Chapter 10
Evan
Ma was already at the tree line by the time I stepped outside. I had to jog to catch up to her. Her russet brown hair flowed in the wind, not a grey in sight.
Ma looked the same now as she had all my life. Everything, that was, except the expression on her face. I’d never seen this one before. It was a blend of anger, humiliation, sadness, and regret.
I hoped like fuck to never see it again.
“Ma, you’re scaring me,” I admitted, falling into step beside her.
“I’m sorry, pet.” She put her arm through mine and patted my hand. “This won’t be nice for either of us, but I need you to hold it together, okay? I think it’ll be helpful for ye.”
Her breath shook as she inhaled deeply. Closing her eyes, she asked, “Did ye ever wonder why you’ve never met anyone from my side of the family?”
“You never mentioned them, so I assumed they were dead.”
“Oh, they are,” Ma said darkly. “Your father made sure of that.”
I stumbled over nothing, making her click her tongue impatiently.
“How have ye not realised how big yer feet are yet? Five decades they’ve been that size, and you’re still tripping over thin air. I swear, you’re the clumsiest shifter to ever exist.”
“Ma,” I said, trying to bring her back on topic. “You were saying?”
“Oh, yes.” She sighed, shaking her head. “My family are all dead. Yer father killed them a few months after meeting me.”
I was speechless as I tried to put that information together with the gentle male we’d left in the cottage.
The one who’d never raised his voice to either of us, let alone anything else.
I knew he could fight—like Hamish and Brodie, he was one of the warriors tasked with keeping us safe. But…killing Ma’s family?
There was only one thing I could say. “Why?”
“Because he found out they were abusing me,” she said, completely matter-of-fact. “I tried to hide it from him, but he came around just after one of the beatings. Saw the bruises before they could heal.”
There was an odd ringing in my ears. I’d heard it before, right around when I’d realised who Reid was and what’d happened. “And he killed them?”
“He did. Asked my permission first, the daft sod. Like I gave a toss about any of them. The only thing I was worried about was the fact that he was outnumbered.” She smiled indulgently. “I shouldn’t have underestimated him. He might not have a temper usually, but he did that day.”
“Good,” I whispered. My wolf was shaking, desperate to protect Ma, but she didn’t need it. Not now. Pa had taken care of it. “I’m glad they’re dead.”
“Me too, pet.” She squeezed my hand. “I didn’t lose a wink of sleep after their deaths. Your father and I were mated and married within a week. He brought me here, and I never looked back.”
I’d had no idea. No clue that this was something my mum had experienced. There was just one thing I needed to know. “Why hadn’t you told him what you were going through? Why did you hide it from him?”
“I was ashamed. Your father was the first good thing to happen in my entire life. I didn’t want to risk that. I didn’t want him thinking I was weak. That I couldn’t protect myself.”
That was so stupid. Being abused didn’t make you weak. Those who abused others were the weak ones. “Pa would never think that.”
She turned to face me, her blue eyes piercing. “Then why do you think that about Reid?”
I froze, my feet planted in the soil, growing roots—the only thing keeping me stable as my whole world rearranged itself. “What?”
“Don’t you see?” Ma cupped my face, her thumbs stroking my cheeks. “You’ve always been a protector, Evan. A saviour, even. Just like your pa. But sometimes, people don’t need saving. They need to be loved.”
I laughed bitterly. “Trust me, that’s not something Reid wants from me. He can’t stand the sight of me.”
“Something you’re not helping by undoubtedly acting all ‘alpha’ around him.”
I tried to minimise it by cracking a joke. “Can’t act alpha, I’m a beta, remember?”
Ma narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t think that because you’re all important now I won’t have you shovelling pig shit for the next year.”
I ducked my head. “Sorry, Ma.”
“My point is, having been in Reid’s situation, you’re probably making him feel worse with this behaviour.
” She caught my shoulders as they stooped, clucking her tongue again.
“I don’t tell you this to make you feel bad, Evan.
I’m so proud of the male you’ve grown up to be.
You’ve been following your instincts with Reid, exactly as I raised you to. ”
I sighed. “Why do I suspect there’s a ‘but’ coming?”
“Because you know me too well.” She smiled softly. “Stop trying to save Reid unless he actually asks for it. You can’t fix the past with the present: you can only move forward into the future.”
“Reid doesn’t want me in his future in any capacity.”
“Then you respect that decision.”
“It’s not as easy as that, Ma. His family aren’t gone. They’re still out there posing a threat. I’m part of the inner circle now, I can’t just ignore active incidents in our territory.”
“Okay, but you can do that without ‘crossing paths’ with him, as he put it.”
I grunted. “This is all my fault. I didn’t kill his family like Dad did, and I should have. Maybe that’s what I should do now. Just go there and neutralise them.”
Ma hummed like her only child wasn’t discussing mass murder. That was life as a supe though; our moral compasses didn’t work the same as humans. I mean, she’d just told me that Dad had killed her entire family, and I’d barely blinked. “Would that make Reid happy?”
“No,” I muttered. “He specifically forbade us from using violence. Would make me feel happier though.”
