17. Skyler
17
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“I don’t know, Cash. She’s not acting like herself,” I hear Blake talking on his phone. He’s in the kitchen with the backdoor open talking to Cash before they switch out my babysitter for the next shift. Cash is at the clubhouse waiting for church to start.
Blake relieved Mason late last night. This morning is Austin’s turn. Oh, goody.
“Mason said she was quiet, went to bed early last night. She’s been up for hours. Went for a run at four o’clock in the fucking morning. Now she’s sitting on the back porch swing with a blanket, a book, and a cup of coffee with the pumpkin shit she likes.”
It’s funny how these men are sometimes. If I talk back or throw sass, I’m being disrespectful and need to learn my place. If I get emotional, I must be on my period, so they take turns bringing me chocolate, caffeine, and medicine, while running as far the other way as possible. But when I’m quiet. In my own thoughts, not sharing anything with anyone…they panic.
Mason thought I was upset about the men who propositioned me at O’Malley’s last night.
Mason tried repeatedly to assure me. “You don’t have to worry about those fuckers anymore. I took care of it. You’re safe now, Sky. I promise.”
It was sweet, but like the rest of the leather wearing Neanderthal Brigade, he doesn’t realize men like those at the bar no longer phase me. I pay no attention to meaningless flirting, and I don’t allow any man to make me feel unsafe or out of control.
Except one.
“Yeah. All right. I’ll be there as soon as Austin shows up.” Blake hangs up his phone, walking out onto the porch leaning up against the rail in front of me. Closing my book, I drop my feet to the ground, leaning my elbows on my knees. Blake stares at me, not saying anything. A smirk tugs at my lips.
I can do this all day.
A long, exasperated sigh leaves his lips. “Are you going running again today? If you are you should give Austin a heads up. He’ll feel better jogging in his gym clothes.”
“Was that the problem? You struggled to keep up because of your clothing?” I smile over my cup of coffee, remembering how Blake was unprepared for a four-a.m. run in the dark when I suddenly couldn’t sleep anymore.
“I would’ve liked to have had my gym clothes, yeah. But I kept up just fine.”
He did, but I won’t say I didn’t have fun laughing at his expense. I can only image what the old ladies sitting on the bench thought as we passed them having their morning coffee as the sun was coming up. A big, sexy, biker, chasing behind me in short spandex shorts and sports bras. Creeper. I laugh to myself.
They’re always in the same spot together, early in the morning. Something about them reminds me of me and Emily. How we were always together.
“Austin text, he’s out front. You want him to come inside, or what are your plans for the day?”
“He can wait out there. I’m going to go get dressed, then head out to get some breakfast. I’ll be going to the clubhouse a little later to see Gabe.” Folding my blanket, I stand up, gathering the rest of my things to go inside.
“Gabe know you want to see him? He’s calling church in a couple of hours.”
“I can wait for church to end. Wouldn’t want to interrupt the He-Man-Woman-Haters- Club, grown up edition.”
“At least you’re talking again,” he chuckles.
“Sometimes, believe it or not, a woman just wants to be quiet. Left alone with her thoughts. It doesn’t always mean we’re plotting a murder.”
“What were you thinking so hard about, then?”
I tilt my head and smile when the irony hits me. “Actually…murder.” His face falls serious, and I leave him to ponder his thoughts smiling to myself.
About an hour later I’m walking into Magpie’s. I take a seat at the counter.
Misty, the new hire approaches offering me coffee and rattling off today’s specials. I order a large breakfast of French toast, bacon, eggs, and a side of hash browns. If I’m going into battle, I might as well do it on a full belly.
“Hey, Patsy. How are you doing this morning?” She stops beside me, grabbing my face, pinching my cheek.
“I’m, here aren’t I? Can’t complain. Misty taking care of you, hon?”
“Yep. She went back to check on my order.” No. sooner do the words leave my mouth does Misty appear with my plate heaping with food. Patsy smiles, shaking her head. “What? You surprised I didn’t order fries and a shake?”
“No. I thought you might’ve ordered something on the lighter side. You always seemed to eat like a bird.”
“I could order something healthier if it will make you feel better,” I laugh.
