Chapter 9 Evan
Evan
When Reid stepped out of the clan house, I was waiting for him in my human form, having once again raided the chest of clothes we kept on the porch. I didn’t think Reid would chop my balls off, but I’d rather not have them on display in case it gave him ideas.
I knew he kept telling me to keep my distance. A better male would have.
I was not a better male.
My wolf needed to know Reid was okay. I needed to know. We’d listened to him speak through the wall. Listened to him cry.
Learning exactly what he’d been subjected to…Let’s just say it was a good thing I’d already been shifted. I didn’t think my wolf could’ve heard and not forced it on me.
It had been hard enough listening to what Reid had been through before my arrival on Clarkson land. Hearing what he was put through after?
It broke something in me.
While he didn’t say it, I suspected that my interference had had an impact I could never have predicted. What would Clyde have put Reid through knowing he’d asked an outsider to help him? Worse, an outsider from a clan with which they shared a bloody history?
The memory of him walking into his father’s office that day haunted me. At the time, I’d thought Clyde was going to comfort his son. To learn what he needed to make him feel happier within the clan.
I feared that was far from the truth.
The reality of what had likely happened had me wanting to kill Clyde. To tear him limb from limb and burn the pieces. Only Reid’s pleas had kept me here.
The most horrifying part of all this was that I didn’t think he’d shared the whole story. There’d been moments when he’d stopped himself mid-sentence or changed the subject part way through. I suspected it wasn’t because of his ADHD.
I think it was because he couldn’t bear to share the full extent of his trauma.
It shattered my fucking heart. This was because of me. Not completely, but I’d contributed.
I’d never be able to forgive myself.
Reid drew up short, his eyes narrowing as he spotted me. “You’re not furry.”
“I get waxed regularly.”
“That’s not…Oh my god.” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Where’s Logan?”
Logan was doing me a solid by hanging back and pretending to discuss something urgent with Finn. “I’m glad you’re letting us guard you.”
“Them.” He raised his chin. “They’re guarding me.”
I kept the hurt off my face. I wasn’t angry with him, nor did I blame him for wanting to keep me at a distance. “Aye. That’s what I meant.”
“I’m not…” He shuffled his feet, gnawing at his lip. “I don’t want to be mad at you, Evan. Logically, I know there was nothing you could have done to save me.”
“You should be mad at me.” Suddenly, I couldn’t look at him, so I stared at the floor instead. “I’m mad at me, and I’m not the one who had to live through it.”
Reid sighed. “I don’t want that either, Evan. I know I’ve been pissed at you, but I wasn’t expecting you to just show up in my life again. And now you have…I guess I don’t know how to handle it.”
“I don’t blame you.” No, the only person I blamed was myself.
Reid wrung his hands together. “Look, I know it might seem harsh, but the only way I can deal with this is if we don’t spend any time together. I can’t…I don’t know how to behave around you, Ev. I don’t want to live with this toxic anger all the time. It’s not me, and you don’t deserve that.”
“I do.”
“No,” he said quietly. “You don’t. I can see that now, but I can’t make my brain accept it. I think it would be better for me if our paths didn’t cross again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Aye,” I replied. “I do. Don’t worry, Reid, ye won’t see me unless there’s an emergency.”
I braced myself for him to say that even an emergency wouldn’t be a good enough reason to disturb his life again, but he didn’t. “Thank you, Evan.”
I nodded curtly, retreating towards the tree line. “Stay safe, Reid.”
I waited just long enough for Logan to appear, then I was shifting.
Running.
I ran until the moon was high. Until I’d circled the perimeter several times.
Only then did I creep towards where the woodland encroached on the town. To where a small block of flats could be glimpsed from the trees.
Hidden from view, I began my watch.
I wouldn’t break my promise to Reid. My path wouldn’t cross his. He wouldn’t learn of my presence here.
But I’d be keeping him safe.
Later that night, I was still there when I was jumped by not one, but two wolves. I heard them coming and just waited.
There was no point trying to outrun them. I knew better. They wouldn’t back off until they got what they wanted.
Fucking marvellous.
Didn’t mean I was going to make it easy on them though.
The grey wolf hit me first, the white following a second later. We went flying through the trees, a tangle of fur, limbs, and playfully snapping teeth.
I sighed internally, even as I pushed to get the upper hand. If I didn’t know Logan was in Reid’s flat with him right now, I’d be extremely pissed about this. As it was, I knew Reid would be fine for a bit.
Which meant I had no choice but to deal with my so-called friends.
One-on-one, I’d have no issues pinning either Hamish or Brodie…which was probably why the fuckers were ganging up on me like this.
It still took them a solid five minutes to pin me.
I shifted back to my human form and grinned mockingly at Brodie. “If you wanted me naked under you, all you had to do was ask.”
As I’d predicted, Brodie backed off hastily, cursing as he did so.
Hamish had already shifted, bent double as he wheezed with laughter. “Ye can’t catch the gay, Brodie.”
“I know that.” Brodie flushed. “He just caught me off guard, that’s all.”
It was so rare for shifters to identify as completely straight that I only knew of two in the entire clan—Brodie and Calan. “After all these decades, ye should know that’s the card I’m gonna play.”
“Whatever.” Brodie sniffed. “I still pinned you, Evan, so I’m counting it as a win.”
I got up slowly, stretching my aching muscles. My wolf could sit in the same position for as long as needed, but as soon as I shifted back to human, my body liked to have a grumble about it. “Surely ye have better things to do than torment me?”
