Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
I stand by the edge of the room because if I move any closer, I’m going to stab her. Well, not me, but my Nexus. I think it’s her feelings, but being honest with myself, I feel it too. A wave of jealousy slams into my stomach as the woman stares across at Aleksander and Finnegan. Don’t look at them, they are mine. Mine. Fucking. Mine. My Nexus grumbles and I swallow the noise.
The healer moves her hands over the woman, who smiles like butter doesn’t melt at her. The only thing that is making this better is the fact Aleksander and Finnegan have stayed at my side.
“She’ll be okay, but she is a bit dehydrated. Her feet have got slight marks on them, which suggests she’s been walking a long while. We’ve healed her, but her own healing is far greater than any of ours. There was little need for intervening.” The healer sighs. “What a gift you are, girl. Healers like you haven’t walked our city in centuries.”
“Good to know she is fine, as we need to ask her questions,” Tutor Jettie begins, leaving her hushed conversation with Tutor Edvard. He looks over at us, at Finnegan, but says nothing, letting Jettie take the lead. She moves to the edge of the woman’s bed and looks right at her. “One, how did you get through our barriers? And two, exactly where were you held at? Anything you can offer might be useful information for us on the Vian.”
“I don’t know.” Her soft voice echoes and she winces. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know.” She begins to cry, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. I’m a girl’s girl, but come on. I can spot a liar a mile off because I’m a damn good one myself. She sits up slightly, her eyes big as she looks around the room and then focuses on me. I arch an eyebrow, and she turns back to Tutor Jettie. “They never told me where I was, but it was underground. I didn’t see a lot of daylight, but it wasn’t far from here. Recently, there was something like a fire or an explosion above. It damaged the walls of my cell, and I started picking at the bricks to get out. Everything was burnt and a mess above ground when I got out, and I ran.” She breathes out the word ran . “I ran, following the feeling my Nexus told me. Leading me here, to them.” She points at Aleksander first, then Finnegan and then Rhodes.
Bitch. “Who the fuck are you?”
She sucks in a scared breath. “My name is Georgina, and I don’t know what my last name is. I don’t know who I am, only that I’m happy to be free and I’m a little terrified of all this.”
“You’re safe now,” Tutor Jettie offers in a sympathetic tone I’ve never heard from her.
“Who are you all?” Georgina asks, looking around.
Everyone introduces themselves until I’m left. “Gwenieve Autumn.”
Silence echoes between us until Tutor Edvard clears his throat and steps forward. “What do you know about what you are? You said Nexus before, so you speak to your Nexus? Do you have control?”
“I read many books and was told much about the Nexus race. I was… The guards back there. They told me stories to pass the time. I never knew their names, but they would talk about the Nexus, who they are at war with. They taught me that I was Nexus, and they weren’t sure what to do with me. They just kept me down there, and they were careful never to touch me in case… They said that my magic was healing, and they weren’t interested in that, but I was still food to them.”
“Why would they not be interested? That’s a very useful power,” Tutor Edvard questions.
“I don’t know.” She shrugs her slender shoulders, her white hair falling around her. “They looked after me and brought me up but never really told me anything useful. I was a prisoner of war.”
Tutor Edvard is rubbing his chin. “We’ll run your blood through the systems, find if you have any living relatives recorded here or in the other cities. They might have more answers.”
“Okay, that would be nice to know.” She rubs her arm. “You’re not going to kill me, are you? I didn’t mean to cause a problem.”
“How did you get through the barriers?” Tutor Jettie pushes, and she touches Georgina’s arm. Tutor Jettie gasps, lifting her own sleeve. An old cut, a nasty scar that was etched down her arm, fades and disappears. “You don’t just heal new wounds, you heal old. Impossible! Legendary even!” She is too excited. “I am excited to inform the alpha about your gift.”
“I want to help people. I don’t want to be scared anymore,” says the cat with sharp claws. I don’t believe her.
Tutor Jettie sighs. “You can, dear girl, but now, while we find out what you are and why you were drawn here, we?—”
“I feel a connection to those two men, and I want to know them.”
The fuck no. “They’re mine.” I growl and glare at her. Finnegan touches my hand, and Alek steps closer to me.
She cries out a little whine and moves back on the bed, away from me. “Gwen!” Alek’s shout makes me snap out of it, and I shake my head, looking down at the wood flooring and how it’s turned grey everywhere around me. Not touching my mates, though. “I’m sorry. My Nexus is a bit possessive.” I gulp. “But I’m not sorry for what she said. They really are my mates.”
