Chapter 53
CEZAR
“Tell me about your mom, Cezar.” Lina snuggled closer. I wanted to tell her—almost everything. It was a painful topic, memories stained with darkness. Before my thoughts could spiral too far, she cut in softly, “What was her favorite food?”
She smiled, and for a second, I questioned if I’d ever known what a real smile even looked like.
“Meatloaf,” I admitted. The gasp that flew out of her made me laugh. “Yeah. She loved that shit. But she always made me something else on the side because she knew how much I hated it.”
Lina squeezed my hand. “What was her name?”
“Fiora.”
It had been years since I’d talked about her. My brothers never broached the topic. Sometimes, I tried with Codrin—but he’d shut down immediately.
The pain I felt was almost as raw as when it all happened. I didn’t want to sit in it, but part of me needed Lina to understand just how monstrous my father really was. I didn’t know her long-term motives—not fully—but I couldn’t bear the thought of her getting hurt because of him.
Not her.
“Lina… Lina—” My voice cracked, and she grabbed my face, like she knew exactly how close I was to fucking drowning.
“Cezar, don’t force it. If it hurts this much, don’t push yourself. Tell me only if you want to. Not because you feel like you have to.” Her smile faded. “I know you are hurting, and as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes it does help to talk.”
I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in.
“You sound like Dorin,” I muttered. “But you’re right. It hurts to talk about. And I never get to talk about her. I want to tell you about my mom… just—bear with me.” I sucked in a breath, chest tight.
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
She calmed my senses.
“My mom… was the best. She loved my brothers and me more than anything.” The words came out blunt, flat. “I was young when she was murdered.”
Even knowing how we lived, Lina’s whole body went rigid. For a moment, she made no sound at all.
“I always knew what my father was,” I continued.
“He took everything out on me, or at least I thought so. I didn’t know he was hurting her, too.
For a long time, I thought our house was normal.
” My throat tightened. “When I was eleven, she came into my room in the middle of the night and told me to get up. Told me to pack. I trusted her without asking questions.”
My voice trembled harder the deeper I fell into the memory, every word leading me back to that night.
“She said she was going to get my brothers next, and then we’d all leave together. Before she walked out, she whispered, ‘I love you, my sweet child. Don’t ever change.’”
I sat up with a grunt, shifting Lina with me. “Feel like I’m going to throw up.” I tried to breathe through the nausea while the past replayed in my head.
She was rubbing my arms, saying something, but it all sounded like gibberish. I couldn’t focus on anything except the memories until she cradled my face and kissed me.
She’d stop just long enough to let me collect myself before kissing me again. I focused on her scent and the way she touched me until I didn’t feel like puking anymore.
Then there was silence.
“A lot of time passed, and I still wasn’t suspicious—just confused. I checked my brothers’ rooms first. They were asleep. Then I heard a noise coming from one of my father’s restricted rooms.” I hesitated.
“Curiosity got the better of me. I stepped closer, everything in me telling me to turn around, to leave it alone, but I didn’t. I looked through the crack in the door, and my mom was on her knees.
“He was hitting her. I don’t—” I dragged a hand down my face. “I don’t know how long it had been happening before I got there. Once I saw it… I couldn’t stop watching, losing count of how many times he did it.
“The fear I had of him… it just—” I shook my head. “It disappeared. I was going to go in. I didn’t care what he’d do to me. My hand was already on the door when she saw me.”
My voice dropped. “He had moved away for a second, and she used it. Just that one second to shake her head, telling me not to come in.”
I swallowed hard. “I could fucking see everything, Lina. All of it. He had a knife, and when he finally opened his mouth, I understood. Our mom had been trying to get us out—away from him, away from this life. She wanted us safe from the monster we were forced to call Father.
“She was going to leave in the middle of the night. With nothing and no one, but at least we would have had each other.” My hands curled into the sheets.
“He kept talking about her betraying him. Everything he’d built.” My voice went flat. “He yanked her hair and said, ‘If only you would have stayed.’”
I paused.
“Then he slit her throat.”
Tears streamed down my face. I was barely holding on. Lina was touching me, moving as I moved, keeping me there with her.
“I was hauled into the room.” My voice came out rough. “My father stood over her like the devil himself. I dropped beside my mom, telling her over and over that I was sorry, that I loved her. She couldn’t speak, but she lifted her hand and barely touched my chin, trying to smile.
“And then she was gone.”
Tears soaked my face, and my breathing spiraled out of control.
At some point, Lina placed her hand over my heart. I pulled her close, terrified that letting go would feel like losing her too. Warm drops slid down my arm.
I tightened my hand on her shoulder. She wouldn’t look at me for a second, and I thought maybe it was pity or that she believed I deserved all of this pain.
When she met my eyes, she was crying. I had never seen anything so devastating—how she felt everything I did as if it belonged to her.
That only made my feelings for her stronger, and my emotions were everywhere. I held on, suffocating her against my chest. She clung to me the same way I had clung to her countless times.
If only we had made it out.