Hamish gave me a pointed look. “Just because yer part of the ‘mighty inner circle’ now doesn’t mean we’ll put up with your bullshit.”
I cut my gaze away. Really, I should’ve expected this sooner. “I haven’t been giving you any bullshit.”
“Exactly.” Brodie crossed his arms over his broad chest. Even for a shifter, he was huge. “Ye’ve been too fucking quiet, Evan. Avoiding us. We won’t have it.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been busy.”
“Busy guarding the same little human.” Hamish ran a hand through his blond hair. It fell in waves to his shoulders, making him look like he belonged on a Californian beach rather than in a Scottish forest. “Who is he?”
“No one.” I turned to start walking back towards the centre of the clan lands. My friends were right; I had been avoiding them. Not because I didn’t want to see them, but because I didn’t want to have this conversation. The one where I confessed how badly I’d fucked up. “It’s confidential.”
Hamish and Brodie fell into step on either side of me. All of us were naked, but that didn’t mean a lot when you were a shifter. Brodie might have been thrown by my teasing comments, but he didn’t bat an eye at our nudity. You couldn’t when it happened so frequently.
Brodie leaned forwards to peer at Hamish. “See, now I’m confused. Is the human no one? Or someone so important that his identity, and why it’s taking up Evan’s full focus, is confidential?”
“Hell if I know,” Hamish replied, matching the impish tone of Brodie’s question perfectly. “We’re too lowly to be informed, obviously. Evan’s reached heights we can’t hope to ascend to.”
“I hate you both,” I muttered, kicking at a rock. “Why have you always got to give me shit?”
“Because it’s what we do.” Brodie clapped me on the back. “Come on, your mam has chicken casserole and mash plated and waiting.”
I stopped dead. “What the fuck? I’m not telling my parents. What have they got to do with it?”
Hamish laughed. “The wee human really has messed with your brain, hasn’t he? I know there wasn’t much there to begin with, but come on, Evan.”
I glared at him. “You know I have the authority to put you on night shifts for the rest of eternity, right?”
Brodie sighed, putting an arm around my shoulders and steering me in the direction of my parent’s cottage. “Be sensible, Evan. Ye’ll just be in more trouble with yer ma if you punish Hamish.”
I grunted. “Can’t see why. She doesn’t have anything to do with this.”
Hamish clicked his tongue. “See, that’s where you’re wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
Hamish gave me a smug smile that had me wanting to follow through on my threat. “Who do ye think sent us to track ye down?”
I clapped a hand over my eyes. “Oh, please tell me you’re lying.”
“Come on,” Hamish chirped, grabbing my arm and towing me forwards. “What yer ma wants, she gets. You know that better than anyone.”
Hamish was right, which meant Reid wasn’t going to be the business of just the inner circle any longer.
He was about to become the business of the whole fucking clan.
Empty plates filled the table in front of everyone. Everyone except me.
I had no appetite. Not while telling this story. Hadn’t even been tempted to raid the biscuit tin, which had to be a first.
“He says he doesn’t blame me,” I said as I reached the end of the sorry tale. “That he understands why I did what I did…but that he can’t move past it. That he wasn’t expecting our paths to cross again, and now that they have, he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”
It was like I’d been uncorked—I couldn’t stop the words now that I’d started.
“I know I need to accept that and let the others keep him safe but…I just can’t.
My wolf won’t let me. I won’t let me. There’s just something about Reid…
something that makes us both want to keep him safe.
To make it so he never has to go through anything similar ever again.
Especially with his old clan sniffing around.
But how can I keep Reid safe if he won’t let me near him? ”
The silence was so heavy that I could hear the wind in the trees. “Say something. Anything.”
Pa reached out to lace his fingers through Ma’s. “Well, I can see why yer blaming yerself, lad, but you shouldn’t be. Even Reid doesn’t think you’re in the wrong. Ye weren’t the one abusing Reid. If you’d brought him back here, it would’ve led to war.”
Hamish nodded. “I agree. You’re not at fault, Evan. The Clarksons are.”
I knew that, but it was no excuse. “I should’ve done something.”
“Like what?” Brodie leaned forwards on his arms. “Seriously, what could you have done that would’ve helped him?”
Before today, I wouldn’t have known how to answer that. I wished that was still the case.
I stared down at my clasped hands, my untouched plate a few inches away. “I could have not told his dad. Things got worse for him after that. If I’d just kept my mouth shut—” I broke off with a choked sob.
Ma’s chair was pushed back abruptly. I looked up to see Pa watching her with uncharacteristic worry in his eyes. In fact, his entire frame was shaking, something I’d never seen happen outside of battle. “Ma? Pa? What’s wrong?”
“Come with me, Evan,” Ma said firmly, not meeting my eyes. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“June…” Dad began, but Ma put her hand on his shoulder to stop him speaking.
“I’m fine,” she said quietly. We could all still hear her, but Hamish and Brodie pretended they couldn’t out of politeness. “It’s time he knew.”
Concern had me way past being able to pretend. “Know what? Ma, are ye okay?”
She answered me by striding briskly for the door. “Get yer arse moving, Evan. I told you, we’re going to walk and talk. Boys, I want these dishes done by the time I get back. Put Evan’s between two plates—I’m not letting him go home until he’s eaten.”
She disappeared out of sight, leaving me to follow her. As I passed Pa, he grabbed my wrist. His light blue eyes, identical to my own, pleaded with me solemnly. “She’s not telling you this to make you feel worse, but to feel better. Remember that, Evan.”