Chapter 54
ADELINA
My eyes were swollen, my skin damp with tears. Cezar was fighting himself, and all I could think to do was embrace him, hold him tighter, drag every inch of him into myself. I didn’t know how to fix this—there was no fixing this. Time would not heal these wounds. In our world, it never did.
It was soul-crushing just to exist like this.
This was the norm for us—swallow the pain until it devoured everything, and only once it hollowed us out did we get a moment of quiet.
A moment that felt like freedom. To live the way we did, something had to be sacrificed, and nothing ever came without a price. Payment in blood for all we have done.
How would it feel to love him?
“Cezar…” I croaked. “Cezar…”
All I could do was squeeze him. Finally, with a slow breath, I forced the words out. “Your mother loved you so much. And she would be proud of you. Thank you for telling me what happened.”
I couldn’t explain how I knew. I couldn’t tell him the fragments of her I remembered. But I wanted to. I wanted to give him something—anything—that made the weight in his chest easier to carry.
I remembered his mother, Cezar looks like her.
The gentle woman with festive nails and sincere eyes who used to show up at my parents’ gatherings.
I was young, but she’d always been kind to me.
Once, she told me she’d wished for a daughter—but she loved her boys fiercely, and they were going to be good. They were going to do good.
Back then, I didn’t understand what she meant. Now I did. I couldn’t speak much for Darius, but Codrin cared for Cezar. And Cezar loved with everything he had—for the people who deserved it.
How would it feel to be loved like that?
“I like it when you say my name.” His voice scraped out between breaths as his fingers laced through my hair.
The warmth of him pressed along my body as we lay back down, tucking himself closer.
“You are everything I thought I’d never have.
Everything I thought I didn’t deserve.” Cezar tensed as the truth slipped out before he meant to share it.
A shiver crawled down my spine. He pulled back a little, regret clouding his eyes, fidgeting like he didn’t know what to do with the confession now that it existed in the air between us. It hung there, fragile and dangerous.
I wasn’t good at comforting people. I never have been. But I wanted to try—for him. I wanted him to know that every wound he carried hadn’t been for nothing. That whatever darkness waited for him, he didn’t have to face it alone anymore.
When I finally spoke, it was quiet. “Cezar…” His name tasted different this time. “Maybe we can face all this together. You and me?”
Maybe the cruelty in us—the trauma and desire—could make something that resembled salvation. I rested a hand against his chest and pulled him in, craving the familiar sin we shared.
Maybe we can free each other.
I wanted to say more, but what would I say?
I love you…
One last tear fell from his beautiful, scarred eye as he trapped me, knowing that we had just given each other hope.
What a dangerous thing.