Chapter 36 Kidan #2
Last time he was this overwhelmed, he would have killed her if she hadn’t defanged him. Now he was in control, and it was… destroying him. He wanted to save her in the same breath he wanted to consume her. And she needed this. Liked the intoxicating power it gave her.
Slowly, she spun off the stopper on the plastic bag. He flinched at the final pop.
Lifting the short straw to his mouth, she softly said, “Drink.”
He was still as stone.
Until the first tentative sip.
Then he came to life, limned in frightening bronze.
Kidan’s body was crushed between the wall and his solid form in an instant.
His hand closed over hers, squeezing the bag urgently.
Drinking deeply. Her finger bones groaned in protest, but it was his closeness that unnerved her more.
Her heart slammed against her chest. She pushed against his shoulder, searching for air, but he caught her left hand and pinned it above their heads, fingers sinking between hers.
Claws punctured the decorated wall tapestry just above their heads.
Their faces tipped even closer. She made a soft sound—perhaps a moan. There was no escape now, no space to look except right at him. Black pupils captured her, cresting with golden heat, melting into glorious crimson. She held her breath, watching him surrender to his nature.
There was no trace of disgust in her. No morsel of hatred even as she tried to conjure a fragment of it. No armor from him. Instead, a horrible sort of desire stirred in her, weak and dizzying.
Every time they brushed skin, her body betrayed her with a horrible need.
The bag emptied instantly. Nothing more than a ball of plastic between them. The straw glided free from his mouth with a wet pop. Susenyos panted, blocking her body with his. His eyes regarded her softly, tinged with euphoric haze.
“You’ve ruined me, do you know that?” His voice was drenched in a fever dream.
His tone was too liquid to be his true one, yet Kidan wanted to wrap it around herself. Wanted him to close the gap between them and whisper it against her lips. She could feel herself begging him with her gaze to put them out of this misery.
Maybe if he touched her, really touched her, she could find her hatred.
Maybe if they kissed, she could think about killing him again.
She blamed him for this. His need was bleeding into her, turning her ravenous, and if they had to devour one another, so be it.
The crushed plastic bag fell to the floor, leaving their hands intertwined.
She swallowed, pressing her palm against his.
His fingers were longer, his nails sharp and blackened at the tips.
Her head tilted up to see the five holes in the wall from his claws.
For a moment, she thought about how they would feel against something soft.
“What would I see if you bit my finger?” she asked.
His black eyes kept burning, an oil spill lit aflame. “Kindness.”
“Really?”
She’d expected something wicked. They had delved into worse memories—sin, violence, desire. Yet a biting urge rushed through her.
To peer into his heart. She wanted nothing more than to glimpse his kindness. A piece of light out of this darkness they always seemed to slip into.
She lifted her hand to his full mouth. Permission to explore more.
Eyes locked on hers, he kissed her thumb. His fang prodding.
He hesitated, reading her intention.
Softly, he punctured the pad of her thumb. She winced as a bubble of blood sprouted.
“Don’t judge me, yené Roana.” He pulled back to smile a little. “I don’t know what you might find in there.”
The moment his tongue snaked out and lapped at the drop, she gasped.
Her vision swirled into several hues of color, a warm rush coursing through her veins as she emerged elsewhere.
It was a memory from last semester. The first time Susenyos, instead of Etete, lit the fireplace.
He worked the logs of the fireplace as Kidan opened the door. Her nose was tinged red from Uxlay’s unrelenting wind, and she would sniffle all night if she didn’t warm quickly. He smiled inwardly as she kicked off her boots and scarf and settled beside him reluctantly.
He never allowed candles in Adane House.
Could hardly stand this gilded fireplace.
Except Etete kept lighting it. Without it, she would shiver at night and cough into her scarf.
Yet every open flame drowned his mind with terror, the scream of his people crackling as they vanished from this world one by one.
The Great San Er Fire played in his visions, torturing him with guilt.
During their first meeting, walking the campus grounds on that foggy morning, he’d stumbled upon Kidan warming her hands by a garden fire.
She had chosen to settle by the only warm thing in this dead world, and he’d seen the flames melting into her brown skin as something other than a terrifying end.
A beginning.
The next day, Susenyos lit the fireplace by himself and sat before it.
If he hoped to draw her out of her room, it would be with fire. Though she didn’t come that first day or the next.
Still, he braved the sight of the flames, pushed back against the force of nature that had robbed him of all peace. Hoping.
It wouldn’t be until weeks later she’d tolerate sitting next to him. This time warming her hands next to his.
It was too short, the lull back to the present world calling her. Kidan fought to stay, linger in this new revelation, but the image of Susenyos and his crackling fire faded away.
They were breathing in unison when he stopped drinking. Eyes locked on one another.
She found it difficult to look away from him.
“The fireplace. You kept lighting it… for me? Even when you hated me?”
His eyes burned redder. “Ah, that’s what you saw.”
“But whenever I came home… you were always by the fireplace. I thought you loved it.”
His eyes swirled with so many secrets. “I was preparing myself. Etete encouraged me. Besides, I didn’t want you to see me flinch. If you knew, you likely would have doused the house in fire.”
“Probably,” Kidan whispered, and they both smiled a little. “Thank you. For doing that.”
His face had gentled, his eyes incredibly bright.
A silence stretched between them. Her chest tightened, waiting for him to speak.
Not knowing what kind act, if any, she’d ever offered him.
What had he seen in her mind?
As if hearing her thoughts, he spoke softly. “You wanted me to leave.”
“What?”
“When I lost my immortality, you wanted me to leave Adane House.” His brows met for a second, before releasing. “I thought it was because I wasn’t strong, useless to you as a human, but you wanted to protect me.”
The genuine surprise lingering in his words made her chest ache.
They had to stop assuming the worst of each other.
“We can be kind, can’t we?” she asked.
Susenyos’s lips arced and he brushed her cheek gently. “We can.”
“So why aren’t we?”
The question tugged at her soul. It wasn’t the first time she’d wondered this about herself, nor would it be the last.
“Because kindness requires a surrender, and neither of us have been treated well when we have.”
A sad smile touched her face. June. Kidan had only ever managed to be kind to her sister and that had been destroyed.
Susenyos stared at her with sleek eyes, still drunk from her blood.
Kidan had always known the only power she had over him was her blood, but she couldn’t help but wish for more. Feeding him like this had altered their relationship, solidified it into nothing but an exchange of benefits.
They would be cursed to play this role forever until something changed. A vampire and an acti.
I don’t want your blood to rule us. I don’t want obligated devotion, he had said.
Kidan didn’t want that either.
But one thing was for certain, Kidan wasn’t ready to surrender. Neither her heart nor her house.
Not until she could set laws that would punish her sister and make GK human again.