“And, like I’m trying to tell you, dear boy, this isn’t about you.” Ma pinched my cheek. “This is about Reid. About making him happy. Don’t you want that?”
“Of course. But part of him being happy means keeping him safe.”
Ma rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. “What did I do to deserve to be surrounded by stubborn, cloth-eared males?”
My lips twitched. “Hang on, a few minutes ago you were proud of the male I’d become.”
“Aye, well, I’m fickle like that.”
I wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug. “I understand what yer saying, Ma, I do. And I do want Reid to be happy. Both my wolf and I do.”
“Hmm.” Ma drew back, studying me closely. “You’ve mentioned your wolf several times tonight. Has he been more present than usual around Reid?”
“Yeah, but it makes sense.”
She tilted her head to the side. “It does?”
My head bobbed. “Aye. I failed Reid once and my wolf doesn’t like that. We both want him safe and happy to make up for failing him as a child.”
Ma was quiet for a long time. So long that I started to worry. It was never a good sign when she stopped talking.
“And yer sure that’s the only reason?”
My brow furrowed. “Course it is. What else would it be?”
She sighed and patted my back. “Never mind, pet. Just know that I’ll be here for ye for whatever comes next.”
“I know. Thanks, Ma.” I kissed her temple. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for what you went through. If Pa hadn’t killed them already, I’d offer to do it for you.”
“I’d take you up on it too,” she said. “But that’s the difference between me and Reid. I wanted mine dead, he clearly doesn’t.”
“It’d be easier if he did.”
“Aye. But, as he doesn’t, you have to respect that.”
“I already said I would,” I grumbled.
“Technically, you didn’t. Now, you’re right that you can’t ignore the threat in our community, but I’m sure you can come up with a way to protect Reid and everyone else without getting in his space.”
“I can. In my defence, I’d already decided to do that.”
“That’s because you’re a wonderful male,” she said softly. It was a good thing I was used to keeping up with her mercurial moods, given how she’d both praised and insulted me during this conversation. “And because you’re that, promise me you won’t approach Reid until he asks you to.”
Until? “What makes you think he will?”
“Oh, just call it mother’s intuition,” she said mysteriously. “Now, come on, let’s get back to the cottage. Your poor pa’s probably wearing a path in the floor waiting for us.”
I thought about how I’d done that outside the clan house earlier. The almost physical pain I’d felt having to wait for Reid to step outside. “Yeah. Let’s not keep him waiting.”
Ma didn’t let me leave until I’d eaten two platefuls and pudding.
Given she’d made apple crumble, it wasn’t a hardship.
Hamish and Brodie were long gone, their shifts on the borders calling.
I couldn’t lie though, the more time that passed, the more my wolf protested.
There was an almost incessant itch beneath my skin that I knew wouldn’t go until I was sat back outside Reid’s.
“Go on,” Ma said eventually, waving a hand. “If I have to hear your bones crack once more I’ll drive you there myself.”
She was perched where she’d been since we’d returned—on my pa’s lap, both his arms wrapped around her waist. What I’d told them tonight had reopened a lot of old wounds, and I hated that. Almost as much as I hated what Ma had been put through.
I mean, who the fuck did that to someone they were supposed to love?
Pa nodded at me to let me know he’d take care of her, just as he had for all these centuries. My chest ached as he kissed the top of her head before whispering in her ear.
Ma was right—she needed to be loved, just as everyone did. It was something she hadn’t been given as a child but had in abundance now. It was what comforted her when times got tough.
She didn’t need my pa to keep her safe, she needed him to love her.
And he did. Unquestionably so.
As I shifted and ran back towards Reid’s, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. That was nothing new—he’d lived rent free in my mind ever since our run-in at Thistle Do Nicely.
But now, I wasn’t just thinking about whether he was safe.
No, I was wondering if he was loved. If his friends were enough to fill the void his family had left in his heart.
If he knew he was as deserving of being worshipped as everyone else.
More so, in fact, because he’d gone without it for so long.
My wolf was circling around something. Sniffing it gently. Inquiringly. It wouldn’t let me see it yet, but I knew it was there. A knowledge that was going to change everything.
What I did know was that I had a new purpose. It wasn’t to keep Reid safe. Obviously, with his family lurking, I’d be doing that. I’d be neglecting my role if I didn’t.
It was to make Reid happy. To do whatever was needed to make his life a little better and brighter.
I didn’t like it. Not one little bit. Because he’d already told me what he needed for that to happen.
“I think it would be better for me if our paths didn’t cross again.”
My stomach twisted at the thought, but Ma was right. I had to respect what Reid wanted. I didn’t have to like it, but I had to do it.
Unless Reid explicitly asked for my company, he wouldn’t see me.
But that didn’t mean I wouldn’t see him. That would be enough for me. For my wolf.
It had to be.
As I parked myself in the woodland outside his flat, I repeated my new mantra to myself.
Reid doesn’t just need to be kept safe, he needs to be happy.
But, in the back of my mind, there was another voice. My mother’s. Her words a tattoo alongside my own mantra.
He needs to be loved.