“You rejected them,” Tutor Jettie says, “so they’re not technically your mates, as the bonding has not been completed, and you have not consented to be their mates in a ceremony; therefore, the mating can never be fully completed between any of you.” She looks right at me. “Perhaps the Gods have sought to fill the bond somewhere else. It is not unheard of in our history. Rejected bonds have a way of annoying the Gods, as you’re rejecting the very path they put you on. They can be vengeful to those who reject them and run.”
“Fuck what the Gods want,” Finnegan growls. “We can go to a fucking priest and sort that problem out right now.”
“I know this probably was not explained to you, but no, you can’t. When there is more than one female bond, the priests will have to redraw all the blood taken and see what path the Gods wish for. This cannot be done at the moment due to us having a new alpha. The first six months with a new alpha is a time where all priests are kept in their temples to pray for the alpha and help him on his path with the spirit of our Gods.”
“You’re saying I just have to put up with her here and the weird bond she has with my mates?” I bite out, gripping Finnegan’s hand tightly.
“Yes.” Tutor Jettie levels her eyes on me. “I know it feels unfair, Gwenieve, but you made your choice at the ceremony. It is in the hands of the Gods and your mates now. Do you believe you can control your Nexus’ possessive qualities?”
“Yes.” I grit my teeth. “No,” my Nexus growls, slipping it out before I can control her. My hands change, draining my tanned skin to pale white and transforming my nails to sharp black points. She’s across the room in a second, barely inches away from Georgina, who screams before Finn grabs me around the waist, pulling me away, and we both slam into the ground at the side of the bed.
“Enough, Gwen, you can’t kill her,” Finnegan whispers in my ear, holding me to him. “Onyx needs you to not risk everything right now. Killing her will risk it all.”
“Why? Because you have some connection to her?” I ask, snapping my eyes to him as I push away.
“No! Gwen…” He reaches for me. Georgina is crying. Alek is reaching for me, but I can’t unsee the look in Tutor Jettie’s and Tutor Edvard’s eyes as they stare in horror at me. I’m a monster.
I run out before they could say anything else, before any of them can lie to me and say it’s okay. It’s not. She was imprisoned for years apparently, and she didn’t do anything wrong. Not like me. The Gods should have given them someone else, someone who actually deserves them, because they know I don’t. The Gods made me to be the monster and made her to be the saviour. The healer. The one they will all clearly want.
I know I’m crying but the further I run, the more I ignore the feeling of tears dripping down my cheeks as my heart cracks. My mother taught me to never cry in front of anyone and here I am, crying in front of everyone. You did this! I scream at my Nexus. You made us a monster, and now the Gods are ripping our mates from us! I hear Finn shouting after me, chasing after me, and Alek is with him. I quickly use my power to merge into the crowd and hide with my invisibility, so they can’t see me. My shoulders drop as they run past, followed by Rhodes.
When I know it’s safe, I lose the magic, slip round the corner, and come face to face with Tutor Hank. He’s holding onto his walking stick in front of him, smiling at me. The walking stick is different this time, a dark blue wood with a snake carved into the top, its teeth holding a diamond crystal in its mouth. His dark blue cloak matches the walking stick, and he somehow looks older than when we met. I’d almost forgotten about my lessons with him after the crazy day I’ve had. I’m not in the mood now to talk to my Nexus.
“You can use your Nexus powers very well then, to merge into the wall and hide yourself,” he notes, pulling out a handkerchief and passing it to me. “Do clean up.”
I take the white handkerchief and wipe my face. “I’m not in the mood for?—”
He stomps his stick on the ground once. “It’s a good thing I don’t care about your emotional state, Miss Autumn, or the boy problems making you cry. I’ve had my fair share of boy problems myself, and I can tell you now that my love life never impacted my studies to become a ranger, then a tutor, and kill over a thousand Vian without a defensive power. Now, explain your control of your powers.”
Strict. Got it. “Some of them, I have full control over. Mostly the older powers I have. I trained for years, and the invisible power is an easier power to control. I can’t always control all of her powers though. She doesn’t always let me.”
He frowns. “Who said you ever needed to ask her? They are your powers.”
“Hers. She killed for them all, except for the grey draining magic,” I correct. I didn’t kill for them. “You don’t know her. She’s very dominant, and she does whatever she wants.”
“And you were told that by your parents?” he asks next. I feel like I’m being assessed, and I don’t like it.
I cross my arms. “Yes.”