“Honey, there’s not a damn thing on this menu you could call healthy. Might have less sugar, less carbs, or less fat, but you and I both know this place doesn’t make money because of our lite and healthy menu.” She winks.
“Maybe next time, I’ll check it out, but today I’m indulging. Anna hasn’t given me my new meal plan for training yet, so I figure I should get the good stuff while I can,” I whisper making a spectacle of looking around as if someone might be listening.
“Anna? The self-defense trainer from Knock Out’s?” The mention of Anna’s name is stroking Patsy’s curiosity and I know what she’s thinking.
“One in the same.”
“You’re training at Ethan’s gym with one of his trainers? You plan on getting in a fight?” She leans against the counter, her ankles crossed as she puts her tablet and pencil away. She’s settling in which means I’m not getting out of this easily. “Is that why you have that big old bag hanging off your chair?”
“If you must know. I’m training with Kieran and Anna a few days a week. Kieran watched me sparring with Anna and offered to train me. It’s to keep my skills sharp. I don’t plan on fighting anyone for real. It’s just for fun.” I shrug, opening the small pocket of my backpack putting my phone away, hoping she lets this conversation go.
“We’ll see about that.” She quips. Guess not.
Leaning on my elbows, I bite my bottom lip. I want to smile. I know she’s probably thinking Kieran’s going to get me to fight for their women’s MMA team that he is currently seeking members for. But I don’t plan on fighting for sport.
“You think Kieran’s going to convince me to fight for his team.”
“Fight? No. But when Ethan finds out that Kieran’s personally overseeing your meal plans, workout schedule, and spending so much time focused on everything about you….” She stands, a knowing smirk lifts the corner of her ruby red lips. “Well, honey you may not be planning to fight anyone, but you better be ready for one, just in case.” She laughs softly to herself as she walks away pleased with herself.
She has no idea.
“Well, you’re wrong. The only part of any of this Ethan cares about is the fact I’m in is gym. In his personal space. Ethan has an issue with me, and maybe Cash,” I say hoping to sound uncaring and nonchalant, but even I can hear the hurt in my voice. “Besides, it’s Anna who’s training me and seeing to all those things, not Kieran. He agreed with me it was best for me to train when Ethan wasn’t around. Apparently, my presence pisses him off and messes with his training routine.”
“And why do you think that is?”
I roll my eyes. “Ethan doesn’t like the fact I’ve changed, and he can’t control me. He barks orders and is surprised when I don’t jump to do his bidding. Whatever, he can fuck right off with the rest of them.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.” She shoves my shoulder calling me a smartass.
“I think Ethan is jealous and frustrated.” I shoot her a disbelieving look. Patsy laughs. “Think about it, baby girl. You’ve changed. You used to avoid confrontation and gave in if you thought something might upset Ethan or Emily. I saw you backdown time and time again even when I could tell you didn’t want to.” She chuckles, tugging a stray hair behind my ear. “You were gone a long time and although we are happy to have you home where you belong, no one knows you anymore. Ethan doesn’t know you and it frustrates him, because the way you and Cash and the others carry on it’s obvious, you’re close.”
“Who are you Sky?”Ethan’s words from last night come to mind.
“It’s not like that between Cash and me. Or any of them really. They’re, the guys.”
“Oh, I know,” she says, her brows both raising as she grins. “If you two were together, Cash wouldn’t be cruising all over town flirting and hooking up with every woman who bats her eyelashes at his pretty face. When these men find their ol’ lady, they put away their man whore ways.” She says smiling. She leans close to my ear and whispers, “Because if they don’t, they know we’d murder their asses, and make it look like an accident.”
I laugh at her words but have no doubt she’s telling the truth. Especially her and Liz. They’ve been around d long enough to learn all the club tricks.
And she’s right. Cash may be a man whore, but I’ve seen him date a few times. When he’s with a woman he’s interested in, he’s faithful. Loyal to her.
“Ethan acts all butt hurt because of the way you and Cash interact with one another. It bothers him to see you smile and relax with another man. He’s jealous. Believe me. Once he lets down his guard and sees the truth for himself, girl there won’t be anywhere for you to run where he won’t find you.”
I wish.
I thought if I came home and gave him some time, eventually we would at least be able to be friends. I’ve missed talking to him. Telling each other about our dreams and making plans. I thought maybe he would understand.
How can he when he doesn’t know the truth?
As for Ethan being jealous of Cash, she’s wrong. Cash, a brother, being nice to me when Ethan thinks everyone should hate me as much as he does is what really bothers him. If Cash treated me like shit, Ethan would probably applaud him. They’d be instant best friends.
“Here you go,” Misty says, topping off my coffee.
“Get her the pumpkin spice creamer in the back, would you Sweetheart.” Patsy sends her off to grab her secret stash. “I kept it on hand for your Daddy,” she shrugs. “Figured you might like some.” A smile tugs my lips.
“Thanks.” She leaves to check on the other customers but not before dropping a kiss on my head, cradling my cheek. “I’ve missed watching you grow up, but I’m proud as hell of the woman I see before me. Your mama would be too.”
I tuck into my food, not paying too much attention to the world around me, lost in my own thoughts. The argument with Cash, then with Ethan. The way Ethan looked at me with such repulsion. The venom in his voice when he told me daddy’s death was my fault. All the things he blames me for.
He believed I could be a fucktoy for the MC.
Maybe he never really loved me the way I believed he did.Or maybe he thinks the worst of me because he still believes I betrayed him. I don’t know which is the answer, but it doesn’t matter, I don’t suppose. All will be revealed soon enough.
Looking at the time, I know everyone is at the clubhouse in church except Austin who is multitasking at the moment by babysitting me and flirting with Misty at the other end of the counter. The way he looks at her, the way her face lights up when he smiles at her, they remind me of me and Ethan once upon a time. My chest tightens at the memory.
Stop it, Sky.
Coming home has proven to be harder than I ever thought it would be. I expected push back from Ethan, but I never expected him to be cruel. I guess maybe I should have. I knew he would be angry with me, say harsh things, but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much. Or maybe I thought I could handle it and eventually he would get over my being here and things would get easier over time. Now, I’m not so sure.
He’s jealous.
Maybe a little, but I don’t think it’s about jealousy so much as control. Ethan doesn’t like the fact he can’t make Cash or the others, hate me because he wants them to. They’re loyalty to me infuriates him. He thinks they’re choosing sides. The sad fact is, they don’t know there are sides, or that they should be choosing one. I never told anyone in Mountain Heights about us. They only knew I had been in love and gotten my heart broken. I never gave up his name since they’d all want to kick his ass.
Seeing him again, remembering what we were, what we had together, and what we lost is slowly breaking me apart.
It’s not only about the child we lost, though the memory of that loss still steals my breath away. Knowing I was carrying a piece of him, of us, was what held me together when I was forced to leave. I convinced myself when everything was over, I would find him and tell him about our baby. He would be mad, but he would forgive me because I did what I had to save our child. Except nothing I did could’ve saved our baby.
It’s everything about him. The way my heart races whenever he’s nearby. The whisper of his breath caressing my skin when he speaks into my ear. The soft touch of his fingers when he lightly brushes my cheeks and the strength in his grasp when he grips my hips tugging me to his body. It all sets my body to flame like it knows I was once his and it longs to rekindle everything we once had. It’s absolute fucking torture. Even sitting here now, thinking about how the small things he does affects me has me clenching my thighs together to dull the ache I feel for him.
I can’t seem to let go.
I know my being here has been a struggle for Ethan too, but that doesn’t mean I’ll accept his bullshit and let him push me around. Having me in his space at the bar, or the clubhouse, especially in his gym, I know pisses him off. He’ll have to learn to get over it. It’s not the way I would have things, but if it’s the only way I get to be around him at all, then he will learn to deal, or he’ll have to leave. Which he won’t. He won’t leave his brothers or his gym, not that I’d ever ask him to. Both were my gift to him.
Although Ethan is pissed about my invading his town and his club, he can’t make me do anything I don’t want to. He has no justification for his actions. He may think he does, but I didn’t kill Emily.
After I talk with Gabe, Ethan will learn the truth.
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