason, it wasn’t healing.
She waited for him to wake up at any moment and catch her in the act.
But he didn’t. The bed dipped with her weight.
Kidan dared another touch. Her fingers brushed aside his twists, the side of his face lost in the pillow.
There was a furrow to his brow as if he was having an unpleasant dream.
She’d seen him unconscious but never asleep.
In truth, he always seemed on his feet, too much energy for a casual nap.
She shook his warm shoulder. “Susenyos.”
He stirred, flipping to his back and exposing more of himself. “Let me rest, Iniko.”
She averted her gaze, cheeks warm. “It’s Kidan.”
His eyes opened slowly. They were coal black. Her reflection clear in them. In an instant, a complete and savage red plumed forward, swallowing his pupils whole. Her heart clenched. He jerked back and turned, swinging his legs over the other side.
His shoulders shook with his ragged breathing. “What are you doing here?”
“Sorry… you didn’t hear me?”
It took him a while to speak, voice hoarse. “I had a long night.”
Kidan pictured what such a night could be. Did he have a girl here? Maybe the acti he was talking to at the Arcane Tower. The image of him in that act came without her permission. How his face would look, his arms, the sounds he would make—
Stop.
She studied the floor until her cheeks cooled down. “Where did you go after the Arcane Tower? Clearly it exerted you.”
“I could ask you the same question.”
Her mouth opened, ready to tell him about the Dirt Diggers, but she held her tongue. Showing all her cards would be a mistake. And clearly, he didn’t trust her enough to share what he was doing with Arin or that acti he was speaking to.
Aseracti had mentioned something about how all vampires were a slave to the blood. It wasn’t until Iniko spoke to her this morning, though, that she had believed it.
Kidan had brought a bag of her own blood—to try out a theory. She walked around the bed, showing him.
Susenyos’s chest went still, his eyes fixed on the red bag.
“I want to test something,” Kidan said.
His irises were glowing, his hair burning at the ends. “I don’t want it.”
The distress was clear in his voice.
“Are you sure?”
His eyes narrowed. “What do you want to test?”
How much power I have over you.
The room darkened along with his disposition as if he could read her thoughts.
“Iniko talked to me,” she said. “Reminded me of my duties as your companion.”
He shot to his feet like a beast, making her drop the bag. It robbed her of her breath—the transformation of his face, violent and unforgiving.
“What did she say?” His words were a growl.
Kidan’s mouth dried up. This look… she hadn’t seen him this livid in so long. Like the night she had shown his fangs before the members of Uxlay.
“Kidan,” he barked, making her flinch. “What did Iniko say?”
Her voice was low, confused. “She said vampires prefer to drink from their companions. It tastes better. Is it true?”
He turned his jaw aside, the intensity of his rage ebbing but not entirely gone.
“Is that why you look so irritated? Because you prefer my blood?”
Her heart pounded in the silence.
“Is that why you can barely stand to be near me?” To prove her point, she dared a step closer. Raised a trembling hand and pressed it to his still chest. His spine went ramrod straight. “Why you don’t breathe around me?”
His red pupils contracted, fangs wide and visible. It was clear he was starving but his pride wouldn’t let him admit it.
Kidan reached for the plastic bag. Susenyos shook his head, strands bouncing against his sharp cheeks.
“Drink,” she urged. “Before you explode.”
The last word seemed to pull on his restraint. His gaze darted between the blood and her eyes, swinging back and forth for what felt like eternity, launching her heart to beat wildly.
He reached for the bag.
She held it out of reach, a slow smile coming to her. “Tell me why you’re talking with Arin first.”
His eyes flashed, fangs out now. “Kidan.”
“Yos.”
“I’m ravenous,” he growled, making the hairs rise at the back of her neck.
“I know. Tell me quickly.”
She couldn’t help herself. She would never have him this vulnerable again.
A sound between a disbelieving laugh and a curse left him. Torn, his gaze moved between the blood and her face for a few moments before he spoke tightly. “Arin can help me win my people back.”
Kidan’s smile faded. “The Nefrasi?”
“I’m getting them back,” he said with violent determination.
Hope spread through her chest, and everything became clearer, more vivid.
This was what he was doing? Going after his people?
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said cautiously, tracking her eyes.
“What? Why keep it from me?” she asked. “This is a good thing. We can find GK then. Rescue him—”
Susenyos was shaking his head, pacing back and forth. “That’s why. I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing it for me. You’re a distraction, Kidan. A hurricane with your demands. To save you and your traitorous friends is a cost I can’t afford again.”
Her arm went limp by her side. Her mouth dried up, then indignation burned through her. “I’m sorry saving my life has been such a burden.”
“Oh, more than you know,” he snapped just as angrily. “It’s an everyday battle.”
The dark room swallowed them in silence. She saw it in his eyes, he truly believed his words. There was a painful yank in her gut, right behind her navel, a confirmation of her fear. He did regret saving her. From her blue pill, from the tower, from Samson.
Susenyos leveled her with an unmoving expression. Their eyes, one pair black as the night ocean, the other the color of dark sand, met across the shoreline. They couldn’t have felt any closer or farther if they tried. A sea chill swept over Kidan as Susenyos drifted farther away.
“Three hundred and twelve,” he said in a tone she didn’t recognize, empty as a tomb. “I have sacrificed three hundred and twelve of my people. People I deem closest to me. People I loved so much, I forced eternal life on them so we would never part. What’s one more soul?”
Was he talking about GK or her?
The flames inside Kidan roared, descending behind her vision like tendrils of a vine.
“I should leave you before you betray me.” He whispered this as if it was an inevitable outcome.
She swallowed and his gaze dropped to the column of her throat, igniting her skin. Kidan eyed the door. She should leave with her pride. Hide herself inside Adane House.
“But I need you,” Susenyos said, truly tired.
He bridged the gap between them, slow and deliberate.
His predatory advance made Kidan take a step back, and another.
Until her back touched the wall, and her eyes widened.
“Your blood… I’ve never tasted something so divine.
Have you ever felt such maddening hunger?
Do you even burn for anything this violently?
” His fingers rested against the length of her neck, near searing, and tilted her jaw up.
“I tried to resist, but it’s everywhere.
In the color of your lips, the words of my book, the scent of ripe grapefruit.
I can’t escape it. All I can think about is the last time I had you under my fang.
How I should have never stopped. It even hurts to be this close to you. ”
Kidan’s mouth parted but no sound came out. Pinned by the flames in his irises, she understood what he’d been hiding from her all this time.
Piercing, insatiable hunger.