“Ah, I might understand now.” He turns. “Come, our lesson begins now. Raw emotional states are the best time for me to tap into your Nexus and open up a connection. When your emotions are heightened, it’s the point at which you and your Nexus are almost as one. Come.”
Yeah, she doesn’t care, and he is clearly insane. Unlucky for me, I have no choice but to try his lessons or give up my life, because I need to control my Nexus.
We walk around the castle, and even with a walking stick, and the fact that he must be like a billion years old, he still moves really fast. I have to jog to follow him straight out to the back of the fields, down a windy stone path as the weak drops of dusty rain brushes against me, soaking my clothes. He leads me into the forest, where it’s dark, but I can still see where I’m going. “You know, most people would be creeped out by being walked into a forest by someone they barely know.”
“I’m not going to harm you, Gwenieve. Nor your Nexus. You will never have anything to fear from me. My power is not one that can harm anyway, and you’re perfectly safe within the academy grounds. We need to be away from people, as their Nexus mess with my power,” he explains. “Just in case your Nexus decides not to let you back, it is also best we are out here. As she is dominant, as you put it.” He pushes a log off the path with his stick. He’s strong for an old man, too. “Though I do not believe the host is weaker than the Nexus. Ever.” He stops and turns to face me when we get to a small clearing in the forest, almost like a circle with thin, tall trees on the edges. He sits down on the moss and damp leaves, likely some twigs too, and looks comfortable.
I do the same opposite him and cross my legs how he does, and it’s not comfortable. There is definitely a twig sticking into my ass cheek. “If you’re going to ask me to meditate, I’m gonna…”
“Meditation is a wise thing to connect to your Nexus, but we don’t need that here. I believe I need to correct your parents’ teaching and start from the very beginning. I will put you into a dreamlike state, and it will feel a bit like falling. Then you’ll suddenly be there with your Nexus in whatever version she chooses to take. She may choose to be a wolf, which I believe you shift into, from my research, and not communicate with you at all. That is perfectly normal, considering you are at war with her.”
“I’m not at war with her,” I interrupt.
He links his fingers. “Oh, so you work together to achieve a peaceful state of existence? You can trust her and she can trust you?”
Using sarcasm to make a point is apparently still a thing, no matter how old you get. “Fine, we aren’t, but being at war is a little extreme.”
“I’ve seen people who are so far past being at war with their Nexus that they have drowned their Nexus in their mind to win and destroyed themselves in the process. They go mad every single time and die. I do not want this path for you. I want you to talk to her and begin a fresh path. No more running scared, no more hating her, and no more not understanding the very core of what makes us Nexus. What makes us children of Gods and stars, and special.” He leans forward and taps my knee with his walking stick. “I see you, young girl, and no more. Do you understand?”
I don’t want to go mad and I’m tired, so fucking tired of fighting her. “You know what she has done. Aren’t you scared?”
He laughs. “If I meet death helping a lost soul find peace, so be it. You are a soul. I will help because I truly believe a time is coming where only the extraordinary can save us. Like you.” He straightens and I blink. Crazy old man. “What’s it like when you shift, Miss Autumn?”
“I don’t know exactly, but I’m never there. It’s like dropping into a dark pit. I get flashbacks, almost like dreams of what she did, but I can rarely pull myself into her mind. Sometimes when I’m a wolf, I can, but it’s almost like she pushes me out.”
“She protects you, perhaps.” He hums. “She knows you cannot handle what she feels must be done.”
My Nexus watches him now from my one eye. I don’t know if he knows, but he nods his head. I clear my throat. “I don’t think she protects anyone but herself. The flashbacks, the bits I see, are always the worst part of what she has done. They terrify me as much as she does sometimes. Other times, I wish I could ask her why and have her actually answer me.”
“I’m sorry that this has been your experience. When the Gods first bred us into existence, they wanted us to never be alone. Our Nexus’ souls are our guides in the dark, our best friends and a part of us. They were just one back then. One being, one soul, and we can learn much from our history. As much as you fear that other part of you, you were born with this Nexus. It is destined for you, and with great power.” I almost interrupt to say the Spiderman line, but I bite my tongue because I don’t think he would get the reference. “Lies a great purpose, a reason why that power came to this world in the first place. The Gods make no mistakes. The Crimson and Darkness wolves have given you great power. I am certain the Bear, Snake and Mortal Gods have a part in your Nexus too.”
“I think they cursed me.”
“I do not.” He is firm. “Let’s just begin. Remember, wherever you are, you’ll be safe there and I am watching. We are not leaving here, in the middle of the forest, no matter what you see, Miss Autumn.”
“Alright,” I mutter.
“Close your eyes.” He commands. The minute I do, I feel like I’m falling, like I’m falling endlessly into nothing, and my stomach turns. When I stop, I’m sitting in a literal cloud with thousands, if not millions, of stars twinkling around me in a dark blue sky. It’s almost like I’m sitting in the night sky myself, the clouds rippling across the ground. Opposite to me is my Nexus.
I’ve seen her on video footage, in reflections of mirrors and lakes. I’ve seen pictures that my mother took when I was in this state, when I’m dead sometimes or alive, to show me what I look like, but it’s still haunting to look at as she sits opposite me. Her pale legs are clasped like mine in the same clothes I wear, the ranger uniform. Her eyes are pure grey, like the one I have.
“Hello.” I don’t know why it seems so strange and awkward to say that to her. Ask questions. Try. No more war. “Why do you murder? Why have you killed so many? Why have you endlessly killed since I was little? Why do that to me?” I don’t know why it’s the first thing I come out with, but I need to know, and my questions spill out like a broken dam. “Why kill my parents? Why never let me have control? Why do you hate me so much that you broke us, broke everything?!”
“To protect you.” My Nexus says three words like they explain it all.
“Like fuck,” I snap. “That supermarket was protecting me? We were a child!” She doesn’t reply, just stares. “Yes, I get the Vian that you killed, but some of these murders are not protecting me. In fact, recently you went hunting in the city for sport. Yes, he was an abusing prick, and I actually agree with killing him. Someone had to kill him, but that, how was that protecting me?” I demand.
“Unworthy do not live in my city.” Her city? What the fuck is she on?
“Your city?” I ask, raising both my eyebrows. Of course, she doesn’t bother to explain that one to me. “Okay, I agree they were unworthy. But you can’t just go around killing anything you feel like because you feel like they’re unworthy. I was almost killed by the council because of your actions. How am I ever meant to be normal?”
“You were not born to be normal, Gwenieve.” She stands up in one smooth movement. “There is no normality in what we are. Only the end and rebirth. Only the start of something new.”
I don’t know what she expects me to say to that ball of crazy. “Can we just make an agreement to let me have some normality? I…I never wanted to be different. I…I like just being here and…I want my…our mates. If you go around murdering everything, then I can’t trust you. Let’s start with the grey magic thing that you do and drain everything. That’s not okay.” I stand up because I need to be the same height as her.
“We are death,” she whispers. “We are death. We are death.”
I shiver. “We are not. You are.”
She smiles, her teeth sharp. “You’re not ready for what I am, Gwenieve. Soon, you will be. I want you to be safe and alive.”
“I want the same for you,” I admit. “Can you explain the Severi thing? How can he be something you want? You realise he’s our enemy? You remember that he tortured us and hurt us, that our parents are dead because of him? Why on earth would you want me to be anything to him? I don’t understand, and I need to.” I’m careful about what I say, knowing Tutor Hank is listening in.
She doesn’t say anything, she just watches me. That eerie, creepy way that she does. “He is ours.”
Fine. We can disagree forever on that one. “Will you ever stop murdering without discussing it with me first?”
“No, not until we are safe.” She walks right up to me and turns her gaze to the stars. “They come to watch us.”
Following her gaze, I see something in the stars. Constellations of wolves, two wolves running together. Crimson and Darkness. I look to the side, following her moving gaze to another constellation and another one. A snake. A man. A bear. But there is one more…a constellation that looks like a woman with a bow. “We are the reckoning. You are the Morrigan.”
“What does that even mean?” I demand, reaching for her, but she moves away. “Wait, why are you walking away? Don’t walk away from me! Please, just explain things. Why does it always have to be so complicated; just explain some of this to me? Nexus!”
She briefly stops. “Be wary of the lying girl, because nothing is going to stop me from killing her.” She sends a wave of grey magic at me, and I let it hit me. It doesn’t hurt. I fall backwards into the stars, dancing with the shifter Gods for a second before slamming straight into the forest, gasping as I look up at the tree line. A hand is shoved in front of my face, and Tutor Hank helps me sit up. My mouth is bone dry and somehow he knows, handing me an orange juice. I drink it all before looking at him again. “Did you see all that?”
“I was right. The Gods are playing a much bigger part in your story than I imagined.” He sighs. “I would recommend you tell no one about this. Many love our Gods, but too many fear them and their messengers. The Morrigan was a messenger from the Gods…but Vian Gods. I believe they are watching you